It’s finally the weekend and i surprisingly don’t feel as knackered as I usually do. I think it’s because i’ve been treating myself, looking after myself and doing the things that I love. By now, I’m usually worn down to a thread, yet it’s either because i’ve cleverly included peace, fun, lots of baby time, generosity and massages, into my life calendar, OR i’ve just tossed it off at work, meaning i’ve chilled whilst others have sweated. 🙂 (Shut up. That would never happen. I work hard..sometimes.)
Okay, so i’m not out this evening, simply because I had promised Ruby (who did her ‘big school’ day today) that after work and when i picked her up i’d take her to dinner at TGI’s. (Which she loves.) She didn’t want to go to Keiran’s today and instead just wanted ‘Mummy time.’ Obviously Keiran wasn’t too happy about it, yet, what does he expect me to do? Plus, like i’ve always said, he CHOSE for it to be this way…and unfortunately it hasn’t worked out the way he had glamourised it in his head. (What a surprise. Men act first and think later.)
So now that Ruby’s older and she can express how she feels quite confidently and now that we’ve put her in a position, where in which she can freely chose who she will spend her evening with…He doesn’t like it…and because every time she’ll choose me. YET, when Ruby was tiny, they were the closest and most inseparable beings on the planet. But he ballsed all that up…which i said would happen once he snapped out of his haze…and now she only looks to Me as her strength, her parent, her faith…To Rubes, ‘Daddies’ are just sort of there, because the next person she looks to as her strength, is MY MOTHER.
All i’m saying is, guys shouldn’t complain when they’re previous ‘what they had’ family is all separate and acting separated, when ‘being separated’ was exactly what they chose two years ago without thinking about everythin that may occur as a consequence, later down the road. If he didn’t want all this to happen..and the same may happen with Junior…then he shouldn’t have left his wife, children…and family, to go with on a weird lost party boy, pity party for a while. He should’ve been a man and stood strong…which is far more attractive. Instead, I took the lead and I raised my children, worked really hard and did well. And I did it all with heartache still in my chest, but proved in the end that I didn’t need him. I healed myself.
At the end of that relationship, Keiran treated me like absolute SHIT and because he forgot what he had and mixed all his priorities up. What he had was EVERYTHING that mattered… Including the children, our hearts and our respect. That’s gone now, so peddling backwards is pointless.
Right, so. Tuesday night…
Ben and I had agreed to meet up, as we hardly ever get to meet up, even though we’re now this new couple etc…etc…because our work schedules collide, making things a little difficult. Yet it doesn’t bother me, as i’m an oldie. I get that we have to work and I’m just really not too needy. I’m loving and togethery…yet highly independent all at the same time.
We were having hotel night, because we never get to just lay in the same bed with one another, wake up together, or even have proper sex…’fun time’…you get what i’m saying..with cherries on top.
So we at the last minute arranged to go out for drinks…we got a hotel for the night and we invited friends out to our ‘date night’ (lol) to come join us for drinks…which worked out ace because we’re both quite comfortable in a social situation. PLUS, I think Ben is a great deal more confident with me, when he has people he knows around him…as when we’re having a one on one situation and is he’s not pissed, tipsy, or just running on passion…he’s quite shy. But saying that i’m probably the most UNSHY human in the entire world, so my scale of what is normal, shy or strange is utterly off the mark. I’m really comfortable on dates, with friends, with people, myself, with anything really, in clothes, naked, on telly, off telly…and so is he…but even though he’ll always refuse to admit it…he’s shyer than I am…by a LOT. Until it becomes ‘being pissed.’ LOL. Then he’s not. But even though we’re together now, he still doesn’t tell me how he fully feels…expressively. Lol. He bats me some indirect bit of romance, from a far.
Long story short…we’re all out. We’re ALL out. Dodge, Tony, Ben, Chicken Ben and Luke…as we’re at the ‘Tap and Barrel’ doing drinks around some giant round table, like Knights, but with beer in bags and tequila shots.
