A Fun-sized, Crimbo, Fatty of a Floozey

So i found myself infront of the telly watching that MTV ‘Teen Mom’ show again, that one that scares me off ever having children, even though i’m about to pop one out in the new year! *Surprise!* I must be a sexy sucker for punishment. I mean i vowed to never watch it again. But there i was…with my plums. (I’m craving them deeply right now.) Watching away.

I now know why i have arguments with Loverboy about the pregnancy! (Oh here comes the Wunna logic.)  It’s purely based upon me watching this show. I watch. Then I falsely believe that i am 16 and preggo. Then (and because i’m ace) i take out their ‘oh my boyfriend is gone and i’m in high school..i’m ruined’ out on HIM! Haha. I’m mentally ill. Save me. I get so into it, that i believe that i’m that high school cheerleader, that got a bit kinky behind her mums back on the bleachers. Or that redneck, weird southern chubby girl who cries because her car doesn’t work and she failed all her exams because the baby has ruined her life. I’m 29, happy, with a ‘still there for now’ great partner…and yeah i might play cheerleader for him every now and again. *Wink-pout* (Don’t bother girls. Your cheers just end up getting blocked off by sausage meat. You get to the ‘Give us a…‘ (whatever you’re about to gleefully shout) part and before you’ve finished your sentence, the lights have been switched off and your mouth is ungracefully full of boy parts. I just need to remember i’m not 16 and preggo.

Other than that, i’ve spent time with my Mother discussing my British acting school debut, my life, money and love. Then watched kittens poo in inappropriate places, whilst i eat my way through 2 packets of crips, a banana, a snickers bar, a whole pack of liquorice, a breadroll and 2 plums. That’s what i actualyl consumed within approx 2.4 minutes. Fair do’s my Snicker’s was ‘Fun-sized. But whatever…i ate the lot AND yo’ mama. I love the word ‘Fun-sized’ it’s cutsie and full of ‘ooh matron.’ I feel like i’m ‘fun-sized.’ All bimbo delicious, with an innocently clever, giggle of ‘woo-woo.’ I accidentally find myself in the most inapproprite positions. But only because ‘handsome’s can’t stop trying to mitten their ‘grubbies’ all over me. *Runs away screaming.* (What am i talking about? Penis i can handle. It’s the thing it’s attached to that scares me.)

Wazza actually claims that what i ate in two minutes…was ‘normal eating’ for him. I claim that it wasn’t and simply because i didn’t have a whole lasagne for dessert, after a Sunday roast. He also claims that he broke my blog earlier. I’ve forgiven him, as he also then fixed it. I worship those who can break things and then fully fix them. It’s a technique i am yet to master. *Cue: Bag of broken hearts.* I’ve run out of glue and patience really.

Anyway due to my bordeom i’ve decided to maybe become an elf this Christmas. I won’t beable to go out partying. I won’t beable to go shimmie to the merry sounds of gin. So why not waste my time feeling the Christmas spirit? I have actually done this job before, as a child, and found it hilarious. I made a quick couple of grand and worked for about 5 weeks in the most hideious outfit imaginable. (Loverboy will not enjoy this idea. But i’ll find it funny and that’s all that matters really.)

The good thing about being ‘Chrissie Wunna’ is that you can Tweet your mind and out of nowhere people give you what you want. Whether it be pressies, parties, love, or infact jobs at Santa’s Grottos. lol. Now I can’t decide whether i’m actually insane on this one and simply going loopy because Pete’s trolled off to the ‘lakes.’ But i am bored and will be even more ‘yawn fest’ by Crimbo. So why not throw on an elf suit…(even though i’ll be terrifying with my giant bump) and be the most sexual elf ever much. It’s so Me. It’s hilarious.

Anyway i’m fast forwarding to Crimbo. I still have bonfire night and Halloween to celebrate. I’m so super excited much because this year i will actualyl have a proper ‘handsome’ to smoochie under fireworks with and cuddle in mittens with a mouth full of….toffee apple 🙂

I’m not big on Halloween simply because it seems to be shit in England. Plus, i’m no longer one for slagging it in a club full of ‘off the tellies’ right now for a bit of spooktastic for some sane reason? I just want to be around my real friends. ( i know, who’d a thought! 🙂 )

The rest of the year is going to be ACE! But right now, i must shower, tan and bendy roller up. I have a lot of work to get through tomorrow.

Loves

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