The Merriest of Crimbos & Yelling…

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Slept in my mums bed with her last night. I love doing that, as we get to lay in the dark in our jimmy jams, and discuss life. I’ve got one of those ‘amazing’ mothers…one that would go to the ends of the earth and back for the merry fruit of her loinage. She’s strong. Flawless and just one of the most decent human beings on the planet. For the first time i saw her as this little girl, trapped in a mums body. I’m happy that i can take care of her now. That’s been one of my biggest dreams. (Fucking hell…i nearly filled up…jeepers! *Downs wine* lol.) She said she’s been a good mum because the day she was born, infact almost the moment.. my grandmother (who was Miss.Burma) signed papers to give her away because she had caused her so much pain during labour. It never got around to happenning (luckily) due to the power of my Grandfather (a man i adore) who looked after his first born like she was the ever strand to his existance.

Anyway, it’s been a super Christmasy Family Wunna day today. We all went out and did lunch at an ‘Over Xmasy’ Garden centre and as we all know it’s my favourite time of year…the season wherein which i was born. I had the steak and ale pie, as onlookers and wheelchaired bound ladies glared at the size of my 100% natural eyelashes. 😉

Long story short, there were snow ridden floozies, singing creatures, brass bands and array of fiber optics, and magical moments. Cleverly followed by a bar named ‘Moo,’ ( at ‘Farmer Copleys’) with tiny sized tractors that you can actually ride around on a fake lawn, whilst pissed, and and insane amount of sexy nuisance-ing, to Jiggle…(Jiggle?…’JINGLE’)  bell rock. My Mother keeps wanting to purchase a Microwave steamer for me. When i learn how to use the microwave.. then maybe we’ll think about it. I swear i fucking look at that thing (the microwave) like it’s about to ‘swear at me’ and tell me i’m  ‘worthless.’ I mean i bought it due to…well the short answer is…i was forced. Then came the yelling….

Got back to Ackworth. Needed tp buy a few crimbo baubles…most of you have a merry old time…i got YELLED at by ‘Buzz light-year.’ Then by a granny. Then by the voices in my head…then by a fairy who served me coffee and well i didn’t quite know if she was real or not..therefore i daren’t yell back??

I come home check my Facebook and two people who i have never ever met in my lovely life ever, yet presumbly believe they know all about ‘The Wunna’ and her deliciously evil ways…yell at me via the fine art of ‘inbox.’ (Don’t you just hate inbox.) I mean please…it’s far to cold for me to commit to being evil. I’m happy, earmuffed and dandy today! I’m spreading my ‘jollies’ and ‘happy pills’ all over this merry world. (*makes out with Satan*.) Lets all just cuddle, and make up dirty lyrics to Christmas Carols…then teach them to minors. I’m a happy glamour puss, with no purpose. There’s no need to yell (i’m fragile when sober)…i’m already busy ruining my own life…let alone getting around to ruining yours.

If you’re a girl and you fancy a boy…the chances of ME fancing the same boy as you, are highly slim..even if he has suggested he fancies me. I believe there are farr too many ‘hotties’ with these odd little ‘meat sticks’ attached to them, in this darling of a merry world, for me to ferociously like the one YOU like. Now back up off me, feel insecure in your feminine powers…and concentrate on what’s good about you, than what’s bad about you. I hear it’s far more appealing… (wink wink)

Instead of ‘Volume 10-ing’ at me about ‘beings’ i do not know..you should be practising your fine art of seduction…and well i had that down when i was four! I felt up boys in Nursery! Did you? Din’t think so! (Applaud here.) Now move…

9 thoughts on “The Merriest of Crimbos & Yelling…”

  1. You dumb bitch, that “fairy” that served you coffee happens to be a really good mate of mine and youve upset her with this. she did not shout at you cause its not in her nature, she was trying to be plesent to you like she is with everyone. I sugest you think before you say things in future and be a bit more gratefull becasue if it wasnt for people like that “fairy” you wouldnt have a career.

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  2. My word,you really do lack any shred of intelligence don’t you?
    The LADY that served you is polite and rather delightful for that is what she is a LADY which is morre than be said for you.She doesn’t have to taker her clothes off to eek out a living.She has a rarified commodity called INTELLECT.You’re not familar with that are you?
    You’re a rake and a dreadful cunt.

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  3. Furthermore,those sillcone wads don’t make you look any better.I’ve seen more presentable ladies on cold street corners,which is exactly where ypu’re headinh when your face sags,isn’t it?

    (CHRISSIEWUNNA.COM thinks Brett just needs a cuddle.)

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  4. You are one lucky girl to have a MUM like that ! My mother passed away when I was 6 and the step witch I will say no more. 🙂

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  5. People who hate Chrissie yet have time to read her blog are ridiculous and if your job is a waitressing fairy then how can you believe your blessed with intellect?
    Let’s do a poll too see who people think is doing better in life, chrissie or a fairy waitress hmmm wonder who would win!!!!!!!

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  6. Furthermore by the time her face sags those “silicone wads” would of stacked enough money that she won’t need to worry about money ever again!

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  7. Oooh so it’s another lovely day then.

    The funny thing about this delicious little natter..is that the ‘fairy’ i’m referring to isn’t the ‘fairy’ that they believe i’m referring too. Unless, they were in MY CAR??? And i do not believe they were? I saw 4 fairies today! Three of the four were sweet…yet now i know that ‘fairies’ have viscious foul mouthed friends…i know to hang out with them more. Touche’.

    I actually liked the fairy ur on about…told my mum and everything. But ….hahahahaha…this is far too surreal for me being sober.

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  8. Hey my name is Jennifer! An I’m the fairy from the garden center. I’m sorry for all the drama I’ve caused! I jus saw you come in an I was really excited because I’m a huge paris hilton fan and I saw you on her show! I actually told everyone who you are! I was just too nervous and shy to say anything to you. So when I got home and saw your blog (coz I follow you on. Twitter) I assumed that it was about me because you said buzz yelled at you too. -m really sorry that I took it the wrong way! I wss just really upset about it because I thought it was about me! So my friends got angry about it! Sorry I caused this trouble xoxo

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  9. Hi Jennifer…Hahaha…no it’s fine. I met a lot of fairies that day and you were the sweetest one. Love you to pieces;
    Don’t worry about ‘trouble’ my darling…i’m used to a little jiggery pokery lol. Ur fine!

    Bottom line: Loved you. But yeah your friends are a little sucky. 🙂

    xxx

    Reply

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