Business, Swirls & Bouji Gin

So, I thought I was gonna chill & be quiet, yet this inner need for noise and bustle got the better of me, after *peace* had been  successfully’ticked’ off my ‘To do’ list. I found myself sending my bored friend Abeiku Arthur (who owns House of Solo Magazine..which I shot for) and by 7.30pm I as sat, in my faux fur, outside at a table with a red red wine at The Carlton, In Pontefract. It’s a local pub that I used to go to all the time, almost every time…Lol…almost racking up open tabs of hundreds of pounds time…Yet now I just peep in for a ‘kick back’ gin and tonic and jolly chilled banter with good friends.

I got there early so I just sat by myself, ‘House of Solo’ got there shortly afterward and after moaning that he wanted a burger and with a shandy in his hand, we pulled up a wooden chair and we started to talk work.

So, I’m running my blog, this blog..Wunna Land and he’s running his high fashion magazine…and every so often we catch up, to see how the other’s business is going on and chat shit about everyone basically. Lol. We loved chatting shit so much yesterday evening over wine that an old Yorkshire man, who was stood with his wife, stopped us and shouted across the outside ‘smokers’ patio…

‘Can I just say, you two look REeeeeEEEALLY HAPPY.’

Me: We’re talking about strip clubs and he’s moaning about £20 for a 3 minute dance, prices of them….HAHAH.’

The wife smiled, apologized for her husband, when she didn’t really need to… and said,

‘Aww, they’re just mates. Y’can tell…Especially if they’re taking about strip clubs, I’d whack you one..’

Everyone burts into laughter and the Yorkshire man finished off by shouting,

‘Bloody hell…Sorry. i didn’t realize. I just thought you looked happy, like you were gonna run off and plant daffodils or something.’

HAHAHAHAHA! I love people. I love funny strangers. He properly made my evening. Then he left.

But yes, after ‘House of Solo’ moaned about dodgy strips clubs in Wakefield.

Me: ‘As if you’re so stupid that you don’t know anything about strip clubs…They don’t just walk around fucking naked you idiot. You have to pay for that! Lol. That’s the WHOLE POINT!’

House of Solo: ‘Where’s my burger???’

Me: ‘Hahaha! You look like a zero swag dickhead, having to hold a basket of condiments with you, wherever you go!!’

Anyway, we then got talking about our careers. I was telling him about the stuff that I had going on, my collabos, my meetings, the investment deals, showing him my social stats and where I wanted to be headed this Summer career wise. And he’s always really positive about it with me, but at the same time keeps it real…Kinda like I am. I’m the same way. We’re straight talkers. However, i’m far more charming.

‘It’s only because you’re a girl…that’s why you have MAD followers…It’s harder if you’re a guy.’

Then I started talking about some of the recent Vlogs I’d been watching and Blogs people had or hadn’t been writing and how I thought they were doing, as personal brands. Some people get it? And some people JUST DON’T. I mean GOD! I love talking about other people’s blogs and vlogs…and gobbing my opinion of them as a brand. I get away with it, because my patch of cyberland is sassy. It gives me a the ‘green light’ to swear about other people’s patches all I want. 🙂

If you’re gonna be blogger or a vlogger that intends to *jiggly wiggly* into the world of personal branding, then you pretty much should be able to EXPRESS yourself PERSONALLY. If you can’t, or don’t..and I can always see through those that are uncomfortable or faking it…Your personal brand will just never work. It’ll just be boring, unauthentic…and like everyone elses. *SNOOZE* The idea is that you are true to who you are…YET, even if you are true to your voice in cyberland, you’ve got to have that ‘something, something’ that is simply captivating…Without that, in a business of ‘show’ you’re fucked.

I should have a ‘Swear tin’or something? Every time I SWEAR i’ll tinkle some change into a tin and when it’s full, I’ll give all the dodgy made money to charity. That’d be awesome. ‘Wunna swore for Guide Dogs’ or something? I could save lives and everything…Shame i’m not in the right heels. 😉 I’ll have to book in into next season’s diary. 🙂

Anyway, ‘House of Solo’ got his burger, I got a posh berried gin, as he showed me his front over ideas for the next edition. He’s doing four separate covers…and one of them I ADORE. It’s a shocker. I’m gonna PR the balls out of it for him and just because I think it’s SOOOO ‘out there.’ It’s gonna open eyes. (And no, it’s not a Wunna crotch shot…as really…that wouldn’t be too shocking to most,and my crotch isn’t that ‘High Fashion.’ Lol. Who knows, we could plonks some Burberry on it and whip it down a runway?)

