Text From Your Ex Boy

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I shocked myself up this morning, after the craziest dream. A dream that was filled, with almost every single ex or sexy fumble, that I could’ve ever encountered. Yet, they were all being lovely and in love with me, but showing up at my door? Then I picked one, who was being the opposite to how he has been of recent…and he decided to love me forever.

Why am I tapped? Who dreams shit like that!!

Then there was a knock at my door!

*Tap.Tap.Tap.*

I looked out the window and Keiran’s van (Junior’s Dad) had just pulled up outside. I’m half naked, so I have to throw together, the most random outfit, put on sunglasses and leg it to the door.

Ruby’s shouting..

‘Junior’s back already??’

I swing open the door. Keiran smiled with his eyes. Junior leapt into my arms, with glee and I just swung the door shut, with my sunglasses on, as Keiran laughed at my ‘just got uppidness.’ and walked away.

No words were even exchanged. Lol

Yet, it was hilarious. The moment was filled with warmth and humour.

Then I got a text from an ex…

‘I miss you.’

Hit play…

Why do exes always miss me? Why didn’t you just love me when you had me? Lol. It’s not that wacky a concept, is it?? This means that I must be the kinda girl that eventually grows on a guy..Y’know, when they’ve got over JUST thinking with their willies.

Always! Always! It’ll be months after..and then they’ll have a rethink, after it didn’t quite work out with some other chick, or they think they’ve made a mistake…Then they come to rekindle.

But it kinda makes me feel good, because it makes me feel empowered. Like I’m a treasure of a chicadee…

I’m not really a rekindler…

UNLESS..

They do it correctly.

I’m looking for a fun, emotionally stable, reliable…not a lost douche, who either thinks i hate men, i’m evil or …you get the picture. lol.

In fact, the other night, a guy kept saying that he felt weirdly starstruck, didn’t know what to say to me, had once read a blog and knew that I hated men??

Me: ‘I really don’t hate men. I love men. In fact if I was honest, if it wasn’t for men… I wouldn’t have built an entire career.’

I definitely feel like I WANT to be loved and adored right now. (Maybe, even a little pampered. 😉 ) Y’know, be someones ‘special chica.’

Yet, that will come, when it comes…I’m lucky enough, to have a pretty good life anyhow. A life that’s filled with love, regardless. I’m a picky girl and this time, I want to get it right. I want to make someone happy, but BE happy at the same time.

But I expect to couple again…

Right now, being single feels good, because i’m not having to sacrifice anything. It’s one less problem. I feel free. Yet, don’t ever get it twisted and think that I don’t like men. I just want to pick well…and I know that a pretty good, love life, is in the stars for me.

I can feel it in my little Burmese bones.

(Always trust your guy instinct. Nothing is more powerful)

Do I fancy someone right now?

Yes.

I’ll say my mind is on someone…Yet not much, in fact, nothing is happening.

It’s kinda making me feel a little deluded. Lol. Yet, wishes come true every single second, on this Earth ball and with all the luck on my side…

I reckon i’m gonna be alright.

I’m about to step into a really exciting time work wise and I’m really happy to have you come with me.

Every single moment, I truly appreciate you clicking on this blog. It’s only the story of my life in diary form..Yet ife is the only thing we have. Your job doesn’t matter. Your car doesn’t matter. Your outfit, house or really shitty girlfriend doesn’t matter. Without the ability to wake up every single morning…YOU HAVE NOTHING.

Please do treasure your existence. This is just MY story. But I LOVE YOUR story…and doing my LIFE, has taught me a lot about people and their own ‘bits and pieces.’ I’m never one to shun, disregard, or be unkind to anyone…I kinda just understand shit. I guess, that’s why I hate it when people refuse to understand, judge or take advantage of me.

I’d never do that. I’d never dream of doing that to someone.

(However, saying that..the 20 something version of me, in Hollywood, would’ve been JUST THAT. I certainly did that to others and learnt karma the hard way. Yet at 37 and a hell of a lot more successful and grown…I would never DREAM of treating anyone, with disregard, disrespect…or malice…unless, ofcourse…they deserved it. 😉 ) 

Chick friend: ‘Wunna’s a really good person..and it’s something people forget, because they so caught up in an image and a set of tits.’

I send you all my love.

Bless ya!

Chrissie x

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ps/ I’m getting loads of messages about the @RubyandJunior instagram thing..and I’m gonna be addressing that tomorrow. I’ll tells you, what went down.

 

Babies, Soul Mates & Welcomes into Wunna Land

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Lots has been going on! I’ve kinda plummeted into a super busy time and Wunna Land has now picked up speed. I’m sorry there hasn’t been a blog daily, yet hopefully you’re all following my ‘socials,’ which kinda takes the pressure off a little. Lol.

I’m almost back on your telly. I’ve started all my PR shenanigans. I’m influencing like the crackers (which I’m actually really grateful for.) I’m currently filming ‘Welcome To Wunna Land’ which is my new IG series, my new IG show and I’m actually really looking forward to having you truly peek into my world.

IT’S INSANE.

But yes, It’s not as easy as everyone thinks. It’s actually quite a bonanza, as I juggle my career, my business, life as a single mum, film new shows, shoot in bikinis, audition with everything crossed, try to handle a social life, maybe handle a love life and let previously filmed shows air…

ALL AT THE SAME TIME.

The babies, Ruby & Junior, are now (after being offered bits of opportunity) are now ALSO filming through Summer and also at the very beginning of their ‘influencey’ careers. (I’m really proud of them,) so in TRUE Wunna Land style, PLEASE DO, take a moment to show them some love and FOLLOW their instagram page..

@RubyandJunior

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@RubyandJunior

I’m feeling a new chapter. I can feel it in my bones. Luckily, i’m great at new chapters, so I’m filled with utter excitement.

I will say that I’m getting hit on left, right, centre and inbetween…and from every angle, that an boy may come from. I’m flattered. Yet, not that easy a pull. Plus, I think everyone ‘chats me up’ in the wrong manner. You have to know me really well, to know what will make my loins tingle, or my heart strings tuggalug. Lol.

It’s kinda been same lines, different faces…

I’m kinda pretty schooled, when it comes to the dealing with the advances of gentlemen. So it internally makes me giggle, as I watch them struggle their way through the process. 😉 I’ll always be lovely. I’m that way inclined. Yet, I have heard every single line, and witnessed every single approach ever. You’ll know if I fancy you, because I WILL just flipping tell you. Lol.

It’s as simple as that.

The best way to approach me, is by being forward…If you ‘dance’ around me i’ll just get bored or merrily zone out.

Plus, I look for a man who isn’t afraid to move forward, because it shows emotional security and confidence and fucking hell, he’s gonna need it.

Let’s just say there’s been a lot of ‘dancers’ (and i’m not used to that, as growing up in LA, the boys just went for what they wanted) and when you ‘dance,’ it makes me think you’re a wee bit afraid (which is fine, I get scared too and it’s shit.) But worst of all, it may make me think you’ve already judged me. (Oooh!)

ME NO LIKEY. I don’t like that at all.

The GREAT thing is that i’ve managed to hang out with my bestie ‘Firmonnell.’ That girl is my soul mate. I nearly died and cried, when I saw her, because she just means so much to me. She is the ONLY PERSON that I tell EVERYTHING TOO…without censor. (And there’s always the truth and then there’s the REAL truth, isn’t there. lol)  No bullshit, no drama, just truths and so much love. We will never ever judge each other, along any part of the way…and when living in my current world, she is exactly what I need.

I love you.

