Woke up this morning to a phone call from ‘Latin Lover’ who simply quietly chanted the words, ‘Chrissie Wunna You’re Tha Best. Chrissie Wunna you’re tha’ best.’ It was his 2am, and my 10am…so he sort of passed out after the gentle mutter of those words. Both of us were slumped in beds, on two different continents of the world, laiden in white sheets. Then Samuel text me a merry ‘U coming tomorrow’ and my day started with an ‘I’m gonna try to’ and a sexy push of a ‘send’ button.
I’ve had 9 hours sleep, and i feel like i’ve had zero hours. (Haha!) I’m used to having zero hours sleep, so it’s all good. All night i heard ‘Ewok’ squeals, coming from my closet. I was so paranoid that something terrible was happenning to them, that i forced myself to stay awake with panic. I now have great love for these little ‘Ewoks,’ and i need to protect them with my life. I Love hard! Very hard! And i’m motivated by ‘Love,’ whether it be within my family (haha, that’s sounds a bit West Virginia, shag ya daddy) with a handsome boy, a pet, a friend, a job? If i love something…(and it doesn’t happen too often really) then it’s the luckiest thing to have ever existed. Ask anything that i’ve ever truely loved! (Apart from any of my Exes. Lol.) I’m an extremely affection girl, which makes me laugh…as i’d always ‘smoochie’ my ex-husband Mikey and it would totally piss him off. He’d always say, ‘I don’t come from a huggy -kissy family.‘ (Hahahha!) Marriage is bliss. Game over! I like an equally affectionate man. Next!
What else has happened? Oh god yeah. Last night i had a moment when i sat and watched the very last episode of ‘Sex in the City’ (The one where Carrie goes to Paris) and had a little cry. I was sat on my bum in baby blue pyjamas, that unfortunately had cupcakes on them, with my knees to my chest and head in my knees… weeping. (I’m a Glamour Puss…we weep sometimes, but always in diamonds. I had mine in my ears!) The episode reminded me of a time, i fell in love with an awful boy, who promised me the world. So i gave up my life, (like ya do) to live his life and moved to a whole different state. (From LA to New York.) I’ve been adventurous in this life and yeah it’s got me into shit loads of trouble. After about a moment. He abandoned me, yep whilst i was there and left me to walk the streets of New York alone. His Mother also wouldn’t let me stay in her house, because i had gotten drunk off one glass of wine and said the word ‘masturbate’ infront of her…so i had to stay on my own. I had never felt so lonely. Hilarious! His Mum would always compete with Me. Her eye makeup was getting heavier and heavier by the day.
We fought loads. ‘The boy’ pretty much used me financially, sexually, lied to me about most things and after a massive fight…a delicious physical one ( i think i got strangled? I went all the way to New York to get strangled in a hotel room by an alcoholic sailor. Haha!) I called my Mum…who’s as strong as they come. Then I phoned my friend Dylan in LA, and said ‘What are you doing tomorrow night at 8pm? My friends know me well. He simply answered, ‘Picking you up from the airport.’ I left the next morning, with a beam on my face. I got my life back. His Mother actually called my Mother in England and told her i had been in a terrible accident and i was dying in a hospital in New York! (She made it all up, just to get me back from leaving her son.) Hahaha! Fucking hell! My poor mum. Hahaha! Wait until i am actually dying, until you do the ‘she’s dying in a hospital’ gag please.
The story sounds bad but it’s not, because as soon as i hit Los Angeles soil, i had my ‘va voom’ and my whole life back to how it used to be in seconds. I survived it, bounced it like a champion and i’ve always said it’s not exactly what happens to you in bad times that matters. It’s honestly how you recover from it. (I know how cliche…but it’s true.)I have Ultimate ‘Bounce Back ‘ ability and I hope you do too bitches! (She laughs all the way to her Platform of Greatness!) I’ve filed it under ‘Good Times.’ I wouldn’t change a single thing, apart from my choice in dinner that evening….i had this awful tuna soup. Who the fuck puts ‘Tuna’ chunks in soup!!!