A Little Bit Of Inspiration & Dudes

‘Did *what’s his face* message you?’

‘He doesn’t as much now. He DM’d me the other day, but it was mucky, so I ignored it.’

‘What about the Naughty Swede? Hahaha.’

‘Yeah. He sent me voice notes at the weekend and on Tuesday, saying he has time of work. Hopes to see me sometime. Hopes i’m well..’

‘What did you say?’

‘I just wished him well. What can I say??’

The Swede is always lovely when he voice notes. Yet, it’s strange how other guys can only seem brave enough to talk ‘sexy’ to me. I don’t know whether it’s because they just see me as ‘sex.’ (Which I don’t like. I’m a lot more than a pulsing vagina, whether they like it or not.)

I don’t know whether it’s because THEY THINK, that’s how I’d like a guy to be, after seeing a couple of big boobied pics? I don’t whether it’s because they feel more comfortable emotionally with that approach? I just don’t get it? I just don’t know?

But right now, it’s not a priority. So I don’t seem to care. I don’t have time to aimlessly amuse a guy and ‘tickle his fancy’ on lonely nights. I have better things to do.

In this phase of my life, I would only have time for a guy, who made an actual effort.

Everyone else gets chucked in ‘fuck it’ bucket. Cya!

Sacha Not Fierce: ‘You’re such a DIVA!! Haha.’

I had my opening conversation via Whatsapp on my phone, during a foggy school run, this morning. I was strutting through a playground, in glitter heels, my specs and with a bag of shin pads in my hand. Oh! And I also had a little half Asian Baby attached to my leg…Luckily it was mine, which kinda saved any awkward situations.

(I was once in Camden and someone else’s child had got lost and accidentally attached itself to my leopard print faux fur. I hadn’t even had Ruby yet, so I remember looking down in terror. Then I realized it was a small child. So I smiled and said, ‘Life isn’t going to be better with me, Lovely! Let’s find your Mum.’)

 Big Kisses! Big Kisses! See you at 3.30pm!!! At 3.30, it’s the weekend, Babies!!!

Junior: ‘I love you MUM.’

Ruby: ‘When i’m older, i’m gonna be rich, just so I can have assistants.’

I’ve got so much going on right now, that i’m kinda just focusing on ME!! It may seem like I do that quite a lot. However, I actually really don’t. I get distracted by things easily. I put other things first. I sometimes give ‘distractions’ unnecessary priority.

But, at the end of the day, I’m a boobied Glamour Puss, not a Sergeant Major. That’ll happen. Yet, it shouldn’t happen ALL the time. I was INCREDIBLY motivated when I was a 20 something. You could see a ‘fire’ in my little Asian eyes. Now you see a ‘giggle.’ But the ‘fire’ is coming back.

It needs to come back, pronto. I think i’ve left under a bed sheet somewhere?

Sasha Not Fierce: ‘I don’t think you get distracted. I think you get bored and when you’re bored, you *hobby* boys, things, drama….anything, just to occupy your brain.’

‘Well, i’m not bored right now, i’m busy….’

Sasha:  ‘EXACTLY!’ And that’s why your focus is on YOU, Sassy Pants.’

Me: ‘I think I need botox?’

Old School Friend & School Mum (As i’m running back to my car):

‘CHRISSIE WUNNA!! I was having my cuppa tea this morning and WHO popped onto my screen!?! I nearly I died! I choked on it! Haha. I couldn’t even believe it. I was like OH MY GOD!! It’s…’

Me: ‘Haha. I know. It’s shocked everyone. But yeah, it’s on Dec 3rd…’

‘Well, I’ll DEFINITELY be watching!!! Good luck! Haha.’

Monday, December 3rd, 10pm, Channel 4. ‘First Dates.’ Set ya tellies!

‘I’ve been thinking about ‘The Swirl’ aka ‘T Bone’ a lot. He’s in my head. But he’s in my head because I miss him and i’m inspired by him. I need inspiration right now. He’s someone that’s really GOOD at focusing on what matters to him and balancing it all appropriately.

He sees the big picture and gives everything his all.  Now, I look back. I get it…because i’ve kinda found myself in the exact same position as he was in. I hope I see him in the near future….But I kinda probably won’t.

