Amazing day, Parking & Finding ‘not my’ sex toys



I’m having an AMAZING DAY! Weirdly…where ever I have managed to ventured, I’ve been stopped and adored by Wunna fans. It’s sort of a time when I need such behaviour around me to help me remember that I once was the Queen of Ponty. 🙂 (If there ever could be.)

But before I get into all that, remember that I had completely forgotten that I had a midwife appointment today…well I managed to remember at the very last minute, so after a quick clean around…(hate’s ruined my nails..don’t have manicures, they don’t last, they’re rubbish,) I groomed, then hop, skipped jumped early into the car to get my pretty self to see if my ‘bump-a-lump’ was all fine and dandy.

Now, i think i’ve become an alright driver. I’m not finding it difficult, i’m sailing through the streets with a smile, yet can I HELL park in a dodgy spot. I call ANY spot that I may find awkward dodgy, when really and of course its’ ME who should own the title of inadequate. I drove into the surgery’s car park, thinking ‘ah this’ll be a breeze’..but hella no! It was like a ziggy-zaggy maze of God knows what? All the leftover spots where at weird angles and shapes and there was a man glaring at me, from his windscreen window, with added the pressure. I mean, when you have googly eyes watching you, you can’t just ‘hit’ into something and shrug it off with a cute ‘Oopsie.’ You have to make like you’re a decent person and pull ‘concerned’ faces and make like you’re going to do something heroic about the situation. I reversed, I drive forward, I tried to squeeze in and out of tight spots, driver through spaces..all sorts. It was misery. In fact, I was so shit at parking that the fact that I had set off early to see the midwife meant nothing, as I ended up being late simply because I was glamour pussing around in the car outside, going backwards and forwards, whilst…swearing.

Now, I could’ve let this all get to me and start hitting the wheel in a tantrum…it was hot outside. Yet I figured that might bring on the labour and i’m not giving birth in a car park, that’s not glitzy enough. I’d rather gauge my own eyes out. Instead, I looked at the googly eyed man, who was judging me…smiled, with ‘Diva’ and then reversed my car out of that block and into another dodgy parking spot, that was on a slope. I abandoned it upon the slop, outside a chip shop, turned the engine off, then thought ‘fuck it’ and had a happy dance in my now parked car to ‘Feel the Moment’ by Pit bull and Miss.Aguilera. I think I might have sang a bit too…it was good weather. I deserved a cheery moment.

The midwife was running late anyway,s o I didn’t get in there until much later. When I did, she felt my bump up, explained how quiet it all was without Keiran and then told me that the baby was in the exact right position, engaged and well ready to do his do, whenever HE felt like it. His heart beat was strong as ever. The only thing that she was concerned about was my iron levels. I always have tired blood cells. It’s rubbish. So, I have to go see the consultant at the hospital to make sure i’m all dandy to ‘push-push’ this bambino out! Alls good! Happy. The poor blood thing doesn’t bother me, that happened last time. I had to stay in for an extra two days attached to a drip and a wee bag. It was very sexy. Now, I just WAIT, for the little boy to make an appearance. Lovely. I’m in no rush.

Okay, so then I go to Co-Op to grab a few groceries for dinner and snacking. Nothing good as entered my system today. Yet i’m not too bothered about that. I love custard doughnut moments. I’m enjoying pregnancy snacks right now and well I need to eat more to keep my energy up right now.

Picked everything I could up. I go in there every day now, so all the staff know me and delight in my appearance. They are all waiting for the birth of my little boy, with eager eyes. Once  I have shoved everything in my basket…far too much for what I needed, I bumped into a girl with a red buggy. She saw me, did a double-take, stopped me with a ‘Hi’ and said, ‘You’re Chrissie right? You know Wazza, don’t you?’

I smiled and happily said ‘yes.’ The she said, ‘You probably won’t know me, but I know you, you’re famous, I see you all the time and can’t believe you’ve stopped to talk to me. I’m so happy. You look gorgeous. I can’t believe how hot you are. Your bump is SO perfect. OMG, you’re beautiful, you make me SICK,’ and all in one breath! Now, I love adoration and that girl gave it to me. She’s now my favourite. Not you. Her. 🙂 She said everything right. Yeah..she was a bit pissed, because when she went for the glory hug, in disbelief that I had spoken to her, she kinda smelt like booze…a smell that I have missed, so I sort of appreciated it. Then she rubbed my bump, like I was Buddha and kept saying ‘ Wow, wow…you’re gorgeous.’ 🙂 We were stood by mops. That’s how my life used to be. I kinda forgot. I liked it. I think it was a sign from the good lord to remind me that if I wanted, I could still venture back to such a phase.

Anyway, she knew Wazza and used to Roller Derby with his ex, she is mother to 2 of our friend’s children and has an 11 month boy, who was asleep in the buggy (beautiful he was) and has just gotten LEFT by the father of that child, because she was diagnosed with Post Natal Depression. We were on an isle to our selves and something that was so ‘all about me-off the telly, wow-wow-woo-wee, we have the same friends,’ turned into something so real. I watched her have a baby breakdown with me right by her side, inbetween the mops and the cleaning products…in good lighting at least. I sort of felt bad for her because she’s had a dodgy love life. I looked at her, cuddled her and said, ‘You’re hot, you just have a bad picker, when it comes to men.’ She saw herself as fat and frumpy and just wanted to be loved…hence why she smelt like booze. Her eyes were filling up, as she stopped and said, ‘It’s be nice to just have someone to love, or love me…and have a nice man.’ I replied with an awful cliche, the ‘he’ll come when you’re not looking for him’ line. I hate that line. But because that happened to me…I now believe in true love. Yet you can only be gifted with true love when you adore yourself appropriately…which means more smiles, less vino. I might vino up…but as most of you know…I think VERY highly of myself. 🙂

I couldn’t believe that she was so happy that I stopped to speak to her? Why wouldn’t I? I’m confused? I enjoy the fame game…and I especially enjoy it when I feel people be they in the industry, a close friend, or someone on the same isle in a supermarket feels inspired. She then finished off with a cuddle, a belly rub, a tell Wazza you saw me, I remember that he used to thing really highly of you…and a ‘we should hang out after the baby.’ Then she puuled herself together, giggled and said ‘It meant so much to me that you said I was ‘hot.’ Aww! Lol.

She was really lovely to me…and it was good to see her have a moment, at the same time as it feeling great to feel back in the limelight again. I love it. (Look at me, turning it all about me again. But whatever, this is 🙂 ) I felt bad that her boyfriend had left her when she had just been diagnosed with Post Natal Depression…when she needed him the most? I mean, men need to MAN UP. I’m sick of hearing little pansy boys moan because their girlfriends, are being hormonal, or bitchy, or moody or anything else they grumble on about. The fact that they haven’t got it yet, disturbed me. WOMEN…ALL WOMEN AT SOME STAGE IN THEIR LIFE ARE LIKE THAT…and more than once. Deal with it. Her boyfriend actually left her for another…when his son was only 2 months old. How awful and just because he couldn’t cope. Be a MAN. Be a FATHER. What is wrong with men these days. They can’t handle helping out someone who they’re meant to love, when she needs love more than anything. So what if she was shouty, A real man will know how to make it better. Instead of making it worse. Men are childish..Not all of you. Some of you are amazing. I know a lot of amazing men.

Anyhow, I bought my goods, waved at everyone, who wished my bump love, bought a lottery ticket, (I STILL haven’t checked my hundreds of them, I need to) and left, with two bags full and a skip in my kitten step. She made me fell really good. In fact, i’ve had a really amazing day. I sang all the way back in the car home, yet realized that I was on ‘red’ so filled up at the petrol station, where a little asian lady, AGAIN, stopped me as I walked in to pay and said, ‘You’re Chrissie, right? Not long for the baby now?’ CRAZY innit!

So, then I got caught up in a conversation with the next young lady, who filled my heart (code for ‘ego’) with love. I just don’t get today? I’m a star. 🙂

We talked about the arrival of the bump, she talked about Ruby, then said she knew of my mum and dad. Then she said something bizarre…she looked at my pump…looked at me, still chatting away..I had paid already and she said, ‘I’m tired of having to work, I’m bored of it. I want a life like yours. I know you probably don’t work, I mean look at you. You’re so lucky. I told my boyfriend that I didn’t want to work anymore and he told me to FUCK OFF.’ Lol

Erm…I’m not sure what persona I give off, or what she knows about me, or assumes about me…but it’s interesting isn’t it? I’m not working right now, but I’m preggo and due in 4 weeks. I’m not swanning around spending millions and during money during a conga line? Again..i’m confused. As soon as I’ve had the baby and nurtured him into the world..I’m going back to work. Double work. Normal work and entertainment. One day it will all be glitzy yet right now and for the last 2 years, it’s been very normal, due to raising babies and baby making. It’s about to change and it will be a shock to everyone’s system. But i’m coming back with VA VOOM. Yet, i’m glad that she thought highly of me and that I was super fabulous. Made me and my ego feel great again and once more, I hopped, skipped and a jumped out of the petrol station and into my car, to drive home. The ‘Feel the Moment’ song was on again, so yeah…I had a sing song again. I am beaming. I’m having an ACE DAY!!!

Early today nursery text me saying that Ruby had had a fall down into a wire house…lol….and banged her head. However after a ‘cold compress’ is fine and playing again. That’s my girl. Trust Rubes to shimmie on down, into some wire house? THEN, as i was trying to exercise my domestic skills. They’re poor at their best. In the bedroom, as I was changing the sheets, a bag belonging to Keiran poured open…it had shorts on the top of them and an Ann Summers plastic bag. The Ann Summers plastic open, due to my clumsiness and out of it fell (this was not a good moment) a blue rabbit cock ring, with a bullet attached ot his head, meaning it pleasures a women also. AND a pink, rabbit shaped BULLET! OMG! Holy SHIT. What an awful thing to find and not awful because they’re sex toys. I’m pro sex toys, i think they keep you out of trouble and well they’re pleasing. But AWFUL BECAUSE they don’t belong to me and I had never seen them in my entire lives, meaning he used them on another GIRL, be it in the past or whatever! Either way,not nice to find…especially around open condom packets and random Pina Colada condoms. So, then I specifically remember him saying to me that he had NEVER experimented with sex toys before me…and well…now it doesn’t seem like that was the truth now does it.

