Miss Kitty is BACK

I’m back dolls! How are you?? Oh my god. Sorry for my quick shimmie left with a wink exit….I’ve been in London. So, there hasn’t been a blog because I’ve been busy, I’ve been away, I was filming a little something and when I returned to that good old northern soil, I was blissfully shattered. I’ve had a lay in for 3 days straight and it’s amazing. Never happens. I have no hard work until the 21st, so right now i’m on a sassy recoup and boy do i fucking need it. Lol.

Right, obviously, I can’t tell you anything about my dandy little filming trip, yet you will get to see it…and all i can say about it was that as soon as my little kitten feet landed in The Capital, life turned to glitzy roses and *whoosh* it was a magical swirl of absolute glorious good times, dazzled in madness, shimmied in laughter. In that moment I felt really lucky to have such an ace life and to just be surrounded by really wonderful ‘like minded humans. I loved it. It was actually so great that it was almost surreal…like it was just a dream and never actually happened. I keep flash backing it to relive it in my head. Yes, I may have got carried away, but that’s what i do innit? Lol. I’ve actually written the blog on my time in London…as I you always have to write things in the moment, to keep it live enough for you to touch and live with me. But again, that wont get posted, until it’s meant to.

People always say that I’ve done so much in my life…that I’ve lived..and done it with bells on. But you’ve done it with me. You’ve gone through my awful ups and downs and cheered me on, even when i didn’t deserve it. Haha. So yeah, I guess i’ve done ‘so much,’ however, really i’ve just strutted around in heels and big hair and watched MUCH kinda DO ME. I don’t know how i’ve managed to survive it. But I have. I am. And i’m still bloody smiling.

Okay, but away from the jazzle. I got back to Yorkshire, messaged a guy on the train ride home, didn’t even get undressed and passed out, fast asleep in my bed blissfully…after pouring a wine that i thought i needed. Napped. Got up. Still felt shitty, but got on with life…I’m not a sulker am I? I mean fuck it, I even managed to snapchat my nap, with fabulous hair, so I couldn’t have felt that dodgy.

The rest of the few days as just been chills. I love recouping. It is bliss. I zoomed over to my chick friend ‘Firmonnells’ BBQ and kicked it family style over Doncaster spicy chicken with Big D and Little T and her babies. We drank Desperados and gossiped about my London time, as I gave Little T a ‘dreams come true’ talk, they listened to my love life banter and then we made fun of people who ‘aren’t in the game.’

‘You can’t call me Suzy Wu, if you’re not in the fucking game dude!!’

I kinda got home late via taxi and after a series of the traditional Wunna Snapchat selfies (Add me Chrissiewunna1) and with blips of chitter chatter, I got home and send a ‘needy’ message. Hmm….?

After a bit of arseiness, everything was dandy. The key to everything is to not be tired and text. Not be emotional and text. Not be both. Or hungover. Or just come back from filming a show and text. Just sleep on it….The quicker you bounce back from anything, the better the human you are. Almost makes you invincible. I don’t waste my time on being a pansy. I’m not some that can be arsed with holding anything let alone a grudge. Yet the main thing is…i just understand people…

Anyway, I’ve been chilling with Ruby and Junior and delighting in being Mum. Were trying to name a kitten. I’m resting up. I have big shoots, a book to write and fun brands to work with…so I’ve kinda got to get my head back to normal and smash it all with titty jiggles.

I started off my day by watching the ‘BEST OF JACKASS.’ (Which I love.) It’s weird because i’m such a girl and such a glamour puss. I love love and hair and heels. I radiate femininity like it’s a fragrance that woos the nation..but I have such an inappropriate sense of humour. I have a boy ‘locker room’ sense of fun, which is devastating. Haha. It’s a twisted sense of rubbish ‘pranky’ awkward humour that runs through my system and I love it. I mean, GOD, I love a bit of ‘Real Housewives…’ yet can’t wait to watch the BOXING. I don’t even know why? It must mean i’m greatness…

Anyway, this blog was just a catch up. so you have my apologies for it’s shitness. I just needed to get back on that horse. I’m on chills and picture taking for the rest of the week. But at least I managed to write the blog, I kept glaring at my pink laptop like it had the lergy. I couldn’t bring myself around to do it.

But it’s done…stay tuned…i’m on FIRE. I actually have a really rest of the year…I feel lucky.

 

 

 

When Fishermens Friends Get Sexy?

David: ‘But have you had anyone ever go down on you with a Fisherman’s Friend in their mouth?’

We all just paused and looked at him with dolly shocked faces! One minute we were talking about girl shit and diets and the next minute our guy friend, who my chick friends and I refer to as our ‘Man bitch’ (he loves it, don’t worry,) flies out with a ‘whoop..dee.’

Me: ‘Eww no. Lol.’

David: ‘It’s meant to feel really good. Make it tingle. I’ve done it on a girl but with a Halls Soother.’

Mel: ‘That sounds like it would hurt.’

Fairytale Blond: ‘What if it got stuck in?’

Double B: ‘HAHAHAHA.’

I feel sorry for whoever his Hall Soother victim was. You poor girl. This goes to show how selfish boys can be. Lol. He would have healed his own sore throat and in the meantime given her a sore…£$&$£* (I’ll let you be creative here and fill in the blanks.) Try it! Blame him if it goes wrong.

Fairytale: ‘Hey up! We’ve actually got some Fisherman’s Friends in the drawer. Lol. Take some with you David!’