I’m also inspired by Toby, we know I am. He’s a life soldier. He’s a fighter. He’ll smash the upcoming Winter Olympics and again he’s someone who seems to stay very focused, without letting the art of ‘tango’ or ‘distraction’ get the better of him.

I’m glad that I briefly crossed paths with him, because he reminded me to take life and opportunity into my own hands. Like I used to!

It must be one of the keys to success. Both guys are sportsmen though. Maybe they’re taught that mentality, every day…

You’re a product of your environment right?

Saying that, Mike wasn’t at all a sportsmen? My first husband. (My Little Mikey Ray.) I’d already  had a few  dreams come true, so I knew that anything could happen. MY parents taught me that anything could happen if I tried, because they made THEIR OWN dreams come true. Mum came over here with only £17 in her pocket and built an entire EMPIRE by herself…

As did my Father, who trundled to the UK with his fingers crossed. He ended up being a bone surgeon and building his surgeries, across the lands.

Mum: ‘Yeah, then we had you. We thought we had it all sorted and you turned around and said you wanted to be a MODEL!! Hahaha! I was like, GOD!! RAY! What are we gonna do?? We know nothing about entertainment!!!??!!!’

(But i’m sure that can’t be true because my dad ABSOLUTELY bought The Sun Newspapers ‘Page 3’ Calendar every year and put it up in the living room. Haha. It didn’t even bother my Mum because she’s cool. Maybe HE inspired me! Lol. )

Whilst he did that, my mum took me around to every single dance class, agent, performing arts school, competition, audition, acting class, ACROSS THE COUNTRY.

You name it…I was there, from being about 7 years old onwards…and this was at the same time as doing school. I went to a Private Boarding School. I had a wonderful time at school. But you kinda had to smash it academically and perform. It wasn’t like you could toss it off and play ‘absent.’ It was competitive. But I liked that, because there was still a warmth!

Plus, all the kids there WANTED to do well. There wasn’t a single pupil there would ever turn around and say, ‘I can’t be arsed to be here.’

We LOVED being at school. It was like a resort, a well protected bubble.

There was no ‘hanging out by the bike sheds, sipping cider.’ It was all. ‘Have you signed up to golf, or pony trekking? I’m bored, do you want a quick round of tennis before tea? ’ Lol.

I remember getting pulled out of class, during my G.C.S.E years, to go shoot a campaign, or audition for a pop band..(lol) Everywhere I went as a child, to compete during this time…Sheridan Smith (who is huge now) was there, with her mum. Doing the exact same thing.

Everything must have been so hectic for my Mum. Yet to me it seemed busy, but it was just so fun and easy. However, I’m now only GOOD at working under pressure. I can only be productive when I have A LOT GOING ON. Otherwise, I get bored…and when i’m bored, you’ll know about it.

Meghan: ‘You’re never home! You’re always out and about.’

I still came out the other ‘G.C.S.E’ end, with 9 A’s, a couple A *’s and a B (for Maths!) I am RUBBISH AT SUMS. I can’t be bothered to add.

Miss. Liddle: ‘Did you see my SEESAW post!!! I’ve found what Junior’s good at! I tested him on his timetables. I put them in front of him, didn’t help him at all…and he got them all right! I was like YES!!!! Look in his bag!’

FINALLY!!!! BLISS! I COULD’VE CRIED! (But really! I could’ve cried!)

So, I have one child that’s a glamour puss and loves poetry, reading, success and beauty. Then another who loves maths, building, codes and logic.

Wait! I’ve got distracted again!

SHIT! I was meant to be talking about how I watched Mike’s dreams come true!!! Haha!

So yes…Forget all that. It must be all lies, because I seem to be good at making everything about ME, most of the time! 😉

BACK TO DREAMS COME TRUE…

Nothing is impossible if you want it bad enough…SOME dreams come true, but I reckon,  they come true because people work HARD, and succeed on purpose. They put everything in place, so that one day, when an opportunity for ‘dreams come true’ comes their way…THEY’RE READY!!

That’s all you have to do, right? Put yourself in a good place and the right place. The rest you leave to life magic and keep your fingers crossed. There’s always an element, a force beyond your control.

