I’ll Tells You What I Fancy In GUYS…..

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Hope you’re having the most beautiful Thursday! Going well for you? I truly hope so. You all deserve a bit of love, luck and happiness. And thank you so much for finding you way to Wunna Land. It’s utterly much appreciated.

I’m quite dandy today and I don’t really know why? But i’m kinda brimming over with the ‘joy joys’ and I love it when that happens, because it’s such a great feeling. It fills my sorry ass soul with light.

You won’t know this, but every morning in Wunna land, Ruby, Junior  (my babies) and I are woken up by a hand picked song, that plays and fills each room in the house. I believe it puts us all in a good mood. I’m a huge music lover. And even if you’re hungover, it’s ace, because it makes you think the party is still going on.

Today’s choice was by my five year old, Baby Junior and it was this…So i’m gonna put it on for you, so you can feel today’s vibe…

*Hit Play Now.*

Then KatyP sends me a whatsapp message stating that we should pack up boxes of super strength dildos, make sure the boxes are labelled ‘SUPER STRENGTH DILDOS‘ and drop them outside each of our friends doorsteps.

KatyP: ‘Claire would expect it to be full. Lol.’

Me: ‘It’s fine, we can just chuck in a couple of kitchen knives and say it’s bondage or summat.’

KatyP: ‘We’ll put a soap on a rope in there too..’

Me: ‘And a teddy to cuddle, for after the ordeal.’

Then she gave me a list of Adult Cereals that went along the lines of ‘Fifty Shades of Grain/Special D/Porn Flakes/Rice Friskies’ that I could consider munching, as  I’m actually a breakfast skipper. (I just do coffee and selfie taking and yeah lol…it’s really bad for your system. You should always have breakfast.) My favourite was ‘Cheery Hoes.‘ So if I do ever consider eating before 9am…

They’d be my first choice of delight.

Away from that, I loved Love Island last night. I still fancy Adam. I don’t know why some people don’t. He’s far too attractive to not adore and his personality, to me… is on point. Like I don’t care if he’s sweet, but egotistical, kind, but cocky…In general, I love that in a guy. I love a guy with ‘gusto.’

Y’know, when they know what they want and how to get it. It not only means they’ve used their brain, yet also learnt along the way of life…and studied girls with a sly carefulness. I don’t mind a guy who fancies himself as a bit of charmer, but only when it’s executed well.  I like ‘smooth’ not cheeky. Cheeky is young. ‘Smooth’ is grow ass man. I like a soft gentleman, mixed in with a delicious roaring swag. I go for sexy. I love sexy.

It’s hot.

I still fill as though the Doctor is gonna get pied off by Rosie, ‘The Solictor’ though. I mean, she used date Jordan Weekender…which means she’s gonna swoop on in for MY ADAM. Haha. Hurrah!! Poor Alex.

I had ace chats about this with my chickadee Zara (who works at Creator Hair in Sheffield) late last night. I think we decided we loved each other and then decided that all men were twats.

Why are they though? We’re proper catches!

Then we talked about cougars and how every young guy goes through his ‘cougar phase.‘ I’m not agest by any means. I can’t afford to be emotionally. Lol.

However, I’ve always ended up with a toyboy. I don’t know whether that’s because i’m the oldest girl in the world, living a young life or because I’ve never found an older man, (apart from ONE..who is my mate ‘Trigg’ who i find extremely attractive. I mean, for 42, he’s a looker. You should stalk his Insta: Simon T Trigg. It’s a grow up girls treat.)

Me: ‘I don’t think a 20 something guy would ever really  seriously consider being with a 30 something yr old girl…long term..’

Zara: ‘You’d be surprised…’

Me: ‘I just don’t think, they’d look to settle down with someone quite a bit older, in the end…It’s just a phase for them. Yeah, we’re by far better women, all grown up, no drama and better in bed…

Zara: ‘When you’re in Sheffield at the end of the month. I know you’ll already have somewhere to stay, but feel free to stay at mine. Oh shit. Wait. And that’s not because you’ve just said you’re good in bed. Hahahahahahaha. 

I love Zara. She’s ace. When she first met me, (at the Weaves & Waves event in Leeds, she came with Sam etc) she didn’t like me and was certainly unsure, then hours in… she thought I was okay and finally, at the very end of the night, she decided she did. I literally love her.  I find her funny, she makes my evil soul fill with laughter. She’s a good find. Aw! Yeah and I saw that Sam BURNT HIS HEAD with straighteners today on his Insta story…

‘Mr. Assured Chrissie Wunna, that HE NEVER BURNS ANYTHING, whilst doing hair.’  