The boys found pork pie for free, which made them all very happy. Both Ben’s looked at it like it was the best pork pie they had ever squidged in their mouths. Dodge felt it up and told me it was good one because it left a residue on his fingers. Then showed me it. Sexual stuff. I didn’t eat any of it and because… i’m not a fatty? And pork pie doesn’t o with vodka. *Hair toss, Pout*
Anyway…Ofcourse Dodge and I are the funnest and most inappropriate ones at the round table. Tony’s inappropriate also…yet Dodge is more ‘silly’ than Tony, which plonks him in box ‘Wunna.’ Tony gets punched out by stripper girls for asking for sex. (He’s rude but funny and waiting for his ex bird to re text him to declare her love for him, after she’s finished dating some new guy, with no teeth.)
Annnyway, 🙂 Dodge is also best friends with ‘Who I date, Ben’ and he sees me going through my phone, as i’m..well i was Retweeting things for The Forbidden Nights, dancing boys, who were on Britains Got Talent! I bet you all wished you went to their show NOW! Well i went pre ‘Britain’s Got’ and smoozed with them…and well now, a million views later…they’re baby sized, naked, with muscles, to music stars!! Yay!!! I’m going to their boat party on June 12th.
Anyway..where was I?
I was showing Dodge some of the creepy messages I get from boys around the world. And i get them…a lot of them..all sorts and in giant bundles that one could call a cyber avalanche.
Usually…if they’re being pervy or if i’m busy, i won’t respond. I mean people always respond to the people they’re most interested in, don’t they, yet i’ll always say ‘thank you’ or tell them that i’m flattered..as I really am grateful. I love being adored.
I showed ‘Dodge’ three of my message streams from three boys that i chose at random, who i had never ever responded to..and well Dodge JOKINGLY suggested that he’d reply as ME.
We had had a tequila shot…as at the time we thought this was the BEST THING EVER. SEE, we need to stop egging each other on…
So i gave Dodge full range of Wunna message replying…and well lets just say he should get hired as a fluffer, because the dudes simply adored it.
Me being Me, knows that if you respond to some messages shit happens….shit WILL go down.I’ve been though this since i was 18, I know the score…hence why i ignore most.
Dodge responds anyway…and I think he told one boy that I had had a whiskey and wanted to ‘get it on, baby’…or that I was ‘spread eagle’ and another that he was fat. This all got them exocted and they began to respond rapidly. I was sat next to Dodge drinking, as he was typing and the rest of the boys were half listening in to my messages and half talking about other more interesting shit.
One guy was however, who i don’t know, was from Australia and wanted to hook with me, when he came to England or something? Same old crap and usually i can tell if a guy is pervy three sentences in..as by sentence 4, something scary like a DICK PIC will occur. I get lots of that and offers of sex, free flights and marriage.
Dodge forgets he’s in Wunna land and proceeds without caution. (Wunna is skilled at Wunna land. It just looks like i don’t know what I’m doing.)
So he writes to the Australian boy, who is keen and texting me ‘meet up’ messages…Dodge loves the Ozzy vibe and well simply begins to put,
‘I like it Kangeroo…’
Then all you heard at the table, because we were ALL only half listening, was Dodge screech a ‘WHAT THE FUCK…’ as he passes me the phone back in utter giddy shock..and the biggest, weirdest WILLY PIC comes through, followed by another…FOLLOWED BY A VIDEO, YES AN ACTUAL VIDEO OF THE GUY WANKING HIS PENIS SO HARD THAT IT MAY HAVE DROPPED OFF.’
We didn’t even get to tell him that i liked it ‘kangeroo style.’ He was off…
I’ve given up by then, but Dodge’s gotten all revved up now, so asks him to send us a sexy video of him doing a ‘slut drop.’ YET OFCOURSE, DODGE MISSPELLS THE FUCKER…and puts,
‘Send me a video of you doing a slut…’
UGH!!! ( I even told him off for getting grammar wrong, incase i looked thick and then I told him off for missing words off, like DROP. BIG fucking DIFFERENCE.)
Now, the Australian guy is a big massive perv and has all of this stuff already on file..so immediately sends up a video of him doing a slut. (A casual thing for you to send a little Asian Glamour Puss on a Tuesday night. WTF?)
Then they the inbox boys started getting to excited because Dodge had replied for me…so we got bored and poor Ben had probably heard enough, as he leant on his chair and said is anyone coming outside for a cig…? Everyone just quietly glared…and then he winded it in by saying, he was kinda only referring to Dodge and I. Lol.
