A little bit of lurve



Morning all! Vicks Vapor Rub is literally the best thing ever! Well..aside from a giant midget fanfare of delight. (Not that a midget fanfare, could be ‘giant?’) But holy moly…(I like saying that right now…but only in written word, I never say it out loud,) like the most unsexiest doll in all of the land, I smeared my bare chest in a gloopy blue transparent Vicks butter of eucalyptus heaven…Today…80% of the hideous mucus had lifted from my delicious chesty-ooh-aah…and well even though I have a bit of a runny nose, I CAN FINALLY SPEAK! Hurrah! I finally have my voice back. I no longer sound like a jolly ‘Silver Tranny Ferocia’ and instead like a ‘Dolly’w ith a cold! I’m moving up in the world. (I currently have old school #TOWIE on in the background, when Mark and Amy were in it. Love old school #TOWIE. Look how well they’ve done from a bit of reality telly.)

Nursery run was a treat this morning. I think it’s the weather it’s folling us into being chipper instead miserable. Spring time is a time for lurve and the good type, where you find a ‘forver’ before the Summer of sin. I always think Summer is simply for flings! There’s too many ‘all girl’ or ‘all boy’ holidays, long party weekends and scantily clan chicks, with beautiful tans during the Summer time to solidify a ‘forever.’ Unless of course you’re doing the dating leg work now. Yet saying that, if you’re a  beautifully sexy, scantily clan chica, (like I used to regard myself as) then Summer is your playground. You can eat men up and curb kick them with a wink, if they mess up. ‘Forever’ is always an option. 🙂 Men are visual creatures.

So yeah. Vick Vapor Rub is my new hero. Keiran’s been up since 6.30am or whatever, to jolly off to work. I’ve made the hardest decision of my life, by choosing ‘Fruit & Fibre’ cereal OVER a fresh, yummy jam doughnut. I kept reminding myself that although cravings are fun, I have a waistline to refind in a few weeks time, once I’ve pushed a human out of my ‘lady joy.’ You should always try and make good decisions when hungry. be it hungry for food, hungry for love…hungry for anything. Empty stomachs make you make rash decisions. But yes, waistline, waistline, waistline.

I’m looking forward to the baby just as much as I am looking forward to getting a fit and ‘ooh laa’ again. Preggo-yoag did me in. I was found open legged napping yesterday on the sofa. You those naps that you only realized you’ve taken when you’re nudged awake. I didn’t even remember going to sleep. But I was fully clothed with my legs and mouth open. (Classy.) Keiran took pictures when he woke me and the first picture he showed me WASN’T of my face, but off my CROTCH..that he had zoomed in on? Men! The funny thing is, i’m so sexy right now that I have a baggy crotch area, when it’s covered in maternity leggings. I had a giant belly, which they cover, but a little ‘ta-ta’, meaning it looks baggy. I feel like a granny.

Went to see the midwife yesterday. Heard the baby’s heartbeat. It sounds as a thunderous horse drawn chariot. I have one very active and very healthy baby. I adore it. I mean, i do a lot of things wrong in life, yet this healthy baby making thing…I always do well! #hellyeah Keiran and I are SO excited for the arrival now. Pete’s still being awkward about it, but without saying anything. It must be hard for him. But like I said, it’s not my job to feel guilty about the situation. I have every right to be happy. He’s a good guy, just not MY guy and that’s fine because he’ll find his ‘fairytale.’

Last night, when Rubes and I were watching ‘Cinderella’ in bed, Keiran crept in to surprise her. (He had been at cricket practice for the evening, so she didn’t get to see him.) She was all cheery and happy, but hadn’t settled yet and the appearance of her ‘Daddy Keiran’ made her evening. They sang, they tickled, they laughed, they counted, they did the alphabet. They told each other how much they loved each other…and well as her mum, it was just too lovely to watch. I have a great man and he’s a wonderful Dad. So, it was certainly another moment for me. She fell asleep after that, filled with utter happiness. It sort of beat the ‘Cinderella’ fairytale, as that became background music to the real life fairytale that was going on.

Life is delicious right now and i’m feeling really appreciated by the hubby. All day yesterday he was loving and adorable and every moment he could he stopped me to tell me that I was beautiful, how much he loved me, how sweet I had been over the last couple weeks and how he was so proud to have me as his wife. I love it when he has a proud face, like he’s so proud to have me as his wife. It makes me feel of worth, like it does any woman. I mean, no girly should ever simply feel of worth, simply because the guy they fancy decides he adores her. But when you already feel delicious, yet the man of your dreams, that you have married, tells you that he is proud that you are his, after a year of marriage and well when this Summer ends two years of being together. (Hasn’t time flown. We’ve been reminiscing our past and how beautiful it was when we first met. The excitement of it all was remarkable.)But yes, when that happens…it sort of makes you sprout glamour puss wings and makes you fly up to Cloud 9. I love it. I’m happy. 12 days..and we’re on HOLIDAY! (Ruby is really excited for it. She asked me when she was going to the forest this morning. This time they’ll be hundreds of us AND it will be sunny.)

God! I’m doing this weird sneezy thing. I have ‘sneeze fear.’ Everytime I go for a big old ‘hatchoo,’ I become terrified the moment before because i’ll either preggo wee myself…and I do mean literally. (Sorry to shatter your naked Wunna dreams boys.) OR I get this weird fantasy that if I do commit to the sneeze, the front of my belly with burst open and confetti with spray out madly. I literally believe that if I sneeze, my belly will explode. The fear is that bad and i’m not even joking, simply to wave the flag of hunour. I mean it. I daren’t full commit to a sneeze. 🙂 Plus, the sick thing is that I don’t mind weeing my pants, yet the thought of my belly exploding kills me. Even when the hallucination involves confetti. (#TOWIE is making me want a vajazzle for my labour. 🙂  My baby boy will come out with diamantes stuck to his face.)

I’m having a great morning. I think i’m just gonna enjoy my merry self today. I’m meant to be attempting to make salmon hand rolls. But I don’t think my skills go that far?

‘Real Housewives of Atlanta’ is on in half an hour. I’m very excited. Even though we’re 3 years behind in England. Kim’s ‘Tardy for the Party’ single is about to be performed at the big gay ‘White Party’ 2010 Palm Springs. I adore Kim and simply because she reminds me of myself. Yet i’m better. I loved being a gay icon at the time when I was a bit famous for being on the telly box. I miss it. I want that back. Y’know, saw one of my LA guy friends on the show yesterday. (It was a re-run.) AND Kim fancied him on it.

When are my shows coming out on the telly. I’m getting tired of waiting. I’m wanting a bit of ‘look at me.’ 🙂

My life has always been filled with luck. It’s been truly amazing. After this bambino, i’m going to make giant impact and jizzle you all with my ‘wa-woo-wee.’

C-ya Babies,









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