All he did was emoji piss himself at me…then got on with life.

(Ooh, i’ve just got a message in from ‘Firmonnell.’ She’s one of my chick besties,  but she’s in France..camping. Once sec, let me see what she’s got to say, because I miss her…)

It was a snapchat of her face with flower filter ears, Lol…with text reading..

‘Thought you might miss my face…’

Why can’t guys be as thoughtful as girls? Why are we girls all so attentive with one another, yet when we date, the guy’s we’ve chosen (aside from KatyP, who has the most romantic ‘Golfer Jonny’…even though she’s *six day* sore..) are FAR LESS so…? Why are relationships always hard work? They shouldn’t be. But maybe it’s me. That’s why I’M single…always. Lol.

I do love, love and i’m a hopeless romantic. But honestly, where is he? I know we’re not meant to have a perfect man in our heads. But I’m quite happy being single until that man rocks up..I don’t think i’m a bad woman. I think i’m a great woman. And my imaginary perfect man, isn’t made up of a list like most girls, it is all based upon how he would make me FEEL. That’s all I care about. Alongside handsome, sexy and stable.

I love eye candy. It’s always been a part of me that’s been really shallow.

I will always want to be with a really attractive man, provided his personality matches up to his looks. So technically, I’m balanced. 😉

Someone’s just sent me a link to read. I click on it, and all it does is unfold me really really slloooowly, then it states as a headline, ‘Paris Hiltons British Best Friend, slips a nips during photoshoot.’ 

Thrilling news…

Love you,

Chrissie x

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A Bit of Weaves & Waves (Part 1)

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So. Wednesday was manic. I was rushing around. I had the kids, a shoot…all sorts. It was mad, but it was sunny… and well everything’s better in the sun. It brings out the booty shorts….and fortunately and like a domino effect…everything’s better in booty shorts.

Have you noticed that when’s the sun’s out…Dudes get all ‘heated.’ I don’t know what happens to them, but their willies perk up and go on a mad ‘chick chase.’

All the chicks, all the chase…all the willies…

I swear, it’s because a bit of sunshine gets them overly excited. Or maybe because we’re all in heels and wearing booty shorts? Can’t decide? I’ll let you figure it out.

COLD SHOWERS FOR EVERYONE! Yipppeee!

Anyway, Pitstop rentals picked up…as I had to dash to get my face done in the nick of time… (I’m really grateful to Pitstop, as he shimmies over a brilliant chauffeuring service and I really appreciated the makeup stop off..but I’ll get to that on my next blog, as I have a lot to say…and not much time to say it in, as I have a wine lunch with ‘Firmonnell’ at noon. And who’s to play with wine and sunshine!) 

I arrived at the launch of the new Weaves & Waves hair salon, on Great George Street, Leeds…You should go. It’s amazing. I was really impressed….

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I probably got there around 7.30pm? I can’t remember? I needed a cocktail and I weirdly felt anxious? Yet, I love a hair salon opening…So it couldn’t have been better timing.

Cocktails trumps anxiety.

I should be a therapist.

I just remember pulling up to the salon…

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…and the pavement was filled with reality tv personalities, (so these were people who had JUST come off shows, are currently on shows, or about to appear on a show…and it’s really important for them to show up everywhere, as let’s be honest…it’s promo. So, if you have a current show…you go to ‘see’ and ‘be seen,’ at exactly the right time. 😉 )

There was what seemed like the entire cast of  this seasons ‘Ex On The Beach,’ Marlie from Ibiza Weekender, Emma Woodhams, who spent a summer on that Island of ‘Love,’ chicks from ‘Survival of The Fittest…’ All very fun, all very young…all at the very start of their new careers in entertainment. It made me feel like a veteran. Lol. And weaved between these little lovelies, where the delicious girls of Weaves & Waves and they themselves were the height of glamour.

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Everyone seemed really excited. The sun was shining. There were  dresses, fire eaters, media boards, paps, giggles, life, tans, winks and  well lots of people with really great hair. It was a proper ‘chick fest.’ There was literally…How do I say ‘lots of vagina’ politely? Bottom line…It was everywhere…and the ‘vagina fest’ was armed with cocktails.

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Me: ‘What am I drinking, it’s good?’

Sophia: ‘I don’t know? I just asked him for three big ones. 😉 ‘

So if you were a guy in Leeds, on Wednesday night and weren’t at  the Weaves & Waves salon…you lost out. BIG TIME.

BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG TIME!

Aaron the Pap, who is my favourite piece of adoration, I’ve just been in Spain with him, and spotted me arrive up, so as soon as I got out…I did my shots with him…He told me off for being a ‘Words Thief‘ and then had to dash, to another job.