Long story short, we quit chatting about our work…and just drank a bunch of gin with berries in.

House of Solo: ‘I want a fruity gin..’

Me: ‘When did The Carlton start doing bouji gin..?’

I love how all bars are now going on this ‘Gin is all BOUJI and new’ thing. IT’S BEEN GOING ON FOR DECADES. Y’know ‘Mother’s ruin’ and all that! But i’m not complaining. My drink was delicious and served to me by my old school friend ‘Pogson.’

Me: ‘Are we the last ones in here, cos you’re turning the lights off?’

Pogson: ‘Nooo, i’ve poured myself a Peroni, you’re fine.’

Anyway, we ‘House of Solo’ and I quit talking about work and started chatting about our love lives. (This is after we had politely slagged everyone off…Lol)

‘What? Chrissie! She just bums you..’

‘Yeah. I like it when people do that! Lol.’

But, yes…he was telling me about his happily tragic love life and I was telling him about mine…yet….in snippets…as believe it or not i’m always quite private about mine, so i’ll let you tell me everything and i’ll tell you bits…the unimportant bits, to keep you happy. I’ve been getting loads of messages from guys over the last few weeks (because i’m a chick with boobies) rambling on about if i’m ‘single, single, single‘ and then being in a mood because I won’t reply, which makes me ‘ignorant.’ Lol.

BLAH.

I’m not ignorant. I’m just busy and i’m not someone who’s gonna waste your time, or mislead you. I think that’s wrong, as you can never get your wasted time back. But I read all your messages and i am very flattered. Don’t think I’m not…and don’t call me ignorant, just because I don’t reply. Lol. Use a different word like ‘swine‘ to get my attention. It’s rude and has reference to booze in it. It’s a winner!

If i’m being honest…There’s obviously someone i’m in a swirl about I think he’s awesome. I really fancy him. He’a a great guy. And when it comes to things like that…as in ‘swirls,‘ I’ve kinda got a one track mind…Meaning, if i’m in a swirl, or I like a guy…it’s pretty hard, for you to get me, to like you more…unless the swirl has…well…swirled off. Lol

Anyway, I gave ‘House of Solo’ love life advice and he gave me guy advice…We gave each other advice, on how important it was to refrain from ‘playing it cool’ …cos sometimes you can plays something SO COOL, that nothing gets done…He moved forward with his mode of action and if i’m being honest, over the past week, I’ve really thought about ‘my swirl‘ a lot. I’ve been busy and working…but…

Whatever…in that moment I felt all inspired, we both did…So we reached for our phones..

Unfortunately for him, his phone died and ran out of charge..Lol. WHAT A BALL ACHE. It ran out of charge RIGHT WHEN HE NEEDED IT.

Mine phone didn’t…

And with a. ..

‘I’m thinking about you…I’m kinda missing ya lots…’

… at around 10.22pm

Everything in that moment felt wonderful.

 

 

 

The Filth Drawer

Wunna Land has been infiltrated by ‘young boys.’

Mel: ‘Who are all these young boys?’

Fairytale Blond: ‘They’re not young! They’re 20 something!’

Mel: ‘That’s young to me.’

Right! Incase you were unaware. The ‘day to day’ of my existance, what I label as ‘Wunna land’ is filled with hot, sassy, glamourous girls, ladies and females performing the art of ‘Business.’ The chicks’ rule the roost’ in Wunna Land. We’re dymaic, we’re fun, we’re straight talking, loveable and all on each other’s period cycles. It’s how it IS and how it has been for a while!

OUT OF NOWHERE, Wunna land is now slowly being littered with YOUNG BOYS, which quiffs and suits…who can do Rubix cubes and who have Oriental Girl fetishes…

Double B,’ Well all his girlfriends used to be Oriental…’

Double D: ‘Well one was Chinese, another from the Phillipines and one from….Infact the last one was older tooo!

Me:’ Is that why you’ve been staring at me lovingly all day? Whenever I look at you you’re glaring at me.

Double D: ‘I like how Chrissie was nice to me FOR ONE DAY. Really nice and now she’s a total sassy bitch to me always. It lasted ONE DAY! Lol.

I’ve named the two young boys ‘Sellers’ and ‘Double D’ and firstly because… they both have the same name. (I know! As if we have Boy Helpers and they respond to the exact same forename.) And secondly, ‘Double D‘is related ‘Double B.‘ (I know…what a wacky concept. Double