Month: February 2017

I’m headed to Social Chain today :)

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Wake up! It’s Monday! HURRAH.

Congrats to those of you who took the time to be bothered to get up, get dressed and get your sexy selves to work. You deserve boobie winks for that. (Have no clue what they are?) Bottom line…Without self motivation, you don’t have shit. Well done!

THIS MONDAY, I am the MOST EXCITED that I could EVER BE!! *Happy Dance here.*

And yes, I’m harping on about motivation, and getting a ‘move on,‘ HOWEVER i’m still sat in bra and knickers, with bouncy freshly rollered hair and a pink laptop on my knees….typing away. 🙂 But whatever, i’ve been up since six o clock doing my eye makeup and dressing the children for school. Lol. That alone is a days work.

The best thing about today, is that I DON’T have that shitty Monday morning feeling, I am bubbled over with ‘joie de vivre.’ I could even have a morning Mimosa and do *can can* kicks, if I could find the right music. 🙂 When things make you excited, you are on the right track. Everything is about how something makes you FEEL. Excitement…great feeling.

Today, I am headed to Manchester. I’m actually going to be in Manchester both Monday AND Tuesday, so i’ll be blowing *air kisses* to Yorkshire, as my train leaves the platform for now. I feel rested. I feel glammy…and yeah i’m feeling a bit chubby too, but i don’t care, as I’ve Skinny Tanned…so that helps right. 😉 Everyone is messaging me about wanting a waist trainer. Do it. Love it. Don’t have a ‘filth drawer,’ is my answer to you all. I mean what is sexier than CORSET TRAINING.

But cut all the crap…TODAY… I…. (yes, little glamour puss extraordinaire) HEAD DOWN TO SOCIAL CHAIN in Manchester! I KNOW! How exciting! I could *pop.* (As in ‘burst’ and not as in ‘sing you A1 tracks’ from the 90’s.)

Over the last couple months i’ve talked how much I LOVE Steve Bartlett and his Vlogs. He’s my favourite human. I send out that message ALL THE TIME. I’ve watch his Vlog develop. I’ve been hooked. I’ve watched them on appearances. I’ve watched them in bed. On the loo. I’ve made other people watch them in bars. Lol It’s the kind of Vlog,  (like this blog, ) that you accidentally discover…like treasure. You can come across it at any point of your life journey and when you do….you kinda get hooked and find yourself *tapping* into it all the time. The company & his merry self are pretty much on the route to stardom…

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They’ve been on the cover of The Times, filmed for HBO & Vice, Bartlett’s tinkered on a Power List…all sorts… I once Tweeted him, in my orange fox onesie and asked to head on down…(that sounds rude 🙂 ) ….He went with ‘yep,’ and well at 3pm, i’ll be tapping on their door.

This whole Steven Bartlett, Social Chain thing is popular, isn’t it? Everyone seems to be nattering about it. It seems sexy. It seems cool. I’ve actually known that I would be going now… for about a month… I’ve been listening to what people say about the Vlog, reading what they’re writing about it…and i’m smiling…as it’s clever, it’s fun…it’s pretty much a show. It IS a show.

I’m a massive fan of the of it all…the company, the people, the characters, the office…Steve….the slide…the bar…the dogs….their work….THE WHOLE KITTY SHABAM…..so my frillies are in an utter TWIST! I cannot wait!

‘Chrissie don’t wear that….you look like you’ve just walked onto the Vegas strip and not someones office…Lol.’

Mel: ‘Does he do rants? I’m sure I watched a Donald Trump rant on my newsfeed once and then nudged my friend and said that’s who Chrissie watches..’

I guess everything is like a sexy game of Chinese Whispers.

‘I wondered if they’ve actually read your blog’

‘Are you going out afterwards?’

‘The poor sods, don’t even know what they’ve let themselves in for!’

Basically, I’m *tapping* into THEIR world, THEIR Monday and TO ME, it’s so utterly SURREAL because what is MORE BIZARRE than watching a place and a bunch of people..literally every day, without them knowing…and then waking up one Monday morning and finding yourself *zapped* into that exact world. Crazy shit!

OOh! I’ve just got a message from Mel. She sent me a lovely one the other night, as I guess you’d never put us together as people who would end up being close friends…We’ve even shocked ourselves…Lol. But we’re ended up being close and I’ve found that we’re more similar than you’d think. But yes, she told me she ‘loved me.’ :) 🙂 Made me beam!

HAHAHAHAH! Wait!

This message is wishing me well for today and then all about blowjobs!

HAHAHAHA! I LOVE MEL.

Anyway…I’ll be Tweeting, Facebooking and Snapchatting everything and tomorrow there will be a big old blog on it all. So…keep up and add me to everything. Lol.

They’ve already made my Monday better…so hey….

Chick friend:

‘It can only go downhill from here..Hahahah!

WHAT A BITCH.

HAHAHAHA!

(That laugh was fake. 🙂 )

Ps: If you’re so behind on everything and don’t know what I’m talking about…Today you need to make it your mission to find out what Social Chain are…and who Steven Bartlett is….

Happy Monday! x

Cue: Alexandra…..

I Should Own Theme Parks…

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Holy Moly! Hope you’ve had your version of the perfect Sunday. If you’ve woken with the worst hangover on Earth, or steadily made your way to church? If you’ve treated yourself to a hard work week lay in? Or if you’ve looked to your right and had to roll some dude or chick out of your sheets, because beer goggles got the better of you…? 🙂 Maybe you just shopped or went to gym? Either way, thank you so much for *tapping* into Wunna land and no matter what you ended up doing, know that that was what you were supposed to end up dong, I guess?

I got up at the *crack* of dawn. I swear cockerels could’ve crowed. Early Birds sang at my cloudy windows. Wunna land switch the *on* button on at soon as daylight began to peek through into Sunday and my Mum, my Dad, my brother, Ruby, Junior and I..all showered, glammed and dressed ourselves for a day out at Sundown Adventure Land, in Retford. Is it in Retford? I’ve been as a child before it spread it wings and developed into a childs theme park and OH MY GOD, let me tell you…I have happy kids, they are the happiest kids in all the land, BUT I HAVE NEVER, seen them AS HAPPY, as they were today at Sundown Adventure land.

It has just reopened for the season, Ruby chose to celebrated her birthday there with her family and honestly, if you have children under the age of 10…(and I have two) it is THE BEST LITTLE HAPPY PLACE to adventure them to. It was AMAZING! WHAT A SWIRL! Just seeing their faces burst with this overwhelming excitement *shocked* me. I had to fast totter behind them in thigh high heeled boots, this giant white faux fur, and skinny jeans pissing myself because I couldn’t catch up! My entire family of Orientals had to *tag team* these kids like a game of British Bull Dogs…on tequila.

So, I guess..’The Wunna Babies,‘ is a thing now? As i’ve noticed that I have an inbox filled with ‘come play with my brand’ requests for ME…Yet now…there are teeny tiny dashings of…‘We’d like to offer Ruby & Junior…’

So before anything THANK YOU SUNDOWN ADVENTURE LAND FOR HAVING US. The most amazing time, with the most amazing staff, service and childhood memory magic. You made my little giblets smile. I’ll probably not do it in heels next time. 😉

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Today…I was nothing but MUM…and Oh Lord….before noon, I had swung on monkey bars, gone on a Robin Hood horse journies, been shot at in the Wild Wild West by cowboys (the last cowboys I met in Wunna land were strippers, so obviously, this was an odd change ;). ) I had crept through a witches caven and controlled their evil Tom Foolery, had fudge….lived Christmas again on their sleigh ride, gone on some Gold Diggers (no jokes 🙂 ) western rollercoaster train, flown on pigs with The Angry Birds, danced in Liquorice labs in Lollipop castles…chilled for some time on the sand in Captains Cove, had tea at Goldilocks’ house in Storybook land…Met the Three Little Pigs, fell off the wall with Humpty, followed the Yellow Brick Road, tinkered in Toy Town, let the kids ‘drive me for wine’ in a tractor and loved every single WAKING MINUTE OF IT. The wind was in our hair, life was all around us and we loved it. We sort of felt life today.

