‘Things Not To Say To…

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The amazing thing about life, is that in a second you can sort of ‘blink’ and find yourself in a completely different place, a completely different world, a completely different position, or a completely different chapter. It’s at the point, (after you’ve *blinked* and looked around) that you’re kinda expected to just ‘get on with it.’

Some of us will choose to panic and fill our hearts with fear, as we place on a party hat, that reads nothing but ‘PITY.’ Some will just ride the wave of ‘the unknown,’ keeping everything crossed, as they tinker through a ‘haze.’ Some will lose the plot. Y’know, just go bonkers. Haha.  Others will fight, stand tall and come up with a solution or a method of life survival.

Which one are you? You can be more than one?

But that’s not the point, i’ve *blinked* loads, all over the world and found myself in a ZILLION different positions, chapters, places or situations. Some so wonderful, that I couldn’t even believe my luck. Some so terrifying…that I couldn’t even believe I was stupid enough to sacrifice myself THAT MUCH. Y’know, get myself into that much trouble.

My *blinks* have been extreme.

I’ve *blinked* and found myself walking a red carpet in LA, at a movie premiere. I’ve *blinked* and found myself walking into my home, as a bundle of half dressed, drunk drag queens cried and guzzled cocktails on my West Hollywood sofa… in pyjamas. I’ve *blinked* and found myself at an audition for a million popular tv shows. I’ve *blinked* and found myself waking up next to a stranger, who I didn’t really know, or even really like that much. I’ve *blinked* and found myself giving birth twice. (The first time I had a camera in my face. The second time happened so quickly, I almost seemed like a ‘rush.’) I’ve *blinked* and found myself playing phone roulette, on an orange, office swizzle chair.

I’ve *blinked* and found myself waking up, on my own, in a dark hotel room. That’s happened many times, across the world, over and over again. I’ve *blinked* and found myself crowded by people, as I strut onto a stage, to an applauding audience, whilst accepting some award, for some achievement. I’ve *blinked*and found myself on a blind date, at the ‘First Dates’ restaurant, as millions of people watched on. I’ve *blinked* and found myself serving coffee’s to the locals, in a blue shirt, with a smile. I’ve *blinked* and found myself shooting for Playboy, in NO shirt (haha,) but STILL with the same old smile. I’ve *blinked* and read good things about me. I’ve *blinked* and read bad things about me. I’ve *blinked* and found myself at my OWN wedding THREE different times. Lol. (Infact no…FOUR. I married the first guy twice. We had two ceremonies, because we had secretly got married before our BIG wedding, yet didn’t want to tell anyone.)

I’ve *blinked* and found myself in a ‘tu tu’ as a ballerina on a UK stage. I’ve *blinked* and found myself in a US jail cell, with 14 other women, in blue.

I’ve *blinked* and found myself the happiest I could ever be! So happy, that I happy danced and squealed, as I jumped up and down in my bedroom with excitement.

 I’ve *blinked* and found myself…homeless….in New York…Times Square.

A couple months ago I travelled down to London, to film a little something for the BBC. The day before I had actually been in Surrey, to see ‘DBear.’ I travelled home (back up north) late that day to make sure I managed to see Ruby & Junior and tuck them into bed, with love and laughter. But then after a couple hours sleep, I was up and changed and on a train back to London, to film a little piece about homelessness.

I met some of the most wonderful guys and had the most wonderful cheeky life conversations with them in the ‘green room’ before it was my turn to film. A young guy, filled with ambition, who loved horses, idolised his father, loved Guinness and wanted to own a funeral parlour one day. Another guy, who was my actual filming partner who once had everything, then… lost everything. He also once got arrested for destroying a cardboard box and was kind enough to walk me, all the way to my train, to make sure I was safe.

We were three EXTREMELY different people, waiting to film…(Some were in the studio filming, whilst we chatted.) We were three extremely different people, from three really different walks of life.

We had one thing in common…

..and that was…the simple fact, that at some point in our life….we had ALL been homeless.

The funny thing about it, is that NOT ONE OF US, actually felt sorry for ourselves. There’s wasn’t a single soul there, who whopped out the old ‘violin’ and started milking a story of torture. Lol. Infact,  there was a warm giggle of laughter to the air. So much laughter, the producer kept having to come out and tell us to ‘SSShhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.’

 It was almost like we had a funny story to tell, of a really hard time. It was so hard, that we managed to find the humour in it all. (I call that strength.)

There was a difference though…because I guess luck had given me a *wink* and shined its magical stars upon me…I had a different kind of destiny. One that put me here… to THIS *blink*, where i’m now sitting in the lap of ‘self made’ luxury…yet still hoping to inspire.

The guys had MORE strength, because some of them, were STILL ACTUALLY HOMELESS. (I know Paul, the guy I filmed with CERTAINLY was.)

It was the greatest time. We shared so many stories. There was just so much light and happiness in the room, because we all just ‘got it.’ We all just understood one another.

So i’d like to say, how grateful I was to firstly join the ‘Things Not To Say To..’ team. The crew and production were phenomenal. (If I can do anything it’s banter! I’m much more than a Pepperami stick with eyelashes and tits. They got that! Thank you. 😉 ) Secondly, I made some great friends. I’m so happy I met them. I have all the time in the world for these guys. What beautiful souls. They had the funniest tales. It was just the best time. (And Paul, you are HILARIOUS!!!! Who thought we’d have the same sense of humour!) THIRDLY, I love to break down JUDGEMENTS, don’t I! But I like to do it a light hearted, comedic way. I’m not a sob story…I’m not an aggressive person. I’m a cheeky, northern, exotic looking… DIVA. (Goldilocks had three bears. I had three gins.)

Here’s a little PEEK, of some ‘THINGS NOT TO SAY TO THE HOMELESS…’

(Hit ‘Play.’ I think we’re currently on around 22,000 views. If it hits 100,000 views, I’ll do some kind of sexy forfeit on Insta.)

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