Woke up in 2010

I didn’t manage to bring in 2010 completely sober. But i don’t care…whatever, i’m a socialite, and a blogger. I can’t help my pretty ‘party’ self and well i always need a story. However, I didn’t drink too much. I’m not a messy drunk. I only had about four drinks…and i found that to be a great deal worst than having 42 drinks. I kind of skipped the drunk part and went straight from ‘tipsy mama’ to ‘hung- the jeebers-over.’ What is that? I’m never not drinking much again.

But yeah 2010 started quite badly. I have just been released from being (once again) LOCKED in a fucking room, for an hour. People just like to trap me, possess my ultimate ‘pussy’ being. Therefore whenever i decide to venture into my boudoir and go to sleep..the rest of the world thinks ‘Yes’ and fucking locks me in there. I once had a boyfriend in LA, who was quite terribly insecure that he used to LOCK me in rooms, whenever he had to leave me for a few moments. Hilarious! I tried to disguise myself as ‘balloons’ and make my escape. Funnily enough…it actually worked. 🙂

Anyway, last night, i worked a Disco Ball dress. It was all legs & boobies & obviously made out of disco ball. I didn’t go out out, as i feared i wouldn’t beable to have a good time, due to it being ‘slammed‘ with people and therefore meaning I’d be bamboozled by horny horny men, all a ‘grabby grabby.’ Which i don’t mind…but if i’m tipsy, my judgement is hazy and well those stories never end well.

I did however, go to a private house party, filled with luxury, madness and glamour. I got a lot of uneccessary attention and i thankyou ALL for it. Had an amazing time, but yeah…left early. I was home straight after the countdown. I never like to make it linger….After the countdown, it’s all just empty glasses, sighs, and ‘pretend we’re still having a good time’ people. I entered 2010 in a Disco ball. I left the party in jeans, Ugg boots and sunglasses, that i took to the party with me, to change into. I felt i needed to be comfortable when entering the new decade and It worked. All the other girls we’re moaning at their swollen feet. I had the greatest ‘get away’ footwear ever. I ‘did one’ in record time and only a trail of ‘va voom’ was left behind me.

Then i got erotically wrestled to the floor, by a man that was far too delicious for his own good and wee’d on by a cat. ACTUALLY WEE’D on. It was a delicate fountain of golden, kitty piss, arching it’s way onto me. The ‘wee-ing’ kinda ruined the erotic wrestling, therefore it was left for another ‘will never happen again’ moment.

Anyway, it’s tradition that as the clock strikes 12, you are to *kiss* your true love. I decided that if you are unable to kiss your true love, it’s perfectly fine to grab the next best thing and *kiss*it. Therefore i did. I did so…. passionately. All night, this hot, latin, model, fit fit fit, guy was hitting on me and trying to woo me with charm, eyes, a decent tan and broken english. At midnight, i didn’t have a choice. He grabbed me and *kissed* me and i sort of went with it. Who wouldn’t? Ballsy boy. Then…and get this…THE GIRL THAT HE BROUGHT TO THE PARTY WITH HIM….(I had no idea??  Men do this to me ALL the ‘lovely’ time,) found him, said they were dating and threw a champagne glass at him. (Quite a bouji weapon of destruction really.) I felt bad, explained myself quite quite well. Then rather cleverly got out of trouble, because she read my blog and liked me off the telly…and merrily skipped off into the distance, in order to tend to my very New Year! I mean, i left them to patch it all up. He was just my ‘midnight kiss,’ not my ‘future.’ Hopefully, they had made crazy love in other peoples beds.

Today, i’m going to watch ‘Nine’ at the cinema. I’m really excited and i have no idea why? Hope you rang in the New Year, a great deal better than I did! 😉  Why does my hair smell like chicken?

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