Month: August 2017

Hollywood Flashbacks, Swirls & Life

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I’m feeling quite wonderful. Everything in my life right now, at thirty six is changing… and believe it or not…. for the absolute better. I’m growing up. No, that’s the wrong way to put it. I’ve grown up. And as the world is following my entire existence online via this diary. I can honestly say that I’ve never ever felt more together, more comfortable, more positive and kinda like the girl..the woman, that i always wanted to be. It took a long time…but for the first time, in that ‘long time,’ I can look back on my life. Look at everything i’ve tinkered in and tonkered with and actually SEE how far i’ve come, how much i’ve developed and how proud I am of the person I am today. I’m finding my ‘happy place.’ No.I’ve found my ‘happy place.’ And just to know that I’ve fought all the fights. I’ve danced with all the danger. I’ve lived. I’ve loved. I’ve been thrown down the ‘life stairs’ a million times over. Every time, I got back up. Even when I didn’t think I could. And every time I did, I took a deep breathe and marched forward (glamorously ofcourse 😉 ) with all the hope, all the faith and a smile on my face that knew everything, no matter WHAT, was going to be okay.

I’ve literally woken up all over the world and gone through the exact little procedure each time. I’ve worked so hard. I’ve loved and had my kitten heart broken over and over again. I’ve won some. I’ve lost some. But I’ve enjoyed every single little piece of my life so far. I’ve been thankful for it. Even the shit bits.

I’ve achieved so much, yet at the same time conquered all the rubbish that comes with the ‘ouchy’ parts. The parts of life, when the rug just gets pulled from under you, without warning and when you still have a prosecco in your hand. It made me who I am today. It made me mates with life. Best mates. And today in return, because of the friendship i’ve had with life, it kinda decided to cut me some slack.

So today, i’m gonna tell you, that you can be whoever you want to be, if you just make mates with life. It doesn’t matter how easy or hard you have it. See it. Believe. Make it yours.

It’s bizarre that i’m being so preachy, as my day started off hilariously. I sent ‘the swirl’ my usual morning message. I do every morning to wish him love. If I love or care about someone, it’s important for me, to make sure I tell them every day. Anything can happen. So i make sure the people I appreciate, KNOW that I do.

Anyway, I had texted out these really rubbish arrows as pointers with the words ‘this much’ typed between them. He replied with a..

‘Just that much. Haha.’

🙂

The rest of the conversation went…

‘Don’t get me started, you know what i’m like. I’ll end up sending you a truck load of dwarves dressed as Cupid, with I LOVE YOU tattooed on them.’

I wear my heart on my sleeve. I’ll go for it with ‘skin to the wind.’ I’m embarrassing on every level. But to me, things are perfect with ‘The Swirl.’ He’s just…well, I think he’s wonderful. I can’t stop thinking he’s wonderful…and that… on it’s own… is just so great. He makes my soul smile.

Then Mel sent me a group whatsapp picture of her giant bum bruise. She fell over the other night at the bar, stone cold sober, because the building was apparently made dodgily. Lol.

‘Those bloody steps at ABA.’

Hustle Barbie graced my world with a ‘Sandy from Grease’ wig. It arrived via post at around 10am and just chilled by her side like some creepy pet.

 ‘Alex said I look more like Margaret Thatcher.’

‘You look like Lily Savage.’

Then ‘Lady Shizzle’ informed us that she too was headed to a fancy dress party….as a..what’s it called? Those chicks that you see serving beer at the Bierkeller. Lol.

I don’t know where all these flipping ‘Fancy dress’ parties are coming from?

Me: ‘That’s fine. You all go to your parties. I’ll just show up at Firmonnells in fancy dress for kicks on a Saturday night.’

Firmonnell: ‘You need to do that. I have friends over Saturday night. I’ll text them all and make them all come in Fancy dress. Lol’

I do adore a bit of dress up. But I only really ever shimmied out a fancy dress number, in LA. And when I did, I was only ever a slutty cave girl or a belly dancer? So odd?

*FLASHBACK*

Remember the time I told you that I saved Gay Brandon’s life, after climbing to the top of a West Holywood apartment ROOF, DRESSED in my full slutty cave girl attire and WITH A FUCKING MANGO MARGARITA IN MY HAND. I properly saved his life. I really did!! He didn’t even want to live, until I showed up on that merry rooftop…to chill with him, under the stars…with my cocktail banter and stream of life lessons. Everyone was just sort of muddling around being worried. Understandably, ofcourse. I mean, they weren’t TOO worried. Let’s face it. It was Hollywood. We all had auditions ad early shoots we had to get to in the morning.

I don’t even know what came over me, but i just took it upon myself to go save him. Lol. Half way up, I was like…‘Ewww, I should just leave him up there.’ Haha. Great friend! But once you’ve tried to play ‘hero,’ you’ve just godda with it, don’t you…

Me: ‘You don’t really want to jump off this roof, do ya? Let’s just sit, have a drink, have a chat and well…if you do jump, i’m not coming with you. I’m at Warner Bros at 8.30am. Hahaha.’

Brandon: ‘Thank God your here. I’ve missed your face. I knew you’d come up. You’re stupid like that.’

Me: ‘Are you jumping because you’re gay, troubled, or sick of LA?’

Brandon: ‘Lol…because I don’t know who I am or what I am anymore? And I might even be BI?’

Me: ‘Oh, so you like girls AND guys. Cool. Great news. Can we go back down now…. And don’t be dramatic over the sick of LA thing. We’re all sick of it here, but we’re living it to the world like we love it…cos that’s what we do. We’re entertainers. Get off my drink.’

I don’t know why I went on that tangent? Brandon and I are still really good friends to this day. I remember that moment so vividly. I guess being a 20 something Angeleno wasn’t all it was cracked up to be at times. To be honest. I actually loved it. You could say i was made for it. Not because i was oh so ‘Hollywood.’ I was always a little girl from Yorkshire who had moved to the City of Angels, young..with nothing but an eye for stardom and a suitcase. I was made for that town because I was tough. Emotionally tough. I thank Hollywood for everything, because it sort of turned me into a solid adult.

I can’t even describe how great I feel today. I’m loving this blog, I’m whirled in opportunity, I’m loving being a mum, my love life isn’t rubbish, work is great, I’m settling in and settling down. I’m loving being a grown up. I look forward to being a wife one day, building a bigger family, feeling fulfilled and being happy. I’m counting all my blessings as they’re tinkering in and i couldn’t be more grateful for them.

Today I feel unstoppable.

So each time you fall…please promise me that you will AT LEAST TRY to get back up…..

 

 

 

 

 

Inboxes, Romance & Donkies…

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So, i’ve got a calendar shoot, an audition to present a music show for MTV, i’m contracted to a traditionally well known enterprise for a bunch of glamour shoots, i’m on a show that airs next year, I have a few snazzy brands that have ever so kindly asked me to blog for them and i’m currently writing my book.

I’m doing all this whilst working constantly and being a mum…but i’m loving it because something feels right this time around. Something just feels right….

Mentor: ‘How do ya know you’re about to set fire to the place?’

Me: ‘…because this time…I can feel it. It’s not a dream anymore…I can feel it.’

‘Firmonnell’s’ just text me a picture of my girl crush…who if you didn’t know is Ellen DeGeneres. Lol. It really is! If I was a lesbian…The only woman I would ever want to date is Ellen. I love her, that much. I don’t even know how her sending me a picture of Ellen even occured, as I’ve kinda just forced Firmonnell (who’s pretty much one of my best chick friends) to read an extract of my book, to make sure it’s not ‘too much.’

Firmonnell: ‘OMG, just read your extracts and fucking laughed out loud. It’s fucking hilarious. Love it!’

Me: ‘…but is it too much, because i’m really open, so to me it’s fine, yet I don’t know how other people will react to it?’