(So, if you are wanting to grill me, and i’m fine with that, most of the time….JUST kidnap her instead, as she probably knows more about me, than I even know myself. Lol) 

She’s going to be my Giuseppe…one day.

(You don’t get that. But we do, so it’s dandy. 😉 )

I literally got THE BEST snapchat messages from Firmonnell, Hustle Barbie, Double B and Jonesez last night….and it made me die with glee.

I think Hustle sat in a bin and Jonsez got his nipple out? Double B looked hoochie by a BBQ.

MY FAVES

I LOVE YOU.

A great deal of drinks have been consumed. (I’m a good time girl and I enjoy spending my free time with friends…over drinks.) Yet, when i’m on my influencing and filming travels, it’s great because I am handed a nutritionist, a therapist (incase I go mental) and a dude who shoves people out the way, if need be. Lol. I always wanted a Sumo Wrestler security…Yet, no such luck. One day when I’m riding a better list…I’ll have one.

I fucking will!

There’s been lost of noise, lots of secrets, lots of laughter and an evening in a graffiti park at 3 o clock in the morning.

I’ve kinda felt alive and that’s all life is about.

I don’t stress the small shit. I ignore them and conquer the big shit with grace, privately.

Today, I feel like i have the best life on the planet. I feel like i’m living and feeling… I feel like I’ve met some really great people over the Summer, and those people I hope to treasure over the years.

I guess everyone crosses paths with someone for a reason…

When you find that reason…You actually BLOOM. It’s about figuring it out…

Anyway, i’ve godda dash. But I love you all madly. Thank you so much for following my life. It genuinely means so much to me.

Everyone’s asking me about my love life….I receive messages about it daily, almost every single minute of every day.  Lol. I will tell you that I’m a happy singleton, looking for love. The real kind. The truest kind. A proper little Hero.

TBONE: ‘She’s the kinda girl, you meet and you never ever forget. You really do try to at times. Yet, you kinda find yourself right back there, without realizing..and I guess it’s that impact, that makes her so magical. It’s an impact that she doesn’t even know she has.’ 

Pretty nice thing to say about me right?

Love you all lots.

Chrissie x

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Boobie Pops, Adventures & Moderately Cunning Plans

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Life is to be LIVED, because you’re a LONG TIME dead and you hear people frisbee out the term ‘YOLO’ like Tequila in a Mexican brothel. Yet, after everything i’ve learnt, in my time so far, armed with my little bit of diary… I know that it is never ever the result that gives you complete happiness and that the journey and the memories you make, are the things that will actually make you BEAM….when you’re 82.

(The ‘Bush Story,‘ when I’m 82, will always be funny. It’ll always be hot, because it’ll always be alive. The ‘Cum Stain’ story in LA, which no one EVER let’s me forget..Haha…..at 82, will STILL be as tragic, yet even more hilarious.)

Don’t be afraid of adventure. Don’t be afraid to have a story. Don’t be afraid of anything.

It’s important that you embrace your story. Stop being dull. Go for the ‘adventures’ that life hands you over. The fun bits that just fill you with excitement and make your eyes smile. You may not be that lucky again and I’ll always say, that even though my life has been oddly ‘colourful.’ It took me away from Yorkshire and glittered me, all over the world.

I mean, SO MUCH has happened to me, that I only WISH you could peek into my head, or be a fly on the wall, during some of the most sketchiest moments EVER.

I’m not sure how I survived them. But  came out unscathed because I chose to be happy.

Yeah I’ve had my heart broken in numerous countries. Yet at the same time, I’ve fallen in love and laughed out loud, MORE TIMES, than any glamour puss, could ever wish for.

I’ve been really lucky, because I feel like i’ve done a lot and my soul is alive.

Be alive.

I managed to be exactly where I wanted to be, through hard work, charm, determination and my fingers crossed.

YOU ARE exactly where you’re meant to be, in life right now!

So if you’re happy? If you’re sad? If you’re tall… broken….successful…or stuck in a rut?  You’re MEANT to be there, right now. It’s for some random reason and you’ll definitely learnt why shortly. I’ve done it all before. Once all the elements of your life have been put into place….Just around the corner, I promise you, is ‘magic.’

I cannot even tell you how true that is!

I literally once had my giant leopard print luggage and an engagement ring THROWN out of a car, with me a following and a ‘Don’t come back sign‘ firmly in place…(lol) I was in my 20’s. I walked around the corner…with my luggage on wheels in tow..and a car pulled up to the curb.

I DID KNOW this person really well. He wasn’t a stranger. We were in LA. All he said was,

‘Jump in Lil’ Bit.’

It was like he knew where I was going to be, or what was going to happen? And when I did jump in…my life changed for the ABSOLUTE BETTER and FAST!! In fact was almost unbelievable.

So please do LIVE.

(Wait. My phones fucking pinging. One sec…)

Ugh. How annoying. It’s a guy I used to date DECADES ago, when I was 18, and he’s trying to tell me off for referring to him as ‘random.’ (Lol.)  Well, this is what he’s saying, because he’s now trying to re date me, which isn’t going to happen.

(It’s funny how when you’ve maybe done alright for yourself and you’ve grown up and got yourself a bit more pocket money, a little dab of tiny fame, a career that seems quite dazzling and you still look somewhat attractive…It’s funny how the exes that didn’t want to be with you, come running back as fast as they can. Yet, I guess, that’s what I like about me. The more powerful I feel, the better! Mwahahah!) 

Anyway, he’s saying this…

Guy: ‘Random! Who the fuck is RANDOM. We were together for FIVE years!’

It was ages ago. I don’t count that as a relationship because I was never in love at that point. I thought I was. I was a kid. I didn’t know what love was…I was sort of just going through the motions. Until I met the next guy, who was Mike, the actor…WHO I MARRIED. Fair enough, we’re divorced now. But, he was my first love and obviously… even now…there are times where I think about him because it was SUCH a chapter of my life. It’s when everything changed and success came. He was a guy who showed me how women should be treated….

But it was JUST a chapter…and like all good tales, the beat just goes on…

If that Chapter didn’t end….this whole ‘Chrissie Wunna’ thing would never EVER have happened. I would’ve been stuck doing the same old shit, with the same old people, with the same old life, for the same old years….

So I get it…

But a few years with the first boy and six years with Mike….(only 2 of those years were public and we WERE dating other people at the time, so we sort of kept something going, behind almost everyone’s back. Which I guess was bad. But ‘Yolo’ we couldn’t help it. So, if I added those two relationships up, it’d come to around 9 years…To me that doesn’t seem THAT LONG, when I hopefully have decades of life left to live.

So, I don’t know why the guy I dated when I was 18, in Yorkshire, is coming forward?

So much more has happened to me since then….

I was never scared to do anything, and I may have hurt people along the way or been hurt. But I’m still never afraid to enjoy anything, should I say. I have stories that will last a lifetime.

You’ve got one good shot at having the most fun, you could ever have and I hope to GOD, that you embrace that.

Right now, I’m having a REALLY different Summer, to any Summer I’ve ever had. I’ve felt really normal. I’m not sure how much I like that? Haha. But I’m having so much fun and hope the rest of 2018 delivers appropriately.

Last night was filled with laughter. It was a really great night and became with chills with Ian and Claire, by a dog named Frank.

Music came on…and it all turned wild.

I can’t even really tell you what happened, because not much did other than lots of ‘high fiving’ and good times? Why were we ‘high fiving’ so much? I hate ‘High fiving.’ Lol.

Dancing occurred. Singing at the top of voices echoed through. Drunk hugs and secret conversations littered the table.

Golfer Jonny taught me how to ‘Boobie Pop.’