But anyway, away from all that. I’ve had a great week, but a dramatic week and mainly because I’ve been flirting with my hormones, ( love being a girl.) A lot of snazzy little changes and unforeseen developments have occurred in Wunna land. Great changes, nothing crazy or evil. Yet, they kinda got ‘paint balled’ at me from a good shot, from the skies and being a girl who wears her heart on her sleeve, let’s just say… it’s been an ‘adventure.’ (I’ve got on with it boldy with a kitten stride of DIVA and a wiggly giggle…But it feels really good that all has settled now. I’m happy as can be and i’m smiling with excitement, whilst doing *can can* high kicks to Little Mix tracks.

Now, I’m good with changes, I meander them well and glamourously…with sex appeal. YET, this week, i’ve been in a swirl of magical emotion, that has made my little heart beam. It followed up with a SHOCK…and the reason i didn’t blog during that time was because I now refuse to write a blog until I have a clear head. Lol. Whereas before, I’d GO FOR IT REGARDLESS. I’d be brimming over with passion and i’d let that boat sail! But now, I’m officially a grown up now, a hot one. Lol. I’m officially making awesome decisions. Hot ones.

But I have a great support system, as I did need to have a big bestie VENT to ‘Firmonnell,’ because I knew that she was the chick friend who could balance me out and make me see things through rational, positive wine sips. And she did! I don’t know how she does it! Thank GOD for her and her Slimming World Self.

My Baby Cousin Natalia came up from London to spend her birthday with me and the family, armed with her boyfriend Matt. Such a great couple, such great times dining out…such wonderful awkward moments where ruby took it upon herself to force marriage upon them.

Ruby: ‘So, why are you two not married yet?’

Natalia: ‘He has to buy me a BIG sparkly RING before that happens Ruby.’

We’ve eaten everywhere. We’ve hit up some great spots. The service everywhere has been fantastic and I loved snuggling back up into my Flamingo sheets, after mojitos and messaging ‘nighty nights’ to a pretty amazing human. There might have been a selfie too. 😉

Shit, I  was going to tell you something about ‘Double B,’ but I can’t remember what the hell it was now? FUCK!

It’ll come to me? She’s all glam squad right now. All blond extensions and lip pumps. I’m loving it, because I am a chica who adores a bit of the same. I LOVE GLAMOUROUSITY. Yet, being Northern, we’re ace with it, as we don’t have rubbish sense of humours. I am the kitty queen of good times and banter winks. People think i’ll be all high maintenance and sassy…and I can be…LOL…yet most of the time i’m chilled…however, dazzled in fun.

‘Double B’ will just come out with THE MOST RANDOM bits of aceness…

‘Honestly, Chrissie. When does that point come when people just get fucking old and decide to go nuts. Literally, when is that point when they turn into a granny and just say… HEY…i’m going to be a bit mental now???’

Anyway, i’ve got to go. I’m in Doncaster all day today. I’m also popping into Malmaison Leeds later, for a business chatter. I love a hotel blog. I also adore their ‘Rock n Roll Suite.

I have a lot of exciting work stuff happening. I’ve been shooting…as in photo shooting. I’ve been auditioning and I’ve filmed a bit. I’ve promised myself that every day this week I AM GOING TO WRITE A BLOG.

Hope you have an amazing weekend!

Hope you stay away from Fishermen’s Friends.

 

 

 

 

 

Banter, Geordies & Life Skills

I’ve had a snotty nose all day and nothing is more unattractive on adults than a snotty nose right? It’s ran all day and i’ve had to have tissues at the ready to hold onto some form, any form of glamour pussiness. I don’t like runny noses…they’re not very Gucci. 🙂

I’m still working hard and i’m sorry that I haven’t managed to blog as much as usual. Yet when there’s a lifestyle blog, there’s a life…and sometimes you’ve just got to live it. I’m a writer and I love it more than anything. I’m creative. But when I have a snotty nose…shit goes down. I was sassy. It put me in a mood and mainly because it kept rubbing off my foundation…

‘I’ve forgotten my bronzer brush and I keep blowing my nose! I can’t have an exotic face and a white persons nose.’

I did lunch with ‘Hustle Barbie’ today as we looked over the town from a giant glass window with a salad. During that time, after she had bought herself an emergency dress for the York races, she was so happy that she contemplated throwing herself off a giant building. Lol.

‘This isn’t life. It’s shit. I’m sat here with you, doing lunch. I’m looking out the window and nothing out the window that we can see is beautiful or exciting. LOOK! It’s all shit! I mean God, you’re losing your touch! You don’t even get those creepy videos from that creepy guy with the tiny penis anymore! I feel like I should just throw myself off that tower…Hahaha.

However, because she’s so hot, if she did, some kind of weird Prosecco angels would fly by gracefully and cradle her fall, whilst turning it into some beautiful soft landing, that ended in rose petaled bedding.When you’re hot that happens. It does. Even in an bouji invisible brace.

Right now, I’m all about living life and loving it. I’m sick of people spending time on the things they don’t love. You should all be working jobs that you were made for and adore. I’m also sick of folk refusing to express how they feel about the things or people they do love. There’s nothing wrong with that, so be terrified of it. If I care about someone, regardless as to how they may feel about me, I make sure I tell them that I care about them almost every day. You’re a long time dead and anything can happen. So…it makes me feel good to let the people I appreciate know that I do. You should do that to. It’s good for the soul…like rum.

