Heeeelllloooo Everyone!! Right! I’ve simply been enjoying Christmas, the good old ‘last leg’ of 2019 and life back in Wunna land. ( I haven’t disappeared…You’re not that lucky! 😉 Yet I HAVE been reading all your messages, DM’s…all sorts..and well, I thank you so much for all the love!! I really truly appreciate it! I always want to remind you that nothing goes unnoticed…even if I haven’t given time to reply. All sorts could’ve happened??? Wine…babies…work…forgetfulness?)
Basically over the last couple months, I had a massive and really fantastic ‘slog’ of work…which I bashed out back to back, whilst being filled with determination and excitement. There were free days that I spent spoiling my babies (Ruby & Junior..my world…my light…my everything)
….But then I found myself, filling the rest of my free time…working on films. ( I can’t help it. I’m a sucker for loving it and really shit at resting. I can’t rest ever? Can you? I find it really difficult and it’s a really bad habit!) However, I guess at the moment I’m so focused on ‘getting to where I want to be,’ that I’m working really hard, instead of ‘doing nothing.’ The will that I have to hopefully succeed kinda keeps me going…keeps me on the ball & all that. 😉
2019, is a year that changed me. Bad things happened in the Summer, that tore my happiness apart…It made me strong though…and I’m proud of myself because instead of flopping in a corner, pouring rum down my throat and being all hopeless. I grew 10ft tall, plonked on a sassy suit of armour (or maybe one of those ‘clunky’ ones..) and with a warm, positive flair of ‘gusto..’ I fought! I went for it! (I’m still going through that situation now…and I’m trying my best to ‘soldier’ on through it, until the door finally slams SHUT & it’s all finally over!)
(Again! Thank you from the bottom of my heart to everyone who has helped, supported and been there, for the babies & Ithrough it all.)
I’m stressed about it, but certainly feeling less sorry for myself now and instead coming up with results and solutions…all powered by passion.
Away from all that, on the whole I’m‘gosh, darn it’ all good. So are the babies! They’re exploding with giddiness every 4.3 seconds and that’s just the way I like it!
Ruby: ‘This really feels like the best time EVER!!! I love yooou soooo much.’
They got phones for Christmas…and each night, whilst their laid in their beds, they text each other,
‘Goodnight! I love you.’
It’s cute! I’m happy they’re so close.
I (on the other hand) definitely think I’m a stone heavier, due to ‘eating all of Christmas’ and ‘drinking Britain’s entire lands of wine..’Let’s put it this way…if you’ve lost something…I’ve ‘et it!!
(Every year I set up the worlds most giant Wunna Land snack table…It gets bigger every year…I don’t even know why? I’m even gonna put it out when I’m 80 and alone, for banter.
Anyway…I eat it ALL, the entire ‘table’…like a Christmas Eating Slobber Monster…THEN I moan that I’m fat, until around the end of January.
It’s a game I like to play with myself. Until I realise it’s actually real, not at all a game & I really do need to go on an emergency diet. The ‘emergency diet’ then goes on & on & on, until the following Christmas..So as you can see. I’m shit. 🙂 )
Yet who cares…Anytime, you find yourself fitting in the ACTUAL time to perv on Marlon Brando in ‘Guys & Dolls, (he’s so sexy in it,) whilst finding your little ones crying with laughter, at the fact that you’ve successfully achieved an outstanding performance of the ‘Macarena,’ ….on a time limit…with jingling bells, on your ‘Jingle bum…’ ( don’t mess with me and my moves….) you know life is wonderful!
And it really is!
‘Guys & Dolls’ (My fave musical.)
‘When you see a guy, reach for stars in the sky, you can bet that he’s doing it for some doll.’
The children’s Christmas game ‘Jingle Bum’…Don’t know who invented it? But they definitely drank pina colada’s when they did…and they certainly can’t possibly have children, because surely no parent wants to be stood up ‘twerking’ on Christmas morning, non stop…and with bells strapped to their bum?
I mean cut me some slack! I’m trying to win a BAFTA here, not put be dodgy back out.