The day ended with Ruby asking if I could buy the entire place, so she could live in it forever. IF ONLY. If Dolly Parton an have a Mini Theme park, I can have a Wunna Land. It’d be ace. I could name the worlds after my favourite cocktails. 🙂 The ‘Prosecco Log Flume.’ (There’s no point to it, you just get to float around in diamond encrusted glasses, smash down the bottom of the flume and land in Prosecco. Lol. My ‘Tequila Slammer’ ride would be great. You just have a lick of salt, shoot a wormy tequila, go on the ride that just *shakes you inappropriately* until you’re ill and then suck the lime once done. 🙂 *DaaaDaaaaaaaaaaaa!*  My stop offs would be massage parlours, pap shoots and contour lounges. Let’s call the Disney Clan and tell them to shut down immediately, as they’ve no chance once I open.

We’ve honestly had THE BEST FAMILY DAY EVER. Infact, so great, that we all passed out in the back of the car….aaaaall the waaaay home. 🙂

Hope you venture to Sundown, as The Wunna Babies and I will be spending a lot more time there this year! 🙂

However, if you think my Sunday *pauses* here… you’d be wrong. You have another blog coming this evening…as I’m about to get everything ready to shimmie down to Manchester tomorrow, as I will be taking a cheeky, peeky into the world that we know as The Social Chain.

 

Birthdays, Chill Mode & Manchester on Monday

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I think i’ve just let my body embrace ‘chill mode’ and this isn’t any normal kind of ‘chill mode,’ this is the ultimate, soft landing, let your world sink into deep relaxtion, as a release mode.

I feel like i’ve just jollied in from the LONGEST work week ever. I can feel it all in my back, all tense. All knotty. It was just one of those work weeks that just kept going and going, with early mornings, late nights…and not even nearly enough wine.

When my body is still ‘running’ it does the job and gets on with it. YET, there was just a moment, on Friday night, where in which I tip toed away from the bustle. (I’ve worked A LOT over the last week, but i’ve felt it? Friday was also Ruby’s birthday…She’s now SIX :)..so even at home, it’s been ‘go, go, go.’ People, plans, giddiness, all sorts.) But yes, I looked around me, at the bustle and I snook away for a second, to have a chill, just a little old lay on my good old bed. (Total Granny. 🙂 ) And as my utterly glamourous head, hit that extra soft, feathery pillow, almost as if it had happened in slow motion, my ENTIRE SOUL felt a strong *clench* relax and slooooowly release me from a lofty height of tense stress. It was BLISS. From that moment on, I was in a euphoric state of kitty chill and I think you just need those moments to recoup. It’s the balance. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty about relaxing. If you work hard, you deserve it.

I have Ruby’s birthday weekend to delight in for the rest of the weekend…and to be fair the babies have been wonderful. Their little faces are lit with glee. Ruby’s so happy to be six and Junior’s so happy to skank extra pressies, because it’s his sisters birthday and he’s the baby, so we can’t leave him out. Lol.

All sorts happened last week. ‘Fairytale Blond’ and I pissed ourselves laughing, as we ventured out to what I’d call ‘foreign lands,’ lands that I had never been a part of before to collect awards. TWO AWARDS. Lol. We won the lot! Yet, we had to ‘copper up’ to afford to buy booze, because they didn’t accept card and we didn’t have any cash on us. Well, we spent the cash on being charitable, which although lovely, and Little Miss Fairytale won Daffodil biscuits :)…kinda annoying when it comes to feeding my alcoholism. ‘Lady Shizzle’ who went with us, (I did vino with her, the red sort, before the event,) had to leave us to it, to journey home and dumped a handful of 20 pence pieces in my hand, which i was tremendously grateful for, as I could then afford a Sol. Lol. ‘Fairytale Blond’ got a CUPPA TEA at the pub before and then a JUICE Lol…at the event thing. I was filled up with wine, probably up to my little squinty kitten eye balls.

The rest of my chick friends, are all on ‘time of the month‘ vibes, so everything is all a little stressy or a littler tender. It’s delightful. It’s all hair extensions, blond bits and grumpy faces, with stress.

We’re all eating out of that FILTH DRAWER like desperate chimpanzees on the look out for….(Lol…sorry, just giggling at the time Firmonnell kept carrying around this banana with her, like her utter LIFE depended on it, like it was her weird BEST FRIEND. HAHAHA!)

‘Why do I constantly have this fucking banana in my hand?’

‘What’s that on my desk?’

‘Firmonnell’s banana!’

I am eating like a fat Oriental pig. It’s disgusting. I mean, you KNOW you’re not in Hollywood anymore, when you’ve gone out of your way to HIDE a fucking BACON SANDWICH from Greggs, in a drawer, that you can easily access, with one, left hand swing, if you fancied a bite. I’m not even left handed, so it’s my emergency arm.

I DID that!! That is what I have become! Waist trainer? I’ve probably eaten it, with a side of pork dumplings? 🙂

And there’s me thinking, ‘Ooh, I have a bunch of events and shoots that start in March, so I’ll get in shape, eat well and get skinny for them…’

Oh yeah, totally smashed that goal…

I mean I head to Manchester in Monday to go have a cheeky peeky behind the Social Chain walls. I snapchatted Steve…Steven Bartlett and asked if i could go…and he agreed. So I get to meet him to! Couldn’t be more excited for Monday! Can’t wait to meet everyone. Can’t wait to blog about it all….BUT I’M GONNA BE THE CHUBBY VERSION OF MYSELF. GREAT! I’m mean to be some crown wearing glamour puss for crying out loud!

I bet they don’t hide bacon sandwiches in drawers! No! They’re decent human beings….all creative and hard working….all….

I hope they have cocktails?

The funny thing about all this, is that when I made my Gino’s appearance, remember that blog….at the end of last year….I had made a bet at the Prosecco bar with House of Solo Magazine owner Abeiku Arthur….I had started watching Steve’s Vlogs every night and getting into them and then began Tweeting about how much I loved them. ‘House of Solo’ Abeiku Arthur then decided to Tweet Steve…and I correctly predicted that he wouldn’t get a reply, yet Steve would ‘like/favourite’ my Tweet.

What I didn’t tell you, was that I also predicted that I would be IN THAT OFFICE in a couple months. 🙂 Lol. AND *BOOM*….Monday, I check in!

Like, I said, I’m really excited. I can’t wait to tell you about my time there…I go on Monday and I even kept my Diary completely empty for Tuesday, whilst I’m still in Manchester, so that I can blog it all accurately…when it’s fresh….

Facebook Msg: (PE teacher from Malta) ‘Heeyyyyyyyyyyy, not out living the high life this evening? *Add kissy face emoji’s here.*

Whatsapp Msg: (London Business Man)

‘Your obviously too in demand these days x

It’s so bizarre, because both of those guys are from my ‘last year’ and they both decided against pairing up with  ‘Wunna land…’ I hadn’t spoken to them….Just got on with doing life….It all *zoomed* into the beginning of ‘dreams come true’ and then just like that, they’re back *tapping* on my Cyberland door. Both lovely humans. I wouldn’t date either of them. But they make good friends. Men must like women when they are headed to success? Well no…it either makes me more attractive to some OR makes other guys just feel defeated, like there would be no point in trying I’d never go for it….

