I love how it looks like it’s partially sunny ‘could wear pink booty shorts’ outside, yet when you actually venture out into the world, all ‘legs out- pout- wink-I totally have a good sex life,’ it’s the most freezing cold frightful weather you could have ever be placed in, out of sheer & utter misfortune. I swear, if you’ve unfortunately found yourself trapped in the British ‘hell hole’ of weather this Christmas…it really is because God fucking hates you.
The other day, whilst sat on a train to Kings Cross, i found a piece of bacon on me. A PIECE OF FUCKING BACON-just chilling with my on the journey of my life!! Not being funny or anything, but I’m meant to be the ultimate Glamour puss, with a sexy disposition. (God i do adore that title!) Even homeless people (who aren’t even asking for money anymore but for your coat,) find a 10p coin and a cigarette on them during these festive but fucked up times. I MAC bronze my cheeks, go to grab my dignity and find BACON in my fucking ‘but gorgeously sequined’ dress. Is that sexy? Yes bitch! Especially because for almost 2.3 seconds i did actually contemplate eating it. (Oh shut up…i’m on a diet. I’m starving…)
Anyway, ‘Lash’ came over last night all smiles and wanting to tell me that if i put an empty wine bottle in the microwave it wouldn’t melt? Hellooo? I’m a staggering socialite on pills. If a wine bottle is empty i’m throwing it at walls in despair,whilst screaming, not doing a fucking science project! He then went on to tell me tha he had 2 imaginary friends. (Hugs not drugs kiddies.) He had named them ‘Malcom and Jonny.’ Hmmm…how appropriate. Wouldn’t it be funny if i did actually imagine ‘Jonny’ and he wasn’t actually a real life person and merely a figment of my over active yet deliciously harmful mind.
I told ‘Lashes’ that he wasn’t very creative with his imaginary friends. Therefore in order to desperately seek my approval he quickly changed them both to Butlers, and named them these other ‘I’m on drugs and maybe a bit black’ names. I can’t even remember them? By this time he wanted to have a convo about how we’re all these little people, in a giant earth ball of fun, suspended in space, orbitting the sun. We do kinda forget that, don’t we! There’s so much more to this world than our tiny little lives. We get so caught up in ourselves (Who me? Never…) that we sort of forget that we’re merely a really destructive computer game that the big floozy above has created coz she’s bored. We’re like ‘The