Emotionally & mentally I’m in a really good place. I’m in the best place I’ve ever been. I feel strong…and as some of you may know…I’ve LIVED some kinda life. My head, eyes and heart have felt and witnessed so incredibly much…that I can’t believe ‘all that’ (both good & bad) has happened to me?? I cannot BELIEVE it!?!
I’m literally puzzled. I keep having thousands of different ‘flash backs’ of when I was a young ‘20 something’ in LA. I loved my time there…but GOSH I learnt so many things about myself & the world the hard way during those years…Now I’m old, all the good bits and bad bits are all in ‘flash back’ moments. They whizz back into my head…at 2am, when my UK eyes wake by accident. I just cannot believe all that has happened to me…I’ll tell you about it all as time goes by…
So whilst I’ve finally managed to have a tinker of a rest FROM work, to refuel, reflect and recharge, with family….I’ll apologise now and tell you that REST & good times is the reason why there has been a distinct lack of ‘Dear Diary…’
Sometimes you’ve just got to ‘chill it’ for a second and enjoy! I needed peace away from frolics and excitement. I’ve loved living in my pyjamas, not knowing what day it was and mulling around with cups of tea, whilst building ever bloody child’s toy in all the land!
I don’t believe in marriage anymore, but if I ever needed a husband…it would certainly BE, to build every child’s toy in all of the land and carry all the heavy things, when my arms don’t work. I swear never want to build another police bike, Ghostbusters car or screw-drive batteries into a baby doll’s bum (sober) ever AGAIN!
Annnnyway, before I tell you about all the magical ‘tings’ I managed to be a part of JUST before I ‘signed off’ for Christmas… I filmed a movie called ‘Extra’ and a film just before that in Manchester. ( Infact, there’s so much to tell you. It’s all coming in the next blog…) But until then, here’s a delightful little catch up…
I’ve had a birthday. I’m now 39. I don’t feel as bad as I thought I would, about turning 39. It’s odd. But okay? Haha. I had part of my birthday on set whilst filming the movie ‘Extra’ by Sean Martin and it was kinda ace because even though I was dressed as a prostitute (lol) and sat in a Mercedes..alone… listening to a Beatles Megamix. (It was ‘Obla Di- Obla- Da.’) It was cool. I felt at peace with the world! It was hilarious.
They all sang happy birthday to me…which is the sweetest thing ever! And I even got choccies and wine! (Which is always a BONUS!!) I had morning birthday surprises from My mum and babies and my soul and I spent my birthday evening celebrating & turning ‘old’ under the night time stars of Leeds. The city of dreams!!!
Ruby, Junior and I have pretty much lunched, hotel night’d and visited every Christmassy & non Christmassy place on Earth! The rest of the time we’ve been in a bubble of glittery hibernation & joy! I guess our favourite thing IS to just DO LIFE with one another…I haven’t posted much simply because this has Christmas meant so much to us…because of everything we’re going through, which (like I said) began this Summer. It’s a really important time for my son. (Bless his heart.)
Yet, the most wonderful thing that we ALL did was on Christmas Eve, when the children had decided that they wanted to spend it walking through the streets of Leeds & Doncaster handing out wrapped Christmas gifts, warms clothes, food, drinks and cards to the homeless. I have so much to tell you about that day also! It was just so beautiful! I’m so incredibly proud of how thoughtful, loving and non judgmental Ru & Ju are growing up to be!
And again thank you to the BBC, BBC Radio, Capital FM, Shelter & all the press that covered their little story to support them and rally behind their cause! It really did help!
I mean it built so much awareness that the kids were on the street at one point, news had somehow flown THROUGH the streets, that we were out & about with gifts and a flurry of homeless people & families had crowded around and found us for help…It was sort of eye opening and phenomenal all at the same time. It was a pleasure to help so many people in need…IN PERSON!!
Plus, I’m not gonna lie, the kids loved walking into a shop and seeing themselves in the paper and hearing themselves on the radio…
So for me, it made everyone MORE than happy. It was a ‘win-win’ of love all around!
It’s the last Monday of the decade folks! So make the most of it!
All my love!