A thing that’s made me smile today..is my chick bestie ‘Firmonnell.’ She’s travelled to London with her hubby ‘Big D’ today and they’re celebrating their Anniversary. She’s 30 now…or thirty something i can’t remember? They’ve been together since she was 19! I know!!! And to this day, after all that time, they’re still happily married, now with two babies, love, a to die for friendship and they still even have sex regularly! It’s a dream! Big D ‘gushed’ about how wonderful she was today and that made me beam. I love it when guys can openly declare how wonderful their wife is! It’s so sexy!

Y’know, it’s weird as Firmonnell and I have the exact same sense of evil humour. We are absolute BANTER! However, we’ve walked such different lives. And in a way, even though i’ve done the whole everything I ‘Hollywood’ wished for in work and ‘modelled’ my way through life with telly stints, glamour ‘do daa’s’, celebrity this and and excitement…part of me wishes that at the same time, I managed to hold onto to love. I’m thirty six and haven’t managed to stay in love since being 19. I’ve been married three times. (Firmonnell liked my first husband and decided to LAUGH AT ME for the divorce because I was foolish. Hahah! What a cow! Lol.)

LET ME TELL YOU.

Don’t fret, if you’re in my glitzy position. Lol

Love comes to people at different times and i’m not talking the average kind of love. I’m talking that LOVE that people have written about over centuries. That true love that whisks you off your feet. That guy who is your ‘hero.’ That girl who makes you feel like the greatest man alive. It comes to you when it’s meant to. So for Firmonnell she was lucky because when she turned 19, he found her, he loved her and they did ‘happily ever after.’

My life’s been a bit different and mainly because of my choice in career, i’d say. Then my stint in Hollywood. Then my telly bits….It kinda made finding true love, somewhat more difficult. Not just because people saw me differently. Yet because my view or standards on what I wished for in a dream man were also raised. Infact there were times in my 20’s when i didn’t even know what I wanted, or had too many options or just felt lost and instead committed to work. But not now. I know what I want. I may have got what I want.

But yes, how lucky is Firmonnell. I’d like to have an anniversary, where my hubby declares how wonderful I am. And at the same time, years down the line, she adores him just as madly. That’s sexy.

Not much else has happened today other than a surprise visit from one of my new Geordie mates ‘Potter.’ He made a random appearance in Wunna land. Infact, after Lunch with ‘Hustle Barbie’ I found myself walking out of one door and walking through to the other side where I was immersed in a group of Geordie boys, all banter, all fun, all down to earth, all in suits and all talking football….with chicken. I’m northern, so I love a Geordie. When I was a teen, an American boy or a Geordie boy was my favourite type of crush. We all chatted shit for a good fifteen minutes in the name of banter. What i noticed about the boys is that they’re scrappy, but they’re loyal. They are passionate about the things that they care about. Banter was fun. They got a bit heated.

I’m Yorkshire and we’re chilled…we live our life by the leave it and ‘It’ll be right‘ phrase. We don’t really get too bothered about things, we just have cups of tea or 40 wines, whilst letting the world take a turn or having a ‘sleep on it.’

Saying that, i do know some properly mental Yorkshire folk who need therapy, so I take that back. I’M JUST CHILLED. I swear it’s the rest of you lot that are loopy! 😉 I’m perfect.

Right, i’m going now. I an hear singing in the house and I don’t know who or where it’s coming from which is alarming?

Love you,

Thank you for reading my blog.

Chrissie

 

 

 

All Hot. All Bothered…..

Image may contain: one or more people, sunglasses and close-up

I am BOILING! It is RED SEXY HOT and we can’t even handle it. We moan when it’s freezing. We moan when it’s roasting. So I guess, we as jolly little humans, like with everything that we fancy, prefer it when things are just ‘alright,’ as anything too extreme gets to us. Lol. It must! 🙂

Now, I like it hot. I’m exotic. I’ll always prefer to be warm than cold. I have the ‘Burmese’ running through my veins with a dash of the West Hollywood sun tan. I can take a whole lot of sunshine and wink at it for more.

I’m in Yorkshire. (Which is where I was born and raised until I was around 19) and even I can’t take the heat right now….I’m a glamour puss. I glow. I don’t sweat. And I KNOW something must not be quite right, as I am certainly looking for a breeze! I can’t find one anywhere. I might melt into toffee at this rate. AND I WORE A DRESS THAT SQUASHED MY BOOBS IN ALL DAY. In heat…you need free fun boobies.

Nothing has really happened if i’m honest. I have a chilled out June and a busy July. ‘Firmonnell’ was naughty. I got done for swearing. Mel committed tot he executive decision of being hormonal and ‘Fairytale’ blond got her leg out. ‘Double B’ also decided to dress like she was going to a FUNERAL in the middle of our heatwave.

‘What you never know when you might need to pop over to one? I’m dressed and ready.’ 

Other than that, I literally have nothing else to report because i’m far too hot and bothered. I’m sat on my bed NAKED, with my boobies chilling out, my hair tied up on a scruffy ‘up do,’ with every window in the entire home open and no breeze in sight. I even have someone coming to read my tarot cards in a second. She better come with Pina Coladas or ice packs.