Firmonnell: ‘I think anyone would see the funny side to that! Honestly…it’s great.’

And she wouldn’t lie to me, because she’s a bitch like that. One of those good friends. However, Mel did make me a lasagne for my lunch today and I adore her for it, as LORD KNOWS how anyone can figure out how to make a lasagne…So technically, they’re in competition to be my bestie. Lol. It’s getting tight. They’re both too great. Approach me with honesty or pasta and you’re onto a winner. I’m that easy.

I’ve also got to film the advert for my blog…I’m setting the dates for it now and I have to shoot for the website also…There’s just so much, but i’m really grateful for it all and really excited. Everything is changing and it’s weird because the more everything changes, the more I keep flash backing to my LA days.

They say that when you ‘flash back,’ like when you hear a song that suddenly reminds you of something in the past…it hasn’t got anything to do with a THOUGHT (it’s not a mental process) and  instead apparently has EVERYTHING to do with how something made you FEEL. So when something happens…like for example, I received a personal message today…It wasn’t a good message, it was a shit one…but immediately within seconds…my mind shot back to a past memory that made me FEEL the exact same way. It’s crazy how life works…and how the past triggers back in little blurs. What i’m good at is moving forward. I’ll have a moment, privately and then i’ll decide to not dwell on it and keep on merrily moving. 😉 I don’t bottle things up, which makes me healthy, I’m expressive, I let it all out. In fact, have for years and you’ve been following it. Writing this blog, even when it was simply on Myspace and it didn’t have a home…has always been my therapy.

LA Friend: ‘Remember that time on Sunset when you went to see that psychic for a laugh and you thought she was a weirdo…’

Me: ‘Yeah, she was weird…I didn’t like her at all. She tried to make me sing for her, for no reason…’

LA Friend: ‘Well she TOLD YOU that you would end up writing something for a living that would be HUGE and take the world by…’

Me: ‘I DO remember that. I know that. I was there. I was just modelling at the time, so i couldn’t imagine it…But yeah, I remember everything…I remember that exact moment… ‘

LA Friend: ‘Do you remember walking down Hollywood Blvd, drinking Malibu out the bottle, telling Catwoman to not be a druggie and stalking that weird break dancer with me..Lol.’

Me: ‘I remember everything. Haha. Kinda makes me glad that i’ve balanced all that shit out with a bit of Yorkshire. 🙂 ‘

I’ve kinda had a good night as I’ve been chatting to a whole bunch of my friends and simply reminiscing. I love a good tinker down memory, yet i’m not ready to delve into it all just yet. I’ll save that for when i’m 80 years old, when that’s all i have left…I’ve still got a lot of life to live, a lot to look forward to, work, love…family…the works. I’m excited for what lies ahead, in ALL OF those areas…So right now, the past is the past and even though i’ve had a colourful one (and I don’t regret any of it, as it established who I am today,) more than anything, i’m enjoying right now and looking forward to the future.

One of my chick friends scrolled through my Facebook Inbox this evening just to see what some of you were saying…and I guess, knowing me personally, she was SHOCKED at how men approached me.

‘It’s like they don’t know you at all?’

‘Well they don’t. They just see a picture of me or follow a social profile and think they do… Then they guess how i am and get it wrong…But i’m not bothered because…’

‘You’re not bothered because you’re all a flutter about *The Swirl.’

‘I don’t feel fluttery. I feel pretty stable.’

I guess what people don’t imagine or don’t know is that i’m a hopeless romantic and I adore a romantic partner…so whilst men believe that filling a girls inbox with pictures of genitals etc will work in the art of ‘the pull,’ when it comes to me…it never ever will. I’m a romantic girl, but my romance is dashed in fun.

Yeah, I may have dated a lot in my past and been married three times, but each time I did marry and all three men are completely DIFFERENT to one another….they had ONE THING IN COMMON and that ONE THING was that they approached me romantically. I must like that…

Yet like my friend said, right now my heart is all about ‘The Swirl.’ (I’m rubbish like that. Lol I just have a one track mind. It’s hilarious.) But like I’ve said to him…I’m quite embarrassing, yet ah well, i just wear my hear on my sleeve. There’s nothing wrong with that in my book…

Talking about books, my old LA roommate sent me a message today saying..

‘Please don’t tell the story of the donkey porn…I’ll die…’

‘You mean that time I went through all your drawers for no reason, after you had had sex with that random Farrah girl and found your secret stash of Animal porn. 🙂 ‘

‘Fuck it…Tell the story. It’s hilarious. But give me a good nickname.’

‘You have to earn a good nickname dude. LOL.’

And just like that, it went out globally… 😉

Love you all,

Thank you for following my life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Bigger The Hoops, Love & Cocktails

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Woke up this morning feeling not so snazzy. I think i’m gonna go with ROUGH. Yeah rough. I hated it. Feeling rough is just not me anymore. Lol.

I kinda just ran a bath, immersed myself in it, cosied my soul with a delicious bubbly comfort and then dried myself off, before opening ALL the windows, EVERY window in all of the land (I always need to feel free when i’m a pile of roughage) and then I just laid there, butt naked…still on my bed, on top of my flamingo sheets, with my eyes closed, as I let the coolest dancing breeze, slowly and sexily *whooooooosh* on in and tinker all over my rough kitten body. BLISS! It was fucking BLISS!

Junior was at his Dads, Ruby hadn’t got home from her holiday yet and there I was…doing life…butt naked on flamingo sheets, wondering why I had ventured out into Pontefract for drinks. Lol. I am far too old for such Tom Foolery. My body needs all kinds of a rest…and not ‘songs from the 90’s’ madness.

I woke up with a navy blue dot on my hand. It was done in felt tip. We all had one. This is what happened…I went to The Carleton, for ‘just one,’ as the saying goes. I was about to leave after my ‘just one,’ however, as I was getting my bag together, someone tapped me, I looked up and with a…

‘Hey yup…What you doing here…’

…everything turned from a ‘nothing’ to a shimmie.

It was Mel. She decided to smash a bit of ‘Bank Holiday’ Sunday with ‘Fairytale Blond,’ who had also arranged to meet up with ‘Hoops’ for a bit of a local razzle dazzle. Now, I hate going out in Pontefract. I hardly ever do it. I’ll do a village pub and enjoy it, but trendy little cocktail bars in Leeds is my forte. Such a forte now, that they invite me and pay me to show up at them, simply to cause glamourous blog havoc. And I love it. It’s the story telling afterward that I love the most.

Outside drinks where had in the sun, giggles, chats about our love lives….I think they tried to give me love life advice, yet I never listen to advice because I’m stubborn and secretly always know what i’m doing. Haha. I should probably take advice. (I never take advice. My gut instinct is too good.)

But i’m honest, so i’ll always tell the girls what I directly feel about something or anything really. Yet, it’s important to make sure you listen to advice, but then just do what you want, because I’m different to ‘Fairytale,’ who’s so different to Mel, who’s really different to ‘Hoops’ and well…. you get the conga line that i’m trying to form. And we all have different destinations in life.

The reason why i’m saying this is because later that evening ‘Hoops’ (who I adore) had a chat with me, in the dark, under the stars. She told me all these secrets about her own love life. The ‘oohs’ the ‘laa’s’ the naughty bits…and the bits inbetween. 😉 The time she’s going through kinda reminded me of my LA days, so like a magnet, my soul stood by hers.

Then we went back inside…(Oh we ended up getting a taxi into town, even though i tried to refuse the journey)…and after jugs of cocktails, more drinks, chitter chatter, packed bars, and really good times, with really good friends….(I love Fairytale, when she’s drunk, she just turns WILD!) But anyway, ‘Hoops’ decides she’s going to open up and tell everyone the story….Lol

‘Well I told Chrissie, because I knew she wouldn’t judge me…’

Ooh. I felt honoured. Everyone did a supportive *shocked* face. It was literally hilarious. I wasn’t necessarily shocked as ..well i’ve done a lot worse than that in my life. Lol. But I did scan the table and notice that, we as girls are pretty great because we’ll always tell you want you want to hear and wave the flag of support, even if it’s something we would never do ourselves. We’ll understand you and hold ya hand with ‘cocktail smiles.’ Sometimes you need that! It’s not always the best thing, yet sometimes you just need that.