The thing is, in moments of that sort, you kinda have to just say nothing and let it pass. I sure as hell didn’t come with a virginal sticker attached to my ‘lady part.’ when I began this relationship. We all know that. But i haven’t lied to him about my sex life before him, I just don’t mention it ever…or all the boys i’ve dated (because i’m clever. 🙂 ) Plus, i’ve never disrespected him when it’s come to boys in my sexy past. I don’t talk to any boys i’ve encountered, which is more than I can say for him and I certainly don’t go out of my way to secretly humiliate him when it comes to such a subject. I don’t like that he lied though. It’s very telling of his character, when it comes to women. Hmm…

This is why I shouldn’t clean…

Ps, Every night this week for the last three days, i’ve asked Keiran to do something for me, at the end of the evening to see if he will…every night so far he has failed. Hmmm….




Making it through Tuesday


Good Morning, my sexy bits of Tuesday! I have Towie on in the background, the nursery run has been a delight, I’ve managed to book myself in for a hair cut and diddle tomorrow, find out I didn’t need a sight test for another year anyhow, picked up forms to register with a dentist and with a coffee…but still in my faux fur realise that I actually have a midwife appointment today at 2.50pm. It’s a good job I looked…because I knew I had one coming up, but I just kinda didn’t know when and around this time (especially now that it’s got all exciting and my pains are all ouchy and every hour…) I sort of need to go, to see how it’s all shimmi-ing along. The check ups are always boring, as is the last stage of pregnancy. I say bring it on…get them nipple tassles swirling, lets have the baby and rejoice, so mummy can get back to her normal, happy, skinny, Summer ‘all the boys adore her’ self…OMG..AND HAVE A rum cocktail!! I am going to make the extreme MOST of my Summer and simply because i’ve been tied down for almost a year to the simply art of ‘do gooding’ with a side of ‘no fun.’

I’m ready. I’m fabulous! I can’t wait to meet my son! Ruby is eager to see what’s in my belly and well to be honest, it’s not that scary the second time around. In fact it’s more annoying because you can’t tell what real labour or fake labour is…as unlike the first time, you just palm it off with a ‘it’s probably just ‘Braxton Hicks.’ No more kiddies for me, until i’ve made millions then and i’m dipped in an excitable keenness for it, I can’t wait to get to making moola and owning my limelight once more. I’m proud of myself for getting through it all. Not proud of how i’ve acted during it. Yet feel lucky that i’ve managed to almost birth a healthy bambino. I always say ‘almost’ simply because I still have 4 weeks. The pregnancy has really gotten to me this time and well i have this funny feeling that i’m going to explode with glamour, fun, ‘ooh laa’ and diet trends. I just want to feel like ME again and celebrate it with utter enjoyment.

A builder hit on me today, as I was strut-waddling to the hair dresses. He could’ve chosen anyway to make a move and he chose the art of whistling, shouting and continuing with a ‘no really…are you single? Wait!!!’ I just looked, smiled, rubbed my bump, then slammed my Mercedes ‘mummy car door’ SHUT. (Ewww,..there’s a woman on my telly who’s addicted to eating cat hair. American’s really go for it don’t they! 🙂 I mean, I grew up in Hollywood, dipped in the town of tinsel and well everyone thinks the people who reside their are weirdos. Well when I did my 20’s there, it was all pool parties, bikinis’ dreams coming true, hot girls, ripped boys, tans, cocktails and auditions. We didn’t hump donkies, have 22 Mormon wives or eat cat hair. That’s weird. Boob jobs in swimming pools, with casting directors in Hollywood…is a Tuesday.)

I don’t mind builders because if you walk past them and they’re not whistling at you then you’ve completely lost your touch. They hoot and holla at everyone, hence why we girls don’t take them seriously. So, the poor chappy did a devastatingly bad job at beginning his ‘foot forward’ with a hoot and holla and then when I stopped to look at him….couldn’t believe that I had actually listened to him and then tried to do the ‘wait, wait, I need to really talk to you.’ I don’t think so matey. Ya snooze, ya lose! 🙂 I’ve dated everyone, all over the world…you can’t hang off a building at 21, with not even your bum out, trying to be a big boy…with ‘The Wunna.’ But again…i’ll say, I was flattered, as it’s nice when you’re a fatty to feel adored.

Booked a hair appointment simply because I can’t do my own hair and i’m not talking style and cut my own hair, I mean just ‘do’ it. I walked into my local one to book an appointment and luckily the girl that owns it used to go to my school. I didn’t know, but as soon as I walked in, she said, ‘It’s Chrissie, right?’ I replied with a kitty ‘Yes.’ She then told me that she went to school with me and was a couple years below me. I love that everyone remembers people from school. So, now I 100% trust her. Good people schooled alongside me. Now, she can tackle ‘the weave.’ Tomorrow…3.40pm. Bring it!

UGH! I keep eating too much with sucks because i’ve done well through my entire pregnancy only to stuff my face in the last four weeks enough to make the idea of trying to lose the baby weight a devastating mountain load of impossibility  But whatever, i’ll simply then state that curves are in and  because I haven’t managed to loose my weight quick enough. As soon as i’m thin, ‘skinny’ will be the new ‘rock curves.’ 🙂

I’m living off coffee today because i haven’t managed to get much sleep. Ruby and I are tight right now. We’re really close and i’m loving it. She’s my angel. But Keiran decided to…yes…be loving, but then surrender to the art of tease and terrify her with his ‘falling off his bike’ graze,which terrifies Rubes because it’s giant and ugly. (Rubes is a girly makes her weep.) You’d think that when you see a girl terrified, you’d stop teasing her, especially when her bossy mum has informed you that a girl, be she 2, 32, or 62 DOES NOT LIKE TO BE TEASED, made to jump, be lifted for no reason, or splashed with water. Keiran fails to learn this lesson..and being the child that he is…thinks it’s fun. So yeah, it’s fun during the time of ‘tease’ and even more fun for me when i’m sleeping in a bed with her and through the night she’s waking up screaming ‘noooooo like Daddy’s poorly’ via the fine art of nightmares. Men never learn. Earlier in the day he had showed me a picture of a car. (Romantic.) Then he told me that my ‘hair looked weird’ as I was cooking him dinner. (Thoughtful.) In fact the only reason why I have to pay someone else to do my hair tomorrow is simply because he doesn’t know where he’s put his straighteners. That seems odd to me? He’s quite a particular person and would never not know where the are? Not his straightners anyway? There’s definitely something weird going on with him? Not only are we living sort of separate lives, but there’s something not right with him. I don’t bother to ask anymore and because we have our own stuff going on. But we’re okay on the whole. Not perfect. Just okay.

I had a chitty chat with my chick friend yesterday and we discussed whether men who fancied ‘tom boy’ girls, were actually’ in the closet’gays. I decided that they were either selfish and just wanted a chick to do all the same things that THEY wanted to do and have ALL the same interests, so that they don’t have to sacrifice anything….OR they’re gay. If i was a boy, i know i’d fancy a girly girl. We’re a completely different species and we’re meant to be different in order to balance out. Women can do things that men can’t and vice versa. Women love manly men, with an emotional side, yet when it comes to being ‘girly’ we adopt gay friends for that, we don’t date men who are gay, just because they can make our hair look delicious and watch hours of realitv tv with us. Meaning, are men who like ‘tom boy’ girls selfish or ‘in the closet.’ I mean, they can have a glamour puss girlfriend. I once dated a gay who behind my back was making out with boys, because it’s what he truly fancied. I mean ,we only had sex once, in our entire relationship, yet he was quite boasty about dating me? In fact he shouted it from the roof tops because I was a great cover for his ‘straight boy’ act. Plus, I did notice that when we went clubbing we only seemed to go to gay clubs. Yet at that time, I had just tumbled off the telly and was quite popular with the lovely gays, making it the best night out for me ever in London…which is where I lived during that time. So you never know…?

We then both read up on Marie Claire’s ‘Signs that your boyfriend is cheating on you’ list, followed up on ‘Sign that he truly loves you,’ list and ALL THE THINGS that we’re on the ‘Cheating’ list we’re exactly how Keiran and I were. We were pissing ourselves over the phone. I’m like ‘Great.’ I even re-skimmed the ‘Truly loves you’ list and he doesn’t do any of the things on it. Lol. Not ONE thing. Jesus! Lucky me!

I need a nap, before I see the midwife. Extra sleepy today. @Wazza has started his ‘Live below the line’ challenge today, so don’t forget to sponsor him. He has to live off £1 a day. 🙂 http://www/ 


Four Weeks to go…


Happy Sexy Monday folks! I enjoy Monday’s when they’re not so bad and I’m only counting this one as ‘not so bad’ simply because when I rose my my cream sheeted bed sheets, the sun was glowing through the curtains with an ooze of warmth and love. Made me feel better. Like there was a purpose to all the jiggery pokery going on right now on this juicy ball of Earth.

Yesterday was all about the giant shopping centre that we call ‘Meadowhall.’ Ruby is ADDICTED to that place. Holy Moly, she attacked it with a whammy much. That child played gleefully in every toy and shoe shop that would have her. She was hopping on giant bunnies in Mothercare, pushing buggies around isles, screaming in inflatable cars, calling watering cans ‘kettles’ and all in BabyK leopard print leggings. Ruby has ‘swag’ yesterday. Absolutely ‘Ooh laa.’ I mean she looked so good in her leopard print leggings designed by the lovely Myleene Klass herself, that I sent Myleene a photo of Ruby in them, simply because the BabyK line is honestly the BEST LINE of baby clothes going. Myleene sent us a message back saying that ‘Ruby rocked them’ and made an ‘AWESOME BABYK MODEL.’ Myleene is the lovelies chica ever, full of life, talent and happiness…whenever i’ve met her she’s lit up the room with warmth, simply by smiling,. That’s the kind of magic all women need. Plus, now i’m completely biased because she told me that my loin fruit ‘rocked’ leopard and made a good BabyK model. BOOYAH! It’s not my fault that I breed genius children and style icons, in the form of ‘IT’ Babies.

