Ben’s Birthday Bonanza *Leeds*


Leeds was AWESOME!

Okay, so at exactly this time last week, I was partying in Leeds to celebrate Ben’s actual 28th birthday. Rich, Dodge, Ben and I had agreed to venture off to play ‘drinkies’ in the name of ‘birthday’ in Leeds, with some of Ben’s old school friends, (it was Mark’s birthday also) simply to celebrate Ben being another year older.

I had worked all day. I was in a total mood because I was getting my period, I had had a brief narky tiff the evening before…and it was raining.

I sort of rushed home as fast as I could when I knew the boys were waiting for me at The Blacky in Pontefract…, got ready in about 20 mins and taxied my way straight there in what felt like a moments notice, in my House of CB, previosuly known as Celeboutique, keyhole, ‘Peekaboob’ porny party dress. (The one i wore to Kooky VIP, which i named the ‘twat dress’ as it attracts twats and well had my nipples showing whenever it fancies. It’s an upside down cleavage dress and well…it’s hot…in a slutty McSlut kinda way. Yipppeee!)

I got to The Blacky. The boys were there already drinking. Both seemed happy, both seemed happy that I was there…both loved my ‘peekaboob’ dress…and that was even with my giant parker on, which i felt i needed in Pontefract, simply because people act like they’ve never seen a peekaboob cleavage before, without the parker hiding it all.

Had a few drinks. Dodge arrived fashionably late. I felt like Ben thought that I’d no show, but I’d never do that on his actual birthday, which made it all pretty exciting anyway.

The boys had decided to taxi it into Leeds, which was a better idea than the train and BOOM, we were off…and well straight away Rich and Dodge were like naughty school boys at the back of the bus…until I got switched with Rich and I became ‘naughty school’ kid with Dodge, if naughty is, not knowing my nipples are popping out, shouting and singing ‘Little Mix..Black Magic’ repeatedly and tormenting Ben who was responsibly sat at in the front of the minibussy, van taxi thingy.

Got to Leeds, went on a mission to find his friends, within minutes my LEGS KILLED. I mean how far do you actually have to walk in Leeds to get to a fucking bar. It kills our calves in diamantee heels…like literally, it’s a work out. But I did it and i loved it and we finally go to ‘Sela’ to meet Ben’s old school mates and the other birthday, birthday boy.

Ben went off and did his meet and greets, Rich chatted to newbies and I drank with Dodge, who was managing a quiff and watching my nipples, to make sure they weren’t popping out.

Sela’s, quite chilled, red light and moody, with a twist of fun….so it was a good start off for us, even though men try to wrestle with you, when you go upstairs onto the street. Chatting, chatting, ‘Sheriff’ badges and chatting with booze occurred…and then before you know it, it seemed people were ready to move it along and get to celebrating somewhere else, to find their bit of gusto and continue to do birthday merriment.

I had done wine by then, so i wasn’t in so much of a mood anymore and well once my body knew that I was no longer at work and i could relax, it was okay again. Rushing out is also awful, but at the same time exciting, or you wouldn’t be rushing in the first place. However, the boys were definitely more pissed than I was at this point and I could tell. yet if you’re not pissed at a birthday, then you’ve really got no hope at all.

Now, I know Leeds quite well and i’ve partied it hundreds of times, but i had never been to any of the bars that we went to, which made it all the more fun. As I usually do the poshy bits…with suit boys…which although I love, can get quite dull when you’re in your Peekaboob dress. *Giggle, wiggle.*

Rich was dying to go to Belgrave to get a bit of music going to liven up the shindig a little…so we did and it was awesome. We did rummy drinks and all sorts, on the rooftop, sort of looking out onto Leeds, in a garden type atmosphere, surrounded by what felt like hundreds of people, under the night stars.

At the Belgrave, they have these sheds…comfy sheds..that you can lounge in that look all VIPey, which mean I needed to be in one now. Banter, chitter, chatter occured. The boys left me to do wee’s and so stranger chatted me up. The stranger left the seats outside a shed, so we shimmied onto his table, for a whole lot of booze, laughter and birthday fun. (My drinks still hadn’t kicked in yet…but i was already feeling a good time, so i was all dandy. Plus, Ben looked pretty happy with himself…apart from when he panicked and ordered the wrong drinks or something on the rooftop. However, when that’s your only problem… and when it’s your birthday, life is pretty good.)

Rich was still chatting away, Ben went to drink behind a tree by himself and as soon as I saw an opening BOOM, Dodge and I were IN THE A FUCKING SHED! Bliss! Magic. Comfort zone. Pillows, loungey, comfort with rum…and I apparently had my boobs fully out without even knowing.  HAHAH. Dodge didn’t seem to care as we were talking life, love and ‘Lads corner.’ Yet all these people, well the people i knew kept looking at me and pissing themselves…because i was sat with both nipples out fully unaware. Yet, when you’ve previously been a Glamour Model in life…you kinda become immune to having a nip out in public. Infact that night, I had NEVER EVER had sooo many boys (well again..the ones I knew) pull my dress and rearrange it, in order to tuck my boobs BACK IN! When boys are tucking you boobies IN, because they’ve seen your nipples so much that it’s boring…and they turn know you have a problem.

