They don’t go to Discos

Last night i apparently screamed out a boys name repeatedly in my sleep. (Ooookay??) I’ve decided that i either feel as though i have unfinished business with this male, (and i do) or i’m just mentally ill. I’m gonna go with ‘mentally ill’ as that’s far easier  for me to deal with, then having to wonder about any boy and start building any bridges. (My body was built for pleasure, not  hypothetical manuel labour.) I’m one of these people that find it really hard to say ‘Sorry.’ Well unless i don’t really mean it. (haha) Then ofcourse it’s piss easy.

I’m currently dressed in some ginormously big pyjamas. They’re hanging off me, almost as if, they want to abandon me also. (lol) I’m tripping over the leg ends and seemingly have no hands. They’re kinda baby pink and white tiger striped (classy) and i’m wondering why i bothered to even buy them?? I guess i figured i’d look cute and cuddly, instead of like a evil fucking bitch…yet i kinda just look like a…Chewit! (It’s English candy, My Little American Treats.)

I’m sorting out people love lives. (Everyone always suggests i do. Mainly because stupidity gets the better of them, and they start to believe that the girl who gets truck loads of ass can pathed their way to the Land of Love. And quite honestly YES i do get a great deal of ‘bootay’…however the ass never stays…unless it decides to marry me. Proving that people either truely bloody LOVE me, or really FUCKING despise me.) It seems people would rather have everyone simply want them, than have one person willing to stay.

So i’m helping Wazza, who’s tragic, when it comes to getting girls. He’s one of those can’t talk to any girls, until he’s had 10 pints…and even then he ends up saying something highly inappropriate and making them never want to see him again. What he’s made me notice is that people ALWAYS (including myself) go for a version of the person that broke their heart the most. I was gonna say ‘first love’ or ‘true love’ but i really think it’s the person that really shovelled that hole in your heart. The one you lost. It’s like you spend your life trying to make it right.

Like i know for a fact that everyone, or anyone i date or sleep with (maybe not sleep with..haha, there’s been some dumpties) in some way remind me of Mikey. They do. They in some way bring back a memory of the ‘lost love,’ right? What you liked most about them. What you believe you’ll never have again. (God i’m so self help book this morning.) But it’s true. And like Mikeys new girlfriend is (surprise surprise) a little asian girl. So i think this is where Me, Wazza and the rest of the nation are going wrong!!

So you’d think i’d try and solve this little problemo for him right? Nope! Instead i forward him to a site where he can buy a gypo bride. Like really..it’s like mail order, but not by mail, and the order is a ‘gypsy.’ They’re young and look like Wuzzel Gummage in drag. ..and a bit like a dog has spent a good deal of time knawing at their faces. I read the article and basically figured..this was for him. His FATE!! They’re teenage Gypos, who glam it up  to find a rich husband. Their Mothers then take them to dance for old men, (it’s seen as the proper way to do things) who will end up buying them. Infact a quote from one of the gyspy mums was,‘we don’t let them go to discos.’ (hahaha)

Then when the deal is sealed, the newlyweds then climb up on top of a car, and belly dance with each other…to celebrate their new life together. (Shit, i got married at The Hotel Bel Air, what was I thinking???) The best part is (well it’s all the best part lol) that there’s a picture of the businessman, and his new Wuzzle Gummage in drag teenage bride, belly dancing on top of a car and her Butch/garden knome of a mother, with a flannel on her head, passing him a giant bottle of absinthe, assuring him that this will make it all alright in the morning. BRILLIANT!! GENIUS!!

I need to meet these people.

Chrissie Wunna

5 thoughts on “They don’t go to Discos”

  1. I laughed my Fucking arse off!!!!
    “So you’d think i’d try and solve this little problemo for him right? Nope! Instead i forward him to a site where he can buy a gypo bride. ”

    LOVE IT!

    Reply
  2. u are the bollox chrissie good like tonight babe i will be watching as me pals are having a roast best of luck take care tada

    Reply
  3. Wazza- You are TRAGIC

    Scratch- So are you. Not really lol. Glad ur watching

    Leander- I adore you. So fucking SEXY. Grrr…

    Duchess- Gypo Brides! HAHAHAHAHA! Love it. Made sense to me.

    Reply

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