Fucking Funniest night ever!!! Oh my WORD, it was hilarious. I’m cracking up as i write it. Love my life!! Hahah..Jesus! Okay, so last night, My darling hot bitch, dirty sex slave,
,’ ‘Only Gay in the Village Samuel and I, decided we’re going to shun Embassy, (coz we can) due to me having to walk into a delicious room full of ‘sexually confused’ Exes & instead go to ‘The Plastiscines’ gig at Barfly in Camden. Firstly because we ADORE them like sex. Secondly, because they were on ‘Gossip Girl’ and thirdly because not only was it a far superior choice to Cleopatra ‘coming atch’ but we would get to meet them, because one of them had Sams boots from ‘Rocket!!’ I wore black wet look, skin tight leggings, high heeled boots, red & leopard print fur, with Tits. He wore Preppy light beige trench coat, jeans, tight white designer t-shirt and Dwarf sock hat. (BE us bitches!!!) Oh yeah and although ‘divine’ I was really drunk from a previous ‘make up’ dinner…where no ‘making up’ took place and instead my personality was ‘ Science Projected,‘ eww and over a Rainbow roll.
Anyway, i meet Samuel & his sexy much work colleagues upstairs at The Lock Tavern, where its warm and lit like a red light district, then we venture off in our ‘coats of many colours’ to Barfly to drink cider, be joined by more, and get excited about ‘The Plastiscines!’ (LOVE THEM.)
We get great spots near the front, there were cameras, a crew, drunks, music critics and us fly bitches. And well ‘The Plastiscines’ come on begin their set and we all watch on merrily. Twenty minutes into it, the crowd begins to get a little rowdy. Which is fine, i do rowdy. I have great tits. They love a bit of action. I’m a fun girl. It’s all fine and dandy, yet i am well aware that we are to be on our best behaviour, due to onlookers.
Ten minutes after that, the rowdiness gets a little more heated, as a group of ugly sweaty disgusting boys, decide to start a mosh pit in the middle of the crowd, my climbing on people and ferociously shoving each other into people. Now we’re an ‘off the telly..’ Glamour Puss & he’s a GAY… & it’s all still fine, as long as your not TOUCHING us in any way. WE DON’T LIKE IT! Touch his shirt ur DEAD! Cover my boobs….UR DEAD! I guarded my boobs like they were my LIFE!
Yeah, so they started shoving us…like about 8 men and 4 girls. I got booted out the way, flung backwards (extentions still in tact), fell off my heels and into a now ‘not so merry’ crowd behind me. I’m flung out of action, whilst Samuel is now being shoved, pushed & targetted. Usually you’d always want me in a fight because it’s my forte! I have a mouth on me and it’s not a wise choice to mess with The Wunna…but yeah i was pathetically busy falling, and you’d think that Samuel would be in a corner hiding and retouching his hair, BUT OH THE HELL NO! He defended EVERYONEs honour of ALL time like fucking Hercules on crack! Holy shit!!! I’m so proud.
I get up. Look! And all i see is my Gay gentle lover Sammie BEATING people, (hahah…sorry i’m pissing myself.) Aggressively shoving disgusting ‘no dress sense,’ men, back into the madness, who WERE quite rudely shoving into him. I mean he picked up a boy and flung him to the goddamn FLOOR!!! (HAHAHAHAHAHA.) It went insane. Like at this point it wasn’t even a mosh pit, it was 17 straight men fighting Sammie…to the soothing sounds of ‘The Plastiscines,’ in a blue light madness and him literally FLINGING each one of their sorry messy asses to the floor. IN YOUR FACE!!! All you could see were people flying through the air on shoulders, a sparkly Blackberry being flung, then a few empty beer cans hurtling their merry way to you, and all kinds of dignity being destroyed. I pissed myself laughing, and quickly grabbed my coat, as people kept treading on it. (Eww…much.) I didn’t want anyone to elbow my tits.
Then this FUCKING AWFUL 1980’s, FAT BLOND bitch, who looked like a soccer mum, had a wig on, and probably 5 children at home, trying on her ugly ass shoulder pads, and layers of flub that she gets outs on special occassions (who thinks she’s sexy by trying too hard to ‘fit in’)…turns around, and screeches ‘Don’t you shove me’ at Sam, then fucking shoves him, whilst pouring her drink on my crotch! YOU FAT BITCH! We’re not at primary school, we’re in a fucking Mosh pit turned fight , you ‘had no sex for 100 years’ TRAMP! Don’t shove people & expect to not get shoved back.
I politely call her a ‘ BITCH,’ and well (HAHAHAHAHA) Sam fucking looks at her, does a hair toss & then her (hahaha…good on him) out of our space! OMG! It was hilarious. Violence rock kiddies. I don’t know where she flew to…but we left, after it all got filmed. HAHAHAH. My Hero! (Flutters eyelashes!) SHOVE S
Then we quietly enjoyed our merry walk home down Camden High street, all innocent and lovely, under the stars at midnight in moonlight. Laughing over the cobbles, gently smiling and waving at fans, winking at whistling work men, and pissing ourselves at the Best.Night.Ever. I love that bitch! You had to be there. I can’t wait to do lunch on Thursday! Then after dropping him of at Camden Tube station..he got home and watched a show on ‘butching.’ I got home and watched a documentary on otters, and then oddly talked to my ex boyfriends, ex….boyfriend??? (The plot thickens.)