I got asked out yesterday by a guy, a cute looking guy, that cut cookies for a living and that isn’t code for something Hi-Tech or complex. He literally takes cookie dough and cuts them into shapes…like men, trees, bells and hearts. 🙂 I thought I’d mention it because I still find it funny. I’m flattered…deeply flattered. Glamour pusses are always flattered by gentlemen. The good kind of men, who approach us in a romantic fashion..even if you have cookie dough smeared down your apron.  Plus, when you’re fat and preggo, you kind of enjoy that men find you beautiful. When i’m skinny, tanned and sizzle, i’m a lot more of an egomaniac…so the flattery is absorbed in more of a sassy bullet. It just hits you, you smile and you’re over it. When you’re waddling around wishing to be sexy again…you kind of absorb the flattery lovingly, with doughy eyes and a whole grateful heart. So yeah, sweet guy. But first, it’s a bit weird to hit on a chick going into her 9th month of pregnancy. (He knew because it’s obvious AND plus I told him by a gingerbread house that I was due in May.) Secondly, although sweet, it’s far too Hansel and Gretel for me and that’s the whole cookie cutting malarky, that i’m referring to. It’s taking ‘fairytale’ to a whole other level. I enjoy the whim of a ‘fairytale’…not actually living in a house made of candy canes and gingerbread. I like bling, Porsches and big money magic, dipped in glitter and lip gloss. Free cookies is probably going to may make me like you, but will never be the sole factor when it comes to swaying me in to loving you. Lol. (My Mum actually turned me around, as we walked off, leaving him glum and without a glamour puss to build a cookie empire with and said, ‘Just because he cuts cookies doesn’t mean you’d have to live in a GINGERBREAD HOUSE Chrissie.’ 🙂  ) Then we giggled our way back into the real world. What guy has a crush on a preggo? Keiran might annoy me sometimes, but even at his most annoying I still know he’s my ‘forever.’ We were just formed for one another.

Y’know, psychologists say that crushes are only mean to last 4 months or less. If you find yourself still ‘crushing’ on someone AFTER an entire 4 months…then you are considered to be ‘in love.’  AAh! Bet you didn’t know that, did ya!

Keiran and I are doing really well right now. Now i’m not gonna lie, there is certainly some kind of glass screen between us, where we can see and hear the other, yet we’re not fully linked. We’re sort of closing up or shying away from the other. He definitely has and I think this whole upcoming baby situation is really working on him emotional. Now, Keiran’s an emotional guy. A great deal more than anyone can imagine. I often even forget this and need to remember to deal with him in my kitten gloves and leave my Kung Fu grip in the ‘never’ cupboard. He’s been trying to keep as occupied as possible, he’s taken up every sport going, signed himself up to absolutely anything he can, gone into his own world a bit, stopped being fully open, and tactile when it comes to love and romance and is now asking me if he can clean the windows? He’s doing what I should be doing…which is the art of ‘nesting.’ Apparently preggo’s go through ‘nesting’ before they’re about to give birth. You’d be lucky if I ever went through the madness of wanting to CLEAN. Pregnancy is making ME want to make and spend money and making HIM want to be active and surrender to the art of cleaning? I think he’s being busy to keep his mind occupied and finding things like diet and sport to focus on to an extensive level. I’m watching in, eating doughnuts, curling my hair and peeing down my leg when I sneeze.

Anyway, yesterday evening, when Ruby has gone to bed, I thought I’d ask him how he felt…because he seemed happy, but closed off and distance…like I wasn’t his little ‘pookie pie.’ I laid on the sofa in my polka dot pyjamas and said, ‘So how you feeling about the bump babe?’ (I had seen him catch a glimspe of it, as he readjusted his cushion snuggle position.) His answer, was a sheepish smile and a very quiet, ‘Yeah….’

Erm…LOL. I don’t think it needed a ‘yes’or ‘no’ answer. I told him that through giggles and bizarrely he BLUSHED, smiled, acted all  shy and quiet andwhilst looking merry yet uncomfortable said, ‘yeah…it’s my son isn’t…..yeah…’ Awww! Then he had to look away, before his body got taken over by emotion. This is a guy who cried at me walking down the isle in a frock and I loved that. I remember it often and to this day it makes me cry. I mean i’ve just watched a wedding on ‘Real Housewives Atlanta’ and burst into tears with happiness. But i”m hormonal. I adore lovely moments of true love and romance. It’s magical. If my hubby cries at an ‘isle walk’ and what a beautiful isle walk it was…then the labour and birth of his first ever son will surely break him into (don’t get me wrong….very happy,) but emotional pieces. Y’know he’s also not a very patient guy, so the wait must be killing him. Lord knows how he’s handling it. But having this baby is a BIG DEAL for both of us…and we’re kinda drifting off into our own worlds in order to deal with it..yet I assure you, as always once it starts…we’ll UNITE stronger than ever and because that is just what we do! We are great at tackling moments like this. It will shatter the screen of distance and we’ll ‘hero’  clutch onto each other with an Army march. It’ll be a great moment for us both because our relationship itself has been magical. How we met, how everything turned out, our wedding, our love, baby Ruby and now our little baby boy…and all so quickly, without us even knowing it was all going to happen.

I’ve got 4 more weeks until i’m due to have a baby boy. I’m excited for it all and much happier today. But i’m happy because as soon as I woke up…I had the delightful Rubes entertain me, then I figured I’d drive into town to get my nails done again and treat myself to a spa pedicure. Holy shit, if you are a preggo…you NEED a spa pedicure now. My legs and feet never felt so good. I’m on top of the world. I’m like a guy, or a pervert i’m telling you because i’ll tell you this, nothing is more delicious than laying back on a comfy reclining chair, with your feet dipped in bubbling warm water, whilst a young and very beautiful Chinese girl rubs on your legs and feet. OH MY GOSH. It was heavenly. I get why guys love it. Then I switched my rebellious hot pink choice, that I got on Saturday for white tips. Much better. I’m certainly a white tip girl these days. My nails match and look ‘Dolly’ now. Plus, i’ve had my arms, hands, calves and feet massaged before a skin shed and nail polish. I could’ve died in love on that chair.

Maybe that’s why I’m finding Monday awesome? You all NEED to begin your week with a spa pedicure. It really does make the world seem like a safer place. Then I thought ‘fuck it’ and bought a fresh cream eclair…for the baby of course. 🙂  Life lit up with rosiness, because then I found out that I didn’t get a parking ticket for over-staying in a ‘will get a ticket if you don’t shift your car’ spot. Yay! I’m filled with a positive spirit today and i’m much better when i’m this way. The pregnancy has been too long. I’ve been preggo for 3 quarters of a year and although that’s normal…it’s hideous. I want to be *sizzle* again and rise to the top of my game with Va Voom…and I WILL. One of my LA friends stated that this morning. He wished me ‘congrats’ for being greatness and that one day i’ll get to where I want to be. Especially now that i’m done having ‘the babies’ for a while. Then then told me I was wonderful and that the cream always rises to the top. Does it? Anyway, I get what he was trying to say and I adore it. I love encouragement. In order to do well, you often just need a cheer leading squad who believe in you to make you feel confident. I’m confident anyway…but i’m quite ambitious. Whatever, i’ll get there and I can’t wait!

I’m loving all my message from you. I will tell you that i’m getting a lot form the ladies who are all chasing boys. LADIES! LADIES! Know that BOYS or MEN are meant to CHASE US! Remember this is what you do. You send them to ‘Green light’ which is the ‘Come to Mama’ beckon…don’t make ti too slutty, nor make it too friendly as they’ll see you as ‘just sex’ or even worse, ‘just good friends.’ THEN YOU LET HIM DO THE REST. Bottom line, be the guy shy or brave, if he wants you, he WILL COME AND GET YOU. It’s in their nature to be that way, They are the huntsmen of the game of love and will take the neccessary steps to make the girl that he desires his. Men have NO LOYALTY with one another. If they want, like or love a girl, they will make the advance…and should do. DON’T CHASE THEM. You don’t have too. Plus, if you’re having to put in a great deal of leg work, then the relationship isn’t going to run the way you want to. You want the man to adore you from first sight and dote on you lovingly…and take you on dates. You don’t want to of had to manipulate him into it. He should see you and know right away that he likes you. That’s the same with chicks who are wanting him to ‘put a ring on it,’ I’ve always believe and from my own experience that a man knows his wife when he sees her…immediately. The times when i’ve been married (lol…that sounds bad already) the guy has seen me and known straight away that he wanted me to be his wife. We don’t give guys enough credit sometime. They know what they want and will go get what they want, be they scared, insecure or brave. They’ll have a good go at the very least. But don’t chase them, be sexy… I mean us women are clever and we create situations where we can accidentally on purpose get to hang out with the boy that we desire etc…whether it be buddying up to their best friend, family member, going out to the same place, or making sure we randomly bump into them. We’re tragic like that. They know what we’re doing. They’re not always as ridiculous as we think. Let them love you and chase you. Let them be the man.

God, as if it’s nearly 2pm already. I’ve been out and about all day and i’m feeling lush. I just need a delicious bath and a chillax and i’m done with! You could float me on a boat to the heavens.

Just saw this online and thought it was clever. Have a go:

Rearrange these words : 1) Pneis 2) Htielr 3) Nggeri 4) Buttsxe. Did you read: Spine, lither, ginger and subtext?

Hope you all feel bad now 🙂

Kitchen Tanning & Drunkards



Sneezed and wee’d myself today, in the middle of Doncaster, whilst attempting to shop and I don’t mean a little trickle, I mean a ‘half -wee.’ Now….I’m pissed off, as this pregnancy malarky is turning me into a scrubber. I’m meant to be glamour puss extra-ordinaire. I didn’t do this the first time around. I’m literally doing wee’s down my leg every time I move too fast, cough, or sneeze…AND my bling. This can’t be happening to me. I have 4 weeks and 3 days until I’m due to have a little son in my arms. I know that you’re meant to take on your future child’s personality during the last few weeks of pregnancy…so my boy is basically busy all the time, likes weeing himself, wished he could have wine, wants to tan all the time and most of all wants to purchase things! I’ve literally had a buying addiction that comes out of nowhere, which is odd for me, as i’m actually a scrooge, or a bargain hunter. I’ve spent, spent, spent today and all on Ruby. She now has a million more dresses and pairs of shoes that she didn’t really need and almost a slide, a sandpit and more shoes. Luckily, my rubbish arms couldn’t carry it all to the car, or i’d look like a car boot sale…but one that sold new stuff? (Makes no sense.)