But right now….I’ve got to go back and tend to organizing the rest of Ruby’s birthday weekend…

Love you all!

Chrissie

 

 

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Fairytales, Single Life & Inboxes

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‘Awww…we need to find you a man Chrissie’ said Mel, as she eased off her headset and sat forward in her swivel chair, with a radiating grin that only EVER occurs in a girl, a lady, or a woman when the ‘love bug’ has got her and she is embracing the magical swirl of it all.

I was flipping rummaging in a cupboard for a key. Glamoruously ofcourse. Yet the key wasn’t to anyone’s heart. Just simply to aid the opening of doors.

David: ‘What about London Business Man?’

See…I would NEVER have thought that David would’ve ever *scroll clicked* into Wunna land? So it surprised me. Yet, at the same time it was hilarious, as he did actually refer to ‘London Business Man’ as ‘London Business Man,’ which always makes me smile.

‘Nothing. We aren’t anything…

Mel: ‘You do right…I mean he can’t just try to come back now…’

‘Well he’s just sent me a Whatsapp reading…*Okay handing in the towel and giving up 🙁 *’

I just looked as David, as he left Mel and I, to dash out the door and start his own work day, in his tie, with is diary…and smiled with a confident eye contact, that would inform anyone that, that particular chapter of ‘last year’ was and is waaaaaaaaaaaay in the past.

‘He can’t just adore me, choose another girl over me…fob me off, yet THEN realize I might have been a better choice and OH LOOK, I’m now doing well and after noticing that… decide to THEN shimmie back in…I’m not soft like that. I will do catch up drinks with him…yet…I just can’t take him seriously…’

I’m the warmest, most forgiving bundle of boobied Oriental that you’ll ever meet…but i’m not foolish. I’m a big girl. I’m grown. In a moment when I utterly adored him, he made me feel utterly rejected because he wasn’t ready to care for me…and anyone can relate to that feeling. Yet…that was a year ago. Time moves on. As soon as I got over that niggly rubbishy feeling, I jollied onward. I’m not weird like that. I’m happy and the best people LIVE their new chapters with love, forgiveness, with smiles and with rum cocktails. (Mel’s going through a huge new chapter right now, where after years of absolute shit…and THREE YEARS of single life….The Big Dude up above has watched her fight back so hard, that he’s got bored of the show, cut her some slack and thrown her a happy ending. Makes me smile. Her ‘Love swirl’ told her that he loves her the other night. 🙂 )

‘CHRISSIE!!!! I’M IN LOVE! OFFICIALLY:) ‘

Watching her made me beam. In fact, they’re all in love right now…’ALL’ meaning my chick friends. They’re all so different. All in different types of love, different stages of love and in different generations of love. Firmonnell with her 2 children and hubby ‘Big D,’ who go through life with smiles and this happy family life. ‘Fairytale Blond,’ in a newish  love that is becoming more and more stable by the day. (She literally does ‘love’ by the book. It’s like one big, moral …Fairytale text book.) ‘Double B’ and Master.G…are young 20 somethings that are all flashy, urban and glamorously ‘gangsta bouji.’  They’re like this hilariously bizarre comedy duo, who were simply made for each other. Lynne has been with Tony for hundreds of years, from being fifteen to sixty!!!  (AS IF) Hot Sarah is all moved in, loved and doing her 4th year Anniversary, yet still seeks adventure. Mel, as you know, is three months in, as soft hearted as they come with a warrior exterior. You don’t mess with her. She’s fallen madly in love, after three whole years of ‘no man anywhere.’

They all kinda give me hope and i’ve been in love, had loads of attention, no attention, been happy, been sad, been married three times, up, down and everywhere, from all angles of that glammy coin.

But i’ve just never found my true love yet and even though I’m the only one that’s single, I don’t seem to mind as right now? Until I find the man of my dreams…that crazy love…that love that takes over me, my soul mate….I’m not bothered. I’m not in the mood to *kiss a bunch of toads.* I’m too old for that…and too egotistical. 😉

I’m going through more life changes this year than ever…and embracing them…I think? Even though there are A LOT OF CAREER THINGS ‘PENDING…’ And it’s awful because it’s like typing a message, hitting ‘send,’ but your wifi connection conks out, as the *swirl* icon buffers around and around and around, going nowhere…PENDING is better than nothing, but still shit. 🙂

Firmonnell: ‘Yeah but Chrissie, that’s exciting, as all the things that are pending are really BIG things.’

‘Yes, but  don’t have them yet.’

Then Double B decided to cast Firmonnell in the pretend film version of chrissiewunna.com, if it was a budget ‘Sex in the City’ with a..

‘You’d definitely be the red haired lesbian one, Chrissie’s *Carrie* and I’m that dirty one that talks shit all the time..’

I’m lucky because in my world i’m on constant mode of ‘hide it well’ stress. Yet, it almost doesn’t absorb because it’s completely dissolved by the best chick friends, a girl could ever HAVE, who inject my stress with the most hilarious girl banter and laughter. I love them. 🙂 You should too. They’ll send you nudes.

‘Prince Jonathan’s completely changed since he’s met Fairytale Blond. He’s found his one.’

‘I mean yeah, look at Master G and I, he used to be a massive coke head and now he’s lovely.. It’s like a fairytale in itself.

HAHAHA.

‘Once upon a time, there was a….’

At the end of the day I can’t control any of the ‘pending,’ so I just have to let life decide for me…

I mean GOD, I’m a finalist in the UK Blog Awards this year. Over 97,000 people voted, through a public vote, which landed me in the TOP 8 ‘most voted for’ blogs in my category. WHAT? That shocked me. That was in December and I found out I was finalist in January. I HONESTLY COULDN’T BELIEVE IT. It was glorious! 🙂 I happy danced.

THEN, and obviously I KNEW the whole time, that I was a finalist, yet sort of made the executive decision to forget about it all and just get on with doing what I do best and that’s tell my story. Yet even though I couldn’t be more honoured. Like it feels just SO SPECIAL, as this is MY LIFE. It’s not a review site, an advice site, or anything…It’s literally just my story….and fortunately a journey that so many of you, all over the world have tuned in to. It’s unbelievably humbling.

Today I got a reminded that the event was in April (I can’t wait for it but i’m terrified and I DO EVENTS ALL THE TIME. BIG ONES. The email said that the JUDGES had now handed in their winning results? WHAT!!! That ALONE, really shit me up for a bit, because I had FORGOTTEN that I was being judged by  the judges through FEBRUARY!! JESUS!

So, now there’s nothing I can do, but pour a wine, keep ‘Dear Diarying’ it , show up in April, STILL FLIPPING SINGLE..and not win. Hurrah!

Ps/ Thank you for all the support 😉

PPS/ Thank you to the guy that inboxed me this message today…

‘Love your blog & ffs, 99 percent of males would love to have you in their life…I think you’re amazing..xx’

The reason why i’m thanking you, is because there was a moment today when I might have been a little fed up…and I just happened to glimpse down at my phone and that message popped up randomly…But it was so positive and so lovely that it made me FEEL chipper. So I thank you for that and send you my love.

PPS/ The dude that send me the video in his builders uniform…plastering…Always a treat! Lol. Cheers! 🙂

Stupid Cupid…

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GOD!!! If i’m that ‘beautiful’ or that ‘mind blowing’ or that ‘talented’ or that ’10’ you’ve always been looking for, then why the am I single?

I don’t get it? I’m the most loving, love bunny in all of the goddamn lovey land. I make an awesome partner. So, if my inbox is filled with ‘I think you’re amazing’s’…I mean JEEZE, random ‘Tom from Hertfordshire thinks i’m…(and this is an exact quote)

‘like some weird science project, where the perfect girl has been created…’

Honestly! If  am I THAT delicious, than why is Cupid fucking me over continuously…A dude in a diaper is fucking me over.

