What a night. Gosh! There I was thinking all was well. I worked all day. Shimmied through it, as per usual. Thought through new business deals. Talked through life with friends. Enjoyed Soya nuts with newly vegan ‘Hustle Barbie.’ Enjoyed cups of tea with ‘Fairytale.’ Secret giggled with ‘Firmonnell’ about idiocy. Appreciated that I didn’t do finance for a living. Drove home. Chilled a second. Poured a wine. Dashed for cuddles with Ruby and waited the arrival of Junior. (Who spent the day with his Dad.)
The arrival of Junior via his Father…Keiran.
You should all know the tale. If you don’t, I’ll fill you in. I’m a single mum of two. Both children have different fathers. I’m not with either gent, however we ALL get on really well and co parent the children better than anyone could EVER co parent. I used to be married to Keiran.
This evening, at around 7pm. Keiran shows up at my doorstep to drop Junior off, who was filled with Mummy love and life. As soon as arrives, he says..
‘I need to come in for a second. I need to speak to you.’
(When this happens, it’s usually something bad.)
‘Don’t worry. It’s not anything bad. Hang on….Ruby, Junior can you both just go into the living for a second, whilst I talk to your mum.’
Junior refuses to. But Ruby just seems to get the score without a moments prompting (almost like she had seen this little shindig happen a million times before,) so she hold hers brother’s hand, whilst she walks him into the living room, and tells him she’s going to read him a story.
So, I’m an open girl and I’ve always made sure whilst raising the kids, that I keep everything with Ruby, Junior and I expressive and open. So I don’t like closed doors, drama and whispers. Especially in my own home. You can’t come into someone elses home and do that. It creates a sense of awkwardness.
Anyway…he begins with…
‘Don’t be alarmed…’
It’s never good when people start with a sentence of sorts. But he explained a situation that I already knew about…so with a warmth, I just smile and say,
‘Yeah, don’t worry. That’s fine.’
(I’m good with the BIG STUFF.)
He thanks me. Everything’s fine. (Awful word is ‘fine,’ as it rarely means dandy.) He seems relived. We’re all smiley. Things are sorted. I expect him to now leave, after the baby drop off…
Then no……..because ofcourse in Wunna Land is EVER that simple.
THEN Keiran decides he’s going to take it upon himself to try to convert me into being a Jehovah’s witness. 🙂 I’ve worked all day. I’m tired. This is my home time with the kids.
Basically….I’m having none of it. My SASS levels rise…I even had my kitten specs on lol….and without going into it all….Here is how it went…
‘Right! What YOU believe, is what YOU believe and i’m fine with that. But what I believe is what I believe and YOU NEED TO BE cool with that. I’m not someone who wants to hear about flipping Jehovah or Armageddon or some juicy little paradise that you think that you’re going to at 7pm at night.
I believe in life and just living it in the now and i’m fine with that. I don’t wish to be weirdly immortal forever. When i’m alive, I’m alive and when i’m dead i’m dead. What matters to me is NOW. I could walk out of this house and get run over by some manic driver and it’ll all be over. Right NOW is what matters to me and right now, I could be spending time with the kids, who I adore, instead of talking about the Bible with you!!
You can’t tell me what will happen to me when I die, because you don’t flipping know.’
‘I do know. It’s the word of GOD. We need to meet up and do Bible Studies.’
WHAT!!!! Don’t talk shit at me Keiran. When we met in a gym six years ago, you were a completely different person. ANN SUMMERS SPONSORED OUR WEDDING!!!! I don’t try to tell you how to live your life. Don’t push yours on mine. It’s like me trying to tell someone what it’s like to be in the Army, when i’ve never experience BEING in the Army. I can only tell someone what I THINK i know, where you would actually know what its like to be in the Army. Get it???’
‘Yes. I completely get it.’
He almost stops…But no…he goes on…
‘Why don’t you wish to be immortal forever… You don’t want to end up in paradise?’
‘WHAT!!! What are you on about! I’M FLIPPIING HAPPY. WHAT MATTERS IS THAT I ‘M HAPPY, THE CHILDREN ARE HAPPY AND LET ME TELL YOU…DURING MY LAST SECONDS ON EARTH, I’M NOT GOING TO BE WISH I HAD READ VERSE 43 OF THE FLIPPING BIBLE AM I! I’M GOING TO BEGGING TO SEE MY KIDS FOR ONE LAST TIME!!’
By this point, I was FUMING and he knew it. (It must’ve been the ex wife scowl.) And I never lose my rag. I’m usually so chilled, I could be laid on a flamingo lilo, floating around a pool, in the sunshine, with my pina colada and a wink. But I lost it with him today. Calmly. But FIRMLY. And i lost it because he kept trying to FORCE me to believe something I didn’t and DON’T believe in. And I understand Keiran better than anyone. I get why he’s where he’s at right now in life..No one in the world is MORE understanding that I am. I don’t judge anyone. I respect him. I respect the beliefs of others. But you don’t come into Wunna land and ….well… you get it.
YOU DON’T NEED A WORD.
I don’t need a Bible study session. God loves me. I’m good with God.
Here’s the moral…..
The moral of the story is to not force people to do things that they don’t wish to do. YET also for you as humans, to always stand by what you believe is morally right. DO life, YOUR WAY.
It’s your version of it.
Respect people for what they believe in. What they stand for. We’re all different and that’s what’s great about us and after the world’s taken a turn, Keiran and i will just go back to ‘happy go lucky’ co parenting again, like it never even happened. And I like that.
Anyway, he knew it was time to leave…and with smiles galore and a…
‘Please don’t swear Chrissie…Satan will….’
‘If I wanna swear, i’ll swear. I’m not doing Bible studies with you Keiran. I’m not that lost. I’m really busy and right now I just want to spend some time with the children’
He was actually really pleasant about it all…even though he might have eyed up my boobs a little…(Hmmm…not very religious of him) and then he left.
‘I’ll text you.’
I shut the door.
Ruby: ’ I heard all that! Let’s just get into our comfies and watch some telly Mum.’
And just like that…Wunna land refound it’s fabulousity and got back to normal… with a fresh wine pour and a wink!
PS/ Ann Summers did actually sponsor our wedding years ago and our wedding table favours were limited edition delicately wrapped ‘bullets’ and cock rings. Lol. It was all about pleasure. 😉
Then we split up. And weirdly as stories and chapters go….The break up, was the best thing (on both sides) that we could’ve ever done.