Better out than in…

Morning my delicious treats of *walla- walla* I woke up this morning,  on sequins and feeling oddly hungover again, to say i have not sipped even the tiniest drip drop of bubbly wubbly. In my haze, I made the executive decision to clean my house from top to bottom. (I must be ill?) Oh and waking up on sequins, is never the same, if you’re simply not in Vegas. I’m expecting my Family to be back from their little meditation shindig today. (Hence, why i’m cleaning, because i want my Mother to be fooled into thinking i’m amazing and helpful, so i am laiden with gifts!)  If i don’t recieve a call within the next 2 hours, i’m going to assume that they’re dead…and that really wouldn’t be too delicious, as who’d buy me ‘in packet’ noodles, and shove them in my bag before i leave? Coming from an asian family is hilarious, when you’ve been raised in Britain. My mother truely believes that noodles are the answer to all my problems. The last time, i tried to leave, noodle free, for work. I arrived at my destination, where i was to stay for only ONE night, and as i unzipped my ‘over-nighter’ about 23 packets of noodles popped out of my bag, like a oriental rice noodle, pre packaged- Von Teese. One of them nearly knocked my eye out of my head and couldn’t even find my pearls! #devastated.

Other than that, i’m happy. I’ve peeked and poked and Cinderella’d my way to Saturday morning bliss. I had to spend the night running around my bedroom trying to kill flies with tiny *squirts* of hairspray. One day i’ll have people who will do that for me…and naked. But for right now, i’m on my own sisters! (Ooh how hot was that naked shower model on Big Brother last night! I would’ve blown the whole food budget and then some! 😉 ) I gave up, in the end, because the little leaps, exhausted me. I run on alcohol, having not had a booze up in 10 weeks is pretty much killing me…literally. I remember Dylan, (this hot boy i was once sleeping with in LA,) gave me a random strawberry flavoured powder-like vitamin drink. The kind that you add water to and apparently enjoy. He was a good boy, was Dylan. But you should have seen his face when he handed me this strawberry concotion of healthiness. He gave it to me nervously, whilst saying, ‘For most people, this is good for them. In your case, it might burn.’ 🙂 That pretty much explains my past!

[Break taken here, to phone chat! It’s my Mother! Finally!]

Anyway, i’ve forgotten what i was yabbering on about? But now i’m in a less than perfect mood. Yippee! My family aren;t back until tomorrow. It seems i got my days mixed up. Great! Well done me. I can’t even count days, let alone my blessings!

On the whole i’ve had a pretty decent morning. I’ve gandered online and taken a coy dippage in Wunna land. All the people who look after my pokery have disappeared. Wazza is in Amsterdam, NOT spazzing his money on Peep shows…and everyone else has just run away i think? I cant seem to handle all the work i have to do..which is always mildly humourous. You try and operate Wunna land SOBER! It is impossible!! I keep tryingt o slap myself, in order to see if it helps?

On August 3rd, i am to go meet up with my book people, (the Publisher and Lit.Agent) who will guide me on my way, to wordy greatness. I’m really excited for it all and i just want to get it done and dusted, i think? As of right now, i have a November release. Yet i still have to shoot for my cover and the book itself. I’m quite hands on with the process of creativity, because no-one can do ‘me’ better than Me and i’m very careful as to how i’m delivered. It may seem like a chaotic, slur of madness, but believe me, it’s that way because i want it to be. *Wink-Pout*

One of the good things about my Facebook inbox today was the messages from My best friends in LA! Ronnie and Theo. I miss them so much, it’s almost unbelievable. We’ve pretty much helped each other grow up…emotionally and physically. That’s not an easy thing to handle in tinsel town, but were we kids, trying to make something of ourselves, in one of the most competitive towns in the world…and luckily…we did!  We’ve been through it all and back! Thses boys have been my life line. We’ve seen each other through a series of outfits, moods, phases and men. It’s been magical…and painful at times. Lol.

