Well here I am you delicious hunger monkies of candy cane! OMG..well yeah, i’ve been gone, but i assure you, that the wicked DO find rest after all! *Wink-Pout-Hair toss.* I have been up, down and everywhere, up to all kinds of jiggery pokery…and the sort that would make anyone go ‘oooh.’ *strokes kitten.* Infact, i haven’t stopped in a week, and with a delicious dollop of sun, with a side of ‘socialite,’ i’ve been enjoying the heatwave, in tiny dresses, with champagne cocktails and armed with the ‘bedroom’ in my eyes. (I make the most of any weather that will cater to my outfit! I couldn’t stay stuck inside chained to the laptop sober. My adventure-ooh-dynamo, will always get the better of me. I swear, one minute i can be sitting writing up a business proposal, for some kind of ‘ooh laa’ that i’m trying to get up too….and five minutes after that moment, (once *distraction* has kicked in) i could be sitting on top of a ‘handsome’ naked, adorning the comedy boobs and ofcourse with a bottle of wine. It happens everyday and i never want it to stop. But yeah…f ar too much has happened in a week for any ‘being’ to catch up on, so i’m gonna skim it…poorly…and hopefully you’ll just adore me anyway. *Wiggle- then carasses her sun tan.* I mean, i think over this week it will all come back to me in depth…through the fine art of *flashback.* I likey likey, love you long time. Therefore my blogs should get eventful. *Lifts up her champion trophy….collapses through exhaustion.* I wanna take this week off work…i’m a glamour puss, i can’t be pushed into running my system of ‘hoochie coo’ down. I like to work a week, play a week…and luckily…i CAN! (Remember you can do anything you want…fit as much in as possible and keep it fun!)
Okay, Tuesday last week, i went out with my gays, a funny one and one that was labelled a Goddess and in Leeds. I LOVE Leeds!! I’m having a great deal of funnage, more than i imagined i could. But i have a whole blog on coming up…and simply because it deserves one! I was so drunk, i began stealing…and to Gay pop classics! The next day, i got verbally abused by Billi Bhatti, for not wanting to do like the Babestation chat line thing. Where horny men call you up, and you talk dirty to them, with your boobies out..for a great deal of money. The money had stirred me to a ‘yes,’ but then after a lot of good people, people-ling me good…i on the day of contract signing, went with a ‘No,’ which pissed him off, and he called me a ‘waste of his time.’ Infact, to be honest i was. However, know that you can ‘NO’ anything at ANY point. Never fee forced into doing anything, you don’t want to. It’s the best decision i’ve made. (Infact, i remember crying the night before…and yelling at Pete now.) It’s not me, i’m not that girl…and an extra almost £4000 a month, is something i’m very willing to give up…to keep my title of Glamour Puss. I’m all about, good clean, drunken fun…and the *dirty* i get up too is all in the name of love and play. I want to be a good role model…and i don’t mean you’re not by doing that job…i mean i love those girls, because they’re women who will do whatever they can for the big bucks! Honourable! I just mean…’being a good role model,’ in the sense of being truely comfortable in my own skin, loving everything i’m doing, living, wiggling, telling you my story, never feeling like i HAVE to do something i don’t want to do and inspiring people to make their ‘Happy’ come true. You can only be a good role model, if no matter what you are doing…you are happy…and hot! Ha! *Wink*
The next day, after being told i wasn’t going to amount to much, i immediately got called in on a casting in London, that i had to go to rather early in the morning. I was in leeds working, playing…can’t remember what i did? I shopped, and probably dinner with my boy of ‘Lover lover.’ (And has Gay Adam pointed out yesterday, when i say dinner, i mean get drunk.) I had a late night, then had to train it ALL the way to London at 8am, stumbling into Kings Cross, all over dressed, pussified and in the heatwave. I got hit on all the way, by a man with scabies on his face, got lost, got found, made myself to East London, followed a bunch of other Asian girls..kinda like a stalker who all looked like they were going to my casting, to find my way (lucky really, i could’ve ended up being cut up my ninjas.) I got yelled at by the most annoying taxi driver who in his cockney accent wouldn’t help me. Went to my audition, had a bit of banter with the other girls, one was a bit showy offy..and kept trying to scare off the other girls, by going on about how she was number one in the asian music charts. (Blah, blah…blah. I’m an egomaniac..and even i couldn’t bare her ‘ramble.’ I saw the othe girls get a bit terrified, so i thought i shut her up…by doing the ‘yeah i was on the Paris Hilton show,’ loudly after the girl next to me had recognized my laugh…OH the laugh.) But yeah I did alright..apart from the fact that i told the director i had ‘loose morals,’ then had to pack a bag and run off back to Kings Cross immediately, get the next train to Leeds..arrive in Leeds late, check into a nearby hotel, where Pete and i had planned to stay the night, get changed, showered, and un- heatwaved in zero minutes flat…(i hate being rush readied.) I tried to get a cab, i had to order about 5, before one would take me, because my name wasn’t ‘ALAN.’ Now, i’m not one to kick off, but i wanted to poke this man in the eye repeatedly. He kept looking at me and saying; ‘You can’t just swan up here, and take whatever you want.’ I called, i complained and well luckily…it seems i could. 🙂 [oh go on..hair toss it here.]
Got to Wildcats, where i was being rushed down the stairs, with all the wrong clothes, being put into a t-shirt, that had something to do with me doing back bends, and the other girls making you hard…(lovely lovely)..then after minor racial abuse by Lewis, the manager…(lol)…i was plonked in a taxi to Elland Road, with 4 other darlings of ‘floozey’…we were all in knickers and t-shirts ( actually put my knicker crackers on in the toilet at Elland road, because i felt all ‘odd one out’ and clothed.) Anyway long story short…that night i was at a really posh boxing event…like some sports dinner. The men wear all black tied, and women in fancy dresses. There were wine and champgane buckets galore, and yep i was there with a nipple erection..(forgot to wear a bra…) and in my pants!
I was a ring girl that night. Well kinda, i had to squeeze between the ropes and into the boxing ring, holding things up, in my knickers, whilst getting told off, being drunk, and hanging out with Frank Bruno. Hilarious! It was a really surreal night, and i only had one working eye… After hours, i am eased into the big white Wildcats limo, armed with three gentleman, and 4 other girls I get back to work, do a couple of dancey dances, make money, lose money, make money…. feel completely exhausted to the point where i had no idea how i was even upright and fake smiling. I leave work early, after watching a girl from Australia, cry in the dressing room downstairs, because she had just found out she was pregnant. I taxi it to the hotel, get ripped off by the taxi driver, rush upstairs to see ‘Loverboy’…get to the door, do the ‘card’ thing, and ofcourse it doesn’t work.
I thought Loverboy would be asleep, with it being 2am…but i called him feeling all bad for leaving him and as i was outside smoking a cigarette, i saw him hobbling across the road, in a tight purple t-shirt, drunk from whiskey and ready for love. That’s like something i would do. Anyway, we cuddled up, got up to *naughty naughty,* woke up early, and i went to a meeting in Leeds, at a talent agency. Pete came with me…so he could spent the day with me. Hottest day ever much!! That all went well… i was still extremely exahusted…so we chillaxed, over a snooker table, with a Fosters, cuddling, kissing, laughing, joking…he is still the man of my dreams. We’re really similar people. Infact, he said last night, that he loves me because i have big boobies, i’m hot (joking) and well because i’m like him. Do we all fancy ourselves? We must. I like the fact that he is like me too. We’re two delicious packages of ‘ooh’…dolloped off with a delicious and a deep rooted bond of ‘love.’ Finding the ‘one’ is amazing…you just have to go through a lot of of ‘ouchies’ in order to prep you for meeting your ‘true love.’ (God, i’d really love a wine right now.)