WHO KNEW i COULD DO THAT!!!! I’M SO TALENTED! 🙂

Everyone stopped me to make sure I was okay? Lol. (I also appreciate all the messages I received. I cry once, blog about it and hundreds of people shimmie into my inbox with love. 🙂 Thank you, for that. You’re all kind. Much love in return.)

Then as always a PLAN was hatched.

My arm got pulled to one side for whispers.

KatyP: ‘Right…we’re going to try and make ************** happen.’

Me: ‘Really?’

KatyP: ‘Golfer Jonny is in charge of buying the next drink. You’re in charge of distracting Antony.’

(Antony’s foot, was the foot that was in my face when I woke up on Tuesday morning, after being the ‘little spoon’ to a piece of  lost gingerbread.)

Me: ‘I’m in charge of distracting you.’

Ant: ‘Well that’s not so bad for me, is it? Free drinks and you hanging out with me all night. Haha.’

He’s easily distracted and I enjoy those that just go with a plan. Things that are to hard to accomplish bore me.

Long story short, everyone (as always) got roped into the plan. Yet it all worked swimmingly, as I watched someone be lovingly *walked* out a pub, by the wrist…

‘I’m a little nervous..’

With a..

‘What? Everyone knows anyway!’

And that was the end of the night.

It was hot. I loved it. It was Girl Power at it’s finest. It was LIVING. It WAS life and more importantly didn’t involve ME, which meant it was ALL utter bliss.

I managed to STAY OUT OF TROUBLE…all the way home!! 

(Eww! But I saw Awful Ben at the pub last night, who I used to date years ago. I just hate him and we were stood at the bar at the same time, so I just did that really grown up thing that I do and IGNORED HIM. Lol)

All my chick friends: ‘I don’t know what you were thinking when you dated him!’

I guess, it’s part of the story. What a douche!

Anyway…

All i’m gonna say is that, whenever you wake up to a Whatsapp Group message that reads…

‘Team check. You all alive and okay?’

(The Group is labelled ‘Team Beer.’)

You know a ‘good time‘ has been had!

‘Pray for ****’

Right! I’m done now. It’s officially Sunday Funday!

I have two shoots, babies and influency things all week, so i’m excited!

I’m back on your telly shortly…and that’s my 2018 ‘Out of Summer’ plot twist.

Hope you have yours…

Chrissie,

Thank you for following my life. Thank you for tinkering through my ‘socials.’

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Love, Weeps & Twerking Videos

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I flipping cried last night. URGH! I hate those girl moments, when you’re a fully grown adult, you’re a woman, a successful woman and your sat there chilling at 37, with a job title that once read ‘Sexual Fantasy,’ alone, at night, in bed…and you do a big old, 14 year old, ‘Princess Weep,’ because it’s the only time, that no one can see you.

UGH!

I am ‘Totes Emosh‘ right now and it is flipping AWFUL. It feels awful. Yet, if i’m going to pull a positive and let’s face it, that’s what I do best,  the thing that i’ve noticed about myself over the last couple weeks, is that EVEN AFTER, everything i’ve been through, over the years, I really STILL AM, a ‘love bunny.’

I don’t know how i’ve managed it. But I am.  I’m a hopeless romantic. I love, love. I love to give love. I love to FEEL loved. And when I have that, I feel alive.

YET…

When it comes to my love life, and because of a career path that I chose as a young girl, which accidentally went from strength, to strength, which handed me over a spritz of recognition…that made me a popular guy’s choice….my love life is never so easy.

All I would want in the entire world, is for my love life to just be simple.

(In fact, a really successful man that I know closely, once said that to me, because I guess, he had been through the same kinda shit. I remember him looking at me, and saying how great everything as between us, because everything felt so ‘easy.’)

Chick friend: ‘Only the strongest man alive, is going to be able to date you, Chrissie & you absolutely deserve the best!’

Things never get confused by the ‘love part,‘ of my love life. I love whole heartedly. I’d never ever pick a guy who didn’t know how to love or express…All that’s fine. Yet, it almost seems as though everyone around me, can just do that bit and with ease, because they have a different ‘walk of path,‘ or they don’t necessarily have an audience…they have less people peeking into what they’re doing….or…I dunno? (I don’t want that to come across as conceited. I just need a mind spew…So go with it. But it’s how I feel. So it’s MY truth.) 

I chose my path and I love my life. I’m very, very lucky and no one can take that away from me.

(FYI/ I learnt another lesson. I get what ‘T’ meant now, by the fine art of ‘keeping things shushy.’ I get it. Haha. I finally get it.)

But gosh, my last couple days has just been filled with swirl of…WELL, it started off as a magical swirl of whirlwind, an innocence, a trust…a lot of fun and straight after that whirlwind, came an Army and a storm… a ‘tug of war’ like mist.

And i’m actually really used to the above. It happens every time and pretty much, more often develops on a much larger scale…(So it less ‘city/town gossip’ & i’d say more ‘national’ gossip.)

This time for some reason… I’ve got all upset & because i’ve ‘felt’ haven’t I! Urgh! So it’s managed to confuse me and send me into a tizzy.

Then I cried….When I thought no one was watching.

Then my phone *pinged..*

And just like *magic* as I wasno face on’ weeping, naked, wrapped in my flamingo bed sheets, I open my phone & see a Snapchat video of ‘Hustle Barbie‘ Twerking saucily, from my chick bestie Firmonnell….

Hahah.

I’ve been waiting for round two of that video for months. She has a good ass. That was a good twerk.

Then I started to smile and realized how ace life is! Lol. And the great thing about Firmonnell, Hustle Barbie, Double B, Mel & Fairytale, is that there’s really not time for ‘Wunna Land‘ to be man down at all, EVER…and they can do the stupidest things, (ALWAYS NON DRAMA)…and just like that, i’ll be back BEAMING. 🙂

I mean both ‘Hustle’ and ‘Firmonnell‘ have had MASSIVE breakups this year. An ending of a partnership that went from being a 19 year old, to a 30 something year old. The other ended a five year commitment of togetherness, had to move out and start again…and they  sort of smashed it emotionally. They now couldn’t be happier.

That’s some good ass strength and bar bills Lol

(Well, they had a dodgy start. Hahaha. But they’re just made of them good old northern glitter bricks…They did ‘A Wunna,’ where you quit being a *plodded* and just start getting happy & enjoying life, because you’re a long time fucking dead.) 

I haven’t been through half of what they’ve been through this year. Only ace stuff has seemed to have happened to me. I’ve filmed a couple tv shows. My blog hits are blooming… Lol. So to think that i’d be having a duvet cry is almost ridiculous. I’m pathetic.

YIPPPEEE!

We’re great at being each other’s life soldiers.

‘Emilio’s going to show me how to cook, when he gets back from Italy.’

Me: ‘Who the fuck is Emilio? He sounds so hot! I want an Emilio to show me how to cook!’

So basically, after a couple days of stress, and letting it get the better of me, instead of rising above it. Then after having a big old weep, throwing a pity party…and then witnessing the greatest personalized Twerking video, in the world ever, that kinda just looked like sex, to make an Asian Glamour Puss smile…

I feel pretty empowered again.

You can’t keep a good kitten down.

I’m back! And nothing in this world, feels BETTER than WUNNA LAND, right now!

Chick: ‘It doesn’t matter what happens in between, because your world is always fine anyway.’

I’m the luckiest girl in the world.

I’m SO HAPPY, I finally got that Twerking video. Haha.

Chrissie,

Ps/ Thank you for following my life.

Please enjoy my socials.

 

 

Those Little Phone calls….

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And just when you think everything’s turning a bit shitty, ‘The Gods’ throw you a bone and just like that you’re back to normal and life goes straight back to magical.

