15 Missed Calls Later…& the Waddle Game.



Morning my fresh flips of doughnut dewiness! I can’t believe I haven’t blogged in two entire days and simply because i’ve been ‘doing life’ (a little thing we all kinda have to take out to enjoy at times) at the same time as being busy. (Which just means waddling around glamourously.)

We had SUN! A beautiful ball of blistering warm light. THEN…as the British story goes..it bogged off and turned into a freezing cold, finger nipping, ice cold brisk, ‘sure it’s cold enough to snow’ wind. How cold has it been!?! Jesus! I can’t handle being chilly at all…even with 100  layers of pregnancy fat adorning my body without consent. I always thought chubbier people had it good when the weather decided to be Wintery  Don’t be fooled! Be you a ‘spit on you’ size 0. (I’m allowed to say that out of jealousy, simply because i’m a preggo.You have to give me your seat and everything. I’m envious of those with a waist line right now. However, saying that I get to have a beautiful baby boy at the end of my ‘being chunky’ marathon…so if anything i’m the lucky one, coz i’ll go back to ‘thin’ straight after. 🙂 ) Where was I? Oh yeah…it doesn’t mater if you’re a Size 0, or a volumptous size 20 Mama. Cold, is cold. That wind will rush up anyone’s skirt…and well it’s one that i just can’t find the balls to flirt with…and really that’s just not like me.

Okay, so my days have been busy and filled with golf, (Keiran’s a keen Golfer, yet has been self taught his entire life. Now and again we’ll pop off to the driving range so he can whack a few balls…and play a bit of golf. 🙂 I simply go to watch him. His ego, like mine…performs better when there’s an audience. Long story short…he’s started lessons and is over the moon. We’ve also got well in with the owners, because their beautiful oriental 6 year old daughter adores em and spent her evening pouting in the mirror after our meeting. I not get free cups of tea and a social media deal from them. Life is good. People  who own businesses tend to like us when we arrive and I have no idea why…well apart from the fact that we Tweet and blog everything, meaning we are ‘free publicity’ galore. With our bit of ‘look at me,’ comes a hefty and rather accidental dollop of ‘look at you.’

Okay, Golf. First day it was like I was caught in a beautiful sun trap. It was so good we met up with Phil at The Spread Eagle, outside for a drinky. (I did a diet coke.) Life was wonderful. Then it got cold. We ended up rushing back home, after having a brief meet up with Keiran’s sister, before stuffing our faces with leftovers and takeout.

The rest of our time has been given to work, and errand running. We love doing everything together, so errands are fun for us. We lunched, loved laughed and enjoyed. He told me how beautiful I was and how lucky we were to be together…Then yesterday morning, i managed to annoy the hell out of him and purely by accident.

I’m literally at my best when i’ve annoyed you by accident and simply because i feel honoured. I mean i didn’t even have to try. From the moment he woke up he was cautious and prepping for his day, as he thought I might be moody. I wasn’t at all…I’m excietd right now because I have an ‘almost two’ year old, who is actually TWO this SUNDAY! Aww!!!

Anyway, we venture into Pontefract town centre, so Keiran can purchase a whole bunch of new furniture for one of his brand new properties that he has just rented out. I decided that i’m going to kill two birds with one big old stone and buy Ruby’s birthday cakes for her pre-birthday party at nursery (that she is doing today in her very pretty party dress and snotty nose)  and her ACTUAL birthday party (with just her family) on Sunday.

Anyway..i waddle off and begin what I call the ‘Waddle game’ and he calls ‘FUCKING ANNOYING.’ Our conversation ended with a ‘okay Chrissie, i’ll give you a call when i’m done, so i can find you.’*Waddle-waddle.* (Was my answer.)

