Wild Boar of a Dry Sausage

Okay so you know how i thought i had gone out onto the streets today dressed quite ‘Don’t be fooled by the rocks that i got, I’m still Jenny from the block,’ well it seems i got it completely wrong and i kinda just looked like Missy Elliot…however without the successful career in Hip Hop music. I don’t think i’ve been stared at as much as i was stared at today. But whatever life is amazing right now, so you might aswell watch me live it, behind your handbag…even if i do look ‘tragic.’ Odd really because i felt like a million feathery bucks? Or maybe just a slag? Either way…it still works for me. (On occasion.) I had white moon boots on! Hilarious!!

So i got a lot of attention from the males, the penis’, the hunters, the boys and it’s all because i decided to wear a tank top that had some sort of statement on it. It said, ‘ I (heart) ME’ (and was given to me by a designer in LA, when i worked at Crunch. I was his ultimate muse and he designed his works around me for a good 2 months…until he got bored.) Girls, if you wear a t-shirt that states something sexy, or bold…then boys automatically comment on it. It’s a genius way to massage you’re ego and get hit on LOADS!! I mean this delicious dude trying to sell me medical insurance, kept repeating ‘I (heart) ME’ over and over again, like it had posessed him (or maybe it was because i was sticking my boobs out?? Slut!! )..Then with an ‘I love your shirt’ and a cheeky ‘It loves you too’ from The Wunna..( oh shut up, i’m a tart..) he was running after me in a tizzy trying to sell me more than medical insurance. It’s like fucking MAGIC!! He then proceeded to hit on my Mum (who’s also a flirty whore of a burmese bongo)…so it doesn’t really work that well. (Hahaha!) I’m so into boys with muscles right now. Stack on the ‘beef’ fellas…summer is a here and this little tart needs some meat!!

Other than the magical wonder of a working pair of boobies and a tight statement t-shirt, i rubbed my eyes and found myself stood in the middle of a sunny outdoor international fair. So i spent the rest of the day eating a wild boars dry sausage (wink, wink,) fucking up a whole grand display of Russian Dolls,(which i believe are pointless) by accidentally seeing my older brother ‘Cliff’ mid international fair and deciding we needed to save the small dolls, whilst sniffing sponges that already apparently had soap trapped inside them, dancing in native american attire and pretending our water was whisky. Amazing day! He bought his girlfriend a jewellry box that doesn’t open because he thought it would be funny and a russian doll that started at the size of a monkey nut, in order to drive her insane. Welcome to the Worlds of Wunna’s.

I feel amazing today but my world is getting harder. It seems i’ve become some sort of sick agony aunt. People believe i’ll have some kind of answers to their problems and in a way(…even though i’m not remotely qualified,) i’ve lived a life and therefore believe i do. I love it! I’m getting messages from men all over the world in armies, in sexless marriages, men who have lost their jobs or going to jail. Women who want to spice up their sex life, who want to learn to be happy, be strong and be fit. 15 year old girls going through eating disorders, abuse, hard times with boys and Ladies who simply want to know what colour to paint their living room. I’ve gone from Slut to well…Jesus!! Next i’ll be turning you’re water to wine (already did that) and shagging prozzies called Mary. (Did that too.) I’m really happy people feel they have someone to talk to. Someone to let it all out too. Makes a change as usually the only thing people are letting out on me, is some slimey form of unwanted discharge and all over my boobs mid-orgasm. I could die a happy women today! (But don’t fucking kill me. I’m lying, i still have more lives to touch, ruin and destroy.) Pass me my dildo…i’m going in!

Chrissie Wunna

8 thoughts on “Wild Boar of a Dry Sausage”

  1. I love wild boar it is lovely. U always look fit and people will
    Always put it on I. I am putting on meat I will come see u in the summer

    Reply
  2. do u i only got good memeories. it is the only place in the world where people think my accent is hot or exotic and the birds are all fit and the mgm does stella on tap so it is like i can be in a hot full of fit birds romford everyones a winner chrissie. u know me i am a simple man i like what i like

    Reply

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