Drinking occurred, under the stars, on a rooftop and in the shed…In fact I remember banning Ben from coming in our shed, by simply placing my diamante heeled stiletto in his way with a ‘NOOOOOO DUDE.’

Now, I don’t know what kept happening, apart from time flying, because as soon as I had gotten comfy…and I had been talking to Dodge loads about all sorts…you’d see one member of the group beckoning everyone out and to the next joint to move along the celebrations.

I lvoe a good time. We all seemed pretty chuffed and a bit more drunk. We headed out onto the Leeds city streets and ended up at some Kareoke bar that no one can remember the name to? I hav no clue? Nobody had a clue. But one of Ben’s old besties is a really good singer or something, so as soon as singing could was embraced.

I loved it. It was quite laddy…but fun. I even pulled a girl in the loos, who kept holding my hands and forcing to walk me up the stairs. Now, this was the odd part of the night, that i always call the turning point. Up until this point everyone had had normal tipsy fun. The boys were flirty, the girls were drinking…friends were ‘clicking’ off into groups but i did notice that everyone was now really really drunky! I mean, I was talking to some of Ben’s friends and (the handsy one hahaha) and well…he looked and sounded pretty pissed ot me. I even felt drunk, but i’m a happy drunk, so when i am…alls Wunnaful.

Then everyone went off to do their own thing for a bit. Ben wanted a burger, so ventured off with a girl in the group to find food. Rich wanted a cash machine and ventured off into the night streets to find food and some money. BOTH PARTIES WERE GONE FOR WHAT SEEMED LIKE EVER!

Dodge was getting bored. I was getting hit on. So in the end we ventured to the bar, did four tequila shots and on this command, ‘lets just fuck off’…went to Mojo’s to buy really really really strong cocktails…because everyone we knew had disappeared.

Mojo’s was actually really good fun. they were kinda packed and sort of closing? Yet what Dodge realised really quickly is that the ‘peekaboob’ dress can GET YOU IN ANYWHERE AND WITHOUT HAVING TO WAIT. HAHAHA. Nowhere shuts when Peekaboobs are about. They walked us straight in..In fact Dodge even looked at a queue, laughed and said ‘Get us in Wunna.’

Went upstairs ordered two corpse revivals..the strongest drinks ever. I even had to let Dodge drink all mine because it was too strong. Had a bit of a boogie, stand up banter moment…then tinkered back to the Kareoke bar like nothing had happened. Everyone was waiting outside. Ben had had something to eat and RICH…well RICH who had been GONE FOR FUCKING AGES…returned…not with a load of cash or a belly full of food, but with this:

‘Wunna…get this…I found a FERRET!!!’

Yep, he stood in the middle of Leeds, pissed, taking selfies with a ferret that he found of someone…for literally yonks! I mean you should’ve seen his face. It was like he had just won th elottery. He couldn’t have been prouder. I mean the goddamn selfies looked like he had just taken photos with is first born or something???? It was HILARIOUS, so i had to call him a ‘fucking idiot.’

We all went back into the Kareoke bar..

..and there I was all drunky, dancing around, having fun, ditzing about beings…and who gets in my face…BEN!!! (Are you kidding me??? LMFAO)

Now, he wasn’t properly in my face, as he sort of was in my face mildy…but he was well grumpy and thought he was 20 feet tall during this moment of ‘dude ‘tude.’ Like it was dark, someone was on Kareoke, singing shit badly…i’m drunk from Corpse Revivals and Ben’s stood infront of me, at me, with a face like fucking thunder…his arms crossed saying this…


HAHAHAHAHA. It’s funny now, but he was pissed off at the time..for a moment anyway. (Pisshead.)

Right! I’m Wunna. The Ultimate, off the telly, in a peekaboob dress…Glamour puss. 🙂 You don’t talk to me like that and think it’s going to be okay. HAHA. He was all ‘ten men’ at me and i had no clue what he was even on about? So, I just said ‘no,’ ooked puzzled, then looked a bit ditzy, drank my drink and well that was the end of that…he forgave me and got back to being happy again. Lol.

Rich, Ben and I laughed about it the next day…because i was rambling on about how he was all ‘Ponte Massive’ at me. ‘Big Bear Ben.’ Blah..blah..blah…

But yeah, it was all fine, all dandy..and so we moved it along…to Smokestacks.