Chick friend: ‘Because you’re far too picky and far too shallow. 🙂 ‘

Hahaha! 🙂 Cheers!

If ANYTHING, I need to be FAR MORE picky and far more shallow. I love romance, treats, eye candy and the finer things in life, yet I will always judge EVERYTHING on ‘chemistry’ and all through my life to date, I’ve always got it wrong. I have never managed to find that perfect ‘chemistry’ with anyone…No…aside from one guy.

But i’m not bothered. I’m just having a ‘had gin’ rant because I can. I’m not gonna just date ‘the next guy’ simply because. I’m rather wait it out, even if he never finds me and I end up residing with 100 cats, in the most glamourous bachelorette pad.

I will say that I’m watching Mel, Fairytale Blond, Firmonnell, Double B, Hot Sarah and Lynne and noticing how they’re all VERY paired up and in love. And I adore watching them in their girly ‘love swirls.’

YET…It did sort of dawn on me today that I was super single and I don’t quite like it. Let alone GET IT?

I’m an ace human. I’m fucking brilliant. I’m that glittery slice of life that you wished you could spread on your toast. That ‘Mmm’ noise you make after your favourite bite of cookie.Why am I NOT loved up??

*Massive confusion alert*

‘Wunna! Obviously. People read your blog. Google search you. Come up with a version of you, a WRONG VERSION, that they think you are… and mess it all up…’

‘Yeah, and this whole confident, independant thing that you are… is off putting..It scares them…It means that they could lose you….hence why they put a ring on it a lot…’

‘And when they actually meet you, they are so in shock at how you actually are, that they create their own swirl, and they don’t actually know what to do & start acting like an unusual version of themselves.’

Lovely!

Where’s just all the normal humans? My Knight in shining armour? No more Twats in Tin foil please! Where are all the authentic ‘make my eyes smile’ men? This game of ‘hidey go seek’ is totally one sided?? I’ve counted to 10 and coming to find you and you’re no where.

My LA guy friends are like..

‘Just come back here, where we all love you…’

My British chick friends…’find it funny.’

Then one girl messaged me, who I went to school with..she reads my blog daily…

She said,

‘I think you’re going to find that love is about to creep up to you, find you and sweep you off your feet really, really soon…’

Hmm? Really?

How can my love life be so shite. Yet my work life be so wonderful? I have brands and collabo’s filling up my inbox like wild fire. I mean, GOSH, I’ve always wanted to work alongside ‘Onch Movement’ (who appeared in Forbes and designed for Sanrio…Hello Kitty,) casually Tweeted him this evening…and within a minute, he tweeted back, and within five minutes, we sorted out a collabo. He’s in LA and I’m in the UK.

I guess, the ace thing about growing up in West Hollywood, is that everyone I know growing up… as a young one, is now super successful in the career that they chose to dabble in. Makes it all a little easier. I mean Little Raffi, who used to wish to be some giant producer…whilst dreaming about success, with Red Bulls, outside my condo, after reversing into my wheelybin every night…before he went to go hang out with ‘Neo’ for kicks. He ended up producing for R Kelly, working with Britney and even Michael Jackson. All of them, ended up doing so well and because they were all so driven.

YET, they’ve all managed to sustain loving long term relationships…AND IN FRICKING LA, where FOREVER means TEMPORARY.

I’m weeing myself laughing, but I have no clue why?? Lol

Cupid and I will be mates one day. But just not today.

(Now, I want you to all go back and read this through with an Irish accent. My chick friend, ‘Double B’…will always force these ‘accents’ that she does, upon us without fear and no matter where you’re from…be you black, white, Japanese, cockney, Jamaican or American…She will do your accent and it will be IRISH. Lol. She can’t even help it. It will sound nothing like you…but she’ll go for it… 🙂 )

‘You still sound Irish???’

‘Oh? That was my granny voice??’

OOh, Two Whatsapp…

Firmonnell: ‘I’ve started drinking through the week now.’ (HAHAHA! Yes! I hope she’s on the rum!)

London Business Man: ‘I know you’re busy and doing all this cool stuff, like going out and getting papped, having fun etc…I get it. You’re busy. But don’t you want to just get real for a minute and come see me? We’ll go out and about…and…’

I guess, the fact that I haven’t managed to find the time to go see him yet, means that my heart isn’t so bothered. Work comes before him…and when I fall in love….I want to feel as though i’m in a magical uncontrollable ‘happy swirl,’ where all is dandy and I’ll never have to compromise my journey…my ambitious, yet loving quench for success..

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Changes, Heels & Life Paths

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‘I need to thank someone. Can I send them nudes of you?’ Said Double B to the freshly ‘one layer’ of Skinny Tanned Burmese Glamour puss.

‘Yeah sure. 🙂 ‘

Then we started talking about Chinese Burns and how it was the answer to all our playground troubles back in the day.

‘I’ll give you a Chinese Burn…’

Double B’s ‘beau’ still gives her Chinese Burns when she buys Rapunzel hair for £300. 🙂

‘I should get shoes next time. 🙂

‘Have you made that phone call?’

‘I can’t be arsed with Monday.’

‘Where’s the diary?’

Monday was hard for me today. I don’t even know why? I just had to write it off with a *wink* because I spent the day on an ‘off’ beat, and in the words of Cher, the beat always goes on…so if you’re knocking about on the ‘off’ beat, you’re fumbling. 🙂

Monday and I were not even nearly friends. I’m more friends with my waist trainer than I was with this Monday. …and I hate ‘Veronica’ my waist trainer. I keep trying to lose her. But like a shitty relationship, she keeps tottering back. (The bitch. 🙂 ) SEND NUDES.

I found it really hard to get my freshly pampered ‘weekend’ self up and rocket dash into today and I think it’s because I’m focused, but my mind is all over the place. I’m trying to concentrate, as I have a massive week, I have a lot going on…and I have a lot of things in the ‘pending’ part of my brain box, which is always awful because you don’t have control of them. Yet part of my ‘this year’ is to let go of the things you can’t control and simply leave them to good old destiny….and evening wine pours.

We all tottered in from different directions…Double B drove in, in her gangsta green Mercedes. ‘Fairytale Blond’ rocked up, with her posh Tweed over coat, after stepping out of her fairytale Mini. Firmonnell had just done the mad dash over, after doing the child minder drop offs, in her reliable, she ‘loves it’ Ford Focus. Mel sauntered through the door, wrapped in her stylish red coat…and I strutted in with my Little Mistress faux fur, after a casual drive, a quick trip for a latte and a saunter up, from the posh part of Ponte. 🙂

The ‘King of the North’ even dashed by me, blue suited and booted with a hundred red files in his arms…and as he passed, with his positively perfectly groomed hair, (his wife does it for him every morning) he looked to his side and gave me a cheeky, ‘welcome to the dark side’ morning smile.

I had Skinny Tanned, so even though I was on my ‘off’ beat, I was still feeling fabulous because my legs were now a it more glowy. It quenched my ‘why am I not sat with a cocktail in my hand, in a sunny, sunny land, on a inflatable flamingo, bobbing around a glamourous pool side’ thirst?

Firmonnell: ‘Oh your legs look Asian today, cos usually your face is Asian, but your legs are white…’ 🙂

Monday’s are rubbish for everyone, but we did it, we got on with it…and well everything seems to be evolving…or should I say changing..?

I went through a ‘last year’ of massive changes and even though they terrified me because they took me away from that comfy soft pillowness, that made me feel safe and not necessarily UTTERLY happy…I knew that life was about change, developing and doing what your heart is loyal to. You have one life to live…embrace it. But i’m not someone who will make the best out of bad bargain. I’m someone who will FEEL, decide… and after a little thought… react. I don’t over think things, I just casually weigh up the ‘doo daahs’ and quickly make a decision.

