Woke up this morning absolutely positive that the rest of the day was going to be awful. I used to always say if you wake up in a bad way, the rest of the day seemed to follow suit. I’d say it all the time in Hollywood. HOWEVER, these days and because i’m all hidieously chipper…I mean have a gorgeous daughter (who pooed so hard at nursery, in one big, out of nowhere *ninja burst* of Karate chop, that nursery actually had to frantically call me in, to come bring a clean change of clothes for her little Burmees bum bum) and i now have the perfect ‘hubby to be’ (who is on a casting right now, as he steps into his new career in entertainment)..if the day starts off a little shady, i try to conquer it immediately and whip it straight to happy. It’s sort of being able to be a grown up, look forward to the rest of the day and control it perfectly, with that added bit of innocent faith, so that life eventually works for you. I do that with men, shoe choices and days. 🙂 We usually all give in, with an ‘aah well-whopp-dee-doo’ as we accept a lost cause with grace. Not me. Today i’m all a warrior…with a sore vagina and tummy… and maybe a bit of backache. (Glamour Pussing was much easier a decade ago, when i carried my boobs around in a briefcase made of solid cash and only popped them out for a giant ‘dollar-dollar.’ I popped them out, after screwing them on…like they were a business. Now they’ve been tugged on a little and have their own bit of *wiggle* going on and they’ve been whapped around my Keiran a lot, who again is quite partial to a bit of boobie clap, after supper and a green tea…. they kinda just bounce along merrily…like they’ve found their ‘happy place’ and are no longer being forced to work, to support my lipgloss addiction. They give me backache and everything. It’s lovely. Even though being a 31 year old Glamour Puss is harder…it is far far more DIVINE! It’s less messy and more delicious.) Anyway, long story short, i dropped my bronzer and it shattered, like my dignity, all over my cream carpet. I got grumpy. I wasn’t able to bounce back until i coffee. )
Anyway, today i’m all ‘work-work-work.’ I’ve kinda sort of feeling defeated, because i’m having to write a proposal. I’ve never had to write a proposal before. I mean, the only proposals that i’ve encounted and had my life write accidentally have either been indecent or attached to diamond rings with a lifetime committment. (21 of those.) Now, i’m in my living room, terrified and because i’m having to throw together something that’s really quite basic, that i’m repeatedly making more challenging out of fear and simply out of literary insecurity. I can do it. Yet think i can’t. But deep down i know i can, therefore am i just lazy? I’m not telling you all about it and simply because i don’t want to jinx it. Oh the art of jinxing. Yet i’m currently involved in a work related tango of emails with a ‘great’ who i really need to impress, in order to foxtrot forward to a happy bundle of success, a sense of achievement…and money. 🙂
It’s awful when you feel terrified because it fools you into thinking you can’t do something, when you can, doesn’t it? That’s why people don’t show up to auditions or take that extra brave step forward, or send that text that could’ve changed their life, or even take risks. I’m a confident girl. I feel confident. But right now, i’m terrified, alongisde being confident. Yet that’s just me innit. I’m foolish but wise. Loud but quiet. A little bit everything..making me a whole entire lovely bit of human. I will tell you that for once, i’m not being a massive chicken and working really hard to get it all done. Hoping that i might be impressive, but myself all at the same time. I might not get it all done today but i want too. Plus i’m on tea and not wine, which will obviously prolong everything.
On the book front, Wunna Land is great. It’s hilarious because now that i’ve been blessed with potential ‘dreams come true’ which is what we all know i asked for. I’ve only just realized that i do actually have to now write and deliver. Lol. I’m confident because i know i’m worth something and my work is good. I’m marketable and have a smashing shot, dazzled in luck. However…it’s still scary and i don’t know why. You have to put in the work in order to get the best result out of anything. Be it love, work or life. It’s like a clumsy trail of *hoop jumps.* But it’s really only the people who do that work, that get there in the end. Most people want to be a success, but only 2% of people..(i have just made that up) actually take the chance, work 100% and go find it proactively. An agent in LA once told me that most people in that town didn’t make it not because they couldn’t, but because they gave up. Is that you? It’s certainly not me. That’s one of the things that i adore about Keiran..who’s my best friend, lover and greatest companion ever. He’s a pro-active tryer and wants to do well. I’m just the same. We work hard for want we want. Therefore i’m gonna get off this almost broken laptop and get to the art of ‘proposal writing.’
Before i go 🙂 I’ve been crap at playing Cupid. I’m missing baby Ruby. I think i need to go on a diet, because i’m tired of people talking to my podge and loving it like it’s an entirely separate person attached to me. Lol. My nose has once again been called ‘Frank Bruno.’ I’ve called someone elses nose ‘The Wicked Witch of the West.’ The gays are filling me in on their love lives and i adore reading all your messages. (Thank You ‘scarlett’ for yours. It brought a smile to my little asian face and made my boobies giggle.)
Infact, i actually also got to email sin from my LA friends. I get these when they think i’m fucking up. My LA ‘showbiz mum’ told me off and told me to stop having babies right now, because i didn’t need to do it to prove to the world that i love Keiran. (The bleeding thing is fine now. I’m all healthy and checked out. I didn’t know i had fallen pregnant and well if i did fall preggo with Keirans bambino..it would be truely amazing. I LOVE having a family and intend to have a big one with him. He’s my ‘forever.’ Fact…no proof needed. 🙂 )
Then ‘Latin Lover’ emailed me with a big ‘thanks’ and wishing me the best in life. My exes do that now and again. I didn’t reply.
I’ll have to tell you about my mouse doctor in the next blog. I hope she doesn’t end up reading it. But anytime a lady is forced to rummage in your vagina with swabs, it really can’t be anymore hilarious!