I’ve actually been to Smokestacks a lot, but it was packed. I can’t even remember the walk there and i’m glad as my calves probably killed. But it was ace as as soon as I got to the bar, three boys were stood there, handed me a tequila shot and told me to down it. Lucky me! Lol. Being a chick rocks. Unfortunately, i forgot that when you let boys do this, they become pests…and i had to deal with them..all three of them hitting on me, in turn…for what seemed like years (I swear I must have aged 42 years in that convo) until Rich did the ‘check i’m alright’ scan, and saved me! Boom! Straight in. Sorted. The beckon for the next bar occurred! I don’t even remember Smokestack. Or any of our group being there? Lol Those boys ruined it for me. I just remember the mixed raced one telling me to ‘come back later..’ so i glamourously smiled, nodded and fuck him off. 🙂 I was on Ben’s birthday. I wasn’t arsed about those dudes.

More walking. More everybody being even more drunk and i’m talking PISSED now…and well we ended up looking like we were going to District, but then found ourselves stood outside and going into this other small bar, that none of us had ever been into before…being guided upstairs in moody lighting…and well HAVING THE ABSOLUTE BEST TIME EVER.

I’m not even kidding, i’m so glad we found this place because it sort of made everyone’s night and sort of made Ben’s birthday complete.

I mean i can’t even tell you how much fun we had. It was AWESOME and i’m a fun girl so for me to tell you that this place was the BEST time ever, means it was absolutely great!

I don’t know what happened but it was like no one else mattered but us, Ben and Marks birthday, and cocktails? I mean, we were swirled into this magical, euphoric state of dark, yet happy simplicity…that was dashed with glitter and good times.

I was really pissed by this point. Ben must have been because he kept buying super expensive cocktails. Rich, who i haven’t seen have SO MUCH fun in ages, was dancing around madly having fucking dance off’s with people and just lost in a swirl of happiness. I liked watching it. It sort of made me happy.

I was dancing around like a lunatic because that what i do and Dodge is like that anyway, so we sexy grinded and danced to all sorts of tunage, laughing our fucking faces off for ages..whilst sipping cocktails, before they got smashed on the floor.

Ben seemed like he was having fun. He was having a dance, getting his ‘chat on..’ and well drinking his body weight in  flowery drinks. HAHA.

I mean i don’t even know how i always had a drink in my hand, but i did and it was apparently because Ben kept buying me them> How bad is that ON HIS BIRTHDAY. But whatever, i bought him drinks too. I mean i never went to the bar and came back without a drink for him. So i’m not evil. 🙂

The cocktails were amazing. AMAZING. I mean the first one that Ben passed me had actually flowers garnishing it and looked like a dainty fishbowl of beauty. Yummy, strong and caused me to sexy dance…as the boys tucked my nipples back in.

Lots of fun. Lots of cuddles. Just plain old pure happiness and that’s what love, friendship, good times, birthdays and merriment is all about..

..then we looked to our right and Dodge had sat down with the monk on. HAHAHAAH. I don’t know what happened, but the dark side got him and he was not playing anymore. HAHA.

I bought more cocktails…as in our dancy, swirly, birthday world, that was the answer to everything.

We were all up, all having an awesome time, i was being all huggy and lovely..and we before you knew was flipping 3am????


I felt like we could’ve stayed out forever!! But when you’re outside and you know the time…the time scares you, doesn’t it, so everyone rushed to the nearest kebab shop, ordered food, had that night time banter…(Dodge was cheery now and ordered a whole Donner calzone lol.) Ben got cheesy chips…Rich got these mushroom things…and i just watched because I just CAN’T EAT after consuming that much booze.

Birthday bye’s were said and by 3.30am, Dodge, Rich, Ben and I were in a taxi back to Pontefract. The back seat smelt like donner meat. Rich was chatting about the ‘good time.’ Ben was obviously terrifed of spinning out because he apparently doesn’t travel well after booze in a vehicle. LOL. He had his window down and my window down like it was some gale force, trip to Oz.

Got to Pontefract. The taxi dropped us off where we began. Dodge had a Calzone so immediately walked home. Rich ventured off and Ben and I went to mine, simply because he knew that he’d wake up rough. I knew that he’d wake up rough…and therefore…’nursing his hungoverness’ was going to be my Saturday.

We got home at 4.30am. His birthday was officially over. We smelt the Pontefract air. Heard fights coming out of ‘Biggies’ and smiled. Turning 28…done!

Infact, I felt really good, because I was actually with him the evening/morning, when he turned 28 by one minute…because we went out for drinks…Then i went to work inbetween…and saw him out right up until his last ‘birthday minute…before he passed out and waved by to 27.

Awesome night.

Just absolutely loved it and that’s what making memories are about…

So to anyone that doesn’t celebrate their birthday, the day you were actually born…YOU SHOULD!

It was amazing!!









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