Hoops: ‘The bigger the hoop the bigger the…’

Fairytale: ‘Willy?’

Hoops: ‘No…! Hoe! Hahaha.’

Me: ‘I love that she didn’t get that… I love drunk Fairytale! I love a big hoop! It’s ghetto fabulous.’

Fairytale: ‘Have you seen that granny at the bar….I want to be HER when i’m 80!!! She’s loving it. I AM her!!!’ When I’m 80, i’m gonna rock up to the bar.’

I look away…

Me: ‘Are you okay?’

Hoops: ‘I’m the HAPPIEST i have ever been.’

 Me: ‘Good just checking…Make sure you never let anyone judge you. All the lessons you’ll learn… you’ll learn. I lived a naughty one…and well i havent’ done too badly for myself. Lol. Just enjoy it.’

We all laughed. We all loved. We had moved to another pub by now. We were literally wallowing in rounds and rounds of drinks. Then Mel requested…’The Snake,’ which was much better that fucking Steps. (And I love a bit of Steps. Don’t get me wrong. I just wasn’t in the mood to ‘Root Scooting baby’ it.) But i went with it anyway. Fuck it. I’m fun. I love a good song, a love a good dance. I am great on a night out. You can rely on that! I’m made for good times.

Cue song: (Just so you can feel like you were there. This was on in our background.)

Literally pub, to pub, to pub, to pub. Dance off with ‘Hoops.’ Love life chats with Mel and Selfies with ‘Fairytale.’

Fairytale: ‘Take a picture of me and Chrissie. Noooo…another one.’

Each time we left a pub I SWORE that I was going home. They MADE ME go to the next bar..honest!! They MADE ME.

‘You’re staying out Wunna!’

‘I just need to go home.’

‘No. Just come to one more pub..’

We all ended up with blue dots on our hands. That’s what happens when you stay out.

Mel: ‘What the fuck are these?’

They were literally the height of glamour. NOT! I can’t be a Glamour Puss and walk around with a felt tip dot on my hand.

It was such a good time. An accidental, spontaneous blow out. Which is odd, as i’m a girl who enjoys routine. I like to know what i’m doing and when i’m doing it…with a plan. But mainly because I grew up with my entire life scheduled. Even from being a kid, as I was getting pulled out of school to audition for this, model for that, do a dancing competition here, another audition there. Everything was a schedule. Then in LA, my job, acting and modelling…was all completely scheduled to a ‘T.’ It had to be.

Last night was so much fun!

‘Double B is gonna be so pissed off that she’s missed this!’

I left early…I left them all at the Tap & Barrel and some new Gin Bar. I know when i’m done and by then I was done. I needed a sleep and…well…just a sleep. However, during my walk to the cash machine to pull out money for the taxi, I just wanted to *blink* and be home! People kept shouting my name at me. Everyone was out…and I just remember waving at people I didn’t know, wishing that I was home. Hahaha. I’m great when surrounded by people, yet not necessarily when i’m drunk, tired and on my own. I like my bubble. I love Wunna Land. I love my own friends. But I did actually say ‘hello’ to everyone and took the time to chitter with them. I’m good like that. My manners are pretty decent. Even when knackered. I hate bad manners.

I finally got home…and within seconds, after  a bag of crisps, I fell asleep immediately. I could’ve slept in the taxi home, but weirdos were in it with me.

Good night.

My chick friends and I always seem to be there for one another…regardless….even as time passes. That’s what i’ll miss the most, as obviously i’m headed into a new chapter…which will sort of pluck me away from them…They’ll always be a major part of my life…Yet I guess I won’t see them as much. It happens all the time to me, so i’m used to it. Yet life is made of new chapters. I’ve lived so many that I know how important it is to embrace them. Everything happens for a reason. The people you meet, the situations you end up in. Even where you are. They’re important. They’re your ‘stop offs,’ the places where you need to be in order to learn something, before you get delivered to your HAPPY final destination…You might not know why you’re there or how you’re there…But you’re meant to be. You land there to gather a certain piece of life info. You do that at every stop. When you get to your final bit of forever…The last chapter of ‘happiness….’ you appreciate it so much more. You’ll find you’re in the right place, with the right person, doing the right kind of life.

So yeah, I might have felt like death but i’m actually fine now. It was worth it. I’ll feel better. I’ll recover and be right as rain. I’ve made memories…and I’ve ALSO managed to find my way to Ego in Ackworth to cushion my soul with the ‘hair of the dog.’ Yippeee.

‘I need a Fosters. I’m rough.’

To be fair…I’ve done an interview AND A SHOOT this morning. ‘Ego Hannah’ is currently making a ‘Game of Thrones’ themed cocktail and i’m sat at the bar with my pink laptop on my knee…blogging…by a half of Fosters, watching strangers order Pornstar Martinis. (I’ve got really into drinking a Foster’s now. I’d usually Bloody Mary it to recover. But now it’s all about a Foster’s recovery. I still prefer a Bloody Mary, don’t be getting it twisted.)

Wait…They’re making me look at a drawing of a dragon, on a chalkboard….Lol. One second…..

Luca: ‘I love Game of Thrones…It’s all tits and dragons..’

I will tell you that last night before all the madness shimmied my way, I remember sitting at the The Carleton which the girls sat around me and sending a message to ‘The Swirl.’ I think about him a lot. All the time, to be honest. I can’t get him out of my head. It’s a happy ‘lull’ that I feel for him. I can’t really help it. It’s something that’s been built upon and it’s well balanced. It’s a bit of everything…it can be wild, general, loving, funny, sexy, work mode or just normal.

All I sent was…

‘Thinking about you…’

He replied quickly with ‘Kissy Face‘ emojis.

Then i got back to the girls, who would have no clue that I ever sent anyone a message. Lol.

That was our check in. We’d chatted through the day. But that was when we were we zapped out of current worlds, just for a moment, to check into each others….

Thanks for following my life…

Fights, Willies & Wunna Land

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Life is currently great! I am in THE BEST mood ever. Technically, last week I was a jazzy bit hormonal, however now i’m all roses and winks. I’ve surfed the wave, had a word with myself and now i’m  back on the winners track. Things are great! I’ve had a lot on my mind over the last few weeks. Those niggly things that need to get sorted, that you box and ‘pretty bow’ to the back on your head in merry ‘trying to not deal with’ storage.

‘I’ll deal with them later.’

After a chat, a sprinkle of finally taking my life by the reins again and committing to only doing the things that make me smile, I kinda felt like an entire burden had been lifted from me by ‘The Gods’ (hot ones in togas)…and it came as a shock, because I didn’t think that brief moment of chat or decision making would make me feel as happy as it did. I as kinda scared of it. Yet if anything, in that moment I PROVED that you should only do the things that you love. The things that you were made for. If you don’t or if what you’re doing doesn’t eventually lead or guide you to where you see your future…If it doesn’t help your future at all…then not only are you wasting your time, but you’ll never feel fulfilled. You’ll miss your happy place. I’M actually talking about work in this case, yet this goes for literally anything..be it work, love or life…which we all seem to take for jolly granted.

This year, I’ve committed myself to taking chances, doing what I love, focusing on work and falling in love. I’ve changed a lot and it’s been nothing short of amazing. It makes you feel powerful. And it’s that feeling of internal POWER that makes you successful. Why? Well, because you’re happy IN ALL AREAS of your life. If you don’t have the ‘snazzle’ of everything, in balance, then you are wibbly. And when you’re wibbly, you fall much faster. 😉

Let me take you back to Friday….

