I am so deeply tired much *ouchy* of strangers kicking me. I understand that when drunk it can be filed under ‘mildy hilarious.’ HOWEVER when i’m sober (and yes, that’s not very often…*searches for gin-cupboard is bare*) i definitely lack to see the funny in it anymore. Infact yeah, i’ll go as far as to say…it fricking HURTS!! Okay…it is mildy funny. But don’t get carried away you swines of evil. I’m soft, i’ll let you get away with anything, but not that if you kick me…i’ll very kindly and very lovingly…destroy you emotionally 🙂
My legs are currently covered in bruisey delights and kitten scratches! We all know, i’m all for the odd accidental party scar, a sprinkling of bruises from a night out of cocktails and minx-like behaviour, (*Falls down a flight of foam party dance floor steps*,) but i have a BRUISE on my LEG from being KICKED by a perfectly undersirable stranger, who not only had the worst shirt on in the history of the world ever…but did it out of spite and simply because no-one in the club fancied him. Lol. I enjoy the logic. ‘No-one in here fancies me!! Hey, i know!! I’ll kick that Chrissie Wunna! That’ll make it all better!’ Then he had the cheek to pull my lollipop from out of my slutty mouth, suck on it, then throw it on the floor! I may have attempted to call him ‘Worthless’ at this point…and well maybe deserved the *kick*, but i can’t really remember? Hmm…? I’m now getting a flashback of throwing a drink on the floor though?
Bottom line, don’t kick Glamour Pusses in PINK. How am i supposed to colour co-ordinate that stonker of a bruise with my wardrobe now! Did ya think of that!? ! Did ya? No!!! I swear it looks like i got sat on by a Sumo, then hit with ninja fighting hammer dwarves! Oh and just so you know, if you see me EVER sucking a lolly, know that removing it from my mouth mid-suck is a crime! I am deliberately sucking on it, to pull! I think it’s one of my a hot tips to be honest! When i’m actually stood in a bar and have a lollipop rolling around your mouth and i’m looking all accidentally coy and like i haven’t noticed my perfecly placed boobies..the boys come a flocking! It’s the art of the *tease,* and boy it does wonders for your sex life. I have the boys mesmorised by the sloppiness of my lolly popping art! I’ve found that slowly lipglossing works just as well..But you must do it like you’re thoroughly enjoying it! (Hahaha! You can imagine me falling off a stoll, mid-lip gloss pulling moment trying to scrape any dignity i have off the sticky dance floor.)
I’ve pretty much learnt in life that men are simple creatures, who just want to be teased (flirted with) and loved! Cater to that notion and you’ll have them all with ‘hearts a thunder.’ I swear they’ll be throbbing in areas you never even thought possible! Work IT!
Other than that, i’m packed, groomed, in the upstairs study and ready to lunch with my ‘Loverness,‘ buy a Fathers day card, do breakfast and later head off to London for work the next morning! I have to get up at 4am, so i’ll i’m travelling the evening before!
I’ve noticed that alot of my friends are doing prize giveaways (it’s a good way to promote yourself really…that’s why they do it…or for charity) and i’m upset that i never thought of that!! I want to do a giveaway, yet i have no idea what i have that i can GIVE…away! I mean i’ve handed out my virginity to a few lucky strangers and all over the world *Wink-pout* (Oh whatever, as if you’re not gonna use your new found bit of ‘off the telly’ status to your merry advantage. I was lonely. Honest 😉 I’m an ageing sex symbol. I need to scramble ontop of anything that will pretty much have me right now, so *hush* and sympathize. ) I’ve also given away my dignity, (aww *sad face*) to the dark dark nights of ‘party’ and gin! I sold my soul to the devil quite early..and well what did Samuel to…a competition to win his Ed Hardy T-shirt!! Why didn’t i think of that?? (Well probably because i still want all my stuff! HAHA! Greed rocks!) All i needed to do was find something that i decided to despise, and flog it to my fans for a bit of ‘You wanna piece?‘ but now, i fricking gave away my virginty, my dignity and my soul! Great! back to drawing board! Well whatever is not as if you need any of that in Wunnaland. All you need is and overnight bag, £500, clean undies and a pair of high heels.
But whatever, i do need to go, because i’m getting *Hurry the fuck up* text messages galore. Oopsie! I’m out all day! I look divine. I’d love you to enjoy today, love, live and wink at strangers who don’t appreciate the forwardness for the random sake of humour. If you see me..don’t kick me. It hurts and will be forced to feel you up against your will! (No really, don’t kick me. I don’t have heels to match this stonker!)
For now, i’ve got to do! I’m happy, bubbly and noticed that i’m really good at recieving a project and getting everyone else to do it for me! yay! Well done! Have a goody! *hair toss-strut*
So anyway i’m making the executive decision to take these few days to think of things i can giveaway as a prize to my fans!