The fact that i told a Darling that i would name my first child ‘Beef’ last night, means I had a pretty decent evening. I mean some people name their imaginary children (oh lord…save me) after countires, cities, pieces of fruit or even better…… names that we see littered in the Bible. (I can’t really remember anyone in that fairytale…oh apart from Jesus, coz he’s the star, some floozey named Mary and then ofcourse Judas, who i can totally relate to.) Anyway yeah, it says a lot about a person who chooses to name their imaginary first born child after meat! Not just any meat! I mean my favourite piece of meat is a hunka chunka steak! But yeah, last night i sat in a car, mildy drunk after various bottles of okayish wine.. I had my belly stroked, and the soft words of love then went something like ‘Oooh that could be a baby,’ uttered! A BABY!!! Great! I’m meant to be the Queen of Greatness….(and don’t forget that i am…i have tap dancing medals and everything) yet now i’ve been reduced, simply by a night time sentence to an unfortunate and simple fatty! Ah well…thank God i have tits! (I actually replied with a ‘yeah dude that’s steak!’) I’m naming my first child ‘Beef’ and YOU CAN’T stop me! (Well you can…just put champers infront of me.)
Had a wonderful nigth last night. I looked amazing…all Glamour pussy, and Barbie like. I had a fur, a tiny skirt, my boobies crewed on, pink polka dot heels and baby blue. My hair was blown out to ridiculous ‘Hollywood bounce’ proprotions, and not only did u catch every eye in the building…bar…same difference…it’s the only building I ever remember entering really…but so did ‘Loverboy.’
Now we’re in this weird phrase, where everyone pauses when we walk into a room, whispers and then claims that he’s (Lover loverboy) a footballer. Apparently he must be, because he looks like one, dresses like one, and has some slanted eyed Glamour Puss (slag) on his arm. Everyone simply assumes i’m his tragically delicious ‘Dolly Bird’ girlfriend. Heeellllooo? I’m the ‘off the telly’ one much!! I stayed trapped in house for weeks on end, trying to win the heart of Miss.Hilton, then got my boobies out for the nation for a mildy decent pay check! I’VE WORKED FOR THIS ATTENTION!! WORKED!!
Bottomline, i goit, and i get it…(I’ll throw myself off a block of flats for a bit of ‘look at me’ if i have to!) However, now and not just recently, he’s starting to get a lot more ‘looky looky-what’s up ducky!’ Do i like it? yes. Will i eventually get jealous? Yes! Hahaha. (I am joking…i mean i do love accidentally falling into the centre of attention…but his face when he feels adored is priceless. It’s a good feeling. He turns into this little boy, who might of got felt up by his babysitter. FYI…That was my attempt at explaining ‘cute.’)
Lovely last night, lots of love, wine, jiggery pokery! Lots of exchanged glances, winks, and talking to chavvy strangers. Now, i’m a talker, but for some reason last night, a gentleman…a roughish one, who was pretending to be a bit rich, decided to invite himself to our table and banter…but for ages. I had nothing to say to him, because i didn’t seem to have much in common with him. He said i had ‘good boobs,’ and that Pete should be a male model. He actually followed Loverboy to the toilet and looked at his willy whilst he pissed. 🙂 (If he was gay…he sure as hell looked as though he’d steak your car stereo afterward. The only gays i’m used to are the Hot party ones! I need to educated myself!)
Fun night, lots of ‘ooh laa,’ we were under the stars…and yeah then we bickered. Well not bickered. But Loverboy is a gentle being who needs a lot of affection. I have a lot going on right now, and a lot muddling my head, with work and stress and god knows what else…. (code for PMT.) He thought i didn’t love him. I explained to him that I did. He got emotional and teared up. (Aww…i love that!) Wonderful…i’m making grown men cry! (Trophy please.) Then we were fine and all cuddly.
He very much wants to make me happy…but to the point where he sacrifices himself! I don’t like that! I want him to be HIM and LOVE HIM and do what HE wishes. But he is a someone that at times can only be happy, making me happy. I shouldn’t really complain, because the last buffoon was the exact opposite and couldn’t even really find it in himself to buy me a drink. We talked, we kissed, we got back to normal. I’m really excited about today now! I fell delicious and well you should to!!
Other than that, the workmen are ehre and still pissing me of. They are the laziest men i have ever witness in my life. Not only do they ridicule the people that are paying them, but they actually forget to FIT A BATHROOM!!! OMG…i get that they could be those ‘cowboy’ workmen, who do fuck all and fall through their own perfectly placed floorboards. Yet i kinda wanted PROPER workmen. Like posh ones, who dress like butlers, drill things daintly and don’t talk to me whilst GETTING THE JOB DONE!! these ones are hooligans…and well if i wanted ‘cowboy construction’ i’d roder them from a fricking Texas brothel. If you’re going to be ‘cowboys,’ then how dare you ridicule my utter existance by not turning up shirtless, in hats and with hammers in places where hammers should never venutre. They’re like not even hot. They’re…whats the word? Oh yeah…CHAVS!! Go HOME!! (But do my bathroom first please!)
Anyway, i hope you’re feeling deliciously foxy,dollified and adventures. have fun today, make your dreams come true! I have a lot of work to catch up with, that i’m cleverly ignoring. Instead i am going to pamper, groom ,wink and hair toss…then go out for a little ‘ooh laa’ with a companion i’d like to refer to as ‘Handsome!’ if you do anything today…over dress, get notcied and LOOK like a GLAMOUR puss! Look sooo delicious that people DAREN’T even talk to you, in fear that they might lose their sanity!
Oh and just so you know….i love you. 😉
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAMUEL!! MY FAVOURITE GAY IN THE WHOLE WORLD EVER! WECLOME TO 21!!