I will tell you that drunks in green curly wigs waved at me today..whilst shouting ‘CHRISSIE!’ I love that drunkards adore me and simply because they seem fun. The good decent people of the world, think i’m an idiot dipped in nuisance, but the green wigged, rummed up drunks are ‘Wunna’ all the way! 🙂 I’m just that girl you want to wave at when you’re pissed. In fact, i’m the girl everyone tried to call when they’re pissed up. I don’t know why? But I surely get a whole lot of texts off ‘party friends’ who apparently ‘miss me’ and ‘love me’ at 1.20am, after vodka….or crap voicemails where you can’t hear what they’re saying, but you can hear Lady Gaga  having a ‘Bad Romance’ in the background. I hate those calls by the way, so don’t do them. 😉 I put my phone on silent now on a night and simply so it doesn’t wake Rubes up. Keiran used to do it to me all the time…before he became decent. I almost nearly deleted my OWN HUSBANDS number one evening simply because his drunken, every two minute’ phone calls all through the night did my head in. His reason…’Because I loved you and i missed you.’ Can’t people just miss and love me during normal social hours. I’m much nicer then.

What else? I feel glam. I don’t feel rough. I think i’m a sexy preggo. Even though i’m weeing myself and waddling I still feel hot and I like that, because I may have lost my waistline, but I’ve certainly kept my ego…my favourite part of me. I sort of had one of those moments today where you feel all teenage rebellious and end up getting a spontaneous tattoo or piercing, or even hairdo. Luckily, i’m too old to give in to such a rush that I just got hot pink nails instead. I’m not as dangerous these days. I’m more ‘dolly’ and simply because the older you get the more you fear felling like shit, when you’ve realized what you’ve done. Saying that..I adore my last minute tattoos. They rock. I think i’ll go all out and get my toes down tomorrow. 🙂 #sucharebel

Saw a young 20-something year old boy today, all blond and handsome…but really really young looking. He looked like he was 21. I mean…what job must he have to be driving a red convertible Porsche boxster. I was intrigued by him and wanted to know more? We were in a traffic jam though, so I didn’t bother. Plus, he was texting. I’m always intrigued by others, but only when they look really rich or really poor. Everyone in between…I weirdly think are okay. I don’t know why that is? But yeah…

I’ve just tanned in the kitchen, in front of the window, fully naked,with the light on. I got sternly told off by Keiran, who immediately pulled the blinds down. But its’ not like there was anyone there watching. It’s night time for crying out loud. I looked at him with my weave tied up and my leg up on the kitchen counter…lol…(I’m a preggo, but I still got it 😉 ) and said, ‘it’s not like i’m doing it purposely to turn people on. I’m just tanning.’ Apparently that’s not the point. Lol. I mean, i’d feel sorry for anyone looking in. It’d be the worst porn you ever saw. I’m like Humpty Dumpty…but Asian…with a mitten on. Not that sexy..even when naked by a fridge. *Cue Porn Music.*

Anyway, it’s late and i’m too tired to write this now. Rubes is in bed. I’m on the sofa smeared in ‘waiting to dry’ tan. Keiran’s laid next to me, thinking about golf and bike rides…and well other than being the clumsiest person ever today…(I don’t like clumsy girls, i think it’s unattractive and weird. Hence why I was so frustrated at myself everytime I dropped something, or tripped over my own goddamn foot.)  But yeah..on the whole…I’m happy.

Tomorrow i have Meadowhall, as Ruby as requested such a trip. It will all end in tears…but ah well, at least i’ve tanned for the occasion. 🙂


Just because I CAN

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Good Saturday Morning, my fine Ladies and Gents and *wink-wink.* Thank you for taking a delightful dip into Wunna land and because you have God now loves you…just so you know. He doesn’t love me…but I assure you he loves you. In fact, Hannah, (Wazza’s girlfriend…well I don’t like to label her as ‘Girlfriend’ as she’s a whole lot more to him than that…but yeah…’girlfriend.’ Labels aren’t always bad,) anyway, yeah…Hannah was passing on encouraging words of wisdom, swirled in kindess to me, for the big old ‘Baby-Ouch-Push.’ (I think I must’ve rambled on about how I had no idea how to raise a boy. In fact, yeah I did…and well she gave me a big old pat on the cyber back, by telling me that boys are way more cuddly than girls. Then I whopped out a bit of ‘labour fear’ at her…and well she encouraged me to ‘hope it goes quickly’ and…’say a prayer.’ 🙂 I love it when things are going to be so painful that the only thing you can resort to as your only bit of life line is ‘hope’ and ‘praying.’ HAHAHA. I sadly replied stating that I had probably used up all my shots with the Good Lord and he was definitely sending me straight to hell. I kinda don’t want to remind him that i’m around and going through something that he can jolly up by making it a bit more painful or dramatic. I think i’ll just gin up before it’s time. (Awww…I miss the old ME, where lunch was gin and life was a blast. 🙂 ) I’ll get on my knees and start ‘Lords Praying’ and he’ll peek, piss himself laughing and say, ‘ah throw her an extra juicy bit of OUCH.’

Okay, so last night everything went back to normal and happy. I did have a weep, but only a little one because i’m preggo-emotional and well i needed a proper weep just for simple release. I had to take make pj bottoms off, because I bent over and split them (when you are splitting LOOSE pyjama bottoms, from bending over you’re in trouble. There is no way at all that I can glorify such an act. I felt like a proper sex symbol,) then I climbed on top of him, to forward facing straddle him…not for sex….you dirty minded trollops.. I then stated that I had to take my pj bottoms ‘not to be sexy, but just because i’m fat’ and then gave him a cuddle, with a cry. We didn’t say much because I wasn’t ready to and he didn’t say much, well he didn’t say anything he truly wanted to say, so those conversations don’t count. The cuddle is what mattered at that time.

Afterward the pants went back on. I hadn’t fully shaved my ‘lady part’ so I rocked the ‘fur bikini.’ 🙂 I can’t even SEE my vagina, let alone attempt to shave it. Well i do attempt to, but it ends up being half Amazon jungle and half bald chicken. It’s like an abused child that is rocking a faux hawk for attention.

I had a lot of things to say, but said nothing. he has a lot of things to say, but said nothing. Making up, is about making up and the resolving of issues is a whole other project. So it got ‘carpet swept.’ Never good. Meaning once again…we will venture to such parts. He feels like he can’t speak him mind because i’ll get angry at him and I feel like I can’t truly stated how I feel, as he’ll refuse to listen and talk over me. But he smiled at me this morning like he loved me, like he really loved me and just wanted me to love him back? I’m confused by everything. But being pregnant is just not a good time to make big decisions. You’re not yourself and your mind is everywhere…but in the good places, like sane, dirty or bright.

Then he asked me to not write about him in my blog, or on Twitter, which i always find disturbing. My blog was here before him and it’s not really going anywhere. I hate it when people try and control what I do or say. Yet I’m especially sceptical when boys tell me not to mention them at all, simply because when Jonny did…it was because he was dating another girl behind my back at the time yet, yet still going out on dates with me, because I had dosh and telly status, meaning I could pay for him. He’d make it sound liek he didn’t want people to know about his life. But it was really because he didn’t want the girl that he was dating to know what he was actually doing, as he was telling her a whole different story. SO she’d be at home thinking, ‘oh he can’t hang out tonight, coz he’s got band practice’ or whatever. Then the next morning skim my blog…and read that we had gone on a date, some tragic romantic walk and he had told me that he loved me. It was awful for both of us. Yet the whole point is, that that particular situation has made me somewhat sceptical of gents who force me not to mention them in my blog..when I’m dating them.

But away from all that, we’re okay, we’re happy and we’re back to normal. We’re exhausted from a mixture of sport, preggoness, holidaying and life. But we’re sexy and you know it. Sometimes, I wish our relationship was simple, like we were a simple couple. Yet we’re both rather complex. Like I see simple, happy couples all the time and think, if we stripped away the glitter, glam, hairspray, feist and swagger…then we’d just be a girl and he’d just be a boy…which we are…and we’d just love, without the ‘show’ of a the same time as true love. However, if you take away the glam, glitz, feist and glitter…and you don’t have us. So, i’m just moaning for no reason. We’re happy. Welcome to my mind. (Jeeze! Rubes is going through wardrobe drama. Pete is taking her to The Gillet, (whatever that is) at the Leeds Trinity walk…and wants her to look nice. Now, Rubes is very ‘Diva’ and she just wants to wear what SHE wants to wear, when SHE wants to wear it. He won’t know that because he only see’s her once a week, so i go through the wardrobe drama with her. Lol.) I’ve told her that she needs to look nice and she’s told me that she needs to look like a ZEBRA! UGH!)

I’ve got so much going on…and actually with work right now. A great deal of opportunity has come my way and well I can’t WAIT to just get on with this labour so I can just get on with now. I’ve been a preggo-hontas for far too long now and I can’t stand it. I enjoy how i’ll waddle for a gin, but not for a child. LOL. Mummy of the year.

So, again, before I get stressed i’m going to surrender to life and go shopping. Fuck it. I deserve it. I want my nails doing, a tan, a pamper and just basic purchasing to occur. I need a break.

But yeah, Doncaster here I come. It’s rubbish that it’s raining…but whatever, it means I don’t have to bother curling the weave…it’ll only get rained on and make me look like a drowned…overweight….rat. I’m tired of being a chunka-wunka now. But really. If you see me today please please don’t bother talking to me, unless you are going to offer me spicy food, pineapples, castor oil or a squat session. 🙂 I’m not actually due yet for another month…but whatever,i’m a fast mover. I need a waistline. JEEZE! Now it’s hailing. Happy Spring. ffs

Okay, before I have a rather beautiful breakdown….(ooh Pete’s here…and she has Zebra legs on…lol) I must must go get ready, pull myself together and make like i’m enjoying an imaginary rum. After next week, it’s actually safe for me to have the baby…so I say,lets cheers to that and get Operation *Push-Push* on wheels.