Me: ‘Who is she even messaging…?’

Double B: ‘Some guy…she’s stalking him…’

Me: ‘Why are you secretly stalking him…Lol? You’re literally rewatching his Snapchats lovingly, with gentle creepy smiles.’

Hustle Barbie: ‘I can’t help it! Haha. He’s so…He’s just a baby though. Too young.’

Me: ‘What happened to funny Bald Dave or whatever he’s called?’

Hustle B: ‘No, i’ve gone off him now. He’s not being responsive! HAHAHAH!’

(It’s hilarious because Hustle Barbie is an extremely attractive blond. She’s hot. Guys fancy her. They buy her gin and lillies. And Funny Bald Dave…who she stalked for a bit because he was…well funny… DON’T ASK…in my mind… would be PUNCHING AND THEN SOME….So if Hustle Barbie was to send you a message…you’d probably respond immediately…Surely you would? I don’t get it Bald Dave. She’s going through this weird phase of internet stalking the lesser male. Hahahah.)

Double B: I had sex last night. First time in FOUR MONTHS.’

Me: ‘Look at you! Hahaha. You actually gave him some? Why? What happened?’

(Double B has been in this longterm 3 year relationship with ‘J’, who I think is hilarious. They are both so ideally suited, and part of a young ‘let’s spend thousands of pounds at *Ralphies* in 3 hours’ couple. Such a great match. She never gives him sex though…and he still adores her madly. EVEN THOUGH, he definitely wants a bit of nookie.)

Double B: ‘I dunno. I just felt sexy…’

Hustle Barbie: ‘…because we were all talking about sex yesterday.’

Double B: ‘ I wanted it , so just grabbed his willy. It’s put me in a good mood. I should do it more often.’

Me: ‘Why don’t you have sex with him?’

Double D: ‘Cos it usually lasts about a minute..’

Me: ‘Cos you never give him any…’

Hustle Barbie: ‘I always know when Alex wants sex, because he’ll come out the shower and leave his clothes off and then lay on the bed butt naked…It’s normal to not have sex when you’ve been together for a long time.’

Me: ‘No it’s not! Lol. The longer you’re with them, the better sex gets.’

Double B: ‘I’m definitely having sex more often. He’s just text me to tell me that he’s taking me out to dinner now.. Did you know that when men get older their willies get darker…!!’

Me: ‘No they don’t….Haha.’

Hustle B: ‘What dya mean darker? How old?’

Double B: ‘Like at 70…the older they get, the darker their willy gets.’

Me: ‘How do you know what a 70 year olds will looks like? They’re not white and all of a sudden have a big black willy. Lol’

Hustle B: ‘I’m snapchatting this…. Say it again…’

And she did…that’s what I love about Double B….she’s ever the showman…as am I!!!! She’ll perform in the name of humour and it’s GREAT!

Me: Ugh…I’ve got to try and build my Instagram following….’

Double B: ‘Is that why you’re posting so many selfies…Lol..’

Me: ‘Yes…Hahaha. Add me! Add me! Love me! Love me!’

I sailed into the weekend…The suns out….It’s now Sunday, but I sorted another little ‘niggly’ mind box out before the weekend sprung…and again felt much better for it. I’ve made loads of decisions, ‘cut and dry’ ones over the last 2 days…and It’s made me BEAM because i chose to stay loyal to what I believe is right.  I’m quite composed and I’ll never really let people see what’s going on when they’re around me if i DO have ‘niggly’ bits going on in my head. That’s why I find it easy to write things out, because you can’t actually see me. Lol. In person i’m fun loving, laid back and pretty much always positive…I’m a laugh…Yet, I never left people see me ‘not okay.’ But one of the great things about me, is that I make decisions quickly. I always know what i want and when I know, I will whole heartedly commit to it.

Saturday morning felt wonderful. I was gleefully wallowing in the happiest of moods. I felt glamourous. I felt powerful. I felt like I had everything under control. I had a meeting, went through the Wunna Land plan. I never tell you my plans, as I always think you shouldn’t…as in a ‘Social’ climate you have to be able to meander and change plans accordingly at a drop of a stiletto. I’m fluid like that. But I’ve been patient and i’m not always too patient. I’ve learnt to be. I now don’t strike before i’m ready. I’ve spent a good amount of time ‘building’ Wunna land and make sure, I’m mot steady on my heels, but SOLID on them, so I stay on my feet. I sipped a couple cocktails. I’ve concentrated on what I’m doing and not what anyone else is doing…

Meeting: ‘Who else do you know…that you can name off the top of your head, literally off the top off your head, who is doing what you’re doing…as well as you’re doing it…..right now?’

Me: ‘Well…

Meeting: ‘And I don’t mean bloggers and all sorts…There’s tons of people trying their luck at it all …and I don’t even mean people who are different to you, who are doing it extremely well…I mean IN YOUR NICHE…’

Me: ‘Well no one…I can’t think of anyone at the top of my head. I mean there must be someone? I just haven’t really searched for a rival of sorts. I’ve just been zoning in on what I’m doing, not what they’re doing…and the shit thing is, I don’t read anyone else’s blog. That’s not true, I read one and i’ve been reading a whole bunch of memoirs. But there’s room for everyone…it’s Cyberland…There isn’t just one good blog about this one thing…on the whole of the internet.’

Meeting: ‘In Cyberland….in life in general….that’s true. In business….and you’ve turned your life into a business…IN YOUR NICHE…there is only room for ONE. You’ve done it the exact same way, that I did, you found your own way…again in a niche that is unique to yourself. You’ve made something old school, like diary writing.. MODERN.  In business, there’s room for one…there’s always a Bride and a Bridesmaid.’

Luckily, I’ve been a Bride millions of times…Lol…so I think I have this down.

A great meeting with my mentor. He is a very successful person, a very famous person, I knew them personally waaay before anyone did, when they began their own little blog, that they turned into a multi million dollar business. It’s good to have someone who has done what you’re , believe in you madly. Not only does it make you feel guided, but it makes you strong.

Then I got dressed, sent a Whatsapp message to ‘The Swirl’ wishing him good luck and better ribs…I like him. I find him really interesting….I’m hooked…..and with a stroke of my new baby kitten Rocco, I ventured into the world…to live!

It’s now Sunday. I watched the Mayweather/McGregor fight. I rooted for Mayweather all the way. I love a champion and I kinda didn’t want his Champion title to get smudged. He’s really the only one that had anything to lose. McGregor is good at what he does, they’re both great at what they do. Yet he’s not a boxer and well he was GREAT PR when it came to getting folk excited. They both made a shit ton of money and life is still great.

I love the Live  Celeb quotes from the fight that night…Like 50 Cent who watched McGregor cuddling Mayweather from behind, for a moment, was like, 

‘What the fuck is going on…..Haha….Okay Floyd, just knock this fool out.’

I like that he went in for a bit of a cuddle. He’s hard out there in that ring. Lol. Wait…I’ve made that sound rude by accident.

But even better, Jamie Foxx (who once gave me advice in LA on ‘how to handle boys, now i was bouji’ lol) posted an ace Instagram video about his choice of Fight Shoe, which was a  Gucci Fur Slipper. Lol. You need to watch it. It’s hilarious and fricking FOLLOW ME, whilst you’re at it.

Bloody hell. 🙂

 

Your Questions & Answers

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Q: Are you Thai?

A: No, I’m Burmese. But good guess. I always say people are either from the sophisticated part of Asian where they do skyscraper business, play violins and invent ipods. I’m from the slutty part of Asian, where it’s all golden palaces, magic and lagoons.

Q: Worst thing that’s ever happened to you on a date?