I feel like the luckiest tinker in the world.

Last night, I was so stressed. I was SO stressed, that I was stressing myself out. I don’t like a pity party. I throw them. But I don’t like them. I look at ‘dwellers’ in a bizarrely weak light. I’m not harsh with them, because everyone is different. I simply leave them to it.

My friends will also tell you that I’m rubbish at sympathy when other’s are throwing a pity party , because no matter what they’re going through, I’ve either been through it myself at some point, a million times over and know that all ends up alright in the end…Well depending on the experience and strength of the human. And I can see someone’s strength in a second.

Yet, after a moment of feeling sorry for myself, I kinda just snapped out of it and realized how lucky I was.  Then I figured that being stressed, was a complete waste of my time, (nothing is worse than wasted time.) So I got over myself, got over the dramatics, and the words of Jaden Smith, I..

‘Looked at the case and closed it.’

My phone rang this morning (after I slept on life and let the world take a turn) and the other end of my line said,

Agent: ‘I read ya blog. I have news. Good news! So, let’s get you back working and excited.’

I’ve had a fun Summer. A Summer that I needed to have. I don’t know why I had to have it? Yet, i’m really glad I did, because I got to enjoy it normally and simply just LIVE. I might have felt a little lost through it in parts. Yet, I’m SO glad, that I got to feel all that I did. I’m the luckiest girl in the world.

But in one second straight, I grew ten feet tall and burst into confetti with excitement.

I’M BEAMING.

I guess, the good thing about my life, is it’s never EVER easy and because it’s hardly that easy, i’ve grown and developed super fast. On occasion it’s fueled by cocktails, yet once work kicks in (and i’ve been on down time due to slow scheduling, book writing and delays)...I become ALIVE again and I’m simply at my strongest, when a schedule is put into place and the schedule involves everything I love, everything I know, everything new and everything that makes me happy.

I’m at my happiest right now and when that happens, I radiate a *glow,* an energy.

KatyP: ‘Look at you. You look so happy now, to be getting out of your down time.’

She said it with a smirk, that made me beam, because it was a smirk where in which no words were needed.

Those moments are magical.

If anyone can embrace a new chapter or a bit of the old ‘showbiz,’ it’s me. I couldn’t be more excited to have everything go back to normal. (Well my version of normal anyhow.) By nature, I’m a ‘toughy’ aren’t I? Yet, everything now is suddenly back in place and I  can way *b’bye* to a rowdy, Peroni dripped Summer and just get on with Girl bossing it again. Well, just get on with my  version of LIFE again. When it comes to life, I kinda learn it along the way. I never matters how old or young you are? How much experience you’ve had…makes you grown.

It’s weird how a phone call can simply change everything.

I had an inbox this morning from the this guy I dated when I was 18. I actually left him for LA and married another human, so he would have no reason to really be lovely to be a few decades on.

He’s actually done well for himself. I always say that i’m like some kind of juicy mojo, as all the guys that I’ve dated (aside from the lazy ones) have ended up doing really well for themselves, off their own back. I’m gonna go with it’s because i’m inspirational. They wouldn’t. Lol. Yet, if not, at least I gave them a point to prove.

I ignored the message, because it’s what I always do and let’s face it, I don’t want to be with him, do I. 

Yet, he came at me with a..

‘You can come over to mine, the kids can play in the pool, whilst you tell me how shit your life is without me.’

I admire the confidence. Yet honey, my life isn’t too shabby. 😉 Lol.

I don’t really have that much more to say, other than….

Here we go…

Wunna Land, IS BACK.

You’re always one decision away from a new version of Life.

 

 

 

Drinks, Friendship, Sex & A Whole Lot of Love

So, a lot is happening right now emotionally & I’ve been stressed out because of it. Hence why there hasn’t been that many blogs over the last week. (I’ve read all your messages and yes the blogs are now a coming.) I’m now concentrating on work, as it’s the only thing that keeps me feeling powerful. So i’ve put away my fun gloves for a second and slipped into my girl boss stilettos.

I don’t like drama and I believe that drama is a brewing.

Tuesday morning I woke up with a foot in my face, after the best night ever of absolute impromptu fun. It was Antony’s foot, ( a friend of mine) and as I was the ‘little spoon’ to ‘Not so Ginger Brad,’ we all did ‘wake up,‘ on Katy P’s sofa.

Yet let me take you back a second…

Monday afternoon, after I lunched at Ego with my babies Ruby & Junior, we ended up at The Carleton, with friends, for afternoon drinks, as an ‘over the fence’ bonfire littered a beautiful ‘ash rain‘ over my ‘one Peroni down’ weave. (My favourite smell in the world is ‘bonfire,’ and I kinda actually enjoyed an ‘ash rainfall.’ There’s something about it, that’s sexy and I love everything’s that’s sexy, if it is delivered with the greatest beauty.)

Banter, fun and lots of love occurred. To the point where others joined the ‘good times,’ the babies had now been ventured home to bed, the girls had joined the boys and day had turned to night. (Which is also my favourite time of day.) 

I guess everyone in the world is going through something, right? Every single second of the day. It only makes us human, normal and alive.  Some of us take it better than other, some of us dwell on the muddle, then there’s the ones that *blank* it out.

And yeah, I’d say most people sat around our two tables, will have some kinda issue on their mind, right now. Yet, in that moment on Monday night, everyone just wanted to relax, have fun and find themselves an ‘escape.’

We all have a story. We all patter different walks. Yet, Monday was simply ours.

Everyone needs a blow out. A moment where you are entitled to feel free.

My table was filled with a Jordan, Tyler, Ginger Brad, Antony, KatyP, Hairdresser Claire, Canadian Lindsay, Daniella, Oli, Will, Ashleigh and J.D (who I noticed didn’t drink at all, all night?)

It began to rain, so we all clumbered under the shelter, under the stars and talked life, love and the world that we live around us. Nothing makes moments more magical, y’know.. when you’re sat with good friends, or new company, over a tipple, in Yorkshire, as the rain falls down around you. (IT IS shit, if you’re in the rain, yet when you’re sheltered, life ain’t so bad.)

The night *Zoomed* by because we were having accidental fun. I had a red wine and it didn’t even act as ‘truth serum’ which means i’ve evolved and just become ballsy anyhow.

Now, I don’t know what happened, but we tottered inside and we’re all buying drinks, each other drinks, getting to know each other better, creating new fun with old friends…then it all went tits up…and booze kicked in. Everything must have whizzed by us, as we all went from ‘zero‘ to ‘hero’ pretty fast.

Ginger Brad and I were actually meant to go on a date, but we opted for drinks with friends instead. (We’ve been on loads of little dates anyway, so it was fine.) But, I always do this thing where dinner has finished, yet I still want to drink forever. I never can because it’s already been last orders and let me tell you, nothing could be worse. I’m heartbroken, by this point. I love fun and I want it to last forever.

Long story short, people had paired off to have conversations. Yet the drunk kind, where nothing is ever really solved. It lead to people falling in love, strong words, impromptu lash outs, sibling fights, punching walls and accidental madness.

KatyP: ‘Right i’ve organized a getaway car, I need you to get everyone in it and be driven straight to mine.’

And just on cue, I did. Well, I got Brad, Antony and Tyler into a car, because fuck it, I’m not great at herding sheep. Saying that, it went pretty smoothly and with a blink and with  freshly bought ‘petrol station’ booze, we found ourselves at KatyP’s.

We all got comfy, more people arrived and we just chilled with drinks and sang Disney Classics, after a bunch of Carpool Karaoke episodes. It was a good time, because it couldn’t be more chilled.

