Well, well, weeellll! I’ve been busy. Very busy. I’ve been mothering, glamour pussing, shouting, whispering, loving, hating, working, playing, grooming, smiling, crying and all with a vino in my hand.
Yesterday was horrible and wonderful all at the same time. Following our giant fall out and massive break up, came a delicious fire infused round of viscous words and name calling from us BOTH. We’re both feisty, yet Keiran’s dampened his ‘feist,’ over the last few months. It came out two days ago and well it burst into a *zingy* display of ‘HOLY MOLY…& fries,’ yesterday. I’M actually ALWAYS feisty, I can’t seem to dampen it ever. Meaning I can ‘burst into ‘display’ any time, any day, in any outfit. 🙂 I never simmered down in my old age. But, it’s better for boys to be more mild.. when with a feisty girl. Girl’s are hot when they are strong willed. Men are hot when they are soft of heart. It keeps the roles balanced. I can be a bitch. He can be a bastard. But only when we’re hurt. When things are running smoothly, we are the BEST people you could ever know.
Anyway, I can’t remember what made everything explode? All i remember was that I was dressed in blue ( a blue dress) and it was sunny. Oh yeah! I was ignoring him ans sunbathing, instead of scrubbing gussets and nappy changing…so he called me an ‘Incapable Mother,’ I got angry…so we fought. He usually calms the storm, but yesterday he popped in his love bullets, grabbed his bazooka and went *BOOM*..with anger..and before he was going to get a hair cut. (You just don’t get that MAD before a hair cut. It’s bad Chi. 🙂 )
Now, you never ever want Keiran and I to get into a verbal fight because we are evil and we say things we don’t mean. Really AWFUL things. I was telling him that we were no longer together, how much I hated him etc…and how I was going on a date with a new boy. He was calling me ugly, a bitch, a shit mum, thick and everything else he could think of. We were table tennis-ing our hate towards each other, which under the blanket of ‘false’…… was love, until he finally said something that rubbed me up the wrong way about Ruby and I, so I did what any glamour puss would do…instead of weeping, I glared at him and SLAPPED HIM across his smirky little face. He said something a little more smirky, after a brief pause and another shot at me being incapable or ugly…so I slapped him again. 🙂 Then I couldn’t think of anymore tricks of mild violence, so I trod on his toe. Pahaha! *There you go! That will ruin you.* 🙂 It always ends in something comedy with me. I’m surprised circus clowns didn’t pop out of the cupboard and start dotting around him with confetti filled buckets and water balloons. I’m saying i’m funny, but it’s usually always only I that is left in the moment laughing.
Now, I think about it, I don’t care what anyone says, sometimes a boy just needs a slap in order to get the picture and remember it. He has a dirty mouth and it annoyed me when it spurted out stuff about my glittery daughter -pop and I. A slap was deserved. I’m a good slapper.:) It was more out of frustration and in the name of Mummy-hood. Don’t think you can state that I don’t love my daughter and get away with it. I carried her, birthed her and adored her for a whole 6 months before ‘Mister’ entered the predicament. In that moment he pissed me off. Keiran’s really good at not letting you say your piece in an argument because you’ll win, so he talks loud and over you. Hence the need to slap him.
Anyway, we then argued some more….
Then some more…
Then some more….
Then the health visitor popped in to see if I was all okay after pregnancy and all of that good stuff. She knew things weren’t perfect because Keiran was still *huffing* around like a Tina Turner Drag act.
Weirdly, after that moment and after someone new had sauntered into ‘The Bubble’ and sat down in Wunna land, where we had to stop the childs play. Everything went back to ‘love.’ The moment of calm soothed it out ans because for a second we are pulled apart.
I walked upstairs as he was sat on the toilet doing a poo. I always seem to end arguments whilst he’s sat on that same toilet, doing a poo. I sat on his knee, gave him a cuddle and told him I didn’t want to fight anymore.
He agreed with me, he smiled, he told me how much he loved me and just like that the burden was lifted and we were back to fairytale.
You see, what i’m learning is that relationships are all about ‘just being nice’ to the person you love. It’s a blessing to have someone agree to come along for the ride and well after a time out and when we had stopped being childish, all we could see was love. All i want is for him to love me….and he does. All he wants is for me to love him…and I do. There shouldn’t be a problem, yet our insecurities, well more PRIDE gets the better of us and we set each other on fire. We haven’t fought like that in ages.
As soon as he knew that I loved him, he re-checked to make sure I wasn’t really going on a date..(and I wasn’t 🙂 but I saw his face drop when I said it with a ‘all you say to me is something negative, it’s nice to hear a new boy say something positive about me for once.’ 🙂 Fear of loss girls. Method to my madness.)
We snuggled and went back to love and well even though our relationship may seem volatile to many, it works because no matter what we always make it work. When we love, we love so hard it’s sickening. When we fight, we fight like our lives depend on it. My best friend Kelly labels is ‘passion,’ and we’re both filled with such a juice. Our bond is incredible, so incredible that we can’t even handle it and we can’t handle it because of our ego’s at times.
I ran downstairs after we made up to have a secret cry. I locked myself in the downstairs loo and wept. Yet only because it was all over and I was happy again.
He came down, now on Cloud 9, with his heart on his sleeve and his eyes filled with true Wunna love, managed to unlock the loo from the outside (shit lock) and happily give me a cuddle.
Since that point on, we’ve been inseparable and madly in love. He’s over tired right now, with work and newborn nights. He’s felt like I haven’t helped. Exactly how I felt when he went away for a week, so I get it. He took it out on me, like I took it out on him and now we’ve both experienced it, we have love, newborns and ‘us’ down.
He had a full night’s rest last night and I championed parenting like ‘Mummy of the year.’
He’s smiling at me again like we’re each other’s world and it’s important to always see the positive in the girl or guy you love and to just keep it simple AND LOVE. We won’t be complicating things anymore and well it’s just good to know that we can always go back to ‘the bubble,’ with a new found respect for one another. Respect is massive to us both. Mainly all ego’s again…but it’s big to us both without question. That’s why when we fight the first thing we think to do is disrespect one another. Then because we’re fire signs, we go for it with bazookas! We take guns to a knife fight…so to speak. (I hate both, just so you know. If i ever had one near me i’d squeal and run away in my heels. I can’t even wash the really sharp knives in my sink.)
But yes, you can all stop fretting. 🙂 (Not like you cared. ) And you can all go on drinking your rums and twiddling ya thumbs.
He’s going away to work in the morning. I’m going back to work next week. The babies are gorgeous and we’re madly in love.
Check in with you later…