Everything’s going well. Life is pretty good. I’m just sweaty. 🙂

I will tell you that I AM SWIRLING.  Oh, LORD I am in a mad, mad, crazy swirl. A perfect swirl of utter deliciousness. I can’t even believe how lucky I am. I feel like a little girl, but one that finally grew up and after a ton of really rubbish times where Cupid had super shit aim….he finally cut me some slack, felt bad for me and pulled his diaper together. I don’t think I will ever, in my life, be this lucky again. That’s how great I feel. And it’s okay to tell everyone that you feel that way. I mean fuck it, right now, i’m telling the world…because it shows people that you aren’t afraid to be you, that you aren’t afraid to be human and that you bloody do care! Nothing is lovelier than that. I watch so many people be terrified to say how they feel about things…and it makes me CRINGE. That is not the way to live life, i’m sure. It’s certainly not the way to BE YOU or to embrace the things that you love. Go with it! YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE. No matter what.

I’m an expressive girl. I’m an open girl, but I’m a picky girl. But you’re a long time dead, so you need to enjoy everything that makes you beam, without fear. I’m all for that. And if you just keeps things simple, it’s amazing how far you can get.

I’m off now, I’m too hot and bothered to write. Plus, if i don’t wear a bra, i’m scared my boobies will go dangly. I’m definitely sure I can’t rock the ‘spaniel ear’ look.

Love you,

Chrissie

 

 

Just because i’m chilling…..

This weekend is utter BLISS! I am on ‘CHILLS! And after what has felt like such a busy time…nothing has felt more DIVINE that this entire weekend of just doing NOTHING AT ALL.

BLISS!

I shocked myself up at six o clock on Friday morning. Literally jumped upright, with my kitty sheets wrapped around me because for some reason I thought I was late for work! That moment when I suddenly realised that I had nothing on, nothing scheduled, no work, no train to catch, no meeting to get to, no quick change and drive off, no city to romance, no worries, no stress….It was the most liberating feeling I had ever had!

I felt FREEEEEEEEE! An entire uplifting whoosh of glee glistened from the tip of my usually stilettoed toes…all the way up through my system and just beamed out of me like magic.

It’s THAT feeling that we all try to capture in life. It’ll spring up upon us, in glorious little ‘flitters‘ and those little ‘flitters’ be it in work OR love, we treasure so preciously, as they don’t jiggle are way as often as we’d like. But do know that these ‘flitters’ are special (I know they are) because no matter how busy, stressed, or how much of a bad time you’ve think you’ve had…hours, days, weeks, months of it….It only takes one tiny moment of a ‘flitter’ (you’ve snagged your dream job, you’re getting the rest that you needed, you got that ‘good news’ phone call, the girl or guy that you love, has told you that they love you back) to make you utterly BEAM and it’s when we BEAM when we are at our most POWERFUL. And that is the moment when we can conquer the entire world.

I’ve chilled. I’m still chilling. I’ve done schools runs. I’ve enjoyed quiet prosecco pours.I’ve had time with the babies..Junior did his first school ‘Taster Day’…Ruby and I have laid together in fields and talked life..

‘But what do I do when i’m older mum..like for a job?’

‘You do what you love…I’ve worked really hard and i’m working really hard, so you can actually do what you LOVE.’

‘Be a sexy lady like you?’

‘No.’

‘I’ll just sell ice creams then.’

‘Okay, good call.’

Then we just carried on doing life, as we laid back on the grassy field, in the middle of nowhere, one light evening and watched the clouds morph into… well she kept saying ‘witch’ but it definitely looked like a penis.

Yesterday evening, I messaged ‘Firmonnell.’ I always message ‘Firmonnel.’ She one of my closest chick besties and we can’t stop being absolute wankers to each other, because we find our banter far too funny. I keep signing her up to Wunna Land future jobs, because she’s just too good at listening to me spew out glittery all sorts and then organizing it all. I’m good at organizing OTHER PEOPLE. But i’m shit at organizing myself. I hate the ‘little bits.’ I just like it done for me. Lol. I tell ‘Firmonnell’ all my secrets and then help her out by not coming to her rescue and telling her that ‘I’d rather die or stroke dogs for 94 hours’ than ACTUALLY help her. 🙂  (I’m not good around dogs. I don’t dislike them. I just….dislike them lol…They seem so needy and I always have to pretend I really like them when they’re near me. Lol. I’m a kitten kinda girl. So yeah, dogs and farmyard animals…are not my favourite. I like humans.)

Anyway, i’m pampering, I’ve tanned, i’ve booked a massage, I’m being mum, I’ve sent great messages, to a great guy 🙂 …..It’s weird how a great guy can just pop up out of nowhere and without you even knowing *BOOM* you’re hooked…Other than that, i’m honestly really just chilling.

I have a really exciting JULY. I’m working with some great brands, doing some wonderful things. I’ll be travelling a lot and enjoying many a cocktail with you. The blog will become alive in July… that is why this chill weekend is so important.

Some of the stuff I have coming up…I’ll be at the British Style Collective. I have a press pass to the event and I’ll be situated at the Lambrini Bubbles bar having visits from famous faces, normal happy faces, all faces…and YOU! I have access all areas and whoever I meet will end up on this blog! So come have a ‘Brini’ with me.  I’ll be telling to the shows gossip via all my social platforms.

I’m filming….I Have a really great shoot. I meet Jack Parsons again on the 4th. I am booked out on the 2nd for a Podcast interview for a show in Chicago. There is a swirl of amazing new cocktail bars, that I have been booked out to visit. I’ll be headed to every GINO’s VIP launch night, as he opens each of his own restaurants. I’m also writing a book. Well putting one together, as it’s already written.