Then shit went down. Lol..

But only after Antony had bounced up out of nowhere and performed the most miraculous ‘Fresh Prince of Bel Air’ Carlton dance in the world ever. It was so good, it should’ve gone viral.

Then there were tears…after Ed Sheeran songs.

*Rolls Eyes.*

KatyP: ‘Chrissie. Just stay in here, with Lindsay and whilst I go in there and sort all this shit out.’ 

And just like that…

The next 20 mins, was crazy.

CRAZY!

I mean, you haven’t actually had a good night, if someone hasn’t punched a wall, cried, got mad and bollocked someone, and sang bits of the Lion King. Kate’s a good friend because when she feels that i’m not being treated well enough (lol) she will GO TO TOWN on the human, who has DARED to fuck with Wunna Land. Haha.

I love her for it.

I was listening into the fight, as Canadian Lindsay found a fascinator and was more concerned about wearing it, than my actual love life. Lol.

Linz: ‘Why do you guys, not do everything in a fascinator??’

(She’s worn it ever since. She’s eaten Domino’s in it and all kinds of shit.)

Me: ‘Can you care about my love life please! Cheers!’

Then I decided to do the ‘walk in,’ as it had all turned pally and chipper by this point…I was summoned forward for a ‘talk.’ Talks are not my favourite. They scare me. Yet, I didn’t mind this talk. The talk wasn’t so bad?

Anyway…

Talking lead to mini arguing, which led to staircase sex, with led to ‘little spoon/big spoon’ sex, which led to me waking up with a foot in my face.

It was actually a really good time….I actually felt really good.I felt great. Everything seemed all dandy.

Now (since then)… i’ve heard lots of versions, of lots of things…and I’m not one for versions…I just like truths. Quiet truths.

And technically, we’re not kinda not properly talking right now, because of ‘doo dahs’ and ‘dill dums.’

Me: ‘Are you okay? What’s up?’

Guy: ‘Not really, nah.’

One of the most important things to me ALWAYS, is someones true expressions. How they really feel! Be it good. Or bad. And I like to hear expressions from the horses mouth, because no one can really ask or answer questions for people, other than the two ‘parties’ involved, right? I like to know how people feel, because it’s only when people communicate honestly, that some kind of result is made.

I also agree, that everyone’s entitled to their own opinion…because we have a voice to use freely …I use mine and it’s great.

Yet, if i’m just getting a ‘not really, nah,‘ and nothing else….Then that to me isn’t expressive, it’s dismissive…

I’m not sure how this has turned into a conundrum? Yet, it sure as hell has…

 

 

 

 

 

 

Date Nights, Bush Fumbles & When Things Get Sexy

How are you? So much is happening. My chick friend ‘Hustle Barbie’ is back from Bali, where she managed to find ‘total enlightenment,’ and have her vagina blessed, after a series of shit dates and a break up with her longterm Mister.. ‘Buff Alex.’

Me: ‘I want my Vagina blessed.’

‘Yours should get cut off and sent to sea. Lol’

‘Firmonnell’ routed her way to the Doctors office, to merry herself a brand new arse hole. Yes! She’s got a new bum hole. It’s all shiny and delightful. (Not that i’ve seen it. But I can imagine that it glistens.)

Me: ‘I want a new arse hole!’

Firmonnell: ‘How did your date go? Hopefully he realised how shallow you are, and he’s rolling like Jay Z, and as vain as a Kardashian? Anyway, I’ve godda go to the Doctors for a bum operation.’

AND on Thursday evening, I went on my first ever DATE, in a LONG LOOOONG TIME, with the guy that I kissed in a bush! Lol. Well, we more than kissed. We let passion get the better of us and just went with feeling each other up…in this bush. But I couldn’t help it? He just kept turning me on. We kept turning each other on….and when you only live once, you might as well go for it.

Me: ‘What! It was YOUR idea!!’

Date: ‘Yeah, but I didn’t think you’d actually do it..’

Dudes are wanting to pat him on the back, like he’s some kinda studly muffin. Golfer Jonny suggested a plaque..by the bush, in memory and celebration of. It’s turned into a THING…and well…as least we made bush fumbles…COOL.

BUT, he asked me out to dinner…Thursday we went.

I never seem to go on dates, even though I love them. I never really seem to fancy anyone enough, to tinker my way, on a date. The last time I was on one, was more ‘chill time’ and ‘sex,’ and that was probably around Easter last year. I don’t know why I said ‘Probably,’ it WAS Easter, last year. (Yet, that was a good time, because I guess both of us had lived moments in the limelight, so just chilling behind closed doors, was our favourite kinda thing.)

Wait! NO! My last date wasn’t even EASTER! That’s a lie.

The last time I went on a date, was in August of last year…and I can’t really tell you anything about that just yet. You’ll actually get to know all about it soon. In fact, you’ll even be able to watch what went down, on your telly. It was all so surreal. Yet, it was the best experience ever and like I said to the guy, (he messaged me yesterday, with this bizarre ‘out of nowhere’ penis excitement? Then sent me a photo of his ‘hard on’ in a pair of jeans?) I laughed it off and well, I guess he remembers me fondly or isn’t getting his end away. The only stupid thing about his ‘hard on’ pic  is that he’s not even single. After sending me all those messages AND his penis pic, he then proceeded to post happy ‘weekend away‘ snaps of him and his girlfriend… in Brighton.

Why do guys do that? If you’re not happy, don’t bother being in something, that doesn’t make you glow!

SOMETIMES THE ‘NOT SO SINGLE MANS’ DREAM. I DON’T LIKE IT, BECAUSE IT’S NEVER FAIR ON ANYONE. They’ll have a girlfriend, but still take a shot at the ‘Glamour puss’ regardless, so to speak. 

Anyway, back to my date. 7.30pm. I’m at Ego. (I was there anyway, earlier for drinks, so he asked if I fancied some ‘scran.’)  We really wanted some time alone together, where we could go on a proper date and get to know each other better, away from everyone, we know.

I do know this guy anyway, as a mate. We get on really well. He’s funny. He just seemed to have turned my head and I guess, he was in some kind of situation, where in which his head got turned. I fancied him, once I hung out with him, over drinks amongst friends, so he’s certainly worth a date and it’s kinda just something that happened out of nowhere?

We’ve hung out lots before. We’ve got got to know each other. We’d already been on a night out, an adventure and I loved it. It was a really good time. I’ve actually seen him since our Thursday dinner date, the other evening, for quick drinks. And I like that he’s attentive. He’s loving. He’s sweet to me and he tries really hard to make sure i’m okay. He’s not scared to love me, well care about me. He’s expressive. He doesn’t play a game and maybe this is exactly what I need. He’s funny. But a gentleman.

Friend: ‘Hes not what she would normally go for, at all. But she likes him and I think she’s grown up enough now, to pick someone who will actually care for her.’

I’m usually quite shallow.  But there’s just something about him, that I like a lot.

Firmonnell: ‘Until she gets bored…Lol’

He was nervous. (It was cute. In fact, I liked that he was open enough to say that, y’know, admit that. He’s not emotionally macho, he’s expressive.)  He didn’t know what to wear. He didn’t want to look shit. (So I sent him a video of what I was wearing, so he could adjust appropriately Lol.) It was the first time, we’d actually hung out, under a ‘date like’ circumstance and it was amazing.

We get on so well.

