Babies, Boys and ‘Just Good Friends’

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I’m definitely missing waking up in the woods. I don’t know why I am, but it’s literally my favourite place ever, which is firstly odd because i’m a girl of luxury (saying that the forest where I go is luxurious)..and well secondly bad things always end in the woods, don’t they? Like all those scary fairytales with dwarves and wolves who like chicks in red hoods…and well dead bodies get chucked in there and everything. But, i adore my luxury cabin and right now could wake up there, every morning.

I got the best compliment today because I got described as ‘Magic.’ How sexy is that!!!!! I’m ‘magic’ and everything 🙂 and there was me thinking I just just smart and hot. 🙂 🙂 (Oh shut up, i’m fucking joking, you swines.) But i did get referred to as ‘magic.’ The only other ace compliment I ever recieved was by my first husband Mike, who described me as ‘Dynamite,’ but with a smirk on his face and well an American accent, which always makes words like ‘Dynamite’ sound better. ‘ She’s Dyyyy….noooooooooo…..MITE, Boy!’

That’s good because most people in Pontefract refer to their exes or even current squeezes as ‘bitches’ or ‘dickheads.’ 🙂 In other places, exes or friends who love each other are referred to as ‘just good friends.’ Which i always find LAME. If you are ‘just good friends’ and you are bonking. You’re not ‘just good friends.’ It’s just the phase of non committal sexy time, which you really wouldn’t do if you didn’t fancy the other party a little bit or a lot. Fair enough, if you’ve gotten drunk and make a habit out of random bonking with someone you’ll never meet again, then that’s different. Yet if you find yourself in a position where in which you end up bee lining to the same being for your ‘just good friends’…then your connection roots deeper than a..well a bit of a ‘bone?’

I think there’s just something about me, because my LA guy friends used to always say that ‘you kinda want to hate her, or not fucking  love her, but you can’t really help yourself and you have absolutely no fucking clue why??? ‘ PAHAHAH. Booyah!I mean, I’ve got this accidental ‘knack’ of making men feel shitty, but at the same time, making them feel like the BEST MAN IN THE ENTIRE WORLD COULD’VE PRODUCED. I’m a hardcore cheerleader and i love it. I’m literally the most supportive girl you’ll ever meet, unless i think you’re a tool. 🙂 Y’know, i always say that i’ll never get married again, but secretly i kinda know that i will. It’s just in my nature, because i believe in love, family and weirdly the sanctity of marriage. I get off on the idea of having this awesome boy life partner who’s your best friend, your husband and your baby daddy in one. It’s fun!

I was going to chat about blow jobs right now, but i won’t as i’ve been told to ‘please try and keep it clean’ and since i have business on the brain, I’ll refrain from being my natural vulgar self. Its all in jest, yet you don’t half take the things i say seriously. I mean ‘JESUS.’ For those of you who unfortunately haven’t had the awesome chance to meet me…i have an awful personality, that’s dashed in glitter, dirty talk and a rubbish sense of fun like, lad humour. But i’m super girly…a total glamour puss, so it throws you. Hence why you’ll never get the true ‘va voom’ that is Wunna, until you’ve met me and spent a moderate amount of time with me. I know you must see me as different…as i get told how ‘different to how i thought’ i am all the time, by you.

Anyway, i’m off because i really fancy a snack. Junior’s asleep, simply because he refused to take a nap at nursery, ALL DAY and he apparently did it all angrily, like he was some kind of Warrior. He smacked people and everything, with a ‘don’t you dare make me nap, EVER.’ He’s home now with Mum…so let go on the fight and just gone with ‘Mama Boobie cuddles’ and bed. Easy peasy. Ruby’s still out with Pete. Lord knows when she’ll get back. My daughter is a some kind of social queen. When she was 2 she would want to do ‘sleepovers’ at her friends home and throw parties. I used to just look at her frown and say ‘no, you’re 2.’ Now she’s 4, she reckon’s she 14. But whatever, i’m doing the best  I can. There’s just me and them, so having me as their only full time, living with, role model, must be disturbing. Ruby is literally dying for me to…and in her own words, ‘Find my Prince.’ (Aww.)

Ruby: ‘Mum, please, get yourself a boy. A real Prince,’

Me: ‘Shush Ruby. Go to bed. I’ll read you Cinderella.’

Ruby: ‘It’s crap though.’

Welcome to Wunna land.

Roll on FRIDAY…

 

 

 

 

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