In August I’ll be flying away for a few days. And I will also be visiting some of your favourite football clubs and meeting a few of your favoruite footy stars…where they will be forced into playing a cheeky ‘Wunna Land’ game for all of you to view online. 🙂 Do know that the games are called ‘Cougar Rollie Pollies/ Spit or Swallow & The Referee’s a Wanker.’ I’m sure they’re very excited. NOT! Lol

The diet’s going averagely well. I started out great and well now i just keep eating all sorts. Lol. Same with the rest of the girls. They ALL snapchatted me the pizza that they were having for tea. Curves are in! Fuck it. We’re hot. We’re not slaves to a diet regime. (Code for ‘We’re weak.’) But whatever, I look alright for a thirty six year old, mum of two. I’m like an ageing Pussycat Doll. What could be better than that! I should get trophies are not being an alcoholic. Wait? I’m deciding if I am one or not? (I’ve decided ‘no’ because it’s not my fault if part of my blogging JOB is to have fun at cocktail bars. It’s work. 🙂 It’s hard work. 🙂 )

I’m odd to enjoy the sunshine!

Kisses,

Chrissie xx

(Photo by Chris Stevenson)

 

 

 

 

Life, Corners & The Shizzles

So, i walked part the way home with Mel last night, as the work day had come to a ‘time out,’ before she strutted off to the right, in her red coat and heels and I tottered over to the left to be driven through West Yorkshire fields by a driver with scars on his neck. Drivers like to tell me everything. I once had one pull up for ages, at six o clock in the morning, as I was waiting for Take Me Out Nick to hurry up of of his house for a meeting. He told me his entire life story and how his love life was awful because his girlfriend had run off with another man…who was..

…’obviously a druggie because he had no teeth. CHRISSIE! He had no teeth! I let this guy into my own house because I trusted them both!’

I love it when people open up to me about their own life stories because at the end of the day, that’s all we have. Pay attention to what makes you happy and GO FOR IT. Live it. Love it. Make your story worth a read!

I love my Thursday night chatters with Mel, as I’ll work later and listen to her magical updates of her ‘swirl.’ Remember that Mel (who is in her 40’s…She’s  hot, sassy 40 something though) was single for 3 years. THREE WHOLE YEARS. She got on with it, adapted, was happy, yet was edged over in cynicism and mild grumpiness. But she had thought that that was it…That she would probably never find her real ‘swirl.’ YET, Cupid cut her some fucking slack and OUT of nowhere *BOOM* out pops ‘Her Gary’ with tulips and carpets in his hands, telling her that he loves her, wants her and commits to her fully…which turned her world around.

‘Honestly, Chrissie! I never ever thought this would happen to me. I can’t believe it. I can’t believe how happy I feel.’

‘It’s the beam in your eye Mel. Look at you. You’re like a little girl again. I love it. You’re smiling. More than anything it gives me hope…It CAN happen because I’ve watched it with my OWN kitten eyes! 🙂 ‘

So, for those of you who are looking for love, or hoping to find that REAL LOVE. The kinda love that you haven’t just settled for. The love that sends you into a crazy swirl. That Bestfriendy, Sexy, Romantic ‘sweep you off your feet’ magic of an ‘ooh laa.’ That soul mate kind of love that lasts an entire lifetime…and not just a few calendar months or a season. KNOW, that no matter what situation you’re in, right around the corner something magical could stop you in your tracks and send your glittery heart a flutter.

I’m currently feeling a ‘swirl,’ so I’m not really scratching at my head, swearing at Cupid. Yet, throughout my life i’ve wandered around many a corner. Good ones, bad ones and ones that stink of regret. Hahaha! However this corner…that i decided to wander around is…for the first time…in a long time….worth it. This guy has got me BEAMING. An yeah, there are times when ‘swirls’ make you feel all terrified…They do me. I don’t at all mean that preachy. I’m speaking from absolute experience. I get terrified sometimes and i’m ballsy. Yet, that’s not how to live your life the best way you can. Say YES to more things that make you happy, boldly. Embrace the and enjoy them…and have faith that Cupid really isn’t that much of a dick afterall.

But let me rewind…

Not much banter happened all day with my girls. We all got on with life and business…

Double B: ‘What do you fucking me you have no blog fodder. YOU’VE SPENT THE ENTIRE DAY WITH ME!!’

Double B is a sassy, funny, somewhat zany ‘for a bit of look at me’ intelligent, DITZ. What I love about Double B is the fact that yeah she’ll go out of her way to dramatically make people laugh out loud…yet even when she’s going through really stressful times…she’ll express it openly without fear, yet always at the same time make everyone around her smile. She goes out of her way to do that. When people do that…it means big, not so lovely things have happened to them in their lives, that they understand the worth of happiness and making others feel happy.

Anyway, that was a bit full on. We did lunch together. I bought a sandwhich, she had made herself pasta with pine nuts. I know. She’s only 21. I’m watching her grow up before my very eyes. And we chatted shit, as we looked over the town through a giant glass window, at a shabby chic baby blue table, and thought about the future, money and where we’d be at.

Then we took it upon ourselves to go downstairs with cups of tea..

‘Get that door for me Wunna..’

..and make fun of the new addition into our world…again another guy…who HE HIMSELF has been named ‘DIPPER.’