A: I could write a book on this. Once this weird guy tried to feel me up on display furniture in LA. He said he wanted to ‘spit in my mouth’ too! Haha! I had to get my guy roommate to show up and pretend he was my boyfriend. That was on a first and last date. Another time I got thrown across an entire Mexican restaurant Lol…I’m laughing but it was actually awful. Funny cos we’re good friends now. That night I accessorised with a blood stained clutch. Another time I got stood up…and that by far was the worse….Just chilling…on my own…on what looked like my PRETEND date….lol. TRAGIC.

Q: You’ve been pretty successful so far…How successful are you hoping to be?

A: I’m ambitious and driven. I want to be the hugest success in my ‘niche,’.. EVER. I want to smash it! Glamourously ofcourse….

Q: Is being a mum of two hard, when there’s just you?

A: It’s been great so far. Yeah, ofcourse it’s not easy but I have so much help and our world ‘Wunna Land’ as we call it … is filled with so much love that i’m really lucky. If anything it’s made me more organized, more determined…and made me feel like i have a purpose. It keeps me young, shows me what love is, helped the wine industry threefold and made me grow up…..fast. J

Q: What couldn’t you live without?

A: Family. Music. Love

Q: Worst physical feature?

A: My Feet. I hate them. I hate feet. They’re weird.

Q: What are you scared of?

A: Crossing roads. Sounds loopy. But honestly, I’m terrified. I once got run over outside Sushi Roku in West Hollywood. I weirdly just got back up, giggled and walked on. I remember looking at the guy, who had rushed out of his car, after hitting into me. He had his baby daughter in the car….He turned white with shock and was shaking. It made me feel bad for him, so I just looked up, got up and said ‘I’m fine, don’t worry’ and walked on. IT FUCKING KILLED. I flashback it whenever I cross a road.

Q: How will you know if you have found your Mr.Right?

A: You know when you know. I’ve had loads of experience at Mr.Wrongs. I’m thirty six. I know what i’m doing these days. J With me it’s always a chemistry, a friendship, a lover, someone who sees the world through the same eyes, a family man, someone who can stand the test of time and a real man who knows how to love a woman.

Q: If you could go back in time and be anything what would it be?

A: A Spice Girl .

Q: Favourite colour?

A: Was yellow, now it’s pink

Q: Motto you live by?

A: That dreams come true…

Q: Reality show you’d most like to be on?

A: Strictly Come Dancing. God! I’d love it. Plus, I’d feel challenged so I’d work hard at it. I already have loads of experience in bantery reality tv…I find it easy, so I’d like to be put through my paces, so to speak.

Q: Everyone says you’ve written the new ‘Sex And The City?’ How does that make you feel?

A: Yeah, I love it. I’m currently be hailed the UK’s Carrie Bradshaw. I read that in an article. It’s obviously amazing, such an honour and such a shock. One of my favourite shows of all time. So well written. If ‘Sex And The City’ & ‘The Bridget Jones Diary’..had a baby…it would be chrissiewunna.com.

Q: Weaknesses?

A: I love a cocktail far too much.

Q: Strengths?

A: I’m great at making people feel good. I’m also great when it comes to BIG LIFE PROBLEMS. I handle them with ease. I’m also totally non judgemental, you can literally tell me anything and i’ll understand you.

Q: Before the modelling, the blogging…the TV shows….what was your background?

A: I have a back ground in PR and I was a talent agent. I’ve been an Elf at a Grotto. A receptionist. All sorts. Before that the BEST JOB I HONESTLY EVER HAD was being the ‘Meet & Greet’ girl at Crunch Gym on Sunset in West Hollywood. I loved it. I’d go back and do it today….

Q: One of the girls or one of the guys?

A: Definitely one of the girls. I have the best chick friends. I love them more than they know. Plus, they always let me write about them, and I heart them for that! Haha. Saying that, i’m quite happy to kick it with the guys. My sense of humour is boyish. I have loads of guy friends.

Q: Do you still go clubbing?

A: No. I love a cocktail bar but I never enjoy heading to a club now that i’m an oldie. I’m really really social, so i love going out, yet i’m never at a club until 8am unless it’s a really special occasion.

Q: Your favourite genre of modelling?

A: Pin up/Boudior easy! I love all the ‘Old Hollywood’ glamourous pin up shoots. They’re dripping with decadence. They’re divine. I see so much beauty in them.

Q: What made you want to be a glamour model?

A: I don’t even know? I was just sat at a coffee shop in LA and got scouted and i thought it would be a good way to make money.That’s how it happened. Yet, stemming back into my childhood, I remember by Dad always used to have the annual Page 3 calendar and he loved the girls on it. (My mum was always cool with it. Lol) It kinda installed in my subconscious that they were the most beautiful girls in the world, whether they were or not, and simply because my Dad loved them. Hahaha.

Q: Would you let Ruby be a Glamour Model?

A: Absolutely not! It’s a no go. If she chose to be a lingerie model when she was older, then that’s fine, but nothing more than that. I’d be fuming. I’ve worked really hard all my life in order to provide for both children, meaning Ruby wouldn’t need to consider that as a job option. 🙂 I grew up needing to make money. She has the opposite case scenario. I’ve lived that life….and well it’s not something that I’d necessarily want her to go through. (I went on a rant then. Lol)

Q: Your relationship with the art of Attention?

A: I’m an attention whore. I’m not gonna lie to you and pretend i’m not. I love really peaceful moments, when i want peaceful moments, but only because I know ‘Wunna’ attention is going on somewhere. It’s a bad habit. But in the industry that I grew up in…if you didn’t gain the most attention you didn’t work. It mattered. Now with the blog, attention to it is vital because it’s become a business. Yet, i’m quite loyal to my morals so i’d never just do anything for a tiny bit of ‘look of me.’ I see that as ‘young.’ There’s a fun classiness to the 30 something version of me.

Q: Your idols?

A: My parents. They both did so well and started with nothing. They’ve kinda accidentally made me attracted to successful humans. I am so inspired by all successful people. I have so much respect for how much they’ve worked to get where they are. It’s not easy. They just make it look easy.

Q: Why do you love your blog?

A: I’ve documented my life daily for years. When i’m 80 years old, i’ll be able to look back on my time on this Earth and relive it all. I’ll cry into my brandy. (I hate brandy.)

Q: In your blog you give everyone fake names….are they real people? Why do you use fake names, if everything is so real?

A: Firmonnel, Fairytale, Double B, Hustle Barbie, The Swirl, Eton Mess etc…all of them are real people. They’re people who I have in my life daily, they’re not made up. I use ‘label names’ because as humans they’re entitled to their own privacy. Plus, I can freely write about them under their ‘alias names’ which keeps it ‘sexy’ and mysterious. I know who they are. They know you they are. To you…they could be anyone. It’s magical like a sassy fairytale. I hate it when people don’t think they’re all real humans and real stories….but only because I know that they are. I told you. I leave more out of my blog than I put in. So much more happens. I wouldn’t even dare tell you.

Q: Are you confident?

A: yes

Q: Are you insecure?

A: Yes..ofcourse

Q: Are you the girl who has everything?

A: No, I wish.

Q: In love you are…

A: Alive. I’m a hopeless romantic. I’m funny with it though. Not lame. Well…a bit lame.

Q: I take it you’re making a comeback….How is 2018 looking for you?

A: Well if all goes accordingly…wonderfully. Lol. I can’t even believe how well it’s all going right now. Opportunity kinda sprung up at me, out of nowhere…at the end of LAST year, something changed in me…I sorted myself out and worked really hard. Something happened that made me see life differently. I grew 10 ft tall.

Q: Life is…

A: To be enjoyed…I want everyone to find their ‘happy’ because at the end of the day, that’s all that matters.

