There was and old lady

How i ended up with a snotty nosed gaggle of school uniformed 4 year olds, bunched up around me, singing, ‘There was an old lady who swallowed a fly,’ i have no idea??? I adore children, however not the ones who have green snotty noses, and wipe them on my fur..(hahaha, oh my god! That sounds rude.) Their singing was pretty rubbish, as they didn’t really know the words. They mumbled, through every melodic song part of the rhyme, then all in glorious unison, joined together to end the song with the word ‘DIE!’  Infact, now i think about it, I was the one singing the song, dancing around, and making a darling fool of myself, and they were simply picking their noses, and shouting ‘…!$*gbjdjduifs**…DIE!!’ Good times! This was all after lunching, and being McDitched by my chick friends. I wanted to go shopping, (i’m obsessed with buying clothes right now, and eating crap) they wanted manicures (party poopers.) Therefore we parted ways, yet after we took a quick trip to the supermarket, dressed like we were going to the ‘Grammy’s,’ and I managed to trip over a ginormous freestanding cardboard sign, advertising ‘yellow’ things. I picked myself up, styled myself out, adjusted my chest, as they seemed to have an audience, then (and this part sounds soooo fabricated, but i assure you i have the scars to prove it,) I tumble into a stand of juicy melons!! Unlike cardboard, melons actually kill when they bound off you’re body from an awkward height. Everyone was staring at me, (and that was before the fall,) so i think i was fancying myself a bit too much…hence the punishing fall into melons. I grabbed an OK magazine, and tottered as fast as my tottering totter could take me, whilst being whilstled at, and funnily enough applauded (which i enjoyed.) I dodged off to a safe clothing boutique. I figured that not much can go wrong when surrounded by clothy unbreakables!! It’s true! I swiped me a little happiness.

Infact, now i think i know why, i had a gaggle of young kiddies hanging around me. Kids love me, and it’s all because they think i’m a toy. I look like one, and act like one, so when combined with ‘Fisher Price’ colours…it’s almost a snotty nosed 4 year olds delight. It would’ve been much better drunk!! Maybe they thought i WAS the old lady who swallowed a fly?? Where were their mothers??? I’m sure i saw a few worn out adults, hovering around me, and i’m sure i was doing that fake smiling, and nodding thing that you do when you have other peoples kids rubbing their snotty noses on your fur, and you want them to take them AWAY!! I should’ve just walloped them.

1 thought on “There was and old lady”

  1. you make me crack up chrissie i hope your fur aint to green know chrissie it sounds like chavvies do love u babe. i hope u had a lovely day and ogt yourself some nice new garms babe have a good week chrissie take care treacle tada scratch


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