I not keen on shopping in the hail. It makes my tan run. 🙂 Tragical.


Life is about being happy, being a success, being in love and family. Celebrate who you are and what you stand for Be proud of who you are. Don’t take it all so seriously, but make your mark. There are no rules, but your rules. Like I Tweeted the other day, when one chapter closes, open the next and do it with a wiggle, strut, the best pair of heels, smile, wink, flirty nature and a good bra. A good bra is essential…as it gets you into things and out of things much easier. 🙂 I don’t care what anyway says, if you look hot..with a side of brains, be they apparent or hidden..then you can get everything you want. People are nicer to more attractive people. Yeah, you’ll get called a couple of names at times…but so what…you’ll be delicious.

ps/ Pete’s just asked for a Pink Hoodie? I mean, I know we’re ethnic and everything, but is a HOODIE classed as ‘nice wear?’ Lol. Even dressing her up as a Zebra is cuter than hoodie. Lol. Hoodie’s are for runs, slumming it or…well I don’t EVER wear one, they don’t grace my wardrobe. Yet saying that the things that do could terrify Lilly Savage. 🙂

I need to de-stress. I need to find a waistline. I need to Get my Va Voom back on and work, work, limelight WORK!

Just for old times sake and to help you remember that I am ace….


It’s all about Chivalry.



What a delicious morning, my little pet poodles of pink-eye. *Wiggle-Wink.* I’n feeling wonderful, in fact no…WUNNAFUL..which is a term I used to delight in when I was completely doused in fabulosity. The term simply suggests that a moment, place, thing or situation surpasses the art of ‘wonderful,’ that it becomes ‘WUNNAFUL.’ 🙂 I likey! Likey!

It’s bizarre because now that i’ve temporarily swept all my love life away, there’s like a glow about me, a *buzz,* a certain ‘ohh laa’ that I forgot I had. I know that pregnancy can suffocate anyone. Yet, if you don’t have the neccessary support around you from those who aren’t willing to put themselves on the ‘second best’ pedestal, than it can make any kitten explode with ‘set me freeeee.’ I text Keiran last night. It wasn’t a nice text, nor was it an evil text, Just a text in response to his vague initiation stating Rubes and I were fine and actually much better without him and that for the time being he should maybe find somewhere else stay. I mean we need a break because i’m thoroughly disappointed with him and well the more he keeps tumbling on into my kitty basket, with his anger and ‘Diva-ness’…without being able to put himself, well in this case 4TH in line. (Rubes, Me, Bump…then him.) Then it’s just not going to work. I need a proper grown up gentleman, who will honour his family. Plus, I learnt from the Millionare Matchmaker yesterday that Men who always put themselves FIRST, before completely doting on their woman, are feminine, no matter how masculine they look on the outside. Why? Well it’s because that’s what women do..we put ourselves first..and we should…because they are meant to look after us, not make us look after them.

Lots of men these days have become pansified, haven’t they? They’re dipped in a ‘Mummy didn’t love me-take care of me-nurse me-do everything for me’ tinge of yucky. I hate a man like that, especially because I’m so dominant. It takes a whole lot of big man to be able to conquer me and impress me…and like I always say…i enjoy to be impressed. I don’t give them a hard time…I want them to impress me…always. It’s sort of a high standard, for someone who looks so…cheap. 🙂 HAHA. (Just having a ‘Flashback’ of Ruby running around the living room last night screaming ‘THE BIG BAD WOLF IS COMING’ in a giddy, yet chipper panic. Wow! How my life has changed. We hadn’t been happier. I think after the forest she needed a whole lot fo attention, love and adoration….plus carrots. She strangely wanted carrots? Since giving her that, she’s felt on top of the world, like a champion. A little insecure at first…but now she’s back to my little giggly bundle of Burmese. We woke up together this morning and she looked at me, kissed me and said, ‘What’s up babe?’ 🙂 It’s like she’s a miniature adult. A baby sized ME…which of course makes me highly fond of her.

Anyway back to men being rubbish. Isn’t weird how when a guy dates a girl with ‘dollar’ and i’ve been in this situation LOTS…they tend to think that they’ve SCORED, like they’ll never have to work a day in their life because they won’t have to pick up the dinner tab, or be the man and provide. WRONG! Girls, are girls. We all want the same in a man, when it comes to basic CHIVALRY. (Like I Tweeted yesterday…GOOGLE IT boys, if you don’t know what that means and if you dont know what that means, don’t knock of my door…in ya oiled up, Speedo bods.) It’s all down to chivalry and when a man doesn’t act upon his basic ‘hero-hero-i’m a knight’ skills and when it comes to dating or being in a relationship, we don’t like them anymore. That comes before riches, good looks and well pretty much EVERYTHING. But yeah, just because a chick has money, it doesn’t mean you don’t have to pick up the tab, pay for things, or romance her. I know lots of richie rich girls…and well they have millions…aka Hilton. If you think she EVER pays for dinner on a date, you’re an idiot boys. I like that. All women be they rich or poor, have to be treated like a Princess. It’s not worth her while to look at a poor boy, let alone a boy who wants her to pay for things. I once knew a boy who tried to date me. I didn’t, because I rightly chose someone else over him. But he also took my chick friend out, who is a great deal poorer, not as well raised and well…you get the picture. HE PAID FOR ALL HER DRINKS AND HER DINNER. When we went to dinner and drinks…he not only didn’t pay for mine, but wanted me to PAY FOR HIS. Why because he knew I had it and it wouldn’t be a strain on my bank balance. HOW RUDE. I never ever spoke to him again. I don’t want to mother a boy. I want a fully, ready made man.,,with manners. He thought he had scored.

I feel as though Keiran has a giant problem sticking up for me, or verbally ‘hero-ing’ for me or Baby Rubes…he’s been like that throughout our entire relationship and out of fear of what people might think of him, in case they don’t like him anymore. That’s a problem to me because as you all know, I’m the exact opposite. I’ll champion my cause or the cause of anyone I care about within a second without a care in the world. But we’ve lived lives. I’ve had one where no matter what i’ve said or done, i’ve had it ripped to pieces, or glorified by the masses all over the world. You learn to hold you’re own and not care what others think. He’s very cautious of people not liking him or seeing him a good light. Even if what has occured in his life is undeserving of being well lit for the masses. Plus the think about him, is the simple fact that he doesn’t know how to actually properly make up with women, when he’s fucked up. He thinks that either being ignorant, non persistent, calling people names,  shouting or a random bunch of flowers is the way to do it. WRONG! Understanding what you have done wrong, being warm hearted, apologetic (not just for a day, but forever) and watering your home garden with a bit of love and romance is the way to do it. Men make the giant mistake of doing all of the above ‘WRONG things, or simply giving in because they can’t cope and surrendering to the art of getting pissed, staying out, or avoiding the drama. If  they have caused the drama, they need to fix it…if they believe it’s worth it. If not, then that’s fine…deal with the consequences.

I mean, Keiran’s due to have a son in 5 weeks, which will fly by, it can come anytime now…and his time has been given up immediately to having to go away to work. Which I think is fine. It’s work…it’s bringing in money. Not that I’ll see any of it…but work is work. SO the entire REST of his time, when he’s not at work and because no he will be a dad, with a newborn…is to LOOK AFTER HIS SON. I’ll be exhausted. I have  2yr old, my body will have gone through an ordeal and well it’s half HIS RESPONSIBILITY. The time that he has chosen to be his away time and use as work, will make the baby MY responsiblity, which I find perfect and fair. When he gets back, no matter how tired he is, or how much he wants to go out and fun…he can’t…because he wanted a baby and so all the time he’s back…it’s then HIS TURN to look after the child or find childcare..and that’s fair. If he can’t do that, then he can surrender all responsiblities, move out, go be a party boy, excel in sport, do what he wants…and i’ll take care of everything, meaning he’ll no longer be in my life AT ALL.

Crazy innit! Men don’t think. Anyway, i’ve told him to figure out other living arrangements for now. But he’ll return and tell me he has nowhere to go and therefore resfuse to leave.. He has a gzillion brothers, sisters and relatives here AND HIS OWN HOUSE. So, he’s telling me there’s not a room, bed or sofa available for him anywhere? I find that hard to believe. I feel like if there’s not a clean break, then like I mentioned we’ll go back to ‘fairytale’ as it will all be swept under the carpet, which is a bad thing…as it will come up again at some other point, because it hasn’t been dealt with..and that will be worse because we’ll have a new baby. The break isn’t because I don’t love him. I adore him. I always will. Yet more so that we can appreciate each other once more, like we used to. You miss, love and learn to appreciate someone a hell of a lot more when they’re no longer around.. It works both ways and is completely healthy, in my mind.

But anyway, enough of all that, it’s too beautiful outside to be venting. I’m in pyjama bottoms. I’m not in a position to be moaning.

Life is good and i’m lucky. Ruby is loving her ‘mummy time’ she’s never been happier. We’re a good tag team. I have a great deal of support right now. I have good friend who poke out of the woodwork to offer strength when they feel I need it…that’s what good friend so. They’re the ones that champion you on to do well and make the correct decisions. Not the ones that take you out on the razzle to drown your sorrows in tequila. That’s sharing weakness…innit. I’m feeling strong. I have a great ARMY and I love you all for it. A lot of love and encouraging words have been shared. Except from a couple of dodgy ‘not my actual’ soldiers, who have decided to hit on me, in case Keiran and I don’t make it. 🙂 Typical. I’m a PREGGO-HONTAS. In 5 weeks i’m doing the old ‘push-push.’ It’s probably not the best time to be asking me out on a date. Men. I had one aquaintance,(I only know him from entertainment and a telly stint) tell a guy friend of mine this, ‘When she’s fully curbed him, i’m straight in there like a *now marry me* rocket.’ Hmm….? I hardly think it’s going to be that easy mister.