Q: It’s important to…

A: Be grateful for all that you have and where you currently are in life. You might not have tomorrow, so appreciating your current situation is important, as you are exactly where you’re meant to be and there’s definitely something positive going on in your life, even if you can’t see it. There’s a magic in the air. Some people are so blinded by what they don’t have, that they forget to see and maybe take for granted the things that they do have. It’s a bad habit.

 

 

 

Love, Loyalty & Bunny Tail Thongs

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I don’t know how i ended up with my bunny tail thong in my handbag? But i did! (Do note, it is MY bunny tail thong, that I gained from Ann Summers, when they sent me boxes of free things and not the random bunny tail thong of another, that just so creepily happened to be in my handbag. ) However, ofcourse when you have a bunny tail thong in your handbag, you kinda don’t ever want it to just pop out whenever it pleases…as surely it’s just for happy private sexy moments…when you want to be a ‘bunny’ in the bedroom??? Don’t ask. (I’ve only worn it once for picture taking purposes, maybe in the Spring? That picture was sent to a ‘heart throb’…I scored major points. Lol) Anyway…I pulled out my pink ‘Ted Baker’ purse, which was again gifted to me (i’m a bit over it now and need a new one) to pay for..what was it now? Oh GOD! A Blue ‘Push Pop’ for my Baby Ruby and somehow during the glide from my handbag to the open air, it managed to swirl it’s way around my wrist, get entangled within straps and nails and beautifully flick itself onto the counter. Hahaha.

WHY AM I SO EMBARRASING!!!

And to make it worse…the guy at the counter, blushed, fidgeted awkwardly and uncomfortably pretended it wasn’t there. Lol. To me, that’s the worst thing you can do, as i hate awkward moments where things are swept under the rug like they’re not even happening. So, being the unnecessary tool that I am, an ever expressive soul and to firstly break the awkwardness and to try and make him at least feel a little bit better…I just kinda blurted out..

‘Sorry…they’re my pants!’

(AS AND ORDERLY LINE WAITIED BEHIND ME. I don’t know why i thought that would make him feel better. I just thought went with honesty is the best policy? )

He *paused* took my money, still pretended it wasn’t happening, which kinda made me feel rejected. Haha. Then FINALLY, he cracked a tiny Yorkshire smile…and BOOM, life and normality was restored. How did it even get in my bag? Bunny tail thongs must have a life of their own? They’re magic. AND I have noticed that I must never learn lessons, because it’s still in my handbag right now…chilling…waiting for its next appearance, because I keep forgetting to take it out! Learn things the hard way much!

I have a last minute shoot today, that I wasn’t going to go on just yet, but ended up going on in the end simply to bundle all my work into one big ‘yeehaa.’ It’s throwing it down with rain and even though i hate the rain when travelling about…(I love it warm) I’m excited because it will soon be flippin’ Christmas, which is my FAVOURITE TIME OF YEAR! I love the smell of it, the warmth of it, the merriment, the tinsel and the fact that I have a birthday a week before Santa comes. I was meant to be born on Christmas Day, but my mum made them pull me out early because she hated the idea of a Christmas Day labour. Some of you pulled crackers, my mother had a human pulled out of her….EARLY.

I love my Parents. They’re Great! My dad taught me to dream (he’s really creative) and my mum taught me how to turn a dream into a reality. (She’s really practical.) There was a time in my 20’s when I had kinda brought a lot of attention to myself, it was all TV, modelling and all kinds of good and bad press…and during it…they stood by me whole heartedly, strong has bulls…having private talks with me, in support and at the same time as refusing to comment on anything when harassed by others who we didn’t want interfering with my life. The only things she ever said openly to someone who had said something quite derogatory about me, was this…

‘When YOU’RE seeing her as a product, I’m letting you know she’s my daughter. She’s human. I’ll love and protect her until the day she dies. I raised her to be able to handle anything…she can and she does….’

I always remember that.

The best and worst thing about that statement is that I see every inch of Me in Ruby and automatically I have gone into protection mode, to the point where it’s a bit silly. I mean, obviously now ‘The Wunna Babies’ receive offers of all sorts and I go out of my way to turn them all down, just so they start life in a normal loving fashion. They can do charity work, or childrens brands, but away from that…it’s a ‘No.’ Ruby asks me every morning if she can model, start a Vlog, sign up to some show…(I didn’t let her do ‘Secret Lives of Five year olds Lol) and I don’t know if i’m doing the right thing or wrong thing, yet as a parent…I don’t think being six is a good time to venture into entertainment, which is a very adult world. I mean even some adults don’t understand how the world of entertainment works…let alone children..and whilst i’m still working, I wouldn’t be able to be around 24/7 to make sure she’s okay and I would need to be. She hates me for it at times, but trusts me. Lol. It’s my loyalty to her.

I’ve got the heart of a lion and when it comes to love and loyalty, be it within family or romantically…I am great at standing right by, anyone I care about’s side, when they need me the most. I look for that in partners. I find it attractive. Loyalty is HUGE with me. It’s a big old thing. If you can’t be loyal to someone you care about, then you’re weak…and during my time in LA, I knew that I had  to partner up with the strongest man alive.

Ahhh! I’ve just got an instagram message from one of my best chick friends ‘Greedy.’ I miss her madly. She’s trying to be a nurse, whilst watching me be a Glamour Puss. It’s good times. I have the funniest memories with ‘Greedy.’ I really shouldn’t call her that. Haha. Her name is actually ‘Danielle.’ I’m glad her love life isn’t rubbish now. We’d spend hours muddling through it whilst she pondered dessert. She was dating this idiot who she loved madly, but he cheated on her with his ex. She forgave him out of love…and they got back together. Then he cheated on her again…with his ex. Lol. What I love about her is the fact that she felt it all really quickly and cried it out madly, but never ever let it tarnish her faith in love or herself. She’s happy now…with a great guy. BOOM! We have a really honest relationship..another thing that I love in friendships.

Ooh, it’s stopped raining…

See ya! I’m off.

 

 

Quick Stop Banter

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Me: ‘So I haven’t seen you all in ages, what’s the gossip?’

The Girls: ‘Ermmm….No, no gossip, it’s been boring. We’ve missed you.’

‘So, nothing AT ALL has happened? Nothing exciting?’

‘No.’

I mean JEEPERS, we might has well all start painting ourselves grey and bumping into ourselves like Lemmings after a late afternoon carb overload.

Luckily, I can find excitement and juice in ANYTHING. Annnnnythiiing!!! I can find the good or the silver lining in MOST SITUATIONS…and slowly but surely, it all came tinkering out…

So yeah, nothing exciting happened to my girl besties (do know that I have actually had the most exciting time, whilst i’ve been gone,) HOWEVER…they forgot to tell me that Lady Shizzle had been proposed to and someone was now a lesbian. Surely that’s exciting news? I mean, that’s not everyday shit. Lol. Well the ‘proposed to’ bits are. In the last 2 weeks, three of my friends have been proposed to or have proposed to their piece of ‘heart.’

Me: ‘Proposals are so much nicer than wedding days, (I say from experience ;), because there’s a flutter to them, it’s always a surprise, whereas weddings have been planned for months and months and months…it’s a ball ache.’

Hustle Barbie: ‘Well if you and Lady Shizzle can have three weddings, Fairytale and I can at least have one.’

Me: Don’t be making fun of our three weddings! Lol’

Fairytale Blond: *Just puts her bare ring finger in the air and ways it like it’s sad, with her bottom lip out.*

Then things kicked in a little and we stopped being boring, as we discussed Bavarian outfits that need to be made sluttier and the executive psychological topic of ‘why men or people in general are arrogant or cocky.’

We came up with the theory that the more insecure you are, the cockier you are…as arrogance is used as a mask to protect your tender soul or the way you feel about yourself. It’s not a bad thing. As when I was at my cockiest, this was when I was young…WAY BEFORE LA….I was at my most insecure, so it’s true. It’s human nature. Now that i’m older, I’ve glowed with this confidence…this happiness…LA actually brought that out in me. I experienced a lot. Yet I can always relate to people and understand why they do things. I find the art of ‘understanding humans‘ sexy.

