Definition of GLAMOUR-PUSS
Just returned from a delicious day in Doncaster. Not quite sure what’s happened over the last couple weeks? Yet I will tell you (*boast-boast-hair-toss,*) that i was rather a popular little ‘flooze’ of ‘off the telliness’ today!! Therefore Me being the Wunna that I am, not only milked each precious glaze of worshipping. Yet also thoroughly ADORED EVERY moment of it!! I’ve missed it, due to being all hidden away, with my *bumpage.* Now that i’m pretty much ready to *pop* my little Glamour puss out. (I’m counting the days. Well i’m counting the seconds and dipping myself in lavender baths.) I’m all confident again. I’m never one to pretend that i don’t like all the ‘Look At Me.’ I was born for such diamond dripped nonsense. Plus, who wouldn’t like it? It makes me feel wonderful. (I almost really bought an actual diamond encrusted tiara today, to wear AT THE BIRTH of my child. The funny thing about it is that my actual Mother thought it would be a GREAT idea! Now, you understand why I am the way I am and dollies..i loves it! Purr…)
Okay, before i get to all the ‘off the telly’ popular stuff. I will inform you that i had a choice of buying sight today. (I’m a contact lens wearer.) OR buying eyelash extensions. I ofcourse opted for the lashes and simply because the thought of having to go through labour, with a poorly glued on eyelash from ‘Dazzles‘ hanging off my face, due to all the sweaty *push-push* makes me want to weep a little. All I’m gonna say is NO-ONE TOLD ME HOW MUCH IT ACTUALLY HURT
Well, well welly! I’ve missed you. I haven’t been able to blog for the last day (ooh how dangerous of me 😉 ) due to being a rather busy much kitty cat of preggoness. I haven’t actually been busy being pregnant, because if i’m honest, i don’t think my *bump* will ever turn into baby. It feels like she’s never gonna shoot out…in streamers. I feel really well and really normal. No sickness. No pain. No exhaustion. Just plump. (Worst thing a floozy like me could actually feel. I hate how i didn’t get any of the other symptoms. I just got fat. *
If there’s no booze at this whole ‘labour’ thing i’m doing, then i’m certainly sure i’ll ‘no show.’ You simply can’t have an ‘IT’ baby squidge her way out of your ‘Popins,’ into a world that she will call ‘Life’ and not at least do it with a victory champagne. Today, i was told that i may not be allowed booze, after the birth of my little bambino due to breast feeding, exhaustion and drugs?? Erm…what difference have those factors ever made before? Lol. They’re the only reasons why i’d normally drink! My bambino will make an appearance ANY day now. Therefore i’m in that fun, but scary waiting stage of pregnancy. You’d think i’d be at home watching time pass me by, knitting booties with diamond encrusted wands, with a mocktail. Instead, i’m still enjoying full time work, shopping and well tomorrow Pete & I are hopping on a train to London, (this time courteousy of ITV2,) where we will go film a little bit of ‘joy joy’ for ‘OMG Peaches!‘ (It’s Peaches Geldof’s new show.)
I’ve spent the majority of the day in a 4 hour long meeting, needing a giant preggo wee. A lot funner than you think really. I’m enjoying every day of it and simply because i get to waddle around in pinnies and have people ‘Aww’ at Me, in sympathy by weight-lifters and hot boys in shorts. I’ve just had a steak. George
Loong day at work, but loved every minute of it. When you find yourself sat on a wheely chair, by a giant filing cabinet, at almost 10 stone..in peach, eating apple chunks by a heater, with a baby in your belly, about to *pop,* with a weave, fake eyelashes and on the phone to Nina at ITV2, which a contract in your hand reading ‘Asman Akram’…you know that the only way is UP! I’m really excited about being a ‘soon to be’ mum. I’m in love. I’m finally happy. My family is strong. Work is going deliciously and for once i’m as merrily stable as can be. The book is going well. The makeup line will soon be out in England and i’m telling you…wishing upon stars really does work. (2 weeks ’til i can have a cocktail. I’m choosing champers as my first sip away from the land of ‘Tee-total’ and simply because i love bubbles. It’s an exciting *pop* of magic, in the form of booze. A great drink to celebrate with! How could i not!!
Pete is being adorable right now. I couldn’t have asked for a better bit of romance, cleverly packaged as a ‘Handsome.’ I’m getting lots of cheeky kisses, with zero words and for no other reason than ‘love, in it’s simpliest form. (People try to complicate ‘love’ a great deal more than neccessary. I’ve never been a girl who feared love…ever. I’ve been given it, shown it and expressed it all my life. Therefore it’s refreshing to finally have a boy who can also keep things simple. We bring out the best in each other and when relationships are concerned…that’s kinda all that matters. However he is secretly trying to ‘bring on the birth.’ Hence the long massages, suggestive moments of sexytime, spicy hot homemade curries and making me squat for things like… kittens. I love that he can’t wait to be a Daddy. It means our little ‘IT’ baby will venture into the world, not only dressed in the 0-3 months old, white fluffy bear suit from H&M..but also being the most adored piece of ‘yum yum’ that i will have ever laid eyes upon! (‘Gypo Wedding’ is on. Best show ever! Yes, to the white wedding veil and the hot pink and black leopard print bustier. HAHAHA. Genius behaviour.)