I got a drink…a strong one….because I needed to! Then just like ‘magic’ with a hair toss and a pout…I got to ‘knowing everyone,’ a dandy bit better…after a wee, a quick blush down, posing for pictures and a moment of room scanning. (I’m highly social…and really good at the ‘getting to know you,’ without you even knowing. But that’s my job..and nothing is hotter!)

I smoozed, I smized…I picture took…I chattered. I filled my body with mystery cocktails.

Hair Stylist: ‘You’re beautiful. You’re so lovely. So what show were you on then?’

Me: ‘What you drinking?’

Hair Stylist: ‘We’ve got a massive stash of vodka and pink lemonade in the back if you want one…’

Me: ‘I’m there. Let’s go to the back room…I want a pink drink. Mines not pink and it’s upsetting me..’

I knew loads of people there, but I like arriving on my own…because it opens me up to adventure. I’m not scared to be Miss.Sassy pants or Lil’ Miss independant…If you show up with another human…and they don’t get you’re job….You close yourself off to adventure. And I need adventure…and what better place to find it, in Leeds, around glamour, madness, dancing girls, reality stars and the best wigs in the city.

They did a really great job… The staff, the owner….the girls, couldn’t of been more wonderful…and I always tells ya, I’m a ‘service’ and ‘personality’ kinda gal. They were just so easy to get on with…and absolute total glamour pusses…which I ADORE. I can’t wait to stop by for my hair doing!

Weaves & Waves: ‘Thank you so much for coming. You live here don’t you? Like this is your home town. We’re really excited and we really want the salon to work in Leeds, because it’s a place you can come for literally everything. Do you think it looks good?’

Me: ‘Yeah. It’s amazing! It’ll work. There’s such a good vibe about the place. It’s beautiful. It’s in the exact right place…and everything in this city is JUST word of mouth.’

I mean, if you’re gonna open a salon, you might as well have done it the way they did it, with Great Gatsby dancing girls, red carpets, fire eaters in undies,really great music and reality peeps winking at strangers. I loved it. I think they did an amazing job. It was truly very Leeds of them…and Leeds is all about ‘boujiness‘ now. Great spot. Good times.

They even had their own cocktail shaking dude, who was shimming up ‘corner cocktails’ and flipping things in the air…whilst making your drinks on request… for nothing but a wink and a smile….The best kind of currency/ 😉 How divine. Free drinks. We’re all in!

Then ‘the cocktail dude’, who was actually lovely, THEN decided to inform me that the word for a cigarette in Newcastle was a ‘Snout?’

Is that true? I don’t think it’s true? I know, loads of Geordies? No one’s ever gone for a ‘snout.’

It just reminds me of piglets and I have an inner terror of piggy snouts, because I always think pigs are gonna rock up to me, (obviously in the middle of a city, because I’m never on a farm 😉 ) and nuzzle places that they aren’t EVER meant to nuzzle…without getting a bit of ‘vajazzle’ on them.

Awful things are piggy snouts.

Right, I’m rambling…Let’s get this shit out…

So, the most beautiful girl, with the most wonderful ambery coloured hair…grabs my kitten hand and escorts to the pink lemonade/vodka shindig, that was happening in the back room. And it was ace, because I went from sunshine and street cocktails to sneaky little ‘hold my hand’ adventures…

We strutted past photographers, pouted in giant placed mirrors, we walked alongside a red ribbon…through a room full of half naked, Gatsby dancing girls (they were getting changed into their next outfit, there were suitcases lipstick and pink faux furs everywhere.)

We get to a door, she pushes it open…the room is pitch black…but filled with other girls… as soon as I walk in…some sat by the door hands me their phone and says..

‘GIRL. Yes. You. I’m trying to do my shoe up and I need you to hold my phone.’

‘Lol…Do you need light, it’s pretty dark.’

(She was hilarious. I loved her. AND really drunk. There was a nip slip.)

Me: ‘I need a cup.’

And just like magic…a cup arrived..(but the beautiful Amber haired kitten, DID have to go do the entire adventure journey back to get me a cup… with a straw… …)

In the dark….at around 8.30pm…I was poured a ‘back room’ vodka/pink lemonade…. Lol

It was gangsta!

Then I  sort of *blinked* and I was back at the party, back in the light, great music filled the room, and pinky tinges of light glowed around everyone…as camera flashes *snapped.*

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I walked out of the door….Looked to my left… and who walked out of the loo…at that exact same time…?

The darling that is….

Sam Reece…