Welcome to my Journey

What a gorgeous DAY! OMG! It’s one of those hazes of wiggly warm, where the chicas get that little more flirtier and the gents walk out their ‘swagga.’ I’ve just got home from work. A place i’m really loving right now. I was never made for the art of ‘couch potatoe’…i need people, light and well…money! 🙂 Plus couches never liked me. I’ve only ever truely used them for trumping on or a bit of ‘hows ya father’ who i wish i never met. (Oh how i hated those times! I mean, I’ve noticed that when i’m sober and when it comes to the jolly old ‘matters of the heart’  i pick really poorly, when it comes to ‘man of my dreams.’ Yet if i’m pissed up and falling off my tarty strawberry heels. I weirdly pick really well!! You may say i’m luky. However i’d say i’m…backwards.)

Anyway, this weather has made me want to fling my floozy self into the nearest zebra print bikini, whilst singing Pussycat Doll favourites and winking at things that i really shouldn’t bother to associate my pretty self with. I have wine. But it’s just not ‘Glamour’ enough. I need a sparkler ridden cocktail, of *spritz* with umbrellas, fairylights and midges. And I need all of this to simply so i can feel merry on my sofa, whilst watching a bit of reality telly! God, i remember a time in LA when a I’d followed a Mexican and he had made me homeless for a good 13 nights. Was it 13? Anyway, after commiting to him and being grumpy all the time because i was involved with a steady string of bad hair days. I decided that sleeping on couches. *Couch surfing* as HE called it, was shit. And when a tranny prostitute felt so bad for me that she wanted to lend me her pleather coat…and a book that she found under the tree. (I think she liked books and hoped for her ‘Pretty Woman’ happy ending to occur. However Richard Gere probably never came and well only….drugs did. 🙂 The reason why I know Richard Gere never came was because she had latched herself onto my driver..’Chris’ who ended up being a crack head and sleeping with prozzies. Hoollllywoood! He loved her madly and well because his new girlfriend had a willy as well as a pair of boobies. He wanted to surprise her and be a woman for a day. One day before he drove me to a studio for an audition,. I actually think it was Warner Bros. He made me ‘dolly’ him up with my MAC cosmetics..eyeliner, bronzer, lippy the lot! I did. Then gave him an eyeshadow.) I love how even though I was accidentally homeless and couch surfing…I did also spend the night in the boot of someones random  Ford Taurus and with a pitbull named ‘Cano’…and the Mexican. I always kept my Driver. Bouji much!

Don’t worry, I found sense, fell out of love and then flew back to England. I wanted to fly back home so much, after he abandoned me, that I actually declined the offer of a reality tv show in LA, that I had booked during my time of homelessness. I KNOW RIGHT!! I actually filmed a bit for it…when i had NO HOME! Then my gay friend reminded me that i didn’t have to do this because i had spent an awful lot of time posing and pouting, in my undies for magazines. Although this had filed me under ‘tragical.’ It had also…made me rich! 🙂 I flew back to England and well luckily bagged myself a life! I don’t know how i forgot such a tiny little detail really? 🙂 How the hell have i got onto this?? It’s the weather it reminds be of LA.

Okay, so i’m doing excellently at work. Both in the land of showbizzy and in the land of Xercise4less. I have really great people in my life and a beautiful bit of baby and ‘Handsome.’ I’m noticeable much nicer in the sun right? I haven’t fallen out with boys AT ALL today! Oh and i’ve noticed that i’m really good at being in charge of things. The key is to get you’re work done. Then when you’re bored make everyone else do it for you! Whoopppeee! If you’re bossy with a smile, you’re on to a winner. (This wine is going straight to my head.) My mums got Ruby (gorgeous much) to give me time to write my book. Instead i’m drinking wine and looking at salad, infront of my blog. I think i need to take up Zumba!

I’ve had a really great day today! I’m brimming over with that good old joie de vivre! Everythings coming together! Life is spanking me happy. Dreams are coming true and well Loverboy is back to being my hero. (I think he spent the day with my Mother and our child, sitting in the front seat of showroom Mercedes’ posing?) We’re hopefully going to be moving to our new house soon and if we do, i’m soo going to do a ‘Welcome to my crib’ video blog! Pete’s cute, because I asked him why he had been so quiet about our move. I had decided that he lacked excitement and got all shouty. (I hate it when i’m the only excited one.)

Anyway..it actually wasn’t due to a distinct lack of excitement, but truely because..well he said…‘I just never thought i’d be lucky enough to love in a house like that. It’s overwhelming.’ Weird that he would say that really because to Me..that’s just like a first house? I have a highly vivid dream capacity and my dream house is waaaaay out there! Yet this one could definitely make Barbie jealous.

Okay, i really need to get more of my book done. (Code for ‘get more wine.’) I love you. But i’ll leave you. Welcome to my journey.

Chrissie Wunna

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