It’s Monday evening. Yorkshire, England. I’ve worked hard all weekend. I’ve been filming. (So have the kids.) Therefore, I’ve had a chilled one today because I’ve just been so exhausted. I think ‘lockdown’ made me lose my touch?
I had a 5.30am call time. (Which is usually a breeze.) Then the following day I finished at 3.30am. (Again, that doesn’t usually bother me.) It jumbled me all up this time though? Maybe i’m just old? I’m usually fine? The last time I felt really tired was when I was on set at Christmas.
I’d gone from back to back film, to back to back film. I was running on adrenalin, yet delighted because I was booking so much work and filling my little creative soul with happiness.
When the makeup artist was doing my face…I fell asleep, mid- brush stroke…IN THE CHAIR. Haha.
I mean, how embarrassing!!! I shocked myself up!
This time all I’ve done is film two things and I’m knackered. 🙂 I need an on set rocking chair,
Hopefully dreams come true after all this work I’m constantly putting into everything. If not, i’ll cry. Haha. (No really. I will cry.)
So yeah, that’s that. Everything else in my world is happy! No news is good news.
I was having a bit of a ponder today and thinking back through my life.
I always think whatever’s meant to be is meant to be. Yes, you can and SHOULD work hard for what you want. It’s yours for the taking. Everything your heart desires CAN be achieved. You just have to work your arse off for it, get ballsy and go, go, go.
But there are things that just aren’t yours. You’ll be able to feel what isn’t yours. It’s an instinct and no matter how hard you work…it’s just not an experience you’re meant to encounter in your story.
That isn’t a bad thing…If it’s something that you really wanted, of course it will feel shitty. But the sooner you realise it just wasn’t yours, the quicker you’ll move forward and happily.
It took me a lot of years to learn. In fact being an actor helped. I mean the zillion times we’ve heard ‘no’ and got rejected makes the best of us so utterly strong. Gives us a fire to fight. Well some of us anyhow. When you’re new to it all, it can obviously feel heart breaking.
But I don’t wanna sound all doom and gloom because I’m not. I’m happy. I’m positive. I’m strong. I’m probably one of the strongest people you’ll meet in your life. One of those troopers who keeps getting back up, adjusting her bra, tossing her hair and with a smile on my face.
So, i’ll put it out there in a more positive fashion…
‘I always say that there’s a magic in the air and the things that’s are meant for you, will automatically be yours.’
Is that better?
Wait! I need a drink. I’m parched!
I’m also 4 months booze free now! I’m really proud of myself. I don’t know how it’s happened? Two more months and I’ve done one half a year, no booze. Wtf?
Ruby: ‘I don’t even know why you’re doing this? It’s good, but Mum, what you gonna do when we have a something to celebrate??? You’re just not a cuppa tea mum. You always pop open a bottle and pour a celebration drink??? I just can’t imagine?’
Me: ‘It’s fine. I’ll be fine. I’m FINE!!!!’
I am a bit worried though because in ‘lockdown’ it’s quite easy to refrain from drinking. There’s no influences.
However, when the kids and I went to lunch at ‘Ego’ on Thursday…it felt so STRANGE & I felt moderately uncomfortable NOT having a wine. It was weird?
So it’s something I’m not quite used to? I had a 0% Peroni. I really missed drinking that day.
Now we’re all getting social again…I’m gonna find it more difficult. Even when people are asking me to go out for drinks, be it friends or dates, it’s making me worry…because well…I’ve never been to a bar and not had cocktails?
Anyway, tomorrow I’m chilling all day, but in the evening I have something exciting! I’m feeling a bit nervous. No. I’m feeling a lot nervous. But on the whole it feels good, so I’m smiling. I’ll tell you all about it the following morning. I can’t even takin aboit it right now.
I’m also missing LA life. But maybe because things are a bit scribbly in my world here, right now. It’s happy but there is certainly a haze. I’m always desperate for it to just be lifted, but I’m always hopeful that a happy ending will come my way.
I’d love for a ‘breeze.’ A real life ‘breeze.’
But I’ve been chatting to my LA buddies a lot more recently. So maybe it’s that? In fact I’ve been chatting to them everyday and I think that it’s making me miss Hollywood life, a lot.
However I’m trying not to, just so I can be present, in my present situation. I’m exactly where I’m meant to be, so I just need to appreciate it, with absolute gratitude.
Lots of you are STILL asking me about my love life…and yes I’m still single. Lol. I’m still happy. I’m open to dating. If anything crazy happens, i’ll certainly let your know.
It’s weird because i’m not looking but i’m hoping the love of my life will just find me. YET, i’m not gonna lie, there’s this wonderful feeling of absolute empowerment that I’m getting, simply by being a happy, single, eligible bachelorette?
Saying that, I described myself as a ‘hotdog’ the other day? It sounds ridiculous and pretty much is. But honestly I do look like one. Like…if you closed your eyes, you could imagine me wedged in a ‘finger roll.’
(Wait! That sounds mucky. I do mean a bread roll!!)
I’m back to filming on August 5th. So I’ve got a script to learn for then.
I hope tomorrow night goes okay.
Sending you my love,