A  lot of you are tuning into the blog right now, as I set myself up for a big next year.This is my ‘working’ year. I always say, a lot is going on behind the scenes in Wunna Land. This time around i’m confident and it feels real. Am I cocky…yeah a bit…yet again thats the tiny line of inner insecurity I have, when it comes to success which powers me forward. On the whole, i’m pretty good at being warm, positive and just flipping normal under really surreal circumstances.

Anyway, i got distracted…but yes, a lot of people around the world are checking into Wunna land, and I said that I would give ‘Weston’ in Blantyre, Malawi a happy shoutout and then tell the dude from Belgrade in Serbia, to quit sending me daily messages that simply read ‘HORNY.’

It’s bizarre? I mean, what does he think i’m honestly going to do or say? Lol. It takes a lot more than that to try and pull my Sassy ass…I don’t want to give your ‘diddly doo’ a ‘diddly dum,’ after a command. I’m a glamour puss. I’m not your glamour puss and you should start conversations with women in the future that begin with a simple ‘Hi…’ (before telling her how amazing she is.) Unlike David, who told ‘Fairytale’ that she had really shit hair.

I’m a girl with a sexy disposition, who always wants to find true affection in a man. Told ya…my love life is not rubbish right now. I’m beaming…

Anyway, I’ve got to go…Sorry it was just a quickie

Love you lots.

Thank you for following my life and being part of it.

I’m looking forward to my ‘tomorrow.’

 

 

 

Saturday, Leeds Games & Glamourous Trumping

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Me: ‘But sex is a big part of  relationship…’

Chica: ‘Yeah but he’s rubbish at it…’

(Sips Cocktail)

Me: ‘Yes, but have you only had sex once…because sometimes it takes a few goes, to get in line with each others ooh laa…?’

Chica: ‘No…it’s just awkward and not in sync. I’m doing these bedroom faces that aren’t true to his work..?’

Me: ‘HAHAHAHAH! Are you good at sex though? As I reckon loads of girls must be shit at sex, because so many men are always on the look out for it. They take really good ‘i’m good at sex’ selfies, but are shit when it comes to the art of it all. Show him what to do?’

Chica: ‘Show him what to do? He’s a grown ass man. Plus, i’m too shy…’

Me: ‘If you’re shy with the man you fancy in the bedroom, then you’re shit at sex.. There’s only you and him there…It’s not like i’m watching on and judging your thrusts??? Lol.’

Then to our disgrace a guy in a group of boys, who were at the bar also watching last night’s Leeds game does the LOUDEST, most GIANT TRUMP, in the history of the world ever…HAHAHAH….Properly.. with no shame, he just lets it blow. It shattered the mirror of stress, everyone paused and then with ‘throw head back’ smiles, laughter burst through the airs…It didn’t even smell of egg….Kinda smelt like Jean Paul Gautier. Impressive.

Random Guy: ‘Steady on Paul! FUCKS SAKE!’

I love trumps when people don’t care. Hahahaha!

Leeds won. Life was great. I admire my friend Kate’s new kitten hair. I had spent the whole day with the children at the fair in Doncaster. (If you didn’t know, Doncaster is my home town…I go there a lot, so The Wunna Babies and I are a hit down at the old Frenchgate. Lol)

They fun housed, rode motorbikes, hooked ducks and then won fucking fish. IF YOU’RE A PARENT….you get how awful this is! We already have a NEW KITTEN. I’m like flipping Noah’s Arc or something? How can I go from nothing, to a kitten and  fish in days!! Then I had carry these fish around in a tank, with people awwing at me, a security man following me, two bags of Lush bath bombs, 2 bags of books from Waterstones, a bloody whistle, emoji cookies and with my hair stuck on my freshly lip glossed lips. Devastating. It should be a children’s book..‘When Mummy is a glamour puss and had to carry your shit home.’ 

I couldn’t take it any more and demanded that we go to Ego for new steak sandwiches and 2 for 1 cocktails. We’ve had lunch there about 4 times this week. To be honest, at the request of Ruby. Yesterday…I needed Ego and I smashed that salted rimmed margarita like a champion, as Junior made me a car with sparkles on, which looked like a clay poo with sequins and brought me a tiny buttercup. I love the ‘Arts & Craft’ table at the restaurant….You’re kids can make clay things, as you recover and drink wine. It’s creative and educational…honest! 😉

Long, but great day! Ruby decided to be a lawyer and Junior decided that be wanted to play football just so he could kick a ball into my boobies all day?  He laughed about it for about 3 hours. (I’m doing everything with a kitten in my arms.)

I then got home, striped down to my bra and frillies, chilled and sent a message to the guy that I ‘heart’ and the world swirled down to a happy magical ending, as day turned to night…and Saturday turned ‘lights out.’

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What Chu Know ‘Bout Me? Part Uno!

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As I cocktail, lunch and spend time with my little ones, dipped in a diamantee haze and shimmied over in a festival of winks, here…my sassy little heros is a ‘What chu know ‘bout me’ blog…I asked for your questions…you gave me them…I’ve answered them…

Cue music… (Before I start, do know that a bundle of gentleman did try to use this opportunity to get to ‘inappropriately’ chatter with me. I didn’t reply, because I only asked for your questions. I don’t need to get ‘hit on’ right now, just so you could enjoy a bit of a boner. Then there were other guys who were strange and sent me messages simply reading…‘ANYTHING?’ Again, I didn’t reply……because obviously I DID SAY ‘ASK ME ANYTHING.’ Read it, ask a question…get an answer, Simple process. 😉 Glad we got that cleared up….

Cue tune…

Q: Do you date Larger men?

A: Large where? 😉

Q: You’re a blogging hero…How did you turn your everyday life into a business…?

A: I think the blog ended up doing well because I stuck at it. It’s the only thing that I’ve ever been disciplined enough to do throughout 10 years…almost every day. It happened by itself & is a success because I love it so much. I’ve worked really hard.

Q: Will you get married again?

A: Yes. I’ll get it right this time.

Q: Favourite Book?

A: ‘My Booky Wook’ by Russell Brand

Q: Favourite thing to eat?

A: Sashimi

Q: Is being a glamour model as great at is seems?

A: It depends on what YOU love to do. To me…yeah. It’s been the best job in the world. You kinda have to be savvy, stay safe, be emotionally tough and not get lost in the bullshit that comes with it. Just focus on it being work…and nothing more.

Q: Does the ‘Casting Couch’ still happen?

A: In LA…yes massively. In England…well…not as much, but YES…definitely.

Q: How was Paris Hilton in real life?

A: She was great and a smart girl. That show served me so well…I learnt so much at the same time as entertaining. I love reality tv. I love being on it….It’s such a buzz.

Q: Chocolate bar or bag of crisps?

A: Bag of crisps every time!!

Q: Favourite cocktail?

A: I love all cocktails. I can drink anything. Literally. I can drink most humans under the table…but only when it comes to cocktail drinking. I love a Bloody Mary when i’m hung over. I love a salted rimmed margarita at Ego. I adore a good mai tai. I’m a creature of habit…I will always get the same drink/food in a particular bar or restuarant EVERY time.

Q: What don’t we know about you?

A: I’m soft when it comes to love and matters of the heart. I also built a brand on being glamourous and wild…when I’m really quite together and sensible. Still fun though…Still glamourous…just chilled and not lost. Lol. I’m funny. I have an ace sense of humour and i’m way more down to earth that people imagine. I’m allergic to nuts. I’m great at keeping secrets.

Q: What do you find unattractive in men?

A: Bad manners. Lost boys. Bad sex. Men who don’t know how to love, protect or look after a woman. I’m traditional in the most unconventional way.