He apparently got a pep talk from his brother, mid journey to his date. I wasn’t nervous at all. I felt great! I mean, it’s much easier when you already know someone. The last date I went on was ‘blind.’ (Not the person, the date circumstance. Lol) 

Without getting into it too much, we talked life, love, relationships, friendship, work, careers and us, amongst starters, cocktails, rare steaks and chicken salads. The service was amazing. It was fun. The staff there are always such a laugh. They’re alive. They’re a delight. They always treat me & whoever I’m there with, ever so well…and it was kinda like they were part of the action, the banter.

I’m always really worried because when a guy lives a completely different kinda life, I sometimes think he doesn’t exactly know what he’s letting himself into….when entering 😉 (we haven’t had sex) Wunna Land.

I’m very worried about that and I’m also worried because…I well…

Friend: ‘He’s not going to be able to give you the full blown Princess treatment Wunna.’

‘He’s gonna really struggle, with having you, as HIS, if it went that way.’

‘I feel like he’s going to have to step up his game…’

I’m pretty good and weighing things up….So we’ll see. I never listen to anyone. I’m always gonna go with what I think, is right.

We had so much fun. Such a good time. He was so, SO lovely to me and it’s an evening i’ll always remember. I like that we can discuss anything. I like that I can trust him. We have a strong friendship.

We’ve never had sex, but got ‘sexy.’ (More than in a bush. Lol.) The chemistry between us is great and I like that no one seems to know anything about it. I don’t think they could even imagine the conversations or moments that we’ve had when no one was watching. The ones that may guess, or have seen….are certainly more shocked than anything. Lol.

Katy P: ‘It’s like the Bush Tucker Trials. Bear Grylls, will be impressed with what you’ve eaten in that bush! Haha.’

Everything’s been great. The evening was AMAZING. We got a little tipsy maybe?

Date: ‘I’m not used to drinking spirits.’

THEN, we had a situation….A situation where I tottered off, he thought I wasn’t coming back. I WAS coming back. I called him a million times in a row, to tell him that I was coming back. He just didn’t pick up because his phone had died. When I did return, I saw him in a taxi!

He leaps out of the taxi and dashes to me, shouting my name. But it’s was dark by this time, I couldn’t really see or hear much. Lol. Ego’s now closed and almost with utter relief in his voice, he rushes up to me, grabs my hand and just flipping breathes.

He puts my hand on his heart and tells me to feel how stressed he was, because he thought I wasn’t coming back? Lol.

Then my phone dies, so now we have no way of calling a cab, so we just did what we had to do and that was WALK 8 MILES, all the way from Ego, to Pontefract, at midnight. I was in heels and it took TWO HOURS. Haha. The streets where dead, the night was calm and like the little troopers we were, we just got on with life, under the Thursday night stars.

I actually loved the walk. It was a really good way to accidentally get closer to him. Get to know him better. Fair enough, we did have a sexy fumble, which prolonged our walk a little. At one point, we WERE actually LOOKING for a field, or bush. Haha.

2am in the morning, we get to Data cars, we get taxi’s home…and life goes back to normal…

Like I said, we’ve done drinks since…So we’ll see what happens next…

Date: ‘I need to tell you something…When I called you earlier, I said * I love you* at the end of the call and you said…

Me: ‘I didn’t hear you?’

Date: ‘Well what I wanted to say, was that I didn’t mean it…I just said it, but I didn’t mean it…’

Me: ‘Lol…Cheers…’

Chrissie x

 

 

Bush Frolics & Secret Kisses

Image may contain: 1 person, smiling

So, not last night but the night before, I kissed a boy, in a bush… at around midnight. 🙂 I haven’t kissed a guy in ages, so I’m not sure what i’m gonna go with, other than the fact that in that moment, I felt really ‘passionate,’ I felt really turned on and I wanted him to be mine.  Haha. (I cannot even believe, i’m writing this. ‘Firmonnell’ my chick best friend, who formed the group ‘No Boys, Just Dicks‘ the other evening, after we decided that all men were a waste of our delicious time, has found every inch of this story HILARIOUS.)

Firmonnell: ‘Wow. That sounds like a dick voice to me?’

Y’see! You can’t form a group with rules and then expect me to stick to them. I’m a rebel without a cause. Cupid likes to **** me over. The last rule, I was told to stick to, was one in LA, where my  good friend DK challenged me to be celibate for a month. I lasted under 24 hours. And yes…again….that time HE pissed himself with laughter.

(Rule breaker. Love maker. 😉 )

In fact, I got shoved into a bush twice, whilst having under the stars banter with Ginger Brad and J.D, outside The Carleton , Pontefract. I made a guy cry at a bench, as day turned to night. I nearly cried. I managed to also get pissed off and *blank* people, for hearing a ‘true story,’ that didn’t come from directly from the horses mouth. I was filled with passionate. Filled with sass. Northern Soul & Reggae Vibes, have been playing in the background and after many a toilet talk, with Katy P. (If we ever go to the toilet together, we need to discuss, gather, gossip or go mental.) We are independent chicks, that don’t wee together. If we go to the loo as ‘one’…then you should know that something is going down.

So yeah, on Sunday I felt lovely…Then I felt feisty. The afternoon before, my babies broke up from school…and I tinkered to feel some World Cup action. Pretty much felt like the only chick in a dress with boobies, immersed in a lovely drunken ‘sausage fest.’

To be fair. It was fun for the first few hours. I selfied. I giggled. I chattered with old friends, made new friends and everything in between. People were making do video calls with their mates, trying to feel me up every 2.3 seconds…and well Little Ollie tried to schedule sex for Sept 21st?

But ‘Football’s Coming Home‘ and all that. So in the name of fun and debauchery, it was alright. It was fine. I probably got hit on, every 3 steps, I took. I mean, the night was great. Will ended up dancing on tables. Little Sam Moore showed up and did his usual ‘Lady Boy’ pic. Then someone tried to set my nipple on on fire, so I *tapped* out and after stating…

‘I just need a wee..’

I legged it out the front entrance and went home.  I was done. It was tiring. It was sort of like being booked on an appearance…but without the jollies of a paycheck. Lol. Yet, i’m not bothered. It’s funny and well it certainly doesn’t do my ‘socials’ any harm.

THEN I got a shitty whatsapp message from someone who should absolutely be a great deal more understanding. 

Sunday was drama and when I pick boys, friends and everything in between….I need to always make sure, that all is at peace, well and stable. Meaning, I am a NO DRAMA ZONE. So, on Sunday I felt lots of things needed saying…so being me…

I SAID THEM…OUT LOUD.

(I might have even hair tossed a little… in anger. I just don’t like to hear things that I should know first, from other people.) 

Ended up kissing in a bush though didn’t I! I had bush foreplay. And to make it even worse…You’d think bushes were great hidey places, right? But no, not at all…because of course, a mutual friend walked by and saw everything.

‘Don’t worry! I haven’t seen anything! Haha.’

(The next day.) 

Katy P: ‘OMG! I’ve just heard. What was it like?’

Hahaha.

It was fun. I’d definitely do it again. 🙂 I mean, gosh, you only live once, so you might as well make your story worthwhile. Well, that’s how i’ve accidentally made an entire living.

Everything just seems to have whizzed by…?

A few days ago, I was sat with Sheffield Greg, who was acting out the Yorkshire Version of ‘Ex On The Beach.’

Sheffield Greg: ‘I’d just sit there, with my 20 empty tins of lager around me and a pile of bricks.’

Lol. He said, he’d be sat on a deck chair, in his swimmers, with a 20 pack of Carling and a pile of bricks by his side. As his exes came of of the sea, he’d just lob bricks at them and tell them to *SWEAR HERE* and get back in the sea!

Hahahahaha.

The Yorkshire Version is so much more fun and BY FAR less ‘pansy.’

