Okay Darlings, i am so sorry i haven’t checked in for three whole days, but i’ve been in london slagging it, drinking, crying and pulling myself together. I really hate it when i can’t write the bloggage, as all sinning needs to be documented, before your memories are stolen by Jack Daniels (hold the coke.)
A great deal has happened so i’m gonna skim it all in 3 seperate rather shit blogs. You better like it, as i’m quite knackered. I’ve travelled all day, had a drunk try to kidnap me, whilst singing ‘Sex Bomb,’ had the police escort elbow him out the way, followed by an army of police escorts doing nothing but run around me for no reason, like they werein a ‘Carry On’ film. I bought pink polka dot shoes, cos everyone was staring at me and i felt awkward, sat next to a cardboard Penis with a face on it, found 7 packs of jelly beans and realized my life is just one fairytale of a fuck up. I never do anything right, but my ‘wronging’ is swept over with a Va Voom so violently ‘Ooh Laa’ that everyone just thinks i’m coolio. (And i am!) I’m glad ur finding all this tragically entertaining, as i have to flipping live the damn thing!
So i spent my first night in London at The Mayfair Hotel. It’s probably the BEST hotel in London. You get the 5* treatment, everyone who’s anyone stays there, the staff are amazing and well there’s so many saucy fucking secrets hidden inbetween those 5* walls, that would send sexy shivers down ya spine. No-one could be more amazing to me, than in that hotel, as i come with the ‘Hilton’ Brand now. Miss.Hilton stays there pretty much all the time. Infact the last time i was there, she had thrown an afterparty in her suite…it was the best night i had had with Kat ever. We were so fucked up. We also actually filmed a lot of the show there and well i have naughty memories of my jiggery pokkery in that place. It’s full of socialites, celebrities, businessmen, lonely men, rich families and movie stars. It’s Wunna’s cuppa tea. Plus, the lovely Guest Relations guy Tom, gives me discounts on rooms. Booyah!
When i first walked in i was greeted by a very traditonally english looking doorman, in a suit of dapper dapperness and a bowler hat. He did his regular ‘meet & greet’ with me, (which i love) then as i walked by him, he whispered in my ear quite sexily‘I love your blog.’ I nodded, i smiled..gave him the ‘wink’ and strutted forward to check in and shake hands with every happy being possible. Sexiest service in town!
The May Fair pretty much holds so many secrets, sexy stories, moody mememories. I mean behind every closed door someone somewhere in that hotel is loving their loved one, or feeling desperately alone, having an after party, doing a deal, having an affair, wishing for stardom, getting away from the crowds, having to be there, or wishing they could afford to be there. There are women who are gold digging, young girls who are star fucking, men who know they can buy anyone they wish, people swimming in recreational vices, yet EVERYONE has their famous ‘front’ on.
I was behind door 843, (It’s like being a boobie prize…lol) drinking half a bottle of vodka before going down to Embassy (in the pouring rain) to watch Jonny’s boyband, wiggling to myself in mirrors to Michael jackson’s ‘Smooth Criminal,’ on tv. The night didn’t end so well for me, because in that same mirror i was happily wiggling into.. about 9 hours later i was sat infront of it, in a white dressing gown (i know ever so drama queen) hysterically crying into it, feeling unloved, hurt and well really fucking drunk. All i needed was movie music behind me and a shirtless handsome hero.
I slept alone that night and nothing is more lonely than a hotel room bed, when your on your own. I mean even sometimes as a child i would get up in the middle of the night and get into my parents bed, just so i wouldn’t be alone. I drank 2 more heavy cocktails and luckily passed out, in nothing but my dangly earrings. I’ve done so much in that place. I’m been the happiest ever, i’ve cried, i’ve won a 24 hr party challenge, it was the last place i spent with Kat and i’ve given an awful being of a scum bag boy blow jobs into a beautifully mirrored wardrobe.
I’ll tell you the rest later…(i hate being back upped on blogs!)