I WATCHED Mike’s dreams come true, with my very eyes. I watched him go, from wondering how he was going to  afford a Burger King, to doing a scene with Tom Cruise, in a movie, as I sat in a cinema.

I watched us never go out, because we had auditions the next day. I watched us once having to run out of The Saddle Ranch without paying our tab, to then a year later being sat at a five star restaurant, at dinner, on Valentine’s Day, next to Tom Hanks and his wife.

ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN! AT ANY POINT.

That’s why I hate it when people give up, because they stop believing. They run out of ‘fight.’

I mean, there are always moments where I sit with my head in my hands, thinking ‘FOR THE LOVE OF ABSOLUTE GOD!!’

But every time, I just take a deep breath, swig a wine and get on with it.

Don’t run out of hope. Don’t run out of ‘fight.’ Keep karma on your side, always, because HOLY SHIT, it can be a BITCH.

Love. Live.

Try not to doubt yourself. Focus on how far you’ve come. It’ll impress you.  It’ll stretch you that little bit further over the line, to get you where you want to be.

Don’t compare yourself to others. It’s depressing. Be inspired by them. But don’t compare your life chapter, to theirs. You don’t know what they’re going through behind an Instagram Pic.

Don’t let other people get you down. It’s your version of life, not theirs. Celebrate YOUR story. I’ve never had anyone ‘hate’ on me, who’s actually doing better than me. 😉 Use any ‘hate’ to motivate you.

I call it ‘Operation: Watch Me Now, Boo.’

Make the right choices FOR YOU. After years of sometimes making really bad choices and failing miserably, over and over again, I will actually tell you that it made me smarter. It made me stronger. Made me wiser.

HOWEVER, some of those opportunities were opportunities that really only come around ONCE in a LIFETIME. Lol.  I properly fucked them up because I was distracted. I had to find another tunnel and dig my way to the light. Save yourself some time. Haha.

Stay focused.

I would’ve preferred to have made the right decision in the first place.

I hear a lot of wise people advising others to ‘fail as much as possible.’ And I get that. It’s true. It makes you mighty in the end. You shouldn’t be scared to’ get back up when you fail,’ I guess is the message. Yet, DO KNOW that whenever i’ve made a GOOD DECISION (yes, that HAS ACTUALLY HAPPENED BEFORE) and done something right the FIRST TIME ROUND…. It hasn’t felt bad AT ALL. It’s actually felt WONDERFUL!! Haha.

I feel like Dr.Phil. Wait! No I don’t because i’m about to shoot topless on a space hopper, with a martini glass in my hand, for my birthday Insta pics.

We all have different lives. Do yours well!

I wonder what ‘Fairytale, ‘Hustle Barbie, Mel, Firmonnell and Double B are all doing? I haven’t caught up with them in ages.

I’m getting a Flash back of a time when Double B, Fairytale and I were all sat ON THE PAVEMENT, outside some building in Leeds, after a night out, waiting for Prince Jonny, at around 2am, some morning. Double B had her shoes off and some drunk Ginger guy thought we were homeless and threw change at us!

Hahah….

Valentines, Vents & How You Should Adore Your Chick

I’ve just woken up with my son to my left, my kitten to my right and now with my black kitty specs wedged upon my face. I’m trying to read my phone blog notes, but I can’t because my Facebook notifications keep popping up and ruining my flow. Lol. I’m having to duck and weave my neck, just to read any notes, at all!

(No. I haven’t thought to just turn my notifications off.)

Today is a great day. I’m spending it with my babies, Ruby and Junior. We’re just gonna lunch and chill and hang out with my Mum. I’m a family girl…A ‘sassy’ family girl though. 🙂 But, I love these days because they’re never ever stressful.

They’re FREEEEEEE.

I’m cutting out anything and anyone that’s untrue, negative or not exactly good for the soul.  Life is far too short to let nonsense, that doesn’t matter… get the better of you.

Whatever will be will be and I have ultimate faith in life, well my version of it and no matter what, for the last 37 years, i’ve always seemed to land quite safely….with a cocktail in my hand. 🙂

 ‘I love cocktails, because they’re beautiful… like little works of art, that totally get you pissed.’

I’ve just watched my LA Bestie’s Instagram story…The one that sent me the lovely card, Theo Breaux.