Then I did drinks with Ashleigh and Antony. Ashleigh introduced herself to Golfer Jonny, as a ‘raging homosexual,’ and Antony…Well let’s say Antony enjoyed my ‘HOSE DOWN’ post. He even gained me a leg stroke…and a ‘You’re Beautiful.’ (All leg strokes appreciated, now that i’m an oldie.) Unfortunately, I was waving at some other guy, mid leg stroke….which was hilarious.

‘Haha. How awful is that! I’m accidentally waving at some dude, as you’re leg stroking! Lol.’

We both just pissed ourselves.

The other day, I remember sending Firmonnell voice notes, because I knew if she heard my voice, she’d love me..and she did! I miss her madly. I can’t wait to see her again over booze. She’s just my perfect human. She’s irrepressible and nothing I do disturbs her. She adores me anyway! AND has no problem telling me!

Love you!!!!!!!

Katy P and Golfer Jonny, have pretty much spent the entire time being smitten. They’ve galloped ahead leaps and bounds and it’s just really great to see them both so happy.

I’ve been having a flirty old time. Yet..ofcourse and as always, there’s an ‘issue’ with my ‘flirty old time.’

WHY IS THERE ALWAYS AN ISSUE!?!

There’s been sudden smooches on patios, heated moments, smooches outside, leg feels, hand holds, little bits of all sorts….A good build up really, to a frolic in a bush.

I’ve kinda joked this off a bit, in the ‘write up,’ of it all because that’s what I do. Yet, it hasn’t really felt too jokey. It’s felt pretty real.

But, I’m just watching and waiting to see what occurs. Obviously, we’ve talked a lot about it. Obviously, everyone has there own version of events. Obviously, there have been faces of astonishment. Yet, I’ll see. When stuff occurs, I’ll either move appropriately or not at all. 

Anyway, i’m off now. I’ve been at Ackworth Garden Centre, doing Brunch with the babies all morning, teaching them how to Influence. Lol. All they kept doing was trying to kiss each other. 🙂

But, hey, at least they weren’t in a bush.

‘I’m devastated by how unglamourous this all sounds…’

‘Does sound mad sketchy. Haha.’

 

 

 

 

 

 

Summer Is Gonna Get You & Sliding Into DM’s

Happy Summer! Is it getting the better of you too? Summer is getting me into all sorts of trouble, because beer gardens and the art of ‘good times,’ keep ‘beckoning’ me forward. But you only live once, and you’ve really got to enjoy life. (That’s my excuse, every single time. When do we ever get a Summer as delicious as this?? If we don’t embrace it now, it’ll pass us by and leave us all grumpy. When ‘Jumpers & Dumpling’ season kicks in, we’ll be pulling faces and wishing we did more beer gardens.)

I say HAPPY SUMMER. LET’S DRINK!

 If we win the World Cup & Adam wins Love Island, shit will go bananas. Summer 18, is MENTAL. Hands up, if you here me now!

So yeah, like any Glamour Puss, with a keen eye for the jollies, temptation always gets the better of me, so I’ve been galloping off for fun, instead of concentrating on work. (Never a good thing. NEVER, a good ting.) The only situation, where in which temptation doesn’t ‘champion,’ is only when it comes to men. I’m good at resisting the gents, because in my lifetime and mainly in LA (and I’m missing Hollywood Life SO MUCH right now,) I encountered quite a good, jolly bunch of suitors and potential suitors. I’ve romanced the gentlemen. Zillions of them, all over the globe. I’ve lived. I’ve loved. I’ve learnt a lot…. and I’m therefore not arsed about suffering from a broken heart, in a bikini at 37, just yet. Lol.

ALL WALLS UP! SAFETY FIRST, ALWAYS! 🙂

In general, life hasn’t really handed me good set of cards, in the ‘true love’ department, has it? I get a lot of attention from the boys. That parts true. They crush on an insta pic, see me in a bar, sit next to me on a train or hear about a land I call ‘Wunna’ ( I’m always someone that people accidentally discover, they will not know anything about me, when their eyes first catch mine.) Then they decide to jiggle forward. Which is GREAT!

Woohoo! It’s Great!

HOWEVER, when it does come to ‘true love,’ that unconditional ‘REAL DEAL.’ Y’know? Just a guy who can truly love me, or care about me, just as I am. One that can treat me with all the love and respect in the world..Well, I haven’t been so lucky, yet have I? And don’t get me wrong, i’ve sold myself short, quite a few times. Lol.

OOps! 😉

Yet, there’s nothing wrong with that, if a lesson is learnt. Sometimes we have to mess up LOADS of times, in order to learn ONE little lesson, correctly. (Well, I do anyway. 😉 It’s the only downside to having an adventurous soul.)  As, I always say, provided some kind of lesson is learnt, then i’m quite happy to have *danced* the experience. Even if it’s shocking.

NO REGRETS! IT’S ALL GRAVY BABY!

In fact, if i’m being honest, (here we go,) THE ONLY guy to have ever truly loved me, with all of his soul, was my FIRST husband Mikey..and I may have been in a lot of relationships since that time, even two more marriages. (I was only a young 20 something, then.) I don’t think anyone has ever cared about me, or treated me as well, as he did. It wasn’t even a whirlwind. It was really solid. Really real. Really fun. And I love that not a single soul, but us, knows about our time. It was filled with utter romance. Old school romance.

Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t a ‘dwelling on the past’ moment, (I don’t do that,) as I can pick great things out about every guy i’ve dated, we all could. (I can also pick shitty things out also. 😉 )

Yeehaa!

What I’m saying is, that when it comes to love, he INSPIRED ME because now I  know what to look for, in my quest for the ‘TRUE’ kinda ‘doo daa.’ 

Here me now, Cupid!

I’m definitely a girl who knows what I want. Saying that, I dreamt that I’d be held hostage last night, after being on a weird horror ride at some American theme park. It had a carriage full of every single person in the world, that I have ever let down. Then some dude decide he wanted to hold me hostage, in a really lovely, sunny villa. Then  burlesque dancer danced by me, holding my slippers, that had Bart Simpson toys in them?

I’m sure this means i’m no longer mentally stable?

(I nearly woke up crying, so I shocked myself up quickly and checked my Insta Likes, to make sure the world was still a safe place. 😉 )

Ah Dee Dums.

I was meant to continue my last blog and tell you about my guy friends replying to all my DM’s when drunk. Instead I went on a LOVE RANT! (Haha.) But f**k it, LOVE just means a lot to me and when something does, I’m sincerely careful with my choices. I treasure my loved ones with all my heart.

To say i’m labelled a ‘floozy,’ I reckon i’m more decent than some. 😉

But yeah…OH MY GOD, the other night, when we were all out drinking, at The Carleton… Rhys, Will & Ollie decided to pick up my (everyone makes fun of it) peacock phone, swizzle through my Facebook DM’s and reply to them….AS ME! Lol.

(The last time this happened, my good friend ‘Dodge’ typed ‘I’ve had a whisky baby and i’m drying up to a male Wunna Fan…who then proceeded to send me EXTREMELY dodgy, videos of his genitals for a month straight. DO KNOW, that I do not reply to my DM’s unless it’s work related, something lovely about the blog, or well…basically, I don’t reply to any sleezy DM’s, EVER!)

Now, I not sure what any of them wrote, but they chose a guy (who was in Florida) and they just went for it, with all of their souls. All I managed to read was…

 ‘I’ll show you everything for £8.70 and a pack of Wotsits.’

(Then something about me being a Lady boy. Old material, on fresh ears. Lol)

WHAT IS MY LIFE.