Anyway, after work, i got to spend a bit of quality time with my mum. The greatest woman in the world. We talked about the future, as we walked under the stars. Then we found ourselves armed with hot pink sequinned cushions, crystal chandeliers, bags of wheat and one piece chicken meals from KFC. When you’re armed with such marvel..you know life couldn’t be any better. Then we found out that i was in Heat Magazine this week as their celeb ‘Crap spot,’ which i assume is their twisted code for ‘Greatness.‘ 🙂 We laughed… because you’ve have to. Then ate the rest of our chicken to JL
1. I was named after ‘Christina Onassis.’
2. My only childhood dream was to move to Hollywood and marry a movie star. (I did that.)
3. I felt like an only child for most of my life. I had a ‘make believe’ restuarant in the back garden.
4. When i talk to Loverboy, i always speak to him in the voice of a 5 year old.
5. I don’t like raisins or currants in my food.
6. After my Mother. I really do think Paris Hilton is one of the most amazing women i have ever learnt from.
7. One of my distant aunties was found dead in a hut in Burma, after choosing to date a poor boy. He took her money, and diamonds. Then even took her clothing,(lovely lovely) before leaving her dead…in the hut. (Which was his actual home.)
8. I 100% truely know that dreams come true.
9. For a girl that’s apparently so candid about her life, i sure as hell have MANY secrets.
10. My favourite date would be at a day spa, with massages, pamper and champagne.
Last night i recieved a romantic hour long massage from my Loverboy. How lovely is that? Out of nowehere…and i wasn’t even doing my Kitty cat preggo, grumbling. Or even my Glamour puss ‘in high heeled boots’ eyes. One minute Top Gear was on the telly and well the thought of luxury cars, must have got the better of him, as before I knew it, he had my pyjama top flung on the floor and was offering to rub my achey breaky back down. (No monkey business or anything. Just a plain old act of sheer thoughtfulness. I’ve finally picked a GREAT guy! Infact wait…he hadn’t even had beer?)
Okay, there was one part of it, towards the end of the hour where i seemed to be being thrusted forward and backwards agressively, in a sitting position, mid-massage. (Yes, i still had my pyjama bottoms ON…for a change…before you all start calling me a hoochie.) However, i’ll forgive him for that because that weird ‘Teen sex’ show was on. All i could see was this emo looking TEEN couple, nagging on about how the ‘boy’ part of the couple daren’t give oral sex. (EWWW!!!) Therefore instead of NOT going on telly an making me feel better. The Teen girl, laid on her back, with her legs in a froggy OPEN position and let some pervy doctor in a green scrub, slop blue clay paint stuff on her fadge, in order to turn her vagina into a mould. YUK! (And that’s coming from ME!! I’m hardly little virgin ‘massive slag…who said that?’ Chrissie.)
All i’m gonna say is, turning your vagina into clay…will not make your lover want to eat it. Every decent human being knows that money, gifts and…money makes guys want to have a go. Infact, i’m grossing myself out. That show is far too much. (Aww…Loverboy just came up to me and gave me a peck on the cheek with an ‘I love you.’ He’s being really romantic right now, due to the bambino and everything. I’m loving it. Five minutes ago he was in nothing but boxers and holding a tiny black kitten by a washing machine. Awww…I adore him.)
Anyway, i’m at work all day today! I’m excited because i feel as though the more I work the faster my bambino will shoot out of me. I can’t WAIT for Mother hood. I have a morning phone call with Nina at ITV..who we adore…to arrange the brief, but wonderful filming of my ‘Baby Diairies.’ We keep missing each others calls. It’s like a modern day game of ‘Tig’ but with better hairdos and without running.
I missed her 7.20pm call last night. Yet recieved a voicemail telling me we were going to sort it all. YAY! I’m super excited! I love ITV2. I LOVE Nina and i love the fact that i’ll get to document something that will only happen ONCE in my entire life. The birth of my first ever daughter. Who WILL be an ‘IT’ girl. (Heellloo..not even born yet and totally on the telly?) If Natalie Cassidy can do it. I can…and in leopard print. Plus, you’ve all be asking to watch it…so now via the art of nagging..you can! Woohoo!
Okay i’m off to work. Pete is HOT!