The Crab Waddle.

It’s not even 9 am yet and i’ve already had to open, leg, crab waddle around the bathroom, with kittens at my ankles hunting for toilet roll. Don’t you just hate it when you tend to your morning piddle. (I performed mine in my black office pencil dress, in diamantes and big hair.) Only to find that when you’ve completed the art of the ‘pee-pee,’ you look to your left and there’s none LEFT! Not a bit of toilet roll in sight!

In my hour of need and with only a kitten looking up at my privates, doing ‘Puss in boots’ eyes, i then have to straddle up, whilst making sure i’m refraining from getting my own wee on me and crab-like waddle across the bathroom, to a cream cupboard, to perform a ‘reach in’ and get my pretty self a lovely bit of Andrex 3 ply love. I believe there was victory music and dolly-like chanting. Then I wiped up, slipped on some frillies and tottered out into the hallway to look at my mirror image and *hair-toss.* If in doubt, GLAM it out.

(The cream cupboard i’m refering to is decieving. It looks all pure, useful and beautiful on the outside. But once you’ve got there and it’s opened it’s just full of junk..and toilet roll. Which I believe is the exact opposite to moi! I look like a bit of junkeroo, yet i’m actually more rosy-fresh than one would imagine. Dipped in a witty bit of smutty smut ofcourse. Yeah, i’ve had a rather colourful past. But colourful pasts are only good if you’ve learnt from them and that i’ve certainly managed to do! Plus on the whole, i can wave the ‘at least i’ve lived’ flag and do it with a smile on my face and a wiggle. Am i really trying to be all ‘don’t misjudge me, before 9am and before my morning ginned up coffee? 🙂 )

I hopefully have a great week ahead of me. Who knows what The Gods believe i deserve? Yet I do know i’m working the entire way through it. Ouchy! I’m really happy that my book is all done and in editing and i’m peeking around corners wondering what will come next? (No matter what…it better come with toilet roll.) Managed to Perv on Loverboy all night, whilst he attempted to weight lift in the living room. He was really only doing it so I watched because whenever i turned away..the lifting stopped. How cute. 🙂

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