Last night, as I was chillaxing. Ruby conked out one me I delighted in a full on Kardashian night. That’s the BEST thing about having no boy partner. You can utterly indulge in everything girly, that you simply adore.,..without having some bear fumble in and switch everything to ‘Top Gear’..The History Channel or ‘Time Team.’ SNOOZE. UGH! Last night was bliss! I caught up on my ‘Khloe and Larmar.’ 🙂 Yippeee!! I even did it glammed up, well with full on face and eyelashes on, simply because I felt so divine.

Anyhow, after that..and after replying to a few lovely texts from my Wunna Army…whilst Tweeting, I figured…under my chandelier, that I would watch one of my labour aka ‘Birthing’ videos on Youtube, from when I had Ruby in 2011. There was a lot of ‘hoo-haa’ about it at the time. More than anyone thought because they weren’t on the recieving end of it. Yet ITV2 where the ones that pushed everyone to watch it…and to be honest I love them for it. I’m an attention seeker at the best of times. HOWEVER, little did I know…when I clicked onto one of them (they’re are just the home videos, not the actually filmed for telly ones. My mum was working the camera and well they are only seconds she wasn’t good at not panicking and filming. Lol)

SO, I click on one last night. There’s loads, therefore I picked a random one, as it was only 49 seconds long  and HOLY HEEBY JEEBIES…i saw that 969,949 people, well, it had been VIEWED 969,949 times had watched that 49 second video of me giving birth! OMG! AND it didn’t even have a money shot on it. I was just fat and pushing. I skim scrolled down them and on some 47 thousand people had taken a look, then 400,000 people had taken a peeky. WHAT? Youtube had actually offered me money to advertise on my videos, because they were getting viewed so much. But at the time, because i was all knackered from just having a baby. The Youtube team were ON IT like fire. Any diddle, what happens is that they give you money per view…only a bit of dollar, but if you’re video gets viewed lots it’s worth it. At the time only a thousand people had taken a look and there was so many videos that I thought i’d not bother, it wasn’t worth a pay check. HOWEVER, i didn’t know that on one video alone over 900 thousand people would’ve watched it. BOLLOCKS!!  I could’ve made lots of cashola! Jeepers! Silly me. Therefore, don’t think that I’m not gonna plonk a videos up this time of my second birth…i’ll have my ‘Yes’ email ready for Youtube before hand…in case it gets watched a lot. Saying that, I had the launch of ITV2 plugging it for me when I had Ruby….this time I don’t. Yet i’m sure lots of you, will enjoy to call me a ‘slag” whilst giving birth. Lol (The comments are lovely. 🙂 ) So, it’ll be fun for everyone…and no…no money shot.

Here’s the video link for you…


Keep dreaming, loving and making your dreams come true. I’ve had a bit of a preggo rest, yet I assure you i’ll be back to my kitten self straight after delivery and ready to reconquer the world, because as you know i want my fame and fortune back. I like it too much.

Oh but please do note…I’M NOT IN LABOUR…the above video is from 2011, when I was giving birth to RUBY!!

It’s cringe worthy..but whatever, you have to face your fears and embrace life as is it at times. One more time and in 5 weeks.




Keeping it ‘Diva.’


Well good afternoony, my delightful kittens of hubba-hubba. What a remarkable day. Rubes has enjoyed every second of her continued holiday via the fine art of luxury hoteling. We checked out of Oulton Hall (Helllooo 5*) this morning, after chilling, dining, running around, swimming and sprinkle our little Burmese booties with the spa this morning…and life couldn’t BE any better. I mean, since leaving the forest we’ve been at peace. I finally managed to wake up in deep longing pillows, to the ooze of silence, alongside tweeting birdies. Rubes slept like a log, after hot tubbing the day before, so when she opened one of her eyes, she looked up at me, smiled and said, ‘I’m not naughty am I mummy? I’m good.’ Awww…! Then she giggled-kissed me and told me that she loved me. She finally felt whole again and well Rubes and I make a great team. She chatted, she danced, she ran around the room with glee and even ordered herself a little room service. Like I said yesterday. After ‘Diva-ing’ out of the forest (place a used to love) I went with ‘fuck it’ and decided to treat myself and my glitzy bit of loin fruit to a luxury hotel and spa. If you can. You should. Rubes is really used to the comfort of a yummy hotel. She adores it. We then checked out, met ‘The Wunna’s’ for lunch, had a shop, a play and a quick peeky at baby animals. Then my tiny ‘little bit’ of daughter looked up and told me that she ‘just wanted to go home.’ That was my cue. She’s partied and luxuried out. We’re lucky and i treated her to everything and anything she wanted. I like her to experience life, so she gets the best of everything. Right now, we’re home. I’m watching ‘Real Housewives…’ and experiencing the dodgiest Braxton Hicks contractions. (He’s on his way.) She conked out on the sofa, enjoying a mouth open nap. I mean, any baby glamour puss, with a run like this:


…deserves a nap after luxury and a bit of a local shopping trip.

She even pulled this face today:


…meaning she scored major points with Mummy today. That cheeky smile makes me feel as though i’m a great parent. She’s like a little ‘Puss in Boots.’

Anyway…i’m feeling really proud of myself right now. I’m achieving a great deal right now, without me even knowing that I am. I saw something today that kinda shocked me and made me smile. I’ve worked hard and I’ve loved every moment of it, so it’s great to see the results come together and get ready for the big old ‘applause.’

On the love life front….I haven’t spoken to Keiran today and well I intend not to because to be honest, I haven’t missed him, I still don’t have my ring on and i’m not over it all yet. Even my friends are saying, ‘that boy needs to learn some manners’ and then reassuring me that he knows that he may have ‘punched above his weight’ with dating Le Wunna. Lol. (I enjoy that I’m a punch.)

But right now i feel happy. I actually feel powerful, at peace and free and even though I do believe that every woman needs a man…I mean otherwise, who’s going to romance us, open our champagne bottles, do the bins and carry our luggage. Mine didn’t want to carry my luggage did he, when I was over 8 months pregnant….so what’s the point? 🙂 I can’t get over that and simply because I hate ill mannered men and well it shows me that he is selfish enough to put his stubborn little boy strops BEFORE the safety of…no not ME…but his unborn child, for crying out loud. I mean, you would rather lay on a bed and strop, whilst spurting out ‘yadda-yadda’ at me, then grow a sense of man balls, swallow your pride and carry the heavy luggage down the stairway and outside for the girl that his carrying his BABY!! It didn’t really dawn on me until my chick friend said, ‘Chrissie! You have rubbish working arms…and if you had fallen down the stairs because he had made you carry your own giant luggage,  with a 2 year old at your ankles, you could’ve harmed, hurt, damaged or done even worse to the baby…HIS BABY…. and all because he wanted to boy strop. That’s hardly the sign of a grow up man ready to be a father.’ 

…and you know what. She’s right! If something bad had happened, he would’ve cried afterward and his little tears would’ve been far too late. He learns things too late for Wunna land, which means he’s too slow, or he’s far too impulsive. He needs to find balance. Grown up balance. I mean he always calls me ‘childish’ and in ways I am…because I am a bratt. 🙂 YET, if you call someone something so much, it’s usually because you ARE that!

I don’t think he gets or understands my previous life, because when he found me i had a very normal job, was living a very normal life and well everything was very normal and has been since. It’s all about to change, as i’m wanting to get back into entertainment straight after the birth of the bambino..and there will be NO MORE.But he doesn’t get how my life actually was. He doesn’t understand why I might see people or things differently to him…? But he will. He hasn’t really dealt with my life when it’s been sort of limelighted. Boyband Jonny did…and indulged in it fully. (He was still a prick though. 🙂 But we couldn’t go anywhere.) Keiran has not experience any of this yet…however like I said, he will.

So, as usual, I can do two things..because he’s sent me a text stating that he ‘hopes’ Ruby and I are okay. But that’s not enough for me. I’ve left a fricking holiday dude. There’s not even a sorry in there. Not even an ‘I miss you/I love you/I’m thinking about you.’  I can be nice and back down. But that’s not in my nature because I’m angry at him and just don’t want him near me right now. he’s gone too far and tipped the scale of respect. Or I can tell the truth and say how I actually feel. I just think that if you’re constantly sweeping issues under the carpet and letting people get away with prickish behaviour…you sort of only end up with an unresolved, dusty bundle of ready to explode drama. It’s not healthy. I don’t forgive him for a lot of things…lots of it has not been resolved and he hasn’t apologized for it. So no…i want a break from him and well I can handle life on my own. He pointed at me yesterday in front of a forest window and said, ‘You’re going to end up alone in life Chrissie.’ I just looked back and calmly said, ‘But at least I’ll be happy.’ Then he yelled at me and diva’ed off, because he didn’t get the response he wanted.

I’m going to reply and it isn’t going to rosy tinted. Yet, I hope he’s not coming home tonight, as i’m not ready for him yet. I need a break and more time with Ruby. Either way he’ll be back tomorrow for work…which won’t be fun. I don’t ever seem to be able to catch a peace breath. But he has 5 weeks to prove himself to me and because he now HAS to. The line has been crossed. I’m going to be pleasant, yet direct, which may not be sugary sweet or nice…but honest and very ‘Wunna.’ I don’t need to explain myself because you never actually have to when you have already. It’s not your fault if they didn’t listen. Plus, people always try to make you explain yourself like it’s a must and if really never is.

On a merrier front…It’s National Pleasure Week and i’m thoroughly enjoying the idea of it all. Ann Summers have been celebrating it all week and giving away truly delightful goodies every day to lucky comp winners. I saw this today on their Facebook Page and well what better way to stay out of trouble when you’re in a bit of an unsexy slump. Stay at home and keep your hands to yourself. You break less hearts that way 😉 and keep a smile of that miserable face of yours.

For day 4 of National Pleasure Week we want to introduce a BRAND NEW range of sex toys: The O Team.

We pulled together 8 real women to help us design and develop a range of toys which would give you EXACTLY what you really want!

