Penis eating cow

This is gonna be a quickie as i’m being pushed out the door mid-type. I’m late for something, but i’m not quite sure what?? Anyway, fuck it… I can’t even remember what i was gonna naggle on about now!? lol… Oh! i just got off the phone to a friend i’ll call him, ‘ shouldn’t mix orange with pink, if you’re straight,’ anyhow, he’s an actor, and i know a bunch of actors from all levels of the lofty ladder of success. There’s the ones in the middle, that have done a ‘Prison break’  or one movie. Or ones just under, with a ‘CSI, recurring or maybe a ‘Day of our Lives.’ Then there’s ones who are Extras on car commercials, and finally one’s who are $10 million a movie. (I shag the $10 million a movie ones…it aids my self esteem.) Anyway, this one, is one that has yet to do the ‘car commercial,’ yet on his way to big things!! I never really understood why he never booked any jobs, when the rest of us kind of found our way?? It sounds so boastful, but i want you to understand that ALL the major tv shows you what out here, that have yanks in them, are basically the shows that we all audition for and on a daily basis. My first ever audition going from Yorkshire when i was 21, was ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer,’.. so i want you to get that it’s normal. Anyhows, this matey of mine, who’s ‘struggling for his five minutes,’ is always really boring, and going on about ‘ his ‘craft.’ It’s the ‘art’ that matters, kinda blokey, and drivels on about it at dinner parties, and nightclubs. He’s been to every acting school possible, and is always going on about how rubbish Hollywood is, as the people there are so undeserving and the town obviously has it in for him.. (i roll my slanted eyes.) I’ve always believed that you can stick acting school up your arse, (and i’ve been) as it’s always the ones that don’t go that are any good! You can either do it, or you can’t? And for sure, you can get better, with a quick Martini or a refresher course for fun, but bottom line, no schooling to TELL you HOW to ACT the RIGHT way, is needed. (Unless you’re really crap, but honestly if babies and  4 year olds can do it…you don’t need drama school.) Drama school always becomes some back bone for the people that didn’t make it…y’know…’ Yes, but i studied at Strasburg!!’ (Yes, but you work at the Cheesecake factory!!!) The only way to learn is to be out there in the BIG world, learn, look, listen, and get on that audition cycle. It’s piss easy! Well, ‘Shouldn’t mix orange with pink, if you’re straight,’ basically has just got out of acting club (snooze) and is honing his ‘craft’ sooo incredibly much ( the only person i know to have turned acting into the hardest chore ever,) to one day reach fame and fortune, only for me to mention that whilst he was deeply commited to ‘honing,’ he completely missed a MAJOR auditon for a MAJOR big time, out next year MOVIE, that we’re casting particular unknowns, alongside a proper big star, and you needed to be… pretty much everything he is AND i knew the Director. He froze me out, then listenned to his 4 unheard phone messages. Three of the four, from his baby agent stating that casting wants to read him for the role of ‘blah, blah, can’t remember?’ My dearest darling, had basically spent so much time blabbing on, and ‘honing’ his craft that he completely MISSED his last minute audition. I, being the Whore that i am, couldn’t help but find this hysterically uproarious, and (even though i did try and do the ‘aww…never mind something else will come up…like a car commercial,’) i basically couldn’t hold myself in, and laughed soooo hard, that it brought me to tears! He went through a moment of ‘unable to talkness.’ Then decided to call me a ‘ Penis eating cow!!’ (of all the things to say in you’re moment of ‘unable to talkness??’) He hung up…

Moral of this story…less ‘honing’ and more ‘boning.’

1 thought on “Penis eating cow”

  1. ray winsone grew up in the east end used ot box was pals with the krays and big joey pyle look at him he is mustard. danny dyer is the guvna of an actor as is tamer hussain. and of course al pacino and rober di nero and eddie murphy the rest aint fuck all in my opinon any way apart from the geezer who played jake de muss quality charecter. u should laught the geezer sound like a boring cunt and is up his own arse


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