White Man Walk

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I found a pork scratching in my ear today! I nearly died!! How the hell did it get there?? I don’t even eat pork scratchings?? Why was it even near my ear, let alone IN my ear??? I can’t been founcing around all glamour pussy with a piece of deep fried fat in my ear. And fat from a fucking PIG goddamit! Nasty. But saying that it does remind me of a time when one of best friends actually MADE OUT with a girl (probably a goth) with a pork scratching in his mouth. I would’ve killed him. I don’t think she was too bothered and made out with his friend or something. (slag.)

I still have the flu, but i’m hopefully getting better. I had forgotten i had it, on the night i went out in leopard print, armed with tits and a boyband, but now it’s back…and wanting to eat me alive. (And not the ‘ooh arr Daddy’ kind.) I’ve just got back from having pasta and wine by the canal in Camden. Not being funny or anything, but if you had a child of maybe the age of 5. Wouldn’t you like LOOK AFTER IT!! I had this odd child, a boy too, all mucky and ribena stained, at my table literally climbing on top of me and trying to touch my boob. I had to do that ‘aww cute’ face, when really i fucking hated every second of it. I kinda did that thing where you scan the room for a hag of a parent, yet there was no-one who would own up to having this child. Finally, a bunch of drunks out of prison took him, all men, all tattooed and all drunk. Apparently they owned him and the boy seemed to be calling one ‘Dad,’ therefore i let him go…then washed my hands. He tried to fart on me. Dirty bastard.

Anyway, i have a lot of exciting work things happening. Like i said my blog is taking off big time around this merry world…which i am very very fond of indeed. I feel quite lucky and powerful and sexy. I hope you do too as i should be inspiring you to make your dreams come true. Little girls are now writing replies to love letters from boys in school, telling them they are not good enough or ready to date and ending it all with a ‘wink wink pout.’ I like that! Girl power rocks. The thing is we are any mans weakness. They get scared because once we find out (Like Lil’ Miss.Wunna) they’re…how do i put it politely……FUCKED! That’s why they’re always fighting for power. Behind every great man, is always an even greater woman. They learn it young, from their Mothers!

I had to tell a being who was abusing me verbally, to ‘take off their slanted eyes and extentions and stop trying to BE ME.’ Luckily they laughed it off and bought me coffee. Luckily…i actually meant it. (wink) Then after a conversation with a gentleman yesterday, who decided that being a good person was walking grannies across the street and buying cookies fo girl scouts. I decided that TODAY i was going to try and help every oldie i saw who needed a bit of a hand in crossing. (As in road, not dressing.)

Yeah Grannies are independant nowadays, they don’t want ya help. I tried to go near one and she acted like i was going to mug her. I was like ‘fine…cross this busy highway on ya lonesome.’ However, she did get stuck and needed my help. Awww…! Therefore like the champion do gooder i am, i stole her handbag (JOKE), i grabbed her groceries and walked her to safety. I’m rubbish at crossing roads. Terrified of it. Infact, if you’ve ever had the joyous opportunity to cross the road with me, you’ll know that i get all paranoid that you’re gonna get run over and pull you back, until it’s COMPLETELY safe. Hahaha…I once got run over outside

2 thoughts on “White Man Walk”

  1. LMFAO at the granny thinking you’re gonna mug her!! Oh the visions!! But that’s cute, I bet she’s glad you helped her! Have a lovely time seeing your mama Chrissie! I love you so much xo

    Reply

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