Getting back into the ‘swing of things’ really isn’t as marvellous as i thought. The art of snapping back to reality…which in my world means a whole different thing…is rather difficult, when you’re a kitty cat lovingly lost in a powder puffed, world of magic, ultimate happiness, that seems to be glittered down with a stardust of hope. I’m adoring every new moment that i’m having, with my very handsome boy of ‘Lover-Lover’ and my darling doll of a new daughter ‘Baby Ruby,’ that the simple idea of rubbing my eyes, and waking up from my whirlwind joy of ‘Cloud 9’ really is something that i don’t think i can handle without the bubbly ease of champagne. If you can’t handle the inital change of life flow. I’m all for doing it with a bubbled over glass of ice cold love. It takes the edge off the ‘back to reality’ swing of things, and makes the transition less of a shock! ( I LOVE that Ruby copies my faces!!! HAHA.)
Life right now is wonderful not only am I being a a rather marvellous Mother. (But I secretly always new i would be. I mean, how could i go wrong, with a tan like this and lips that only feel good when being kissed. :)) But i’m also (one week later) managing to get a great deal of work done. Yeah, i’m having to work from home and yeah…i’m finding it incredible because i’m getting to be with my bambino. (Aww ‘Loverboy’ just blew me a kiss from the sofa & my mum just text me to see if I wanted a pair of cheap pyjamas from Primark.) I will say that i prefer to be with Ruby all of the time and simply because I can’t seem to trust anyone else raising her. However, i think that’s normal for a new mum. Rubes & I get on like a house on fire. I’ve now successfully taught her how to *wink.* We do an exchange of them behind Daddy’s back in the morning. I’ve been a mum now for one whole week and it is truely better than anything I could have ever dreamed of. I’m gonna hate leaving her to go back to work. 🙁 Yet bringing in the moola is definitely a priority on my list. I never want her to go without anything and luckily…she won’t have to. (I adore that she’s brought out a ‘silly’ side to Pete. I’ve never seen him so happy!!! He’s usually quite shy, but the birth of Ruby has opened him up to a whole new world. He’s an all singing, all dancing Daddio and not only is he being the most romantic gentleman ever. But he also said that he finally feels part of a family. Maybe like i do…he now feels safe.
Last night, after baby bathtime…half lovely, half like a wrestling match. I sat with ‘Ruby’ on my knee as Pete and I watched a night time movie before bed. i got thes really weird ‘flashbacks’ of my time in Hollywood. (Remember I spent the whole of my 20’s growing up there.) I thought of all the things I had achieved. All the things i had seen. All the things I had done and all the trouble that i may have caused. I remembered a series of boys that I dated. They flew through my mind like a trailer of fast foward movies. I remember how much I used to love this guy called ‘Ryan.’ How obsessed I was with him from the moment our eyes met across a crowded night time bar. I remember all the good times we shared and then i remember how accidentally awful he used to make me feel. It was a time when i was tragically chasing love and yeah he liked me too…but it just went too far. I remembered all of the times i was truely disappointed by boys. When you want them to call and they never do. When you want them to love you and they never can. When they all of a sudden respond to you…yet it’s never for very long. Then how all the boys you didn’t care for…always always adored you. Ryan and I have this really amazing, tragic story of friendship. (We don’t talk now.) I don’t know why it has embedded so deeply in my mind…but it has. I will tell you the whole tale one day. But I just haven’t gotten around to absorbing it all. My entire ‘being’ is filled with my life stories. I could write this blog forever and still not get everything out! I wish you could see into my life.
Anyway, i jolted out of that moment with a suddne blast of relief. The reason why i ‘Flashbacked’ to such a time because it was a time when i truely felt the most lost. I looked to my right and there laid Pete. My Loverboy. The boy that always called when i wanted him to. The boy that promised to love me forever and did. The boy that held me up when i was falling. The boy that cried with me, laughed with me, loved with me…and well i can’t believe how WONDERFUL it feels to finally have all the pieces to my jigsaw fit perfectly. (Well I still have a piece that i need to chisel to size.)
I guess what i’m trying to say is, that in life you just have to ‘trooper forward’ knowing that your time will come. (I have a Tattoo on the inside of my left arm reading ‘MARCH‘ to remind me of this!!) I’ve enjoyed a rather glamourously awful time, decorated in tinsel and the occasional drunken lie. But i’ve laughed all of the way and embraced it, all over the world, knowing that one day marvellous things would happen to me. They did and i’m truely grateful for every single moment of it. I cannot believe how rolling that dice and always doing things MY WAY and fearlessly, ended in such marvel.
I can’t believe i haven’t been out of the house for a week. A whole week. I need air. I just don’t want to *pop* this ‘Wunna Land’ bubble of current glory that i’m in. I’ve even had my phone on ‘silent.’ I know right….fan me down.
*Anyway, above is a quick 15 second clip of me during my contractions on the ‘Labour ward’ at Ponty hospital. They were prepping me for my epidural..which went wrong a highly comedic 3 times. I’m there mildy ‘Oooh’-ing…even though it HURT like the bitches. Yet notice how the midwife (Who I actually adored, due to her dry sense of humour) randomly pisses herself laughing for a moment at my utter discomfort and then quickly stops when she realizes she may have laughed out loud! HAHAHA. This is my life. (Erm..why is my phone on a map of Germany again??)