We all love a day of ‘offy’

So today’s my delicious day off and i can’t for the life of me move one single muscle, after my horrendous massages from the evil, nazi, chinese bitch yesterday, with the apparent ‘healing hands.’  OMG, i woke up on my back and happy, but then realized that not only was I unable to move, but my back actually felt like a real life massive much, BRUISE! That whore! However, being the Ultimate Glamour Puss, dipped in a juicy side of ‘Chrissie Wunna,’ i didn’t let it get me down. I don’t let anything get in my way of being a ‘darling.’ I forced myself up, grabbed my comfort blanket (which is my pink Black Berry) congratulated @GaryPonty for passing his driving test and then edged out of bed, pouting and hair tossing, into my *time machine* bathroom, so i could groom for the day. I staggered in a cripple, and leapt out a Kitty cat! Now, i feel AMAZING! [Shimmie here…like a maniac.] Chinese massaging ladies may take my back bone, yet she can’t take my ‘ooh laa.’ (The cheeky swine as also emailed me, to see if I would actually write a little paragraph about her massage therapy clinic, and ramble on about my experience and how much i loved it! Haha…the fact that i kind of already have does make me chuckle! However, being the non-two faced Glamour Puss that I am, i emailed her a lovely write up! I actually think it’s hilarious, because firstly it was dripping with sarcasm, and well if there are any Wunna fans in her store a reading it, they will 100% understand my every piece of deliciously happy PAIN. Plus, it’ll make more people go to her rubbish clinic and therefore go through the same ‘beat you up to pan pipes’ that i went through…which…and because i’m a twat, find very funny!)

This is an example of what she wanted me to write : I had a very stiff shoulder & lower back pain. I came to try Chinese Medicine and after acupuncture, and a half hour massage, with the doctor’s magic hands, the pain is now gone and i feel back to new!’ I read it and it simply made me piss myself laughing. I wanted to add on the end of her written example, ‘.…but now i am dead. Hurrah!’ The poor lady was mildly sweet before i let her touch me, but i feel so scarred from her healing hands of sin, that i don’t really think i could ever let anyone touch me again. EVER! My back is a fucking BRUISE! All i remember seeing is her tiny, pale perfectly gentle feet, from the hole in the massage table that my *far too glamourous* face was WEDGED into! I hate being wedged into anything. It’s just wrong. The bottom half of her was calm and loving, but the top half of her was IN-FRICKING-SANE! Do not marry an oriental bird, unless you have bought her via mail order. (Those ones have been beaten and made to love any nice english man. The ones with their own mind, are MENTAL!) Note: If you’re Loverboy, don’t read that part. You can marry me, i’m delicious…with boobs.

Okay last night, i was exhausted, so after a 3 hour nap, and a cosy read through almost 40 gossip magazines in bed, ( I love a lazy day when you’ve done all your work and you can lounge around with no face on, and hang your boobs up to dry for the rest of the day,) i decided to have a major panic attack. Yes! Three cheers. Now, i’m a kitty cat that is highly commitment phobe. Massively. There is something in me that needs to feel free and at all times…I’m independant, strong and ‘party party,’ so all of a sudden realizing that i’m now in a position where i have commited to pretty much EVERYTHING whole heartedly, terrified me!

I was talking to Loverboy on the phone, who i love, miss and enjoy. He can’t seem to function when i’m not there. He even said, he felt so sad because i was so far away, and didn’t know what to do with himself. (Aww.)  I miss him too. Anyway, he went appartement hunting for us yesterday and i’m not sure what happened, but he ended up feeling all confused and overwhelmed. He’s sort of turning from boy to man and overnight…( i tend to have that affect on ‘Handsomes,’) and well i guess we’re now maybe getting a house? Pete is seriously bad at commiting to a decision because he fears that it might not be the correct one. Anyway, we talked, had a luahg, had a giggle and a love…then when we wished each other good bye, i laid on my bed and realized that I was even growing up and commiting to almost everything. I’ve gone from irresponsible ‘party party’ to signing up longterm to a life, a house, a man, a career and anything else i can think of! Although, i’m extremely happy…i am absolutely terrified. However, i think it’s okay to be absolutely terrified at times. Often taking that big step from little girl, to  being grown up is a mind F***. I’m going through that overwhelming ‘I’m not Peter pan’ anymore phase of life…I had a mild panic attack, but then Wazza called me and assured me that I was a prize idiot who always lands on her feet, therefore i really had nothing to worry about. He also assured me that he’s still on occasion a moron…due to the fact that he commands people to show little girls, things that little girls should never been seeing. It’s really more funny, than evil. It was just the fact that he said, ‘OMG Chrissie it was hilarious…the camera went back to them and they were SCREAMING, after 600 perverts had told them to *lez up.* Perverts are disgusting. They really do make me have a rather low opinion of men. Little girls are angels who need to be guided…and I LOVE ALL little girls…and infact have opened their eyes to a whole world that they would never have known about. Now that they know, they are wiser and won’t fal into the same ridiculous traps. Tell your stories, without shame. It’s amazing what people actually pick up from them and learn! I get a bundle of mail a day from people all over the world, who have been accidenatlly inspired by me , or have picked up on something i didn’t even realize they would relate to. I’m living my life with you…so feel free to share your life with me also! I have a distinct interest in people, all people and what makes them tick. I’m all ears! So tell me your stories!

Other than that, i have nothign to report except, i’m so excited to have a day off, and i’m going to treat myself to a pedicure. I’m quite terrified, after my *treat* yesterday. However you can’t go wrong with a foot rub, and nail paint. It makes me feel womanly. I’ve also had a little 7 year old boy, randomly tug me and say, ‘Why do people fall in love?’ How interesting, that he would pick up on ‘love’ at such a young age. I mean, honestly why DO people meet someone across a crowded room, and feel pulled towards them emotionally, to the point where they can’t imagine living their life without them? It’s magical and can’t really be explained. I enjoy the feeling of being in love. I think this world needs to be more open about it. There’s plenty of it happening all around us…yet it’s so well disguised that it wrongly makes people believe that it does not even exist! IT DOES!! Look around you more closely. More people love each other than hate each other. More people want to be loved than don’t. If more people opened up about it and spread it…(like herpes)…this world would be a happier place. 🙂

My back kills (LMAO) and this cyber cafe chair smeels like armpits! I have to be in bed my 9.30pm tonight for a 4am wake up call tomorrow morning. So i have to go and make the most of y day. I love you kittens. *Wiggle-giggle-walk!*

2 thoughts on “We all love a day of ‘offy’”

  1. Christina, the next time you’re in L.A. I must direct you to my favorite accupressurist (which is like a massage but better). You will love it.

    I dislike most asian massage techniques. Your recent experience sounds very much like what I got every week in Thailand. Thai massage is gruelling but it sorta works in the long run.

    Congratualtions on your bun in the oven! I actually _can_ imagine you not drinking or smoking for 9 months. You sorta had to that when you were living with me for a month. My apartment was a practice run for your pregnancy!

    But I really agree with Wazza. Please ask the stork for a boy!


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