Bless Me, Bless You

Woke up, in the bed of The Great Wunna before me (My mother dearest, who i love love love) with the birds a chirping, back yard bunnies a bouncing, and an odd Buddhist chanting CD, jammed in a stereo, that kept doing a groaney broken record screech of monk madness, in one second blips of insanity. Now, don’t get me wrong. I love a good old blessing. However, I don’t count them, as i’m sure i’d be far too upset. (‘Oh look, you have  42 and i have…. half of one.’) My Mothers a doctor therefore enjoys early mornings to tend to healing the nation. I enjoy late nights, where i to, fiddle with parts of peoples anatomy, which some may consider….. healing. 🙂  (The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.) Anyway, whenever i get back to Yorkshire, the first night back, i always sleep in her bed, which strangely yet currently has balloons that read ‘Congratulations‘ attached to it. (‘Yay! YOU MADE IT TO BED!!!! WOOHOO! Let’s place you in a confetti shower, put you to sleep and hope you don’t wake up!!’)

For some reason, My Mother feels bad for me….(hahah) therefore when she wakes and at some ungodly hour…(a time where in which i would be trailing in from an after party, with diamonds, furs, no dignity and a bag full of broken hearts.) If i’ve pulled, (and i usually can, i’m just going through an awfully picky stage, where no-one is impressing me ) then i’ll be armed with a ‘Handsome.’ If not and i’ve decided to fly dreamland ‘solo’…then the ‘Handsome’ is replaced with a Kebab. I mean, there’s no real difference between the two. I just enjoy eating one, more than the other. 🙂 God, some dude called ‘Erol’ has text me thanking me for being so lovely to him the other night at Vendome, which is GREAT…if you know an ‘Erol.’ Ugh! I need a slappage.

Anyhow, back to my Mother placing me on the rocky path of total enlightenment. Mum wakes, gets ready to leave for work, sees her first born, sort of smeared all over a bed sheet, then whilst i’m sleeping, quietly places a Burmese blessing CD on, (which is Buddhist monks chanting for my peace) in order to mend me and get me back to normal. Hahaha…i love it. Just so you know. I am actually Buddhist. I’m just not a very good one. *Puts bra back on* I don’t mind waking up to chanting monks…when the tape isn’t busted. (Who am i kidding, i DO mind! Fucking annoying innit!! ) However, it is better than waking up to…herpes. Makes a change. I’m grateful! It’s kinda fun waking up and not having to sausage role a six pack out ya bed. There’s only room for one hottie! I’ll call you…*smiles*

Today, i’m resting, (ooh what a surprise) tanning, grooming and feeling rather excited about life. I’m surrounded by kittens. I have 8 tiny bundles of ‘purr,’ and i ADORE THEM. I feel bad because i’ve named them quite poorly. (Apart from one i named ‘Gucci’ and the other i named ‘Bruce Lee.‘) Yet, i feel good, because they’re slaggy. I’m a great mother. I remember getting a text, from my own Mother reading: ‘Chrissie!! I’m FED UP! Your kitten is trying to have  sex with her own goddamn son!!!’ Woohoo! Good girl!! Treats? If you’re a Wunna, you are rewarded for exercising you’re ‘flirty’ or ‘sex under force’ abilities. My kittens even try and nuzzle their faces in my vagina, at every given opportunity. They find solace in it. I actually thought it was completely adorable, because I believed, that, they believed, it was cosy. However, my guy friend assures me it’s simply down to the fact that my ‘hoo-haa’ pongs of haddock.

But anyway, i need to tend to my email box. I have a work one and a ‘pleasure’ one, and they are JAM PACKED full. I hate the process of emptying out an inbox. I mean, i’d make someone do it for me, if i didn’t think i’d miss a shirtless picture or two. I’m gonna get organized and begin to file things under ‘stardom much.’ I’m on my way up and i have no idea why? But just let me say…i couldn’t of done it without you. (Or me…really? Hahah. I can’t let you take all the credit. I’m an Attention whore. A limelight stealing floozey. I give you the credit and then TAKE IT from you. It’s the whole being raised in Hollywood thing. Take. Take. Grab. Take.) I’m so exhausted. I need rest. I’ve been burning the candle at both ends, finding other ends under magic carpets and burning them too. I have a week of shoots. Beauty sleep NEEDED.

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