(I HAVE already apologized to him. But it’s still just a laugh. I’m a laid back party member. The only line I didn’t let them cross, was answering any video calls, or replying to any serious messages.)

Then Sheffield Greg & Ginger Brad (who actually isn’t as Ginger as I thought, because he’s getting a tan and Gingers can’t tan,) decided to take part with the replying…So this Florida, Wunna Fan, had five of my guy friends, sending him messages, from a Yorkshire pub….for a laugh. But he took it really well!

Me: ‘I can’t actually believe how excited you all are about this…’

Sheffield Greg: ‘What! This never happens to us! It’s fun. Why are you not letting us have fun!’

(Maybe because it’s at MY f****** EXPENSE. Lol)

Each guy would type something hideous. Yet, the Wunna Fan in Florida would still reply. He was actually really good fun…

Me: ‘Hang on a second. His replies are actually funny. Show me profile! He’s banter. I might fancy him…’

Ginger Brad: ‘He’s not banter…’

Then all of a sudden the messaging stopped…

Mwahahahahaha!

You’d think Ginger Brad and Sheffield Greg, would’ve got bored, by then. But instead, they decided to message each other… seductively. Greg picked up his own phone and started messaging ‘Chrissie Wunna.’ Then Brad was on MY phone PRETENDING TO BE ME, replying to GREG…. I was stood right next to him?? Lol.

*ROLLS EYES*

Like toddlers in a pubby playpen, they proceeded to have a blast. I just drank, cos fuck it.

Then I went home, and left them to handle life, without my assistance. I don’t think they did too well, because I definitely received a bunch of messages and early morning calls, stating that one of them needed to be carried to a meeting and the other…well…was sincerely ‘disappointed’ by my actions.

The next day Golfer Jonny, was found massaging ‘Not So Ginger’ Brad, in slow motion. Definitely pervy and KatyP’slaugh in slow motion, is certainly birthed by Satan.

Happy Summer Though.

Chrissie,

Thank you for following my life. x

 

 

 

My Toyboy Table

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So much has happened, that I don’t even know where to begin? I’ve tried to write this blog, every day since Friday and I just couldn’t find the right ‘pucker’ to ‘smooch‘ it. I’ve been distracting myself NO END and I don’t even really know why? I have a lot to say, but it’s all just twirling through my head. Maybe it’s because I had the shittest last week EVER. Just filled with stress and drama.

Yet, before I get to that, I’ll tell you that i’ve had a lot of fun. Being a lifestyle blogger, in order to ‘diary’ out daily and then spread the word like through ‘the streets,‘ you kinda have to commit to moments, where you just *slam* shut your laptop, push away from your desk and go out there and just do some LIVING.

And the best way to live, is to learn everything the hard way. 😉 That was my motto through the whole of my years in LA.

But let me take you back to last week. When I hit ‘FRINALLY’ I thanked the Lord and collapsed with glee. This is what I wrote…Yet didn’t bother posting..

‘This week has been absolutely shocking. Life has kicked me in the ‘knackers’ for five straight, days in a row and all I can even THINK TO DO, is blame it on the weather. It’s been one stress, after another and dramas like no other. My ‘mojo’s’ on point, because being single, & waiting for the RIGHT guy, causes the boys to ‘fast chase’ forward, be they armed with genuine love hearts or lusty ‘pork sticks.’ They’re coming at me….It’s always the way though isn’t it? When you’re feeling all needy, you can’t find a ‘hero’ anywhere. When you shrug love off with a *wiggle,* your yard is filled with ‘milkshake’ thirsty suitors. I like it though. I feel pretty lucky.’

Then I thought ‘BALLS’ to all the drama’s and the stress. The heat can make you dramatic, to the point where you need to ‘Rupologize‘ to yo’ self. I needed a release. So after enjoying really warm family evenings, sunshine lunches, my brother’s ‘dim sum’ birthday and just having the best time loving Ruby & Junior, as we water bombed each other in gardens, cart wheeled, sunbathed and picnicked….I slipped on some shorts and tinkered by way to The Carleton, for drinks, football and casual good times.

I’m gonna try and skim the next couple of days for you.. It all started with a ‘beckon’ and an invitation from my guy friend J.D, to Little Sam Moore to come sit at our table.

I started the night, in a quiet out of the way ‘Power Table’ (lol) and ended the evening having to rename the table my..

TOYBOY Table.

(Even my own friends were messaging me and asking me why I was sat at a table full of young, young, 12 year old boys. Lol Like I said, I AM THE PIED PIPER OF TOYBOY TOWN. I can’t help it. They twinkle into Wunna Land like i’ve got….*fill in the blank.*)

Toyboy’s came out of everywhere? They swung through trees and landed on my benchs. They crawled up from under rocks with pints of Amstel. Some even probably sailed there on toy boats?

I don’t even know what happened?

It started off with ONE…and that was little Sam Moore (who always does the best ‘Ladyboy’ pictures with me, for snapchat views, kicks and Insta like merriment. I like Sam, because he’s always so sweet. I used to work with him and his sisters..So it’s great to have a drink with through the week with him) ..Then TWO…..Another THREE arrived at the table. FOUR, FIVE, SIX showed up, out of the woodworks. They made phone calls. Once must have nudged another. Then another few arrived. Toyboy NINE. TEN…TWENTY. They were everywhere….It was delightful.

A really fun night of football, drinking, and silliness. I mean, The Toyboys excelled themselves. They were ‘breaking banjo strings,‘ talking Paris Hilton, sexting each other, getting read for Lad’s holidays, flirting with ‘chicas,’ making bets with with hope, downing pitchers, passing driving tests, vaping all vapes, telling tales, being tall and just LIVING, their version of their time here on this Earth Ball.

There was one named ‘Ollie’ who I actually bumped into the next evening also. He’s so much fun. My friends and I had awesome next day drinks with Ollie, his brother and cousin..and it was just sooo chilled, even though we did watch people ‘necking off’ with each other to  delightful Northern Soul tracks.

I feel like i’m at a wedding?

Is she in pants?

The evening before Ollie had downed a pitcher of lager (he’s a showman, he gets lost in the moment of fun.) After his show piece, he then tried to make a business deal with me, where he would get his willy out for money and I could take an 80 percent cut of all dollar made. Haha.

THEN he uninvited people to Paris Hilton’s party, explained the workings of his private parts, and claimed his brother punched him in the face (lol.)

They were all great…and yeah I may have got ‘hit’ on a little. Yet I liked it. Haha. I have noticed that when guys are young, they either go for it ‘all guns blazing‘ or shy away, in fear of looking foolish. There’s not grey area. When boys grow…(that sounds wrong)..When they turn to ‘man,’ after having their heart broken, a good few more times, there’s always the issue of ‘grey.’ (And not the good kind that flies with ‘Christian.’)

‘Chrissie, you need to be checking their ID’s! He looks 12. Lol.’

The toyboys ventured into town to play MORE drinking and hitting on girls their own age. My table turned civilized, as I drank Peroni’s with KatyP,  (Did you know that if you drink a pint of Peroni, with a pint of Strongbow, you have a ‘Perongo,’) Sheffield Greg, Ginger Brad, J.D…everyone else who just knocked off shift.

Wait was that another night? I think I had a couple more, got tired and then got driven home?

In fact, I think I’ve merged TWO nights into one. Same faces different evenings…

Oh yeah, because the next evening, the boys took great pleasure in picking up my phone, going through my messenger and replying to some of my DM’s….AS ME!

To be continued. It’s sunny…I need a drink.

ps/ I’ve ended up with a bag full of sunglasses. No clue how i’ve accumulated so many pairs, as only one pair of them re mine and I now have hundreds.