And just like that, i curbed down the fun, as we were being pretty fucking stupid and not very respectful…and even though Ben was cool like Fonzi… i hit the brakes and did the right thing. 🙂
See, i like it when boys can sort of be mildy masterful without being masterful. He inspired by ‘better person’ to quit the silliness and just be a grown up. 🙂
Then Dodge gave me a ‘Ben’ talk at the bar. He was good about him and good about ‘us.’ Yet I guess these days relationships aren’t proper relationships until you’ve openly declared them on Facebook. Which I WOULD do. Lol. Why does everyone think i wouldnt? I’d do it NOW!
‘It still says *Single* as your status.’
‘His still says *Single.* He hasn’t done it either.’
However, away from that, he did say that i’m not like anyone he’s ever dated before? And so did Chloe last Friday. But i don’t get what they mean? But i think i should get what they mean, because they do that face at me, like i completely get what they mean? Lol Like when they say, ‘You know…’ and do a noddy thing at me? I don’t get what they mean?
To me…I’m just a chick from Ponty. Doncaster actually. Lol. But yeah i’ve lived this life, and done a bunch of stuff…but still i’m just a chick…a hot one maybe…but i’m just a chick..and there’s lots more too me than just hot. I’m also awesome. I’m funny, smart, loyal, caring, A MUM…i’ve lived and well i don’t want Ben to now feel intimidated by Wunna land and start playing it cool, or thinking about what he THINK i might want or look for in a guy, instead of just being the greatest guy or boyfriend he could be. I already like him, I wouldn’t have agreed to be his girlfriend is i didn’t at all. I’m someone that expressively embraces love and all connections. But it sort of became apparent that i might be seen differently to how i see myself?
I feel like in the past, some guys have been great to me, some hideous and some concentrated more on never wanting to lose me, that they forgot to simply love me.
I’m quite impatient when it comes to love and waiting around for boys and i hate games, or being judged. And i don’t feel that way at all right now. Infact, i feel great AND AGAIN…I DIDN’T GET MY STRESS RASH THIS MONTH. I’ve been through a great deal of heartache, good times and shit with guys and always because i pick badly, which actually means out of everyone that i’ve dated, only probably two, no infact three of them, were actually really lovely to me. The others were HORRIBLE and I mean awful, awful horrible. But if i can heal from all that and still move forward with my strut still in place, and my heart fill with joy..then anyone can. 🙂 I’m a confident girl. But most of all i’m a happy girl.
But yeah, when I explained all this ‘you’re not a normal kinda girl’ thingto my work friend, she said that i’m not as shallow as people may think i am and i’m actually not as awful as they want me to be. I’m just apparently ‘pretty’..and in my mind my ‘forever’ guy will fall head of heels for me immediately, know that i’m his forever, show me how much he loves me and be there forever. Right? I’m a love bunny and i utterly believe in true love, based on friendship and companionship, attraction and loyalty..as this week alone i’ve met FOUR COUPLES, who are still happily married in their fifties, or fourties, who met when they were FOURTEEN YEARS OLD!!! Four couples in four days!!! I mean, where did i go wrong? HAHAHA. I’m not moaning, i’ve had a wonderful life.
However, i’m hopeful always….and i guess some people have to graduate at a different time. 🙂 You meet your ‘forever’ when you’re meant to…and sometimes things are never what they seem, too good to be true or just right. But my psychic told me in December that I need not worry as ‘just like a knight’ he was coming for me in the Spring.
Anyway, back to the story…
We all did drinks and moved to the next bar.
More drinks happened…
Then Ben and I retired to our hotel room where in which we had proper ‘fun time’ for the first time ever, on an actual BED, by a willy shaped cactus that i fucking spiked myself on before i went out.
It was good. No..it was great. And even though i don’t know what’s going on in his head, half the time, he has moments of expression…where he expresses openly…and indirectly romantically.
I had to work the next morning…so we were up at 7am to set off. Infact we were both ‘eyes open’ at five o clock, but were so knackered because we’d been up all night bonking…and only had a couple hours sleep.
He had the day off…I did work. *Waaaa.*
It’s finally my weekend and i’m enjoying every second of it. Instead of going out in the rain, i’m already snuggled in bed with Ruby, after our girls night dinner. She loved school and loves Mummy nights.
In the morning i have a massive long list of stuff to get through, so she’s going to have to come with me. But she’ll love it. Plus, in a couple weeks, we’re in the forest!!!! I can’t actually WAIT! Roll on Junior’s Birthday!
Love you. Quiet one for me.