Billy Fucking No Mates

What a week! How fast has it flown!! I mean, it only seems like seconds ago, that I was hotel nighting it and then travelling to London to watch ‘da boys’ dance! March is flying away with us and well when things go by at the speed of light, it always means you’re having fun! FUN BUS! FUN BUS! YAY! YAY! yAY!

I’ve worked all week, In fact no…WORKED SOOO HARD all week. My little Burmese thighs ache and my tiny doll of a back certainly needs a rub down from any kind of muscley man, or female expert at massages that will help me. The good thing about working hard is that you feel great for it, when the main part of your week is done! Plus, if you work alongside ace people…it just makes life that giant bit better! *Wiggle, giggle, wink. WOO WOO!’

I’m having fun. I’m loving life, I’m feeling really lucky.

Right, so the strangest things have happened since i got back from London. I’ve gotten hit on and chatted up LOTS this week.  March has been brimming over with horny, loveable, or just nice, ‘fancy Wunna’ folk. There’s been boys, who have decided that to fancy a bit of glamour puss, girls who want me to watch them take their ‘bra and knickers off,’ via cyberland? (Seriously, a girl in London, well I think it’s London says she wants to ‘experiment’ on me? LOL! I’ve had my Gays who totally use me as their total and utter fabulous ‘girl crush’ send me love and by anyone drunk. All drunks love me. When you’re drunk. You drunk dial…ME. Yet, at the same time as being called beautiful by the people of the world with fantastic taste in chicks. 🙂

For example…how sweet is this!! I mean, I get a lot of messages of this sort, yet this one was declared out loud and openly on Twitter, so I can show you it!

 

And then there are the guys who send me snap chats…and this is the GODS HONEST TRUTH (isn’t it Jenna) that read:

‘Would you kindly consider sitting on my face? xx’

LMAO.

Now, I shouldn’t laugh for find it funny, as we don’t want to encourage them, do we? Yet how completely sick and utterly polite at the same time! HAHAHAH. I usually get lovely, or pervy. Yet never twisted polite pervy ones.

Anyway, i didn’t reply, so he’s not calling me ‘ignorant’ and ‘rude’…because I mean, asking a girl who you don’t know to ‘sit on your face’ isn’t rude or odd in any way. 🙂 🙂 That’s not how to woo ‘The Woo Woo’ (which is my new nickname.)

Anyway, that’s one of many. I just thought that was funny. But i’ve gotten told off by an 80 year old women for not looking into her eyes. I’ve been on a ‘do chicken’ date with a guy named ‘Ben’ who i met the other night. ( I did wine. He did driving.) A ‘Do chicken’ date is simply when you chill with another…and ‘do chicken.’ Simples.

I’ve laughed at the fact that i know sooo many boys named Ben and they all refer to each other as ‘The Other Ben.’ It confuses me. But that’s not very hard. I find it hilarious! ‘Ben, Ben, The Other Ben,’ Ben.’

(Note! I enjoyed my ‘do chicken’ date! I really did, it was fun and because we didn’t know each other at all, we’d only met once…and we actually..although he kept stating that he was sooooooooooo shy…got on really well. It was surprising, unplanned and he was really polite. We’re actually hanging out again. Cray Cray. Innit. Well done him? I find him hilarious!)

I’ve had old school friends tell me how great I am. Weirdo’s call me stupid. 🙂 My ankles killed all the way through it  and Junior has learnt to stick his second finger up at people and say ‘One.’ YAY!

Y’know, No male can seem to just hang out with me on a friendly basis (which is the best way to snag me you numpties) without thinking about sex or blowjobs. LMAO. Even Nick Knight…(yes, ‘Take Me Out Nick’ and fair enough, only jokingly said, the other evening when I was considering a friendly dinner… ‘and fucking?’ Pahaha. It’s just Ponty humour. We all should be ‘fill in your own blank.’

I’m so tired from working super hard all week that ‘bonking’ is the last thing on my mind right now. And i’m old!  I’m trying to run a business and raise awesome children too! There’s no time for ‘boning’ unless i already know you really well, then i don’t feel as odd about it all. I’m frigid. I know. But once you get me…it’s good. HAHAH. What Keiran misses the most..and in his own words is ‘the sex.’

I snap chatted with Big Brother Rex last night, who pissed himself laughing at the fact that my marriage had completely broken down. HAHAHAH. Idiot! Keiran and Rex loved each other..briefly….and i adore Rex for pissing himself at my dismay. 🙂 I have ace friends.

And, well tonight, on my FREE NIGHT, after the most AMAZING LAST WEEKEND, i am doing NOTHING and not by choice!

Nobody wants to fucking hang out with me (LOL) and the only person that did, is away and called me ‘scary.’ In fact, no…everybody wanted to hang out apparently, but can’t tonight. BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. They’re all on dates, or broke, or have children…or too tired. SNOOZE.

I mean, last weekend was hotels, cocktails, naked, dancing boys and lust. It was simply MAGIC!

This weekend, i’ve had a bath, a wine and a fucking sandwich. In fact, Jenna on her way home, after leaving me in a local supermarket said,

‘Have a great………sandwich.’ Lmfao You know you’ve hit rock bottom when that happens! I love Jenna. She cracks my hinnie up!

AND..to top it all off,  it’s meant to be GREAT WEATHER all weekend…when i have no work. But nooooooooo, nobody wants to do anything fun with me tomorrow during the day, or anything, do they??? FFS! I thought i was popular. I thought I was Miss. Bomb Diggy. I thought… 🙂

I’m tired now and i don’t care. My bath rocked.

It was better than YOUR BATH! (My friend Reuben says i wee in it.)

Maybe it’s a sign from God, who just needs me to chill. I actually don’t feel too tired. But often in life you forget to smell the roses. By nature,  I’m soo ‘get on that horse and gallop off into funsville’ that i might need a bit of chill time to breathe, enjoy what i have, be grateful for all that i am lucky to have achieved in life …and….find my inner Zen. But, fuck it. i’m bored now and i just want to have fun.  Hence why i opened champagne.

‘WOO, WOO, IN DA HOUSE.’

I’m definitely missing the babies tonight. They’re at Keiran’s and well it’s awful without them. I accidentally bumped into Keiran on the nursery run, the other morning We had a baby each. So we saw eahc other, swapped babies, cuddled the one we didn’t have and waved them ‘bye bye’ before heading off to work. he looked like he wanted to speak to me…but i was in a work rush, so i just merrily say ‘bye,’ got into my car and drove off. Weird that, isn’t it. How two people who were once soo in love can just be there, like they’ve never even shared sheets, or cared…..in some kind of work rush, all smiley, yet all disconnected…who share children… (He should’ve watched what he previously said to me, when he was evil last week. It alters shit.)

But, my life feels soo great right now, that i’m headed forward and doing it well! I’m doing really well and if i could wave the flag for all females, who don’t think they can do it, but do it anyway, then I will!

I’m 34 and enjoying life and to me…that is what life is about!

 

Why is everyone taken, dating or TAKEN, or dating! Lol. Where are all the single guys? Boys are getting hot right now, not as hot as we girls are growing, but they’re certainly

 

Leave a comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.