Theo is upset because he believes i no longer adore him. I don’t think i could adore anyone MORE than i adore Theo. He’s actually coming to London in August, so i’ll get to see him, when he arrives…even though he doesn’t seem to believe i want to? lol. He writes me messages that begin with ‘Bitch seriously please….’ Lol. I love him!

Ronnie…who is my little brother ‘Hollywood’ brother is someone i miss terribly. We’ve had amazing times. I mean, i use to stick my hair extensions in his hair, make him run around in boxers and dance to Hilary Duff tracks. In our free time we got drunk and did photoshoots around the city, He’d always make me hike up Runyon canyon with him, just so we could spot half naked hotties and hit on them…rudely. I miss that. I miss him! I accompanied him on his life pretty much.

Anyway, his message to me came under the subject line of, ‘ I miss you slutbag, scally wag!’ He told me how well he was doing at school and that he was getting an MBA & MFT. I asked him if they were STD’s because if they were, i thought i was getting them to! 🙂 I’m such a great mentor! Three cheers! He’s had to put up with that for years of his life! He had a friend throw a drink in my face one time, whilst i was dressed in a T-shirt and big white fur, in Hollywood, reading ‘Ask me out!’ You’re nothing until you’ve had someone launch wine in your face! #BeMe

I can’t think of anything else that’s happened because my mum being unableto return until tomorrow has narked me off! I will tell you that, this morning, a man from Arabia, told me i was ‘…beautiful… like Black Beauty.’ Like a fucking HORSE? Niiice! That compliment is either stating that i’m a beast OR it’s just plain old racist! He doesn’t win really? Poor sod. he did try and be romantic.

Then i had a guy, who tried to woo me by pretending he saw me last night. I enjoy how boys attempt to pull this trick on me. They think i’m such a massive drunk, or such a massive floozey, a massive idiot, or even a girl that meets so many boys on a night, that i wouldn’t remember any of the ones that i did meet. I mean thety must, if they ever thought that this method of trickery would work! *WRONG ANSWER!* I’m a glamour puss, i know what i’m doing and who i’ve winked at, no matter what or where i’ve been! I remember everybody and everything! Don’t get it twisted lovers!

Anyway, he told me that i was at a club last night in LA, with one of my gay friends, and he chatted with me? He even began his conversation with ‘Do you remember me?’ Well that’s what he meant to say? It kinda came out higgledy piggledy, because he couldn’t speak English, too well. I scared him off  with a dab of delicious and then dealt with the rest of them.  I can’t handle boys in a gentle fashion before noon. I’m a very direct girl and sometimes they just don’t like me to be that way! (I had another guy, claim i was in a club in London last night and was about to give him my number. Nice try!) I’m in Pontefract right now, not drinking. You can’t pull that trickadoodee on me. I INVENTED that shit!

My big gay Samuel has decided to fancy Joe McElderry, because he’s decided to ‘come out’ and tell the world he’s gay. (Joe that is…not Samuel. Sam probably ‘came out,’ when he was 4.) Like we didn’t know that already Joe! It’s similar to the Ricky Martin thing, but way less latin and way less delicious. I really do wish that all  the boys in the world, who pretty much know that their gay, just ‘come out’ and tell everyone immediately. There’s nothing to be scared of, as you will have an army of hot fag hags, guard you from whatever danger you may encounter. Be gay, be proud and work it! When you do ‘come out’ most people will just tell you that they knew that already anyhow. Plus once i know you’re gay, i will no longer try to feel you up against your will on late Friday nights. It’s a win/win for everyone!

I mean Ronnie for example, the first time we met, he told me he was terrified. I asked him if he was gay (I already knew he was) and he replied with a ‘No.‘ I immediately corrected him (because there ws no way in hell a straight boy could work a pair of hips as well as i could) and now he rejoices it to the world. Like with farts…it’s better out than in! I hope that he was actaully gay and i sisn’t just turn him gay! Oops! It happens!

I had loads to write, but i don’t really have time now. I have to shower and meet up with Loverboy. I’m moody today,which will be fun! I can’t be arsed with blogging at all today! Maybe i’m just hungry?


Ronnie  & Theo. My two best buds!


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