See the results here:

I’m just reading through my messages from you all and I think ‘Wunna’ fans like it better when i’m tragic and single. Lol. You all love it and find my escapades more entertaining then when I’m ‘fairytale’…you horrible lot. 🙂 I enjoy one of the messages, which states that the great thing about me when Keiran told me to carry my own luggage, during his boy strop…was that I probably did with a middle finger staring him in the face.

I did! As soon as he said it, I simply didn’t moan, thought ‘what a loser’ grabbed the first giant leopard bag and heaved it down the stairs, with swag and a massive baby bump. Then I walked back up the stairs and heaved my other one down and returned to get Baby Ruby. When my Mum arrived…I diva swung one over my shoulder, popped the other on wheels, grabbed my hand bag and strutted. That’s what women should be about. Don’t let men try to think they have the better of you, when they haven’t.  It made him look stupid and well…he knows it did. #iwin I don’t want you to think that all thsi is just about the ‘bag carrying’ issue. I wouldn’t have left simply because of that. I mean holy shit, i’m made of stronger glitter bricks that a little bag carrying issue. I just remember it because it was the last thing that happened. (Eww…my belly button is gross.) He needs to learn his priorities, how to treat pregnant women and how not to be so selfish.

Now to relax and enjoy the rest of my evening. I love you lots. Not long now till i give birth to another human AND  pop on your telly screens. EXCITED!!

Oh and thank you  for following my life.

And she leaves the Forest EARLY!!


I’ve left.

I mean, if anyone knows me they know that I would never EVER ever, leave a holiday…let alone a place that I regard a so special to me…well used to….early. It’s not the way I strut, as I appreciate all times of peace, happiness and classy harmony. However, if I do…and I have (around of applause please) then something must have annoyed, hurt or bothered me enough to only manage to stay for a day, before I’ve called and arranged to both leave and get picked up early. I’m a feisty girl, who knows her mind, yet i’m tolerant and I’m kind. I don’t take myself so seriously. I care about a lot of things and often bizarrely wave this moral flag of conduct. Yet if you mess with me, something that I morally believe in, or anyone I whole heartedly care for. In fact, even if I just find you annoying…I’ll find a solution to the problem and immediately remove myself from the drama or negativity…especially if I at ALL feel disrespected.

Keiran managed to do that, with his great Husband skills. 🙂 He’s sort of a loving husband when he wants to be, yet likes to Peacock strut and make it seem like he’s quite the ‘Master’…in front of people, or even if I’ve given him the power to ponce it around for it. He gets a bit too big for his boots…and then I remind him of his peg place. BOOYAH! I mean, I do everything pleasantly. Yet it takes me to tell him off, or explaining a situation to him over and over again, until he actually absorbs it, understands it and then surrenders to it with an apology.

Now, there’s lots of reason’s why I left, in fact far too many for me to ramble on about…The main one was just simply because i needed peace. I’m 8 months pregnant and I guess Hubbilicious doesn’t get how it feels, or how to treat an 8 month preggo wife. So, I left…and with my darling fruit of my loins and we sauntered off early…after I tossed off my ring and Baby Ruby enjoyed a long relaxing dip in the hot tub. He’s upset that I left. I know that. He claims that it doesn’t look good. Yet, I glared at him with a puzzled face and said, ‘Whocares about what it flipping LOOKS LIKE. This IS REAL LIFE, not a staged show that people watch in on.’ (You don’t perform for people…unless you’re getting paid to. 🙂 ) I had had enough of him and everything he managed to say to me behind closed doors that I just went with ‘fuck it’ and left him to it. Now I can enjoy my free time away from him and he can enjoy his holiday the way he wants to. We’re both happy. Well…he’s probably not. But the good thing about him, is that he’ll pretend that he is..I on the other hand literally feel great now that i’ve left. I fee free and refreshed and calm and relaxed. It’s weird?

I feel like he turned a place of harmony into a place that I now couldn’t bare to be with, with him. I used to CRY when I left that place. Now, I leave with a strut and a ring toss and the times that i cried were secret and when I was on my own out of sadness.

The good thing is that Baby Ruby has had a good time and a bad time all in one. But on the whole she’s happy. The fun isn’t over. Even though i’ve left and done the right thing, I’m keeping her holiday going by continuing with luxury hotel nights and spa swimming pools. Her favourite. We had a great moment today when it was just her and I, where she just looked at me like I was her ‘hero’ and gave me a kiss. It was like she felt like she was 10ft tall.

When she left, Keiran tried to lovingly brainwash her into making her say that she didn’t want to leave. Lol. Yet as soon as she got in the car, she giggled with delight and was excited about her next destination. She loves the forest, yet she loes anywhere you take her that’s filled with excitement. She’s from my gene pool. I GET HER. You just can’t mould a kid that’s so adored into your mindset. Plus…that’s weird…and weirdo’s smell?

The Hubs will either say nothing to everyone and pretend that all is well, or just make up boy stuff to make him sound ‘not so bad’ and that i’m just preggo hormonal. Keiran is not one to ever admit his faults. Hence why I’ve had enough of him. He doesn’t know how to deal with me. Like when he was upset at me leaving. Instead of saying that he was upset at me leaving, which would be the brave, simple, adult thing to do. He just lashed out angrily in a boystrop spouting this, spouting that…and well when you tell your 8 month pregnant wife to carry her OWN luggage and her 2 year old baby, with a delicious dollops of ‘fucking this, fucking that’ alongside it, after she asked for your help…you know you need lessons in being a decency. Lol. I mean for crying out loud, who taught you to be a man. Or do you JUST wait until someone is your pregnant wife to treat her in such a manner. It was at that point, where he could’ve saved everything, but instead made me lose any respect that I had for him. It’s an awful moment for a girl of my sort, when that happens, because i’m a girl who likes to be impressed by a gentleman. It shows me immaturity, poor manners, no sense of heart, no class,  and in fact poor parenting. I’ve noticed that he good at ‘the show’ of things. Yet can’t keep the constant real life decency UP. He’s like a child and girls need grown men to look after them, be they young OR old.

What made it worse was that I asked for his help with the bags. He said ‘no’ and added a ‘fucking.’ Said a few awful things about my mum, (as she was the one coming to pick me up. I have a good mum. I’m HER baby Ruby.) THEN when he realized that it was all actually really happening, that I was actually leaving and that my Mum WAS ACTUALLY outside, he sheepishly said, (under his breath) as my mum pulled in…’here give me one of those bags.’ JUST so he didn’t look bad in front of my mum. I laughed at him and said, ‘Don’t try and look good now, after saying what you said.’ She knew all about it anyway. She’s my mother. She can see through anything. Both of us in fact.

But i’m really happy and that’s the main thing. Ruby is happy also. I sort noticed a lot more about him this holiday around. He’s actually not that loving and kind. He’s a showman. OR he’s secretly loving and kind and DAREN’T show it. Either way….I don’t like it. I had had I left. He’s different to me and he’s different to me behind closed doors. The ‘show’ of it all is delicious. Now Ruby adores him and he’s very good with her. YET, this time around I noticed and i’ve noticed this over the last few weeks, he’s ONLY GOOD WITH HER, when he wants to be. He picks her up and drops her down whenever he wants. She has hung out with i him in the last two weeks really, because he’s paid no attention to her deliberately. So during this holiday he’s been very ‘daddy-daddy,’ making her obsessed because he’s decided to pay her some attention. It’s sort of like, he likes to be ‘Daddy’ yet with only ‘Step Dad’ duties. He’s the one that hates the ‘STEP’ in his Daddy title…not me. Yet he doesn’t quite get what it’s like to be a full time parent…but he 5 weeks..and he’ll regret being a disrespectful or even disloyal to me.

I mean my friends are just like, has he not learnt to not mess with a fully preggo Wunna and a Baby Sized Wunna yet? Lol. My other friend call him a ‘Hero’ for making me carry my own luggage. I’m 8 months pregnant! Lol. How selfishly disgusting and he wonders why i don’t want to near him right now. He’s made me think that we’re not compatible. He’s not apologetic or being lovely. He’s being dickish. So now, i’m feeling like I deserve more of a husband and more of a father figure for my bambinos. Better.

He made me a sign in the woods yesterday reading, ‘I LOVE YOU,’ out of giant Jenga. BUT, giant Jenga love and flowers are only good, if you can keep up being romantic ALL THE TIME…not when it suits you. Romance and love cost nothing. If a man can’t keep it up…and turns a flip switch, then he’s not really of that nature, he’s just pretending to be.


(I’m looking very preggo.)

I’m not wearing my ring. I’m calm, happy and recouping. I’m looking after baby  Rubes. I’m continuing my holiday AWAY from the forest and i’m not taking ANY of Keiran’s rubbish boy shite.

I’m nesting. I need calm before my baby storm. I have 5 more weeks and if staying away from him is making me feel relaxed and happy for a while then that’s what will happy. I need a break from him. He can say whatever he wants to me, at me, or about me. How I feel…MATTERS TO ME and that’s what I will act upon. I’ve told him that I need a break from him. I’ve told him that I need space and that I need for us to not be together. He’s upset me and i’ve had enough. If this is how he treats his 8 month pregnant wife, then it’s certainly a ‘turn off.’ Lol. It really doesn’t get ya loins burning. (Ooh hang on…my Gay Adam is texting me, asking me if I think he’s a ‘good person.’)

PLUS, I must be actually a great deal madder at him than I ever thought, as I would never ever have left a holiday early, so do I no longer actually care, or has he just annoyed me so much that i’ve had enough and standing MY ground. The good thing is that I have good friends and a Wunna Army to cheer lead me on. Dangerous combination…..but very handy.


Much needed vent over.

He always gets mad when I openly vent. YET…in life, people who feel verbally suffocated, need to be able to express and vent in order to find their peace. Never lower your standards in order to ‘keep’ someone, or keep someone happy. I did a ring toss and it felt liberating. Why? Because I did it privately to myself…and not for people to see. It felt old school ‘Destiny’s Child’ liberating. 🙂 Girl power and all that! (I wish he wasn’t coming back for a few more days yet. I need time to myself. Men never want to give me that ‘time to myself,’ in case during that time, I gallop off without them to do life MY WAY.) Ugh! He’s gone too far this time.