Now ‘Dipper’ dips things. He’ll ‘dip’ anything. He’ll dip her, him, you and whatever we tell him to ‘dip.’ He love’s ‘dipping.’ Dipping is his world. I even ordered cards to prove that he ‘dips’ the region with a smile. We all don’t know ‘Dipper’ too well yet…so stay tuned. But it seems that this character is going to be an interesting find, as he replaces The King Of The North.

Me: ‘HAHAHAH. I CAN’T STOP SAYING DIPPER.’

Anyway, i’ve got to go and get ready for work. The best thing about yesterday morning, was the fact that I had to explain, during a somewhat executive meeting why i had decided to call ‘Lady Shizzle’…well ‘Lady Shizzle’ in the blog. Lol. Lady Shizzle is funny..She’s sweet natured and all for hard work, but a good time. She turned fifty years old in January and loves a good old Wunna Blog read…I didn’t even know what to say…so I just said this..

‘When someone is THE SHIT, it’s good. Kinda like the DOGS BOLLOCKS. A hip hop term for THE SHIT..is THE SHIZZLE…Lol. Which means you’re ACE. The LADY part comes from you being the LADYSHIP!’

What? Lol. What is my life!

Her reply…

‘I love that you said you can’t marry a man without a good penis..’

🙂

 

Pooey Pants, Christmas & Whole Hearts

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The other day, I watched a really drunk man wee and poo himself in public, at six o clock in the evening outside Action Cars, which is a Taxi company, in Pontefract. He slurred on into the taxi joint, covered in poo, with wee stained dark green cord trousers and asked for a cab. It was kinda like watching the ‘old drunk man’ version of the Nativity, being played out before my very kitten eyes. There was certainly no room at the Inn…

‘No one wants to take you mate, cos you’ve pissed yourself.’

That is literally all he got as response. Helllooo Yorkshire! I certainly wasn’t in LA anymore.

So even though his situation was sad, it kinda made me feel better about my own life! Lol. Evil, I know! But it’s true, you need moments like that to give you perspective over your own shit. (Literally. 🙂 ) I might have had a hard day at work, dashed in minor stress, but it didn’t end in me weeing ‘my frillies’ on a public road, between a taxi joint and a fried chicken shop. Haha. Life wasn’t that bad.

Moving on! IT’S DECEMBER! WE’VE MADE IT! IT’S OFFICIALLY CHRISTMAS! You all should be embracing it now. I mean, God, today I heard a middle aged dude MOAN because ‘it just wasn’t Christmas yet’ and it made me roll my eyes. Let’s not be Scroogey dickheads of negativity. I’m a Christmas Baby. I have a birthday IN NINETEEN DAYS. (Helping you remember. *Wink.*)  IT’S DECEMBER THE FIRST. There’s nowhere else to go on this, but with ‘it’s Christmas.’ So cheer up, pour a mulled wine, start buying your gifts and whop the Christmas CD. Why do people’s always have to fight the feeling? Miserable sods. I swear they’re people who just don’t get enough ‘nookie.’

Whatelse? I’ve been working a lot….steadily. The pace hasn’t been ‘race car.’ Everything felt ‘samey’ and my mind got a bit lazy I had to crank it up a notch to feel alive again and like the brain cells were being exercised…. and with help, it worked. I’m just a person that loves to be busy, it makes me feel as though i’m putting myself to use. I’m always one to work hard, i’m not slow nor am I a doss pot and at the same time, i’m one to be out and about with my friends, a date, or the babies. I’m not a sitter arounder…and someone who likes to be doing things. Yet not because I get bored. I love everything that I do and have. I just like to feel like i’m experiencing, living and like i said before, putting myself to use. It makes me as a human feel of worth.

My love life? I guess, if i was being honest, i’d tell you that there are great guys, telling me great things about myself and potentially seeking a date? Yet i’ve just been so busy doing life and enjoying it that i’m kinda not even looking that hard for love right now. I’m enjoying work, friends, colleagues and family. I feel fulfilled and whole. It’s almost as if feel as like I don’t even need a man right now? Which is odd, as i’m a love bunny. So i either feel whole, like i could have a guy if i wanted, safe, or like i have a plan? Who knows? Away from the romantic side of it all, I have some really great guy friends and I also have Keiran and Pete (my Baby Daddies.) So i have all the corners sorted really. I actually never feel that alone. I’m happy. So when my Prince rocks ups…i’ll wink and we’ll all live happily ever after.

I’m just one to let life take it’s natural course in love now, as GOD i’m tired of trying so hard all the time and getting zero ‘tryers back’ in return. Chicks should never have to do the leg work. When we do….we respect a dude less. We all want a ‘man.’ All girls want to be swept off our feet.

I’ve got lots going on. I’m at The Clothes Show live tomorrow, so i will be travelling to Birmingham in the morning. I’ll blog all about it when i wake up. I have a gin and tonic here, right now, so it’s probably not the best time for me to promo. 🙂 I have every Monday and Friday off work in December, i’ve never really done that ever before. Well not in YEARS. So I’m kinda really excited.