He’s pissing himself because the ‘Shirtless Tonga Flag Bearer’ is back and has made the Winter Olympics news.

Theo: How is that news??

Now, Theo’s a big beast of a muscly, Gay GOD. No one looks better in Speedos. He’s one of my best best LA friends forever! We grew up together! Go search him on Insta and perv on his pics.

@TheoBreaux

Now, how he ISN’T impressed by the Shirtless Tonga Flag Bearer is not only beyond me, but upsetting me. It’s not even 10am UK time yet, and i’ve already told him off for hating on him…I mean, he’s one of life’s purest treasures. If HE WANTS to be a shirtless sportsman, from Tonga and wave a fucking flag…HE CAN...ALWAYS….(I hope he never stops. Lol)

‘Don’t be hating on the shirtless Tonga guy, dude.’

Oh and the Wunna Fan that I slagged off in my last blog. Lol. The one that only looked at the pictures and never thought to click on my blog, because he didn’t know there was one, sent me a comment reading…

‘ I don’t repeat mistakes..’

Then… he assured me that the blog had been read. 🙂

Yippppppppppppeeeeee!

I feel bad now. But i do go on rants, because the blog is really precious to me. Yet, I don’t feel that bad, because ‘my rant’ was true to how I felt, and I do want people to be reading the blog. So yeah. I’m gonna go with ‘nevermind’.

Expressing yourself is always better, than saying nothing and exploding.

People can always act anyway or say anything to me, when they’re mad. I always get it and never judge them…It’s only a moment. If I do anything well, I understand people. To me, FEELING something, is always better than being numb to emotion.

The ones that bottle things up, are the ones that turn into lunatics. The ‘Venters’ seem crazy, in that specific moment, yet are usually more stable emotionally, on the whole.

BUT WAIT….

….because it’s almost Valentines Day…I’m currently getting lots of messages, comments, dm’s etc…from you, asking me on Valentine’s Dates. I haven’t replied because my inbox is terrifying. I AM reading them all though and I AM very flattered.

So thank you for the love. I do appreciate it!

One got mad and called me..

‘IGNORANT’ 🙂

Another thought he had met me before at a Chinese Restaurant in Mayfair, with my friend ‘Kathy.‘ Eh? Who’s Kathy? How can someone think they’ve met me before, if they haven’t? I’m so confused? Lol. But yeah…It wasn’t me. If it was you…This guy wants to date you! Contact him.

One gent, who is a die hard Wunna Fan, (Great taste in Chicks) offered to fly me to Bermuda.

Another, other offered me a pint.

I also had an ‘out of the blue‘ message yesterday stating that I would fall in love with *the message sender* if I saw him, let him take me on a date and that I’d probably have to peel myself off him. Lol. The message was delivered in good humour.

Confident Banter.

I like confident banter. More guys should be more confident. It’s refreshing… He was attractive also. So, it’s flattering. It always makes you feel good doesn’t it..and women should FEEL GOOD.

However. peeling myself off someone would be seemingly quite awkward for everyone. Lol. I don’t think i’m ‘a peeler.’ (I might think about it, yet my SWAGGINESS gets the better of me.) You don’t want to be the girl that clutched onto some guys leg, as he was trying to ‘swift exit’ the bar, texting his ex, telling her that he misses her. Lol. (I actually might have done that before. 😉 )

When it comes to matters of the heart….

I’m a love bunny by nature. But i’m a good balance of wanting you, needing you and loving you…mixed in with being totally independent and free. I believe in love at first sight, yet know that it takes a really long time to understand someone, or learn about someone…

If you’re a guy, please DO treat the one that you adore with absolute love, this Valentines Day. The smallest things make people smile. Being a girl, I know that It means so much to us , even if we don’t say it.

Sooooo many of us chicks, get treated quite badly by gents through our entire jolly years on this Earth Ball…Therefore if there’s a day, where in which you CAN celebrate togetherness, romance and show someone that you appreciate them…WHY NOT.

It doesn’t have to be BIG, it doesn’t have to be clever…It can be anything from the most lavish evening out of utter, shower dripped extravagance, to a simple text that reads,

‘I love you..’

When it’s unexpected it’s the best…

That’s what love is about….Be a team!