So, i waddle into Marks and Sparks, but couldn’t get a single cake simply because when taking foodie delights into a nursery, you have to make sure you tick every allergy box. Not nuts, not this, no that…no anything remotely fun. I mean can you imagine. ‘Chrissie choked my daughter out with birthday cake, yeah by accident, but now she’s not alive.’  Not the glitzy headline, i deserve or really want to paint upon me. I mean i’ve already danced under the ‘Terrifying plastic doll from Pontefract’ title. Yet that’s more humourous than ‘Chrissie killed my child with cake.’

Anyway, like any normal person with an ounce of ‘working brain’ I decided to venture to another store to buy Ruby’s birthday cakes. Normal procedure  Very happy to do so. Off I waddle.  I’m oozed over with utter  and delight, as any Mother would, when purchasing goodies for their little girls birthday. I’m waddling along in the cold, in my little woollen dress and fur rimmed boots…plonking in candles, cakes and balloons into my basket and gleefully making polite happy conversation with everyone I meet. I was very Disney yesterday.

On the other neck of the woods…a few cobbled streets down. My darling husband has now finished purchasing his fine furnishings and now trying to call me to find out where I am! (I forgot that a swipe and a handshake didn’t take too long.) As he said, he began his call to meet me and aid my preggo way in life. Keiran’s always been good with calling, even when we first began dating. He’s ever so reliable. I mean, there are girls and well I’ve been one of those girls, who have waited and waited for a boy to ring or text, in order to delight us with love. Keiran never really made me wait. If he said he would call..he would call and it would be twice over, followed by a text and an ‘i love you, be mine,’ gleam of happiness. He was always good at that, I remember when we first tried to schedule our date in and I said I was only free on Thursday or Friday. His answer was…’why don’t we do both.’ I likey!

Okay, so he’s called once. I haven’t picked up. (So far, he’s fine. Shit happens.) He’s called twice…I haven’t picked up. (Okay, he gave me that one. I might not have found my phone in time. I’d usually call back by the second call.) He calls again…no joy. Again….’this is the voicemail of…’ Once more…! Then after 15 MISSED CALLS and I mean 15 calls in an exact row, he is FUMING, with a distinct tinge of ‘WHERE THE FUCK IS SHE!’

There I am a few cobbled streets away waddling along merrily, with a chipper smile on my face and a warm cuddle in my heart. I’m going into card shops, i’m picking out choccies…i’m in and out of shops and waddling to the beat of my own sheer peace and merriment, without a care in the entire world. I was happy as can be…and with my phone ON SILENT. 🙂

Now, i’m not sure how long the ‘waddle game’ went on for, but it must have been longer than I thought, as i ended up finding myself merrily waddling down a street, that Keiran was stomping furiously up..and at the exact same time. I didn’t see him whatsoever. HAHA. I’m good like that, ‘Baby Brain’ is ace. I was in my bimbo bubble of preggo joy…trumping.  He SPOTTED me IMMEDIATELY and began his Army march up towards me…angrily. I eventually see him, as you really couldn’t miss the red smoke steaming out of his being. HAHAH. He looked like the angriest man ALIVE. It was hilarous! I smiled and giggled as we finally met and well…he didn’t.

‘Oh! Hi Baby! How are you. What’s up,’ i uttered happily.


‘Oh?’ Gleefully rummages through pink handbag. ‘I was just about to pop into that shop to buy a card. I was on my way to you.’ 🙂


Now, i don’t know what happened at this point, but i had my phone in my hand, saw that I had 15 missed calls and a text. I smiled and ‘oopsied’ it, with a ‘oh my phone was on silent.’ Then weirdly managed to charm my way out of trouble. I think because I was so preggo happy and simple, he thought I was cute and before you know it, he was laughing it off and we were hand in hand galloping down the cobbled streets together, in love and like nothing had ever happened. I LOVE THE WADDLE GAME. It’s accidentally hilarious. I love Keiran because he can never stay mad at me.

The only things we had left to buy were basic boring stuff like toilet rolls and washing up liquid etc…so we went into a store to quickly grab them for cheap. By now we’re happy, over the moon and very much in love. He was calm, happy and filled with joy and well I was just…waddling.


