Woke up this morning thinking…’Hang on a second??’ I’m the Queen of fucking Greatness!!! Why am I scrambling around for boys and trying to make them love me? I don’t need to do that? (Ever so humble, i know…lol) I’m a bloody hollywood legend. I’m everything that any boy could possibly want for need in his life. (I will get over myself by the next paragraph…honest!) So I’ve re-found my strength, my Va Voom, my infamous ‘Sass’ and thinking…i don’t chase boys!! They CHASE ME!! It’s how it works, it’s how it always works and it’s how it works for ME! Yeah baby! I feel happy, secure, strong and so ‘Ooh laa.’ I don’t need a ton of boys to love me. (Wait! Yes i do!!) I just need ONE to love me right.
Earlier i got a phone call from one of my guy friends in LA who ever so politely said, ‘What the fuck is wrong with you Wunna??? You don’t need to chase. They’re just fucking terrified. So middle finger to their stiff upper lip. They got one shot at being Wunna’s happily ever after and if they fuck that up…then that’s on them! Flip a bitch Baby! You ain’t going down like that!’
I guess due to a moment of insecurity i forgot that i’m adored, worshipped and praised by the masses. (HAHA) So in true British style, Miss.Wunna is going to tend to ‘Flippin’ a bitch/Pulling a U-ey/Switchin-a-roo.’ However not too thoroughly as i’m really not one for being chased too far. I’m more chase me three steps, stop and let me pounce on you. It’s the hollywood mentality. If you want it…you fight to get it…. and it’s yours! I’m attracted to forward ‘know what they want and not afraid to go get it’ kinda guys. I think it’s sexy. (I mean i have that ‘can throw things boy’ in mind, but we’ll see? He seems a little un-interested. Lol. Which doesn’ t really work in my favour, now does it?)
I’m all for the Girls today! Do not forget how powerful you are my Chickadees. We are the objects of their desire. It’s sexy, it’s how the ‘magic’ works. I love men, i do. I find ultimate solace in their arms and i really want to be in the arms of one right now…but only if they dare to get their ‘hunt’ on. (‘Cunt’ on.) If they want you bad enough, they will come and get you. And if they don’t then…i’m sorry for giving you shit love life advice!! Lol. So put down those stalker glasses (we’ve all done it…i’m not judging…haha. I once followed a boy for a whole day until he stopped, laughed, called my cell phone and said, ‘I can see you following me Chrissie.’) So no more accidentally showing up in all the same places girls, or scanning their Facebook friends list . Let them do the work. Guys love it. (They don’t really.) It gets their ‘downstairs’ going, makes their Jungle McRumble, makes their heart beat that bit faster…which is simply code for ‘Gives them a right good STONKER!!’ (And as we know, Men with good Stonkers..always finish….all over you?) Boys with boners fail to think straight. They fumble and become misted over with this haze of ‘godda have it- squirt-squirt.’ Use this merry phase to your advantage. God i love my life. It’s a wonderous series of really shit jokes, that only I find funny.
Sing me out Sisters! (‘You shoulda put a riiiing on it!’)