We’re all going through changes right now, be it in love, work, home life…location…all sorts.

New chapters are everything because when you choose an alternate side road, you MAY find, that it was a road that you were MEANT to take. In the long run, you’ll see why…

I had the BEST old chapter…and I LOVE MY NEW CHAPTER…but my world…my life…well it’s still developing. However, for each and every one of my chick friends (and we all rode in from different parts of town, we’re different parts of ladies, but it’s that bundle of  difference parts that makes us so close..) Well we’re all going through really big life changes…without us actually realizing…and we’re doing it together…

Some are falling in love, some are in a swirl over new commitments, some have brand new fairytale homes to look forward to, some have bright futures, safe present times, or really big decisions to make. Some of us have new career paths, new opportunities laid out in front of us…some of us are heartbroken & snogging strangers, whilst some of us are stable…Some of us prefer the old ways, some of us embrace the new…

Yet, what i know about life, is that it’s all about chapters and GOD you’re a long time dead. I always say that, you have 100 years to do whatever you want in life, so go for it, fall in love, have your heart broken, live, laugh, dance in the rain…You’re exactly where you’re meant to be. and a decade from now, you will look back on this exact moment and either giggle at how funny you were, shake your head with regret, or be glad that you took that side road.

Where you LAND is what matters and even though you may leave a lot of happy memories behind you….It’s those happy memories that you’ll always HAVE to treasure. So when you GET to the age, where in which you’re on that shitty rocking chair with your knitting needles in tow and you tell your doughy eyed grand kids the story of your life….You glow because it STILL IS and ALWAYS WAS so wonderful…

Don’t be afraid to take new steps…even if they’re baby ones. Be loyal to what you believe is right for you, embrace changes and just fucking go for it…

I have never once in my life got ANYWHERE, without taking that side road….

If you’re scared of love, be brave enough to trust yourself and your choices and FALL IN LOVE without fear. If a new opportunity has sprung out of nowhere and it makes you eternally smile…move with it, enjoy it, it doesn’t come around often. If you’ve always been on the move and you finally have something stable…LOVE BEING STILL.

No matter what you do…It’s your story…and no one on this Earth CAN DO IT better than you. Button up, zip up, hold your head high and strut.

We all left each other today, in our Tweed jacket, Faux fur, Rapunzel hair, Red coat… heels and handbags…to ‘tango’ our usual paths home….

However, I looked down at my phone to read a message…and with a Wunna *smirk* I knew at that point…that everything was about to change…

 

 

 

Cos you totally can…..

by

I got a message from my first ever hubby this afternoon, who was congratulating me on ‘my time’ as he put it. When we were tiny and in LA TRYING to be successful in our fields, he sort of excelled and before you know it, within six months he was on every tv show going, a couple movies and a then chilling on screens with Tom Cruise and Justin Timberlake. During that time, I chilled, I was a wife and a modelled. When we split up…I blogged..:)

We’re not very close by any means, yet we have this respect for one another for finally almost getting there…as his career sprouted early…(we moi as the love of his life) and then sort of *paused* and is maybe still *on a casual steady steady* right now, after a blast. My career, was always ‘steady steady’…potentially there…but just not quite…I’ve had *blips* where in which they could’ve *blasted* yet babies and life, just wasn’t quite ready for my party yet. (And if you’re a mum, I do not want you to think that you can’t do it all, you can’t. During that time, I THOUGHT I couldn’t do it all…but if i tried I could. You don’t HAVE to make sacrifices…if you are willing to so the blood, sweat and tears. And IT DOES pay off in the end.)

Anyway, long story short, we’re both *blue ticked* and doing well..both whole, kind humans…and both really ambitious people. Yet, he wanted to remind me of the time that I did a massive poo in our appartment in LA. So massive that it blocked up the loo and we had to call the Mexican maintenance guy ‘Jose’ to come and unplug it.

Obviously being the glamour puss that I am, I was devastated by this…Especially because we knew Jose and I didn’t want him to go through so much torture….and so I therefore turned to my husband, at the time…and said,

‘If you loved me, you would totally pretend you did that poo and take the entire blame for it. LOL.’

He wee’d himself laughing and let me tell you, Mikey was the kinda guy who loved like his girl, like she was his world, he’d die for me, cry for me and LIVE for me…BUT WOULD HE PRETEND THAT HE DID THAT FUCKING POO…nope! Lol.

So, I made him make the call to Jose, to state that our toilet was blocked and that HE had done the poo..HAHAHAH! (Sorry, I just find stuff like this hilarious. Mike was on a really big TV show at the time and I was a Playboy bunny. DYING.) And he went with it, out of love, but got narked off later, yet didn’t have time to get properly annoyed, because he then dashed out to go audition for a show that was about to hit our screen shortly…and that was ‘Entourage.’ Lol. That’s why you should be busy and date busy guys. They don’t have time to get narked off.

I’ve had an awesome day today and It’s been great because i’ve spent it with my family, i’ve managed to get through a lot of work…and it’s been balanced. If you’re a blogger or a vlogger and constantly in tune with ‘an audience’ you need these moments or real friends, to keep you in check. To make sure you’re authentic and not playing a version of yourself. (Saying that, people still don’t dare speak to me when they see me and message me afterward stating that they crossed paths with me? Just say ‘Hi’ I don’t bite. It’s so weird to me, because the chicks of Wunna land say it to me always and I never get it, as they ill freely speak to me…constantly…and know me. I am probably THE MOST easy going human you will ever meet. Just glammy with it. 🙂 )

Work starts tomorrow, everything keeps going…I’m looking forward to getting through this week, as I celebrate my daughter’s birthday and then head to Manchester to go shimmie down at Social Chain. (If you know me, you know i’m excited about that.) I’ve gone through literally fifty nine thousand emails today…well half of them…and managed to *tick box* the people, events and brands that I fancy teaming up with…and rethink the ones that aren’t maybe very Me. It’s not about doing everything, it’s about doing all the right things. I’ve learnt that lesson the hard way.

I went through them with a friend, yet my friend is very ‘yes, yes, to everything…’ so by the time she had got through 22 emails, she had already made a pile of ‘think you should do’s deffo’ to 19 of them. Lol. And I WANT TO DO THEM ALL, but whilst there’s just sort of me, and no team, I can’t get my head or TIME around it all. I told you, I need help.

I have a busy week ahead, but i’m going to chill through it and smell the roses. I’m not someone to get stressed over nada. I’m positive. I beam and right now, i’m very Girl Power.

Oh! And I had Mel ask me the other day if my actual real name was ‘Chrissie Wunna.’

She was immediately shot down by ‘Double B’ with a…

‘As if you actually know her and you’re asking if that’s her REAL NAME???’

But it’s actually a really common question. People ask me it all the time. I guess it must sound more ‘showbizzy’ than it is?

‘What? Well you never know, as loads of people have stage names?’

However, rest assured, Christina Wunna is my actual REAL LIFE birth name. And this is what I adore about my chick friends…they didn’t just *shrug* it off with a ‘okay cool…‘ they decided to come up with a MORE ORIENTAL NAME FOR ME…LMFAO.

Me: ‘What? Like Yu Ting Ho?’

Mel: ‘Hoe? HAHAHAHA!’

Like I said, life is great and even though it’s though, I’m on my way to new beginnings, good times and dreams come true, I guess..Fingers crossed.