‘Chrissie wait here. I’m going to find out where the batteries are.’

‘Okay babe.’ Then I walk to the back of the store to look at toys. 🙂

He loses me again and as he’s ferociously marching down every isle on a hunt to find me, he’s shouting ‘CHRISSIE! WHERE ARE YOU! CHRISSIE. CHRISSIE. CHRRRIIISSSSIIIEE!’


I hear him so immediately, i shout back informing him that  i’m by the toys, yet in order to make sure that i don’t wind him up begin walking upward to meet him.

He was on the brink of going utterly insane, yet in the nick of time, he found me and went back to calm.

All was well..as we found the toilet roll, the batteries, threw in a child’s keyboard and God knows what else…then he walks ahead to the checkout, as I waddle behind with the toilet roll in my arms.

By the time i get to the town of the isle, by the checkout….he’s GONE? This time, I KNOW, i’ve managed to lose him and that he’s going to be furious, so i begin waddling up and down the isles, peeking down every single one of them looking for him, quietly shouting for him…madly on the hunt and so i wouldn’t get into trouble. They say ‘third time lucky,’ yet i’d used up all my lucky stars by this point.

After about 10 minutes of us both madly rooting up and down the isles for one another other, probably passing each other as we searched. (I’m sure the birds eye view of our morning was hilarious, and I do mean sky view-looking down and not the ‘covered in chicken batter’ version.) We finally find each other. I’m at the top of the isle and he’s at the other end, SCREAMING AT ME as he marches towards me, grabbing the bargain toilet roll out of my arms. 🙂


I pay for the goods, as i feel bad by now, as my happy preggo waddle really did get the better of me. We walk to the car and we finally make it to our next destination. He was delightfully fuming. It was so funny. All he kept saying was that ‘I’d be at the absolute BRINK of completely losing my mind, then you’d pop up out of nowhere, with a smile.’

It just kept happening all day.

He was at his new property. I was sat in his work van. He was apparently screaming down at me, with the window open, trying to make me come into the apartment and up to help him measure wardrobes? I couldn’t for the life of me hear him or see him, as I was texting and had turned the music up a notch louder. 🙂 He literally wanted to kill e by the afternoon, yet kept finding the love in his heart due to me bearing his son. I should be pregnant…ALL THE TIME.

Anyway, after a brief spell at home, we finally managed to unwind and met up with Phil and Kelly at Burntwood for ‘catch up ‘ chatter and drinks. I haven’t hung out with them in ages, due to be being in hibernation. Keiran’s really wanted me to be by his side when he’s hanging out. He sort of loves me being with him and doing couply things, unless he’s going out to be hideously bad, then he never invites me. It’s a guy thing. He doesn’t do that now and because he’s changes boy ways for grown up man ways. I love the positive change in him. He’s been so wonderful that he’s made me really proud.

The rest of the day was great and filled with great conversation. I’ve missed Kelly and Phil and hanging out with Keiran loads, so it was refreshing. Lots of fun was had. THEN it was ‘pick up Ruby’ time. Followed by takeaway and midnight cuddles.

Keiran did his 3 pints and a kebab passout and missed the ‘Volcano’ part of a movie that was simply called ‘Volcano.’ I put my little bambino to bed and fell asleep myself.

Life is wonderful right now. But i have to get back to work. Work now, play later. I’m pulling myself together and making my dreams come true. I’m really excited for the birth of my next edition…yet i will tell you that when in entertainment…pregnancy really does put the brakes on you massively.

I hope Baby Ruby adores he birthday party at nursery today. She was crying this morning, in her party dress because she wanted to do her cake ‘NOW.’

Love you all. Stay positive and emit love.



3 thoughts on “15 Missed Calls Later…& the Waddle Game.”

  1. Chrissie, if you’ll recall, the last time my girlfriend Yuko didn’t return my repeated calls, it was because she had been killed.

    We guys, we take this stuff seriously.


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