OMG! I must be the ONLY Glamour Puss to get into an actual ‘last night’ fisty fight and come of worse off than the person i was attempting to fisty cuff…when i fricking started it! Lol. MY ENTIRE body is busted and achey due to a series of floppy wristed girl slaps, followed by a lovely bit of ‘shouty-shouty,’ then a moment of nibble biting, a jolly few seconds of shin kicking…a bit of fur boot googlie whacking, more slaps…a little drizzle of wrestling and then a big finale of having to be sat on! 🙂
There i was, in my full glamour puss glory, thinking i’m 10 feet tall after a bottle of wine and a swagger that proceeded me, being all cute and violent, due to having my feelings hurt. The other party decided to play it cool, calm and more wordy…which always make you look far more idiotic. I actually put so much effort into the fighting part of the shindig, that i actually hurt myself more than i managed to hurt the other person. Hah! They’ve come away unscathed, after watching me try to fight them…well they have a few scratch marks and i’m here unable to move my entire body due to me trying to be a fucking ninja!! I CAN’T EVEN MOVE MY JAW!
I’m not made for hard labour. I need to remember to stick to my strengths. Winking…wiggling…i can do. I’ll never be a Jet Li. There’s me thinking that my body would naturally turn all karate and champion when it needed to, simply because i’m asian! If you ARE asian…know that this is not the case. If you’re going to drink wine, get hurt and then demand to fight people of the opposite sex, then make sure you either take a tickle stick with you, or just run. Infact, shout something really abusive, then RUN. Run for the hills.
I did actually get wrestled to the floor 3 times, then comedy choked. But i stupidly i kept getting back up with my dolly fisty cuffs and gobby mouth!! UGH! My advice to any other puss in the same situation….stay down!!! DOWN! If you get up, you will completely ruin your eye make up and wake up the next morning with a non working jaw. Lord knows what i must’ve looked like. lol I was this 5ft 3, asian, titty, in fur boots, tanned, over eyelashed, over lip glossed incredible boozy hulk. No wonder i ended up getting sat on. I enjoy how i have all these amazing things happening to me in my life right now, the book, the show, true love….the world…yet last night i ended my Wednesday with another human being, sat on me. How very ‘Chrissie Wunna.’ I’m about to hit stardom on the head and give it a jolly old wiggle and here i am tantruming under chandeliers with a monkey grab and fur boot kick and due to flipping WINE. (‘Chrissie! You KICKED my WILLY!’) I’m never drinking AGAIN.
My beautiful kitty cat body is currently littered with tiny little confetti like, bruisy spots. It’s one of those fights that is funny now, but will never happen again.
Just had really great bonky on the sofa with my hubby to be. Life is fab again and I’ve had crumpets. Have you? I will just take this moment to re-tell you how wonderful my ‘handsome’ is. Like i always tell you, we’re learning a lot about relationships, love and life and well i’m really happy to have chosen him (out of every gent in this whole gooey world) to be the one that i do ‘forever’ with. He woke up this morning as i crept in with a fresh cuppa tea and beckoned me toward his knee. I told him that i loved him and with a calm, warm cuddle he said, ‘I love YOU and I can’t wait to marry you.’ I sighed with relief, cried a little and after showing him my tiny bruises and telling him i couldn’t even use my arm to ‘hair-toss’, we tottered downstairs to carry on with life. I guess that’s what winners do. Get on with it.
I have my meeting with Allan tonight at 7pm for my book launch party. Both Keiran and I are going to get it all sorted and perfecto. I took him to the doctors for the first time yesterday for his poorly eye. He looked all excited, like a little boy, who is now all grown up, with a doctor and eveything. I literally took a picture of the moment, mid-diagnosis. Welcome to Wunna Land. Thank you for reading. x