Don’t forget that i’m in the Spring Edition of Abeiku Arthur’s High Fashion Magazine ‘House of Solo…’ I couldn’t be more honoured and well we do actually know each other well…yet still…being a part of his dream makes me smile. Plus, I’m totally being hailed as Social Media’s Newest It Girl and you know…after 10 years of writing this blog…that’s my FIRST BIG BREATHER OF ‘I’m doing it..I’m actually doing it…’ (And I think of that moment when I woke up at five in the morning, to get to that shoot, after working the longest week, with almost 11 more full works days to go after it…and I was shattered…But i did it….and because I did…I got a result.)

Please do support him and me…as he’s the loveliest, most hard working human ever…with a dream…and he’s actually doing everything he can to make it come true, as things don’t seem to be fall upon his lap as easily as they do on mine at times.

Image may contain: 1 person, text Image may contain: one or more people and text

Image may contain: one or more people and text

‘The world is her runway…/it’s all about where she goes, what she wears and who she’s seen with../She’s under constant scrutiny but takes it all in her stride, exuding confidence and perfect comfort in her own skin. She has an impossible to name cool factor..and exploits it in order to build a career in what’s becoming a legitimate and lucrative industry born from ‘it ‘ mania. It’s these qualities that make her such a coveted marketing tool for the world biggest brands..’

Loves it!

Before I go, I want to make sure you know that you can make ANYTHING HAPPEN in life. You YOUR LIFE and YOUR LIFE is SO PRECIOUS. Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t do something and don’t make up a million excuses as to WHY YOU CAN’T DO SOMETHING. Don’t waste your time, or energy and don’t listen to the people who ‘hate’ on you for trying. Just because they couldn’t do it..doesn’t mean you can’t. ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN. If you don’t like something, change it…Don’t be scared to change it. Life will always pull the rug from under you. Be that in business, in love, in general…But as long as you can pick yourself UP, every single time, without bruises and with a warm heart, a smile and an even deeper desire to succeed….YOU WILL FUCKING GET THERE. You’ll get there, if you put in the work. People succeed on purpose…they’re not lucky. I always say I’m lucky, but the truth is, I’VE WORKED MY FUCKING ARSE OFF. To be honest…I don’t know what’s going to happen to me…I just know that it’s going to be something wonderful.

And for the first time in my entire life….without me ‘just saying it,’ You could look into my entire kitty soul and know that this time..I really believe it. 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Get all the guys with my *Strut & Peep*

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Morning! I have committed to indulging in a weekend of utter fresh delights of naughty cleanliness and luxury. It has been a PAMPER WEEKEND.

After feeling like I had just worked the hardest and busiest, longest and ‘always at workest’ week of my life…It was a great week, but it was a busy one…I kicked off my kitten heels this Friday gone, drank a bottle of prosecco…threw in a few strawberry Popaballs and with a ‘that’s it…’ committed to treating myself to luxury. Everyone has a different version of luxury. Mine is to cut away from an audience, whilst still keeping an audience :), being with Ruby and Junior… just doing ME and then dipping myself in that diamond dripped bliss of absolute five star ‘de luxe'(which we all know is my favourite) and simply because I’ve earned it! Holla! Women always forget to treat themselves. Especially hard working mums. Don’t feel guilty to spoil yourself rotten. It makes you glow and when you glow, you’re better at everything.

I woke up Saturday morning (as I Tweeted) feeling in a sashimi, freshly shook cocktail, massagy, kind of crisp sunshine, mood. And I stuck to it. I lavishly swirled around Wunna land, treating myself to quick stop pedicures, mint leaf grazed gin cocktails, full body massages, I got my eyebrow on point, My Mum and I went to jewellers to pick out precious gems to turn into jewellery, I purchased makeup, I tanned, had a facial, bought new hair…THE WORKS! It was all bliss. All girl power. All deserved and all about me. If you’re a busy women, these moments matter because you never ever get time for them.

Inbetween those moments, I lunched with my babies,  we went to a nearby fair, we danced, we laughed, we loved, we bought everything. We felt whole. Everything was just so cut away from work, yet so positive, that everything felt SO utterly balanced. I’m radiating today because of it. You can feel that Goddess glow. I couldn’t be happier. And my toe nails glitter! That has made the world complete.

Right, now the good stuff.

Everyone keeps rambling on about my love life to me. I’m single. There is no love life going on. But I’m open love. It’s Spring soon. So why not! I’m not one to look through the ‘ex’ bucket, or one to just date someone for the sake of dating..I don’t need to ;). I’m a forward mover, so the next gentleman that I date, will be the right one, as I will be able to handle his world and he will be able to deal with mine. Sorted. But i’m warm I’m not at all jaded or broken, I love, love and romance and find it magical. I’m positive. I’m beaming. There’s a glint in my eye as i’m writing this with smiles. I told you, as soon as I meet him i’ll know and he’ll know. He’ll find me. There’s no need to worry. I don’t see my future as a singleton. I love relationships when they’re right. Yet at the same time, I don’t stress out about them. In my life, so far, I’ve learnt to not ‘just date’ for the sake of and make sure that the next human I team up with is correct. No one that I have met in person so far,  who i’ve smelt and touched is correct…some of them have been great, some of them need a good kick in the balls, some of them need to gain confidence.

Guy friend: ‘The strongest man alive will end up married to you…as he’ll have a lot of outside influences and almost a  *show* to contend…and you’ll know it’s him because he’ll love it and take it in his stride, almost like it’s easy.That’s why you have to date someone who matches that or someone who is already doing the same sort of thing Wunna. Look around. (Points around Pontefract) The man of your dreams isn’t even close to being near here. Let’s up it in footie terms and men you fancy. You’re a chick that is Ronaldo and not just Ronaldo’s bitch.:) ‘

Then we both pissed ourselves laughing, I sorted my bra out, as it was digging into me in all the wrong places and we bought salads from Marks & Spencers, as we planned my April events.

I then got a message from one of chick besties in West Hollywood.We grew up together out there and she always reminds me that I’m amazing. So I like her. Lol

‘You do this thing that gets guys.’

‘What thing? Blow jobs. Lol? ‘

‘Yes. Hahah. No fuck face. It’s the Wunna equivalent to the *bend and and snap* it’s the *strut and peep.* You do it all the time. It’s won you hearts through the decades. Lol.’

‘Are you still going on about that Karaoke guy?’

Many moons ago, we were in a bar (ooh what a surprise) in LA, just hanging out after a long day of auditions and we went to Barney’s Beanery (lol) to go have a few drinks. It’s not glamourous. It’s like a frat house. So there were lots of poor, but handsome ‘trying to hustle, in order to be famous’ guys in there, no hustle on that game and let me tell you, NO ONE DOES IT BETTER THAN THE ANGELENOS….but yeah, they were randomly doing kareoke.

The chicks and I have walked in, we were all poor too, and we’ve ordered drinks to kick it after a long day. I notice this guy. My friend notices another guy. He has not noticed her. And so far, my guy has not bothered to notice me.

Hollywood Chick friend:

‘Why has my guy not even noticed me yet! I’ve made eye contact and he’s just looked away…casually. That other guy is looking at you..’

Me: ‘I’m not bothered about that guy. Where’s my drink? I’ve found one.

Chick friend: ‘Hasn’t come up to you yet?’

Me: ‘He just hasn’t seen me yet. I need the loo…’

Now, I’m cool as a cucumber when it comes to guys and this was me when I was a little one in LA…still growing. I was still cool then. Lol. Plus, it was easier then, as no one could Google search me and come up with all these incorrect conundrums about me. I’m the girl that wrote my number on Joseph Fiennes tracksuit bottoms receipt. I’m not remotely terrified. But i’m cool. Plus, his response was,

‘I’m so glad you did that, as i’ve been pretending to buy sweat suit bottoms for ages, to try and chat to you…’

Then he went on to win an Oscar 🙂 after piggy backing me down a Sunset Plaza escalator and telling me he was Irish, mid piggy back.

