A Little constipation

Nausea…a fun little concept, right? It is the sensation of unease and discomfort in the upper stomach, which can cause a darling to VOMIT. Add a distinct amount of constipation to that…an amount that would prevent a kitty of ‘ooh laa’ from actually being able to sit down comfortably and there you have it…the way i feel today! Whoppee! *Hits head against hard thing.* (Wait! Not that ‘hard’ thing. *Wink-pout*)

It all began yesterday afternoon. There i was minding my own merry business, not being able to eat or drink, when all of a sudden i felt like i needed a poo. I happily trot up to my ‘toilet time’ under the dear misconception that all was well in the World of Wunna Bowels. However, oh no! I pulled down my pants, sat on the bowl and had the worst experience i had ever had in my life. (Well apart from that one time in LA, when Tommy ran in and hit me in the face with his boner.)

Okay, imagine really needed a poo, to the point where your tiny belly is acheing. Yet when you actually go to rid yourself of badness, the Good Lord laughs in your face and tells you you can’t! OMG! I had the worst tummy ache in the world EVER! I sat on my loo, acheing and sweating and now feeling rather frustrated. I actually felt like i was going to have to collapse for attention (but i didn’t have an audience, so i figured i’d save that for later.) It hurt so bad that i actually had to pull up my pants, after no joy, and lay in bed in agony. My tummy still feels the same. It’s truely awful and the worst thing about it is that i have to train it to London today for work, tomorrow morning. UGH! I’m ill!

Anyway, Loverboy then called because he wanted to see me and hang out…y’know do the whole dinner thing. I really wanted to see him, but i felt and looked awful. Yet being the Puss that i am..i got in the shower..(where i vomitted 3 times), collapsed on my bed again, forced myself to get ready and in a jiffy found myself in a peach, flowing dress, with my hair Hollywood curled, strutting up the dirt track (in slow motion,) gloriously and into Pete’s car! I felt wretched, but i looked good. My tummy still kills. I need constipation remedies pronto.

Now, if that wasn’t bad enough, feeling bunged up, vomitting three times, and having to doll up to go out to dinner…i then get the most mind blowing cramp known to mankind! The shooting pain, kind! The kind where all you can do is roll around in agony, until the madness has stopped.

We went to dinner at Zizzi, in Leeds. I got the cabonara, but i didn’t eat any of it. It was delicious, but i wasn’t in the mood, for life, love, or pasta. My whole body ached so much that i felt like i wanted to explode. We laughed, we joked, we chitter chattered, then we had the longest drive back from from Leeds in the world ever! OMG it felt like it took hours.

I had the cramp, but it had eased off, but then Loverboy, thinks it’s a good idea to poke my leg where the cramp was causing the shooting pain to dance all the way down my leg. Then to make it worse, he pulls my chair back, keeps stopping the car and keeps trying to talk to me like nothing is happenning. I’m there in agony, screwing up my face, my life, my everything and FINALLY we get to a destination! I could finally breathe. It took him ages to get home, it was like he was doing it on purpose!

We get back to his parents home, where he kindly asks his mother for *cramp* remedies. (He has doctor parents like me.) His Mum (who is the loveliest mum you could quite imagine. I’m not used to lovely mother in laws. They’re usually trying to out eyeliner me. lol) Anyway, Loverboys mummy saves the day by warming up a lavender wheat bag, placing it in my hand lovingly, and telling me to place it on my cramp. The pain immediatley went away! Immediately!

The rest of the night was spent laying on the sofa, whilst Pete watched some program about metal on planes! Eww! I fell asleep and finally got home to MY MUM, who i always miss when i’m poorly. The Great Mrs.Wunna, had waited up for me and she laid by my side until i feel asleep.

Woke up this morning, with no cramp, but massive constipation. I’ve only puked once…but the fact that i have to travel up to London to work, in order to not let people down, is rather annoying. I’m properly poorly. But in entertainment…there’s no room for that! Maybe i should drink apple juice? I hate the feeling on letting people down, because *guilt* eats away at my soul. But i’m kinda letting myself down, because i need to be in BED! I’ve been passed out all day, wallowing deliciously in self pity. Then Wazza (oh my dear dearWizard) cheered me up a treat, by delivering WONDERFUL news, that would make the hardest of hearts believe in Cupid once more! I’m very impressed with Wazza’s jiggery pokery! UGH! If only i could poo! 🙁


1 thought on “A Little constipation”

  1. Christina!

    You need garlic! Not the pills, you need the real thing. A good way to get it is with a Ceasar Salad and/or pizza. But watch out! Once it works, it works and you’ll very suddenly need to go to the loo… or on the floor.


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