A Bloody Quick skim


I’ve chillaxed all day as it’s the first day in ages i haven’t had to flounce around and smear my ‘brand’ on things that really don’t deserved to be smeared on in such a manner. I’m just gonna skim what i’ve been up to over the last couple days, as now the moments passed, so i really can’t be arsed. When it’s done, it’s done, heel up, toss hair, slip into something a little more sexy, then get aggressively pulled by demanding LA agent, to the next bunch of Tom Foolery. (Cracks whip…takes over world. Purrs.. then dies of exhaustion and lack of sex.)

Friday morning, i did a sexy shoot for a magazine from an exotic land…where the words of The Wunna are championing their way trough the minds of decent innocents. Had to train up to Leeds, do another baby 2 hr shoot and phone interviews with a local radio stations. (I’m sure you loved waking up to the sound of my voice.) Filmed the whole way. I’m loving that part of life.

Got home to Ponty, cuddled my family, ate them out (oooh dear) of house and home (wink wink) and really didn’t have too much time to spend with them…which i HATE, as i then had to work more and didn’t get finished till 3am. Woke up at 6am…to do another pre-recorded thing, a shoot, then get on a ‘smelt like piss’ train to Manchester, to film a bit for ‘The Endz,’ (for Chris Kenna…lovely soul, gonna do well) whilst talking to the Producer ‘John Roberts’ (hilarious man,) for this other show i’m doing called ‘Miss.Romance’ (which we start filming next weekend.) I was all kinds of late for everything, but now i’m under a stern whippage, i’m rushing, getting there and performing like a champ…(who enjoys a bit of a drinky and a feel up.) I’ve just spilt cocktail down me.

It was freezing, it was cold, we filmed in the rain. But i had fun. Everyone was actually lovely…but they were all boys. And boys who are quite partial to…tits. I think i have a cold, but it was worth it. I pulled a fat man who worked at ‘McTucky’s.’ I winked at him because i wanted to beable to eat my ‘other food’ in his darling joint. He winked at me because he wanted to pull down my knicker crackers over chicken burgers and ferociously pump into me to top 40 from 1999 chart music. Before you know it i was back on a train to Doncaster to watch X-factor with my mum and stroke our kittens. (wink wink.) I fell asleep on the train between ‘PHBBF’ fans. They took pictures.

I woke up to the horror of a granny showing me a pair of wind up, clock work walking teeth…over and over again and forcing me like them and a deaf boy was giving me the thumbs up, then stroking my fur, then stroking my inner thigh. I was like ‘Honey, i wouldn’t put ya hand down there! My vaginas like a human fly trap. It’ll get all kinds snapped up and swallowed.’ (Oh shut up, it was fine, he was deaf!) When i got off the train he kept linking arms with me and pointing at my boobies. Infact, security came as he was getting a little aggressive. ( I looked like i was in ‘Dynasty.’ He looked like  ‘peek a boo’ was his favourite game with my boobs.) I mean, cut him some slack…the poor boy can’t hear. He had a pervy innocence about him.

Got home, relaxed, got about 400 work emails. Mum and i pissed ourselves at X-Factor & i complained at how i didn’t need to take fucking noodles back to London with me. (ffs.)  Went to bed early, had to wake up at 6am (AGAIN) to get on a train, after another shoot and get back to London for a 3pm meeting i had for a Music Video, that consited of tea at Harrods. I’ve done tea a lot at Harrods and i like it. But omg, how busy is it at Christmas. The place is massive (infact one of my favourite places) but it was PACKED. I got walked into about 42 times. Great haven though.

After all the ‘meeting’ part was done…a gentleman by the name of ‘Jaquin’ (lovely man) escorted me around the store. I looked tragic in a little black dress, viscious tan and GIANT leopard print faux fur. But we got to Karen Miller, where Leila..(his manager) had to hoist me into a dress, that i will be wearing in the video. My boobs don’t move, so squeezing them into things is a ten man job. We did it publically. I thought my chest was quite possibly going to explode…(glitter ofcourse.) Anyway, lovely of them, i have it loaned out. Great people! Really know how to take care of someone professionally. I’m extremely excited about it all. ‘Jaquin’ you are delightful!

Finally all my work was done. I got home, crashed out of exhaustion. I basically did 4 cities each day with work and it’s hard being ‘on show’ all the time. Today..i’ve relaxed, had a chat with ‘Lash,’ manage to catch up with my friends and well feeling positive, happy and hoping everyone is doing well. In the entertainment industry, i hate it how people compete. There is room for EVERYONE. Now chill. (I’m glad i got this blog over with. I really couldn’t be arsed. Now i can get back to the good jiggery pokery. )

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