When in Doubt…Rum it out…

Thought i was ill…but it seems i confused ‘sickness’ for ‘soberiety.’ I didn’t know what was happenning, but i was feeling all cold and queezy? Then my darling of a friend, i’m calling him ‘Hoochie’ simply pointed out that the oddness, i was experiencing, was what it feels like when ones sober. (Eww…i don’t know how you all do it? *Downs nearest cocktail*

I shopped all day today. Bought hair, bronzer, dignity and bacon. Oh fuck AND the best shoes EVER. AND a flat cap, (Jonny stole mine.) Oh, oh AND lingerie. I was glared at and followed, for most of the day…which i really do quite like. But when young children, and i’m talking little girls here…are watching you pick out the underwear of a whore and deciding that that certain range of crotchless ‘whatsits,’ is probably what THEY need to purchase also,  for boys to like them…you feel rather wrong. I don’t really think ‘underwear’ impresses a boy. YOU, impress the boy. I mean, they’ll bonk you anyway, in your worst beige granny clompers…trust me. My underwear impresses ME. It makes ME feel sexy. It makes ME feel feminine. I love old school glamour, stockings, corsets and sensuality. Infact, i was explaining ‘sensuality‘ to a 20 year old boy yesterday, who WRONGLY believed he could ‘woo‘ me by going on about his ‘fucking big dick’ as he politely put it. When a boy talks about his willy size, as a romantic tactic of ‘woo,’ i already know he’s going to be worthless to me in the bedroom. I explained the error of his ways to him bluntly…he actually listened…intently.

Best thing about today, apart from a far too delicious shop window mannequin i fell in love with at Topman, was that i have a real life cone shaped, headed male fan! I do! I do! I adore him. How lucky am I!! I’ve never seen such a head. I even told him, that it amazed me. It was (and i’m not joking) in the shape of an ACTUAL cone!! I hugged him like he was a sugar daddy. He took a picture of Me, pointing at his ‘cone.’ I loved him. Then i had to leave, as without a large wooden stick…i wouldn’t have been able to beat the boys away. I didn’t really WANT to beat you away. But my Dad, was with me, all stylish but grumpy. He gets rather irrate when he sees boys, men, or builders ‘holla’ at me. I don’t know why? I mean, i show him my pictures and ask him whether he likes them. 🙂 He began to shout at them all and call them ‘ugly.’ Hilarious! My Mother immediately gave me a wad of money to make me feel better. I love being a ‘Wunna.’ When in doubt. Pay me out!

I can’t remember what else happened because i’m sober? But i do remember wanting to marry a comedian last night after watching the ‘Big Fat Quiz’ on rum. I love rum. I love comedians. But aah well, i’ll have to settle for a movie star. lol. Other than that, ‘Lashes’ is trying to book me in for ‘sex’ on the 7th and 8th. Deary me. I travel back to London on the morning of the 7th. My time is already being merrily allocated. I haven’t even got back there yet…and people are pre-scheduling my time. Just so you ALL know 2010 is my WORK year. I’m going to get ahead, whilst you all get pissed up. lol. Am i heckers! I’m gonna get trollied AND work. It’s never failed me yet…and well i’m not a quitter. 😉 My job is easy, reality tv, pouting, writing, naked picture taking, socialising. I can do it ALL drunk. Lucky really.

Why the fuck am i going blind? I can’t see out of my own goddamn eyes!!!

Anyway, I’ve started to promote a friend a day. (Plus it’s good as you get to know who the actual real life ‘soldiers‘ are in my life. Meet Ronnie Woo one of my BE

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