I’ve started to buy my Christmas presents. I love buying gifts. Yet i can’t stop, which is the issue. Lol. At Christmas time, money just falls through my fingers. That’s why i always have to work hard and make money, as i’d die if i couldn’t just walk into a store one day and buy my babies, myself or anyone i cared about something that they wanted or even worse needed or deserved. Buying gifts has made me smile. You can tell when someone’s loving because they have a glow around them when they’ve done something thoughtful and all my gifts are thoughtful as they come from my cold, evil, heart. 🙂

It’s hard to work during the Winter, when it’s old, innit? It’s making me miss LA and my besties out there. We’re all really close even to this day and we all met at Crunch Gym, working little part time jobs to make a buck, as we tried to be models and actors in a town named Hollywood. We used to scan Nicole Scherzinger in before she was a Pussycat Doll and Perez Hilton before the blog. It was so much fun. It was the best job i ever had. All i had to do was scan people in and hand them a towel. I even asked Joseph Fiennes to marry me at Crunch. Lol. SO MUCH FUN. Miss it. Not the wage. Just the experience of it all. 🙂 

Junior’s at Keiran’s tonight and i’m really proud of how close they’ve become. Junior’s a straight up ‘Mummy’s Boy’ so it’s nice to see him and his Dad loving and learning from one another. Even though i miss him. *Sad face.* Ruby is writing Christmas cards and asking me how to spell everything for her. She loves a creative mission does Ruby, so she’s rushing around like she’s some kind of Executive Christmas Card writer, with a Kardashian work schedule to conquer.

I thought i was going to be all mad and fun for Christmas, but i’m kinda enjoying just working, chilling and winding down. Lol. It must be my age. Hahaha. Fucks sake. Don’t get me wrong, i’ll have a cocktail any time. But I think i’ve worked pretty hard all year and i deserve a bit of a chill festival. I’m going on my events and working towards goals, yet at Christmas there’s nothing like warm alcoholic beverages, love and family.

I’m going to really enjoy it.

Best get some rest. I’m up for The Clothes Show in the morning.

Ps/ One of my old guy friends messaged me the other day saying how trustworthy I was and how much he respected me for it. It made me smile, as it made me feel warm. Then on the flip side ‘London Business Man’ messaged me to tell me about his ‘on and off’ romance with a girl. The thing about ‘on and off’ romances is that the story is interesting at first, yet if you are still moaning about it, yet continuing to throw yourself into it, then it all gets a bit boring. If you don’t like something, change it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Peacock dresses, fools and busy times

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So happy it’s the weekend! Had the busiest week. It was always Monday and seemed never ending. Lol. Really busy and you don’t really realize how ‘on the go’ you’ve been until it hit’s five thirty on a Friday afternoon and you throw on your coat and strut out the door…still with everything buzzing in your head and hit *pause.* Got home, poured a gin & tonic (hurrah) didn’t even know what to do with myself, *look puzzled here* ( got into comfies, danced with the babies and whilst reply messaging to friends that i hadn’t managed to keep up with, I must have become (and i’m using this as it was very well put by a being) ‘overwhelmed with chilledness’ that i fell asleep, in bed at 8pm…mid message, arm flung down, glitter wrapped phone (don’t glitter wrap your phone, it fucks it up,) dropped on the bedside floor. I think my body was just in shock that it didn’t have to get up for work in the morning and it finally embraced the ‘chill.’ TIKI BAR COCKTAILS FOR EVERYONE!

Hope you’re all okay! Happy October. I’m dress buying (online) for the Leeds Lifestyle Awards, that is on Wednesday. I Know, odd day to have it. But still fun. I have no time to work on my general Autumn wardrobe or my  kitty divine Winter ‘look.’ Lol. My obvious life essentials are being neglected. I’ve had a tough week. I don’t know why? It’s simply what The Gods ordered. I can handle it. 😉 There’s this Belly Button guy who keeps messaging, on repeat, daily and i find him really annoying, but surely because he should have better choices for fun? He wants to be on the blog..so there…now you are! GO AWAY! 🙂

Did you know it was was Nigerian Independence day today! Facebook told me, as I am to celebrate it with my New Nigerian friends and blog readers. Lol

Just adding my favourite Peacock dress here as an interval. You can go make a cup of tea at this point.

‘McC,’ and I paid off our ‘pimp’ debts, lol,  talked about bouji Advent Calendars and had prawn salads together, because we couldn’t find the ‘spud van.’ I can’t wait for Christmas. I want it to be my birthday. Everyone is rocking their new bouji cars. I now think Gin is more of a key positive than a sausage roll. I’ve had a being send me a photo of a chair that they built..not from scratch, but from the Devil’s land ‘Ikea.’ (I love Ikea, yet i due to my absolute lack of the required talent, patience or skills to be arsed to able to screw things together, from following an upside down plan, to me…it’s one for The Devil..or a fool. 🙂  He’s sweet though. He’s smashed a chair out in seconds.)

GOD! I saw a middle aged man get run over by a Fiat yesterday and because some teens on bikes wouldn’t move out of his way. Just like that! Boom. Down! Then he got up and called the Fiat a ‘cunt’ (Which reminds me, i’m loving filthysentiments.co.uk right now) and I had this weird flashback in this moment of a time I was at The Dorchester and Jackie Collins told me that I should be Fergie, after I was told to read part of my book out to her? Hahaha. (Why would that trigger that!)

Anyway, before i go and i’m gonna be writing TWO MORE BLOGS TODAY,WHILST I’M CHILLED, SO GET READY. Everything happens for a reason? And i like brave, attentive boys.

Simples. *Bye*

 

 

I DO Disney

 

‘Why would you find it weird that I might want to go to Disney land Paris? I’ve been to the Florida one millions of times…‘ said the beautiful little glamour puss to her delicious Gay Adam.