These last few weeks of pregnancy are not easy for a chica and it’s something he just doesn’t get. EVERYONE GETS IT…but him. Typical.


Luxury Forest Holiday Much


Finally packed for our luxury forest holiday trip away into the woods, for a wee bit of family time and harmony! If you follow this blog..and you should, because i’m ace….you’ll know Keiran, Ruby and I go alot. This is our THIRD time this year already and well to us it’s a special place of ‘ooh laa.’ This time, we’ve booked TWO big cabins and we’re taking all (well nearly all) of Keiran’s family, for a bit of luxury, private outdoor, hot tubbing and fun!

I’m a full blown preggo-hontas, whcih I find hilarious, as I’m terrifie that I’ll give birth in the woods, like a slaggy Goldilocks…yet not at all because i’m not a blond. 🙂 (The slaggy part is questionable to most.)  But i’m determined to make it fun. Even though I seem to have a poorly Baby Ruby, who won’t sleep. She stayed up all night, watching Mr.Tumble, yet screaming in pain. If she’s like that for the full four days, it’s going to be rather eventful. She is currently leaning on the sofa apparently ‘doing her face’ ready for swimming in the hot tub. (You can tell that I’ve bred her.) I’ve already done my face for such an event. 🙂 However, this time i’m not so sure that I’m gonna be dipping in it. I’ refuse to turn something luxurious,like champagne bubbles, into a bloodied birthing every Thompson I know watched on. It’s be far too odd. The last time they saw me I was in a wedding dress getting filmed for the telly. If that happened the next time, I’d be on all fours, naked, screaming in pain, trying to push a human out of my groin. I don’t think so. It won’t be happening and well simply because both Keiran and I WANT our child to come out on or AFTER May 21st and simply so he’s a Gemini. I’d love a Gemini boy. I think the holiday’ll be good for everyone. Plus Keiran and Rubes will have a chance to re-bond, as she hasn’t managed to see him that much due to his work load. (He’s at work right now…so he could fit in a few hours before venturing off to the forest,. I’ve packed everything…in fact over packed. I’m never an over packing, as I’m one to much prefer travelling light. I’m never anywhere for long. But this time i’ve bundled everything but the kitchen sink, in a pink and cream leopard print bag…on wheels. Don’t you just hate people with luggage on wheels. But mine’s leopard print…so i get away with it. (The holiday hasn’t even started yet and I already need a massage.)

So, for the next four days, i’ll be chillaxing in the luxury provided to us by Forest Holidays. They are SO good to us there and well of course we anyone anywhere where we get the VIP treatment. We’ll probably end up going 4 more times this year. We’re addicted to it.

I’m ready to get off and going. I have the right eyeliner on for it and Ruby is in polka dots. At that point in life, you know you’re set. Keiran still has an hour at work and well i still have to drop off flowers for my chick friend to say ‘Happy Birthday.

I’m really gonna miss my mum, whilst i’m gone. You do when you’re a preggo-hontas. But i’m sure i’ll be fine. She just wants to make sure Ruby has the most amazing time. (Rubes is currently trying to pull my neon pink bra off me, stating that it is hers. I feel a tantrum coming on. FUN! Now she’s pulling my hair. UGH! It’s fine though, as soon as I put her around other children, she’ll be terrified and clamber around me like a baby sheep. I enjoy how she believes pulling my bra strap down will annoy me. I’ve spent my entire life with my bra strap down. Putting in ON me, would confuse me more. DUH!)

Keiran was cute yesterday. He missed me mucho, so he said. I like that. It’s good for a man to tell you that he loves you and misses you, both privately and  publically. He did both. You know how I enjoy TRUE love with a side of public grand gestures of ‘Look at ME.’ I got whispery words of romance…and a big old ‘i love my wife’ TWEET. Lots of points scored. Isn’t he doing well? I should have more babies. #not We both (when we were fooled into the fact that we were going to get chill time) watched ‘Karate Kid,’ but the new one with Will Smiths son in. (He’s a great actor…like his Daddy. I’m a Will Smith fan.) Amyway, we had a ‘THANK GOD we’re still HUMAN’ moment…as it made us both cry. Anytime, that you are still weeping to  ‘Karate Kid,’ you know you’re still a decent person. 🙂 Keiran had previously cried to ‘Britain’s Got Talent.’ Lol. When I asked him why? He simply replied with a ‘It was when I was watching them all get through to the next stage. It was just so nice to see people’s dreams coming true.’ 🙂

But yeah…4pm today i’m checking into the Sherwood Pines Forest for 4 days of calm, luxury and peace. To the cabin we venture. Hope we have a good time? I’ll be blogging from there as the days flutter by.

Big smoochies.

The Wuns

Preggo Porn and Shopping Trips

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Happy Sunday evening, you yummy bits of kitten delight.

I’m on holiday tomorrow for 4 days, so completely enjoying the moments of chillax that I have before we set off tomorrow. We’re back to the forest for a much needed time out. It seems as though even when Wunna Land is quite calm and chilled, it’s still somewhat busy, with a a dramatic air. I don’t know how this happens…so i simply tip my hat and surrender to the art of life. (I’m currently in my living room, with Karate Kid on in the background, with the stench of smelly feet swirling around my ‘ooh laa.’ 🙁 )

The weekend, has pretty much been the weekend. Ruby had the flu. Keiran played his first team game of cricket. He looked the part, yet Lord knows if he played well? As far as I know, he went to one practice and got put on the team. I love a man in cricket whites…and I also love the comedy box they have to wear over their googlies for protection. Keiran has to wear his around the house to protect them FROM ME. The other day, he sauntered into the living room, in nothing but his pants and sprawled out on the sofa with his arms behind his head. He does it on purpose and only when i’m glammed up. We must still try to make the other one fancy us subconsciously. Yet we’re not mature enough to use our personalities as of yet :), therefore we stick to our strengths of ‘sex appeal.’ We try to ‘out sex’ the other, yet FOR the other…which is an odd concept. Then when one of us tries it on, the other one shouts and starts being frigid, with a playful ‘How dare you touch me. Don’t! Get off! I used the words ‘Preggo’ and ‘Porn’ in the same sentence yesterday, as I was mulling around in my tanned belly, preggo bra and tartan shorts. His eyes glazed over with a joyful, cartoony delight…then his decent side prevented him from having a good old perv. Instead he cleverly called me ‘beautiful’ and got on with his work. I…on the othe rhand, grabbed his goolies through his grey boxers and squidged them to laughter. It was more comedic than sexual. He squirmed away like a prissy little nun virgin…all giggles and smiles..whilst pissing himself. (With laughter…not actual wee. ‘m not in Hollywood anymore where I get accidentally ‘Golden showered’ on. Have you read ‘Diaries of a Glamour Puss.’ You should. Buy it.)

Anyway, I explained to him that he couldn’t expect to flounce around in his pants and not have me squeeze his goolies. He married ‘Chrissie Wunna’ not  ‘Decent Daisy.’ He just laughs when I play ‘sexy’ and simply because it’s so out of character. Believe it or not, I spend or have spent most of my life running away from overly sexed men, than chasing them. That’s where some girls have it wrong. Don’t chase it. Just look good…and it comes. Even if you don’t want it too.

I’m feeling very ‘kitten’ at the moment. I went to Meadowhall today and shopped for last minute ‘holiday in the forest’ needs, which if you’re ME, means eyelash glue, tanning spray, kiddie swimming nappies and frilly knickers. I then bought a flower arrangement for my friend, who’s birthday it is on the Tuesday when I’m away. I need to refrain from purchasing flower arrangements in the future, because simply because I always seem to be pregnant and holding one….no matter where I flipping am! I’m either carrying one, or perching one on my knee and I don’t even have a Miss.World title, or tiara.

I’m not really too exhausted because my bump has dropped, meaning no back ache for me…and well also a soon to be birth. My friend had a curry the other night and went into labour. I think, i’m more immune to the ‘spicy food’ theory. I’m ethnic, I can dip a dog in vindaloo and think it tastes like a cuppa PG Tips. He’ll come when he’s ready and he’s not due for another month yet. I’m actually excited.  Yes for the baby..and yes for the fact that I’ll have my waistline back…well if I haven’t lost it forever…somewhere with my dignity. (Getting a flashback of Keiran getting grumpy with me for stating that he was shoving socks down his pants this morning. 🙂 )

So, yeah, Meadowhall was great. I actually took a secret detour and had a peek at something I’ve achieved. It was an amazing moment and a moment that I can’t tell you about. But stood back with a smile of my face, like I was ‘cool like Fonzi’ and gave myself a big old giant pat on the sexy back. I’m ace. I’ve decided.

Rubes did Toys R Us yesterday with me. It lbegan great and she couldn’t bof been any happier. Then my Dad decided to terrify her by chasing her around with giant plastic claw clippers. She wept the entire rest of the time, until we told her that we might buy her a car. Men just need to learn that girls…be 2 years old, 32 years old, or 62 years old, just don’t like getting teased, chased, picked up, made to jump, to feel fear, splashed in the face….and well basically annoyed. They just never seem to learn the concept of it, do they? They thing it will make us smile?

Diamonds…makes us smile. LEARN IT!

Anyway i’m gonna go now and check in, in the morning. I need my chill tiem before the big old holiday.

Love you mucho.

I had my lips done at MAC today. Just lipsticked and lined…not pumped, poked or pricked. I don’t need to do that. My lips are giant. I loved them ans simply because the artists kept gathering around me telling me that I was so glamourous for a pregnant girl and rubbing my belly. I really am Buddha…but with a bouji fan club. It in that moment that I decided ym life should be that way all the time. Where I’m plonked in a glitzy chair…well lit by mirrors, with a crowd of people primping my lips and rubbing me, telling me i’m gorgeous…even when i’m fat. 🙂 I lips started off nude and glossy and ended up like porn star plumpies. They were hilarious. I loved them. Keiran didn’t like them one bit. I don’t get why, but they certainly they terrified him. He wants me to be a glitzy, natural beauty and not adopt a ‘pornified’ look..and simply so the wrong attention doesn’t find me. I guess?

I’m in the forest tomorrow!

Thank the good lord.

Kisses, winks and wiggles,

Wunna x