Annnnnd She’s TWO!


One baby birthday weekend over…and we’re shattered. Yipppeee!

Hope you had a wonderful weekend. I’ve literally had a weekend of mayhem. It began with birthday cake buying, (which I did tell you about if you remember,) followed by work emails, social media company Tweeting, a meeting in Leeds, precious time with the fruit of my ‘about to turn two’ loins, cuddling, watching golf, being chatted to,  shopping, a family birthday lunch at TGI’s, a kiddie shopping spree at Toys R Us, a then weeping ‘almost 2’ baby, followed by home time for Kebabs, bedtime love, then children’s balloon blowing… in pyjamas, late night surprise present wrapping, memory box filing, then enters drunken Keiran….who actually then ventured out to purchase more kebabs for my mother, before returning to enjoy banter…what I call wine banter ‘avec moi.’

Now, before I was pregnant…I drank. I guzzled vino like a champion. Keiran was part of the TGI’s birthday lunch for Ruby, where he enjoyed a healthy 3 glasses of red (two were medicinal, one was for pleasure) and then foolishly decides that he’s going to guzzle 3 more bottles of red, with Phil and Kelly…whilst watching the Rugby. (I don’t do watching the Rugby. I especially don’t do flouncing around when it’s Ruby’s birthday…so i went of the Toys R Us shopping spree.)

Long story short, he gets home early..he’s quite good at that now. THEN after returning with kebabs for my mother, as i’m getting the living room ready for Ruby’s big birthday surprise…(i’m blowing up balloons, wrapping pressies, tinsel streaming window sills and all sorts extra,) Keiran decides to indulge in wine banter with me. Wine banter is only fun when both parties are on the wine. When one party is sober and pregnant…it’s not as fun. He rabbited on about money, business, love, food. Then wanted to order MORE kebabs. Then playfully giggled on about life, money and everything else in between, with bits of dirty hitting on me inbetween. It’d be, ‘I want to start a business- GIVE ME THOSE BOOBIES. Yeah…and then buy another house- Shall we have sexytime.’ It got so hilariously horrific that in the end I had to use the kind force of ‘THREATENING’ in order to calm him down. I mean, he wasn’t at all evil, just a happy, playful…drunk. However, everytime he said something remotely pervy, i threatened to TWEET his exact words. It stopped him from talking at my boobies and vagina aggressively. 🙂

All was well, until he decided to follow up wine banter by throwing a comedic ‘pity party.’ As you all know, i depise a ‘pity party (unless i’ve thrown it.) Or moany people….(unless i’m moaning.) Infact, i’ve already moaned this morning stating that my husband will now have 5 years taken from his life because he has failed to kiss ME this morning. It’s apparent statistics and well you don’t wanna fuck with them now do you. He says that ‘not doing what you’re told’ has the same effect. 🙂

But yes, the ‘drunken ‘pity party’ was upon us. What i’ve learnt is that if you are with a drunk ex-solider…don’t put them infront of ANYTHING to do with the ARMY. Jesus! He moaned and groaned and repeated himself until i shouted at him. Everything was ‘ i can do 50 more press ups. I want to go back in the Army. He needs to put more camo paint on his face’ or whatever? He eventually stopped when he thought my boobs were coming out. They weren’t… and well after getting the room ready for Ruby’s birthday morning and after he moaned about his hairdo….we went to bed. (He claimed that Ruby’s birthday was better than Christmas. He’s like a child. He wants presents too! Men!)

The morning came and Ruby jumped on me with with delight. I looked her in the eye and whispered, ‘Do you know what day it is today?’ She looked at me like I was foolish. So i rephrased and said ‘When is it Ruby’s birthday?’ She paused, smiled and then said ‘Soon Mummy.’ I gave her a wink and with cheeky Mummy love said, ‘No baby, it’s TODAY!’

So we woke hungover wine banter Daddy up, who was then forced to piggy back my child down the stairs to see her surprise.

Her eyes were closed and when she opened them the room was filled with brightly coloured balloons, choccies, cake, streamers and pressies galore. It was adorable. I mean at first she was confused. However, then she got that she had presents and life at two got so much better.

Lots of opening, laughter, love and cleaning up…which seemed to last forever. Children take AGES when present opening. Everything she opened she wanted to play with. We literally had to force her to open the next one.

Hours later and a candle blow of the cake. She done about 4 cake blows i believe and the attention goes straight to her head. (Eww…Keiran’s trying to be bossy and telling me to edit parts of him out of my blog. When will he learn that he can’t boss me about. He does serious eyebrows at me, like i should be listening. *Piss myself.* I’m not 2, i’m 32..for crying out loud…and a DIVA. *Hip-bump-yawn)

Anyway, she then went to ‘Daddy Pete’s for more birthday joy. OH MY GOD, I was shattered! I mean after a birthday weekend of nursery party, TGI’s birthday lunch, Toys R Us shopping spree, 4 cake blows, pressie opening at home and everything in between…I had never been more grateful for the ‘Daddy Pete’ pick up. (Who forgot to buy her presents so had to do an early morning town run to buy her something. *Rolls eyes.*)

Keiran and I randomly watched Tom and Jerry, had a moment of ‘sort of rumpy,’ (‘sort of rumpy’ is when only he cums,) then we fell asleep for two hours in bed. I needed that nap.

Then when we woke we were hounded by sales people trying to make us buy things quickly so they could get commision. (Always pisses me off. I can see through anyone or anything and I hate being forced to spend my money when i’m not ready. It actually makes me rebel and puts the absolute brakes on the situation out of stubborness. I’m like a mule…but fabulous. No-one does business on Sunday, after a nap, on their daughter’s birthday. OR WITH NAGGY PEOPLE.)

After pasta, we went to the driving range so Keiran could whack golf balls a little bit more, then travelled to his cousins for a cuppa tea and a chitter chatter about wardrobes.

Great weekend. Shattered though. Loved the last part of my evening where there was just Ruby and I and we watched old school cartoons together as she giggled, told me she loved me and fell asleep. Awww!


Life is great! Hope your’s is too! My Monday morning advice is to appreciate everything that you have and simply because it is only then that life decides to cut you some slack and gift you with more. If you moan and think you don’t have enough and crave for more, more, more without truly appreciating what he world has already given you…you’ll not move forward any faster.

Big kisses,

Work to do

‘The Wuns’ x



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