Anyway, I’ve got distracted.

I’m in a red top and jeans. The Barney’s Beanery guy is playing pool. He’s not an Oscar winner. He’s just mixed raced and hot. So I’ve spotted him OBVIOUSLY and I walked past him, not making any eye contact with him at all, like I haven’t even nearly noticed…I’m just on my way to the loo…casually..

I walk straight past him and by this point, I already KNOW that I’ve got his attention. I could feel it, even with my back turned and making no form of communication…

So as I’m casually Wunna strutting to the loo….(Passed the guy in question with no attention let out)…before I reach the toilets…I *pause,* I stop immediately and I mean completely in my tracks and I then SLOOOOOOOOOWLY, swing the top half of my body around and peep. Well look…but *peep* sounds cuter.

And JUST AS SCHEDULED…*BOOM* eye contact made. He was already lent over the pool table, glaring at me and in that moment he *paused* and we *clocked each other.* I smiled. He did these charming eyebrows and smiled…Then I walked straight into the loo like a *winner, winner.* 🙂

Loads of really fast grooming went on in the loo, then I came out and he was already stood there waiting for me, asking me if I wanted a drink. So I took that drink and we chatted and then as I went back to sit down with my chick friends, after the *strut and peep* (YOU NEVER WANT TO LET THE GIRL WALK AWAY AND GO TO HER CHICK FRIENDS, without gaining some kind of contact information. Lol.) His friends had dragged him off, as their song was up. My chick friends had text me over, as they wanted to know where I was…

We were young, so just like that *spiltsville.* When you’re older, gents and chicks know the code.

Anyway, i’ve cosied back up with the girls, with my boy bought drink and he’s now up and stage with his friends about to smash out a bit of karaoke.

And before he begins his song….he shouts out, down the mic…

‘THIS SONG IS DEDICATED TO THE GIRL I’VE JUST MET IN THE RED TOP… AT THE BACK…’

(He didn’t even get my name, let alone a form of contact. Thats always backwards. I mean GOD. I remember Mike From Chicago, who shouted across an LA street at night, with the words, ‘Shout me out your number. I’ll get it. I’ll call you.’ I did and he did get it. He did call me. That’s impressive.)

Anyway, then to make it worse, after he’s given me that lovely karaoke shout out, my chick friend shouts back (and just to be funny…)

‘SHE DOESN’T EVEN LIKE YOOOOU..’

Hahahah!

Anyway, he was lucky, because we ended up stayng, so he got to chat to me afterward (‘Why were you slow dancing with that guy, Chrissie,in the middle of a bar?? Lol) We actually dated for a bit, but he was too emotionally young for me because he just kept doing stupid ‘little boy’ things and kept trying to film us having sex…and even though I was young, i was super ambitious and not at all stupid. 🙂 I had just come out of a divorce with a guy that we had constructed some massive Hollywood career with and we were still close, still friends and sort of still being single but seeing each other. So, we were very grown and savvy, when it came to Hollywood. We learnt fast because we had to go fast, via the fine art of ‘plunged into the deep end.’

I remember that he had annoyed me so much that I once walked out my car saying,

‘You better draw a picture of this moment and treasure it dude, because you’re never gonna see me again.’ 

HAHAHAHA!

But yeah, the *Strut & Peep* works all the time…I do it all the time without realizing.

Yet be warned…your picking skills need to be on point. Lol. I’m shit at that bit. (The great thing about it, is that I learnt at a very young age how to gain people’s attention….which has obviously helped the thirty something version of me…with the life that I’m living now. 🙂 )

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

IT’S FRIIIIIIDAY!!

by

So sorry, I didn’t blog last night. I had a busy Thursday. One of those rushed off your feet, trying to get your head around it ‘mountain of work’ Thursdays, where everyone has a rant, everyone has a hair toss, everyone lives off coffee and then as soon as they swing open that door, which is labelled ‘HOME, they *crack* open the Prosecco and guzzle it to ease girl stress. 🙂 I’m not saying that the day was stressy. I’m simply saying that it was so much that it was hilarious. I stood in a ‘cupboard’ hiding with Mel, as she looked like she was pulling faces, but like little girls we hit the *pause* button to life and started *GIGGLING.* Hot Sarah couldn’t wait to get her pretty hot self back home, her eyes lit up and her soul filtered with glee, as she uttered these magic words…

‘Chrissie! Look! I’ve even got excited goose bumps at the thought of Prosecco.’ (And she did. Her bright eyes were so wide with excitement, that she looked like the happiest doll in all the land…that was maybe about to explode into confetti.)

I did red wine, (I kept it swag)….But we all know I shouldn’t drink it. It berry sponges me in this *higgeldy piggedly* truth serum and well…to put it bluntly…it makes me talk some right fucking shit. 🙂 Swearing is Caring!

(YOU CAN ALWAYS TELL IF I HAD HAD RED WINE BEFORE I START WRITING A BLOG.)

But yes, Thursday is D’done and Friday is upon us! WE MADE IT! Hurrah! Weekends for everyone (unless you’re ‘Double B’ and ‘Firmonnell’ 🙂 Weekends suck for them. But whocares! Yay! No one! Let’s have Daiquiris for breakfast 🙂  I had wine for breakfast last Saturday. Not because i’m a massive alcoholic, but because i’m a massive alcoholic in training….Do note, that I was just terrified, so needed to drink.)

Anyway, we’ve all worked hard enough this week, so today is ALL ABOUT FUN! When trouble looms over our glamourous and some one glitzy lives, we’re going scoop up the stress, well make ‘Webbo’ pick it up for us and gracefully CHUCK IT IN THE FUCK IT BUCKET. It’s Friday. Let’s have some fun now.

Lots of wonderful things are happening to me, you know that, because I tell you that all the time…I had one guy ask me why I was having ‘down’ time, just because I hadn’t posted  a’selfie in ages. Lol.

DOWN TIME! FFS! I’ve been so rushed off my feet that I could paddle with angry sausage dogs, trying to hump me and not even notice. The ‘down’ time is my hardest time because that’s when i’ve got my head down and i’m busy ‘knuckling.’ The ‘show’ part of it all is easy, as I just wear amazing things, get papped, smile, selfie it, cocktail everything and wink whilst talking rubbish to people who adore me. 🙂

I talked to a psychic last night, but just in general and she randomly told me about three guys…and it was crazy, as I knew two of them…..and what she said was accurate. However, I’ve always got to be careful when I meet a ‘chick who  randomly tells me my future’ as i’m sure a Wunna ‘Google Search’ will pretty much lead you to this site, which HEY, tells you my life story. Lol. And she started her conversation with…‘It’s Chrissie, right?’

I’m going to post a blog later on this afternoon, telling you all about the fact that I’m in the Spring Edition of House of Solo Magazine and it’s out now My was at home waiting for me…AND I ADORE IT, as it feels like a treasure and goes on about how ace I am, Social Media ‘IT’ Girls are…and all sorts. (I’ll tell you about that in the next blog.)

I saw those little grubby boys in the alley way again last night, whilst walking by. They think they’re my mates now. Lol. They’re scruffs and I’m a glamour puss and i’m the only one they allow to pass their little boy alleyway, without abuse now.

I watched the littlest one of the pack, who looked about 11 write in black sharpie (so gangsta) on the wall of the alleyway…

He wrote…

‘Girls fancey a fuck…’

So, like the Glamour Puss that I am, I passed him, he looked up at me and I simply *paused* studied his work 🙂 and said,

‘You’ve spelt fancy wrong…’ before walking off.. (I’m gonna teach him something new every day, until he’s not a scruff anymore. 🙂 Have I spelt ‘spelt’ wrong, it looks wrong?)