Well..it was just the thought of you in the Happiest Place of Earth. I just can’t imagine it!’ 🙂 

Hilarious!

My England gays always have this image of me that projects a ‘Diva-rish’ strut of sequins, vixen and scowl. I do DO, Disney. I’ve done it ALL MY LIFE. At one point, I knew the entire Orlando Disney World, as well as I knew Meadowhall and I know that place blindfolded…backwards… and with jumbo cherries on top.

It was only a passing thought, but for a moment I paused and figured Disney Land Paris, could be a Christmas vacation option…with me now being a Mummy. So, I immediately Tweeted my gayest Gay Adam for some big old advice and simply because he ventures there at least 40 times a year! How he doesn’t have Mickey Mouse ears sprouting from his genitals, I don’t know!?! I’m not kidding. He pretty much lives there, when he’s not living in Barclays bank. He’s told me so many stories about that place (Disney Land Paris, not Barclays, as I’d hate to get him fired) that I have now officially been creeped out. Yet, when I brought up Prince ‘bondage’ Charming (read ye olde blogs to remember him,) he simply assured me that all would certainly be well and that I should probably take a sword. 🙂

Firstly, how is everything ‘certainly well’ if I have to take a SWORD! Secondly, I must be THE ONLY person, in the entire world who has to TAKE A SWORD, to the french version, of the Happiest Place on Earth. However, I’m not confused. There’s going to be no ‘Je voudrais du ‘bondage’ fromage, I am Prince Charming & need you sexually’ near ME!! Well, not without me wafting some wibbly sword about in a panic, as I guard my children from his leather strapped, ‘Did I hell marry Cinderella’ ways. (I have no idea why my sword is ‘wibbly.’)  Saying that, here I am calling HIM a weirdo, when this morning, during the nursery run, I looked like a proper, hardcore odd ball myself. I couldn’t find a single space to park my car, so I had to drive around the block, about 40 times, at snail pace, which circled a Primary school, like a creepy old man, with 100 bags of sweets and a couple puppies in the back. I even had SClub7 playing for Ruby. I’m taking a sword. Whatever. Disney Land, Paris is already inappropriately creeping me out.

It’s like those crappy seaside ‘Haunted Houses’ that make you run through some run down dark box of a building, where actual human beings, with odd masks on, who try to firstly scare you, then attempt to FEEL YOU UP, in the dark occur. I actually feared for utter MY LIFE, the last time I ran through one. I PAID to get felt up, in the dark, by men in budget ‘scary’ masks and against my will. I mean, who has that as a DAY JOB! (‘See ya love, I’m off to be a weirdo at a haunted house now & feel up strangers, after a Zombie walk. Kiss the ids for me.’)

I looked at the man who took my money after my seaside, ‘Haunted House’ experience… (I had to walk all the way around the outside of the building to get to him, because the ‘Exit’ is always a down some dismal alley like road, that seems so far away from where you ‘Entered,’) and informed him that the next time I was ever foolish enough to dilly dally in such a location…I would totally take knives. You walk in a virgin and come out of that place a slag. 🙂

But yes. I do ‘Happiest Places on Earth.’ It’s only my UK gays that think I don’t. My LA gays, think i’m super ‘bimbo’ happy. I’m like Asian Barbie to them. Still sequins, light and strut…but with a bubbly, infectious, giggle of maybe what they saw as ‘man eater.’ 🙂 I never ate men. I used to ‘hobby’ boys in my 20’s simply because i needed love. At the time I thought I was having the best emotional time ever, when really I was simply getting over my first divorce and doing it via the fine art of partying. It’s never a good combination…a break up…and then a party recovery. Michael(my first hubby) never did that. Hence why he’s rich and famous now. He never went out, he never partied, he just worked, worked, rested and worked, stating that one day he would be where he wanted to be and could then have all the fun he wanted. It worked.

‘Successful people have successful habits.’ 

(OMG, I totally have the worst flu ever and i’ve taken an antibiotic and two Beechams powder capsules. I now feel all high and weird. Never good when in public and staring at a computer screen. I need bed, cuddles and that Santa onesize that I saw at a local outlet store.)

But yes, beside the point. I do Disney. 🙂 Ask one of LA bestie’s Ronnie Woo, who is now ‘The Delicious Cook.’ www.deliciouscook.com

He’s now a celebrity chef that cooks for the people of LA, on the telly. He used to drive to my condo in the morning and simply shout of of his car window, ‘GET UP. LETS DO DISNEY TODAY.’ When we got there, I was in the same outfit as a 5 year old girl…like literally. We were both short frilly skirted and polka dot head banded, in the exact same pink and white. 🙂

So there, I don’t just rock up the cobbled Yorkshire streets, in the cold and with nipple tassels on… scowling. I do happy, Disney stuff also. Plus, I was only ever scowling because I was COLD. I’m exotic. I need heat. In the cold, I just stand in one solid spot and freeze, until i’ve turned into an impressive, yet moody ice sculpture, where I’m picked up as one whole, giant object and plonked on someone’s buffet table at a wedding. 😉 My imagination is far too vivid. It’s the pills. Don’t get the flu folks. It sucks and forces you to indulge in gibberish.

Anyway, last night I happy hugged under a budget chandelier and in life when that opportunity occurs, you know you’re going to be okay.