Q: Can I take you out?

A: Everyone asks me that. I’m a rubbish date. 🙂

Q: What sex toy did you create for Ann Summers?

A: Lol…an anal vibrator or beginners called ‘The Learning Curve‘ 🙂 There was actually a whole range.

Q: What’s your favourite sex position?

A: I love all sex ….I’m playful in the bedroom. Yet not promiscuous. Meaning, if I’m WITH a long term partner…we will be having the best sex ever. Lol

Q: How do I become a blogger?

A: Start one. Mine started in LA via a barista in a coffee shop, who thought it would be an online hit one day….;) Being a blogger is the best job i have ever had and personal lifestyle blogging is hard, as the only thing you’re blogging about is yourself…so you have to hope it catches on..it’s not like writing a parenting blog, or a beauty blog, or a restuarant review. Yet if it does catch on, you’re onto a winner, as no one can write about YOUR LIFE better than you.

Q: Key to writing a great blog?

A: Be honest. Nothing in my blog is fabricated. It all happens. Everyone is a real person…if anything i leave things out…I could do with being MORE honest. Yet since it’s got bigger, i’ve weirdly become more careful…which i don’t like.

Q: Worst thing that has ever happened to you?

A: So much has happened. Homeless in New York was pretty bad. Yet i aced it. I felt cheery through the whole thing and survived it. Anytime i have my heart broken is always the worst. I hate that feeling…..I hate it….and i always try and brave face it, which sucks.

Q: Northern or Southern?

A: Northern.

Q: Best time of your life?

A: I am so lucky to have had SO MANY ‘BEST TIMES IN MY LIFE’ to the point where I can’t even believe all i’ve achieved. Kinda everything i’ve wanted to do, i’ve managed to do somehow? I don’t know how? It’s been utterly surreal. I guess, you get what you’re mean to get? Sometimes you can work really hard for something and it doesn’t materialize and other times you don’t and it’s delivered to you with bells on? I cannot believe some of the things that have happened to me!

Q: Finer things in life or to slum it?

A: Right, I always say i’m chilled and I am…yet I am bouji by nature, so I enjoy the finer things in life. I’m well balanced. So I can sit in your comfies and smash a nandos on your sofa, or dine in the finest places in all the land. I’m happy either way. Weird innit?

Q: Do you think you’ll win the Diversity in Media Awards?

A: No. I want to though.

Q: Where do you hope your blog end up?

A: Where? I hope it takes over the entire world, but MADLY. I’m half way there. 😉

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Love, Lattes & Chicks Who Tongue Dogs…

by

Woke up this morning with the blistering sunlight shining through my window, with all a calm breeze and peace as my bestie…I stretched…I kitty yawned and just like that BOOM! Bustle, door knocks, headsets, clipboards, fidgets, schedules and that darling bit of happy ‘rush rush.’ (Which i hate. I hate RUSHING. When you rush, you mess things up. I’m a glamour puss. I like to do things in an orderly glamourous fashion.)  It only lasted a good jolly moment…then once again everything went back to calm, back to normal and I could continue sipping my green tea latte. (Which is my favourite latte in all the land. I used to get one every morning in LA, on 3rd and La Cienega, unless I was on a diet, then i’d flirt with an Americano with skimmed instead.)

Sorry….i’ve just got distracted after watching a snapchat of a guy (i know his sister closely) line out 20 chicken nuggets on his mates drive for hangover kicks and type out a mini news report afterward. Lol I’m enthralled. I love it! Hahah. But anyway…

You all zoned in on the fact that I stated that my love life wasn’t rubbish yesterday, didn’t ya! I scrolled through messages galore from people all over the world either cheering me on, or tinkering for me details? When it comes to love, I’ve never got it right, have I? Yet, that’s because i’ve Mambo’ed into everything head first, twirling madly, in red dresses and sequins, with ‘cha cha’ arms (don’t actually know what arms they are) and with everything crossed. And don’t get me wrong, it’s always great to feel ‘crazy’ about someone (that’s what passion is and if you don’t have it, your soul needs a tequila to wake you up and smell the limes,) yet the ‘crazy’ is what you feel initially….We all love the ‘swirl,’ the initial attraction…the ‘ooh laa’ as I like to call it….Yet, the real love comes after….when time has passed, you’ve learnt about one another and you’ve only just realised how much time you’ve invested in a person because it’s breezed by so merrily…

Real love comes (that love that people say has been written about for centuries) when a true friendship has been formed, one of loyalty and trust, that has been built upon slowly, where you share laughter, secrets, respect and support. When you can look at that person and know that no matter what they’ll always be there…because they always have. To me…that’s what real love is. A best friend…that you do ‘non friend zone‘ like things with. 😉

Having gotten love wrong for so many glamourous decades…YIPPPEEEE (again doesn’t make me a hideous person, it’s simply just my story, it’s actually empowered me more than I ever thought it would,) I THINK, that no one in this entire world understands love more than I do, right now. I do get nervous. I do get frightened. I do things wonderfully. I do things badly. It’s normal. I’m certainly not all sass, i’m quite an affectionate soul…and yeah like anyone, I don’t fancy feeling love in order to maybe get hurt, right? Especially not at thirty something. That doesn’t make us weak, it kinda just makes us human. It’s not the right way to move forward. So I’m always open hearted regardless…as my confidence out weighs my moments of terror…and just incase i have to encounter a sassy bit of heartbreak again in the future …I KNOW THAT I CAN HANDLE IT. 🙂 Plus, I have loads of great alcoholic chick friends who will buy me cocktails to make me feel better..and then make fun of me for being a tool.

I’m an life soldier…but a happy one. And I am 100 percent confident that one day (even though i’ve had decades of being unlucky in love) i’ll make someone really happy forever. Forever being the key word…as I have made people briefly happy… Lol. I actually said this to my chick friend Lana (she’s strange and tongues dogs)..

Me: ‘What! I’ve got it in me….’

Lana: ‘What, like silicone?’

Me: ‘Yes. Actually. Please stop tonguing that dog near my Gucci Bamboo Top Handle.’

Lana: ‘It’s weird because you’re a sweetheart but everyone who doesn’t know you thinks you’re a dickhead. Hahaha. I know you’ve got it in you…’

Me: ‘Well, I wouldn’t say it, if I didn’t know it was true. It’s not like i’m sat here saying, hey yeah…i’d make a really great roller booting astronaut…cos i’d know i’d be shit at that.’

Lana: ‘There’s no such thing as that, idiot. What if Mr. Whoever has a shit willy..’

Me: ‘He doesn’t have a shit willy. Stop tonguing that fucking dog!! Honestly. It’s sick. No wonder you’re divorced.’

Lana: ‘You can’t talk…You better get used to having to tongue pets now that you’ve got Rocco…’

Me: ‘Eww! Rocco’s bouji. He’s not average like your pet. Lol. He’s an ‘IT’ kitten. He’s swag. He’s part of Wunna land. I have a whole online patch of land. You’re living it right now & you don’t even know. It’s like a glittery Matrix.’

Lana: ‘You’re such a big headed twat.’

Right, I need to head off quickly…and enjoy the rest of my chills. I have the Yorkshire chills to get back to and enjoy…I’m slightly confused at how grown my children have become. It’s weird. How the hell have I managed to raise them?

I’m also missing all my girls! Firmonnell, Fairytale, Hustle Barbie, Double B, Mel and Lady Shiz. I did actually wake up, thousands of miles away from them, look down at my phone and read a stream of whatsapp messages that kinda really upset me. Lots has happened and it was kinda weird because it’s not really something that I would be upset by…Yet reading the stream and realizing how much of a team we were, no matter where we were in the world or what we were doing….or whatever shit life through at us…kinda made me smile! I love being part of a team. We have each other’s back no matter what. I always wonder what we’ll all be doing in the next five years…