Well last night went all kinds of pear-shaped. I mean from the moment i tottered out of the taxi, slammed the door shut behind me and cautiously strutted to my ‘handsome-handsome’ Keirans home…life decided to mist over with ‘not so great’-ness. Keiran has a great deal going on mentally right now. A lot of life changes. I feel like i’m pretty much all he has that’s wonderful. Meaning i bring that bit of ‘glitz’ and light to his 100 year journey. I’m also going through a bit of an emotional rough time. It’s all drama-drama in Wunnaland. A lot fo it good, a lot of it dodgy. Everyone always thinks i adore and indulge my lovely bundle of dramatical nonsense. However believe me when i tell you that I don’t. I do not at all enjoy the drama whilst it’s happening. It’s only when the present has officially and quite solidly turned into the past that i find it all amusing. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with a colourful history..however the fact that it is ‘history’ (done with, did, over) is what makes it sexy. I now no longer like that part of the day where day turns to night. That dusky, awkward time…where you feel all bewildered. Nothing good can happen during that mood of day. I swear. At the time where the world doesn’t even know if it’s day or night, utter confusion occurs…even if you’ve had gin.
Now, i don’t want you all to get at all worried. Both Keiran and I are madly in love. Happy to be engaged. Holding onto each other and guarding each other from the horror and hurt that the world might want to throw at us. Yet last night, was not one of our best. It was quite ‘heavy’ emotionally and well without me telling you anything about it, let me just tell you that it was like we were both caught in this suffocating bubble, where there was no way out and no where to go. It was filled with negativity, awkwardness, suspicion, paranoia, love, heart, tears, lies, truths and updo’s.
The bubble refused to pop and there i was laid in bed, in the dark, next to my ‘handsome’ in tears, as he rolled up next to me for a cuddle. It took us a while to free ourselves from the madness. We’re both stubborn. But once we did…we did and well it all ended in a good bit of ‘rumpy’ and a whole lot of heart. One thing that i did notice whilst Keiran was quite loudly and quite abruptly ‘speaking his mind,’ (Lol ) was that even though he was saying one thing, he was holding onto me and cuddling me the whole entire time. Infact, all through the madness. A person’s body language is vital. Far more vital than the words they may utter. At that point, i knew he was worth it…even if he didn’t even realize it at the time.
For the first time in a long time i was tolerant…and well i guess we’ve both learnt lessons..yet we both always learn then the hard way. It really was a bit too much for me. Yet i handled it…and still in my eyelashes. 🙂 I DO NOT EVER want to go through that AGAIN though. I only like laughter, love and ‘joy-joy.’
Today (even though i’ve felt exhausted) has been uplifting and well we’re back to treading up that hill to ‘fairytale’ once more. I found myself telling Keiran that i didn’t enjoy what i call ‘Team Keiran’ and that i didn’t like him being a shadow of his former self…due to well, i guess i’ll call them ‘issues.’ He told me that he ‘loved me’ and that we were each other’s world and from that moment, it’s all been okay. I do need an ‘on my own’ recoup and he’s granted me that. Women always need a ‘on their own recoup’ after a blast of emotional, however we always forget to take them. However ladies remember that, that is what a boudior is for and that is the only way to move forward merrily.
Keirans quite lost without me and i know my duty is to love him and be there for him. I do love him deeply, hence why i promised to be his wife. A few little things need to be tweaked on both of our parts, in order for us to bloom…and well my little handsome hero will be off to ‘Afghan’ soon…therefore i don’t want to waste the time we have on billy bullshit.
On a far more glitzy note, i’ve been on the phone to journalist Joe all day, talking about bits and pieces. Infact reliving juicy chunks of my deliciously happy past. He said i was the easiest interview he had ever done. (And well that’s mainly because, i’m very well aware of how tragic i am and quite very easily can love myself, whilst talking about myself even at my worst. 🙂 ) People can’t really judge you your on my past, even if they do, because at the end of the day it’s all about you. It’s YOUR LIFE. Your story. I’ve made my history hot and finalyl would like a nice bit of stability…and to be spoilt. (Hint! Hint!)
I’m excited for my book. I loved talking to Journalist Joe today, whilst eating chocolate coins…and I can’t wait for bonfire night, because nothing is more magical to me than fire or fireworks. They should be glorifying every moment of love you have and well it’s my baby Ruby’s first ever November 5th! *Wiggle-winky* I can’t wait.