Then when I got to the petrol station, this busy guy dashed passed me and I stopped him quickly, just to say,

‘Ooh, you smell nice…’

He actually *paused* for a second, smiled and like his rush at calmed thanked me…I totally made him smell the roses for a moment.

There you have it. I’m ace.

More on House of Solo later..

‘Liam Ross’ is trying to Skype me? He once tried to hit on me, by pretending to be two different guys at once. Lol.

HAVE A FABULOUS FRIDAY!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jeffrey! Jeffrey!

by

‘Jeffrey! Get them OFF our land!’

‘Jeffrey! Jeffrey! Set the DOGS on them! The Hooligans!’

(Hope you did that in your poshest British twang.)

Oh my LORD, did Firmonnell and I PISS ourselves laughing at the fact that we were going to send our friends, our glamourous dainty ‘Hot Sarah’ (who looks like a posh Barbie) friends, to places where in which they were either going to be quite heavily verbally abused, shot at OR eaten by  actual hound dogs!

HAHAHAH!

So funny! Nearly died! I love Firmonnell. It was just the moment when we looked at each other, flung back our heads with utter glee and OUT LOUD  uncontrollably SCREAMED with LAUGHTER at the fact that our friends could potentially be EATEN BY DOGS because we had guided them to the exact incorrect places. LOL! ND JUST FOR KICKS!

Then we got interupted by the ‘King of the North,’ which we didn’t mind, as we al love a bit of boy banter..

Firmonnell: ‘You should sit with us more often.’

ANYWAY, the ‘King of the North,’ is young, very stylish and happily married with 12 chihuahuas gent….and when he gets home, after his long day of ‘doing his hair‘ his WIFE has a red wine AND a gin and tonic freshly prepared FOR HIM, INCASE he fancies a drink. Being a guy, he apparently never wants EITHER and only ever asks for a ‘PEACH CORDIAL.’

HAHAHAHAHAH!

Firmonnell: ‘A PEACH FUCKING CORDIAL! THAT IS THE CAMPEST CHOICE OF CORDIAL EVER!’

We all pissed ourselves laughing WITH him, not at him and then Hot Sarah and I (as girls do) discussed his marriage…But not infront of him…as we’re far more polite than that. 🙂 Totally behind his back. Lol.

Luckily for him, it was in utter admiration. So let’s not get it twisted.

After a brief debate we came up with the fact that…’Hot Sarah’ thinks it’s cute that he has a beautiful wife, who waits for him, longs for him and serves him appropriately.

I think it’s a CLEVER that he picked so well…I mean, who has a wife that is that doting??? Who has a wife that yearns for their husbands arrival?  Well done him for picking well, blagging how great he is, or training well. LOL.

Then we both *paused* and after I shouted..

‘BUT I SAID PEACH CORDIAL GODDAMMIT…’

…we realised that INSTEAD of wishing that we were The King of the North’s WIFE, we both looked at each other and said,

‘I wish I had a guy that looked after ME that well.’ Lol.

I’ve decided..This is an executive Wunna Land decision…

I’m gonna pick WELL next time.

I mean JEEZE, us girls by nature always end up being all lovely and sacrificey and it’s cute because it’s in our nature to nurture.

However, to the ones of us, that are constantly working busy days, long hours, or building empires…we kinda want a guy to step in, sweep us off our feet and simply look after US for once. WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU!

I’ve never dated a guy that has been able to do that…aside from one…(Oh! And London Business Man would, if I chose to be with him. Yet, I’m not so sure that I could bank on him being there for the long run.)

HOWEVER, when it comes to love, I’m more traditional than most tend to believe. The only thing that is different, is that I work hard and have ambitious goals.So someone who understands my world, my passion, will win me, won’t they? And I know that sounds one sided but it’s not, as I’m a girl who understands the work load, ambition and love of ANY guy. So in that area emotionally, I KNOW, I’m sorted, as I know me well.

I mean gosh, I used to have these actors boyfriends who had to fly away for months on end to film movies, for work. I get it. Yet, with chicks, it’s weird. GUYS never get it, we either compromise greatly, or have to drop a zillion *hints* before they tune in. Lol.

But yes, I’m looking for a team mate to do forever with, more than I am ‘just some guy.’

Mel was hilarious today, as I found out that she finally gave her Valentines Day card to her new ‘love swirl’ who is still making her *beam* with excitement.

It was hilarious, because she bought him TWO cards, one sweet, one mushyish, exactly like she said she would, a week ago….She’s certainly ‘swirled’ over and cares about him madly. Yet she didn’t want to come across all ‘lovey dovey’ via Valentines cards just yet, so she bought a funny ‘i like you’ kinda card. 🙂

‘Chrissie. Honestly. I thought the card was BLANK on the inside. But i’ve opened it, to write it and it said….I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!’

We both pissed ourselves laughing at her distress. But any normal girl would just go with it. But no…Mel (lol) went with…

‘I thought about covering it up, sticking something over it, cutting it out…ALL SORTS. Even just crossing it out!’

HAHAHAHA!

‘Mel, you can’t just send someone a Valentines cards and CROSS OUT, the *I LOVE YOU* part! Lol. I love that you thought that was acceptable!’ HAHAHAH!

By this point, I was literally dying with laughter, as she ate millionaires shortbread and continued telling me the story via whispers.

Anyway, she came up with a solution, where in which she ever so romantically wrote him a fairytale, about how they met…using the ‘I LOVE YOU SO MUCH’ words on the card (it basically went through their love story and stated that she was a twat for picking a card that ended up being so mushy Lol) and when she told me the story, I looked at her and she was beaming.

It’s always about how ‘beaming’ this guy makes her feel. It’s magical and even more so, because by nature Mel is NOT someone who is openly ‘wooey.’ Yet you get little snippest of her softness, when you watch her and she thinks your not looking. Her daughter Alex walked by me today, all pretty, sassy and hilarious and Mel was the sweetest Mum ever…yet dashed in fun. It was great.

But today showed me how romantic she was, how happy she was and how fucking HILARIOUS she was!

YOU can’t CROSS OUT ‘I love you‘ in a Valentines card, because you’re not ready to say it yet. LOL

Men should always say it first. (If you do, that’s your quickest route to extra blow jobs. Be smart.)

I would be the smoothest guy on the planet. God! I mean you hear these horror stories of guys who just don’t get it! Love isn’t that hard, it’s just two compatible people who promise to take care and look out for one another, because their ‘magic’ can’t help it.

Everyone keeps asking me about my love life. I’m still single, nothing is happening…and i’m CASUALLY on the look out.

I was talking to these little tiny boys in a dark alley way tonight, who were being all sweary at passing by folk and trying to ‘play naughty’ when people walked by them.

It was funny because when I actually stopped to stand by them, as it was chucking it down and I didn’t want to get wet. I started talking to them and 3 minutes after their naughty ‘get ya tits out, fuck this ‘ banter had stopped…and I gave them ‘Wunna’ advice…they were hilarious and sort of sweet.

I was asking them what they wanted to be when they grew up and teaching them that chick hate it when you talk shit to them, when you really mean something else. You’d think by looking at the scruffs, that they’d be total dickheads, but they weren’t, they were actually super soft and all lovey dovey. Lol.

Then I walked off because I got bored and the rain had stopped…:)

They told me how ‘sexy’ I was as I left. Then tried to make me bum them cigs. I just looked, laughed, reminded them of how old they were…and then said,

‘Look…if I was sixteen and wanted a cig, I would’ve already managed to bum one myself. Quit trying to make other people get you what you want, because you’re too scared to try.’ 

‘He fancies you…’

‘Doesn’t everyone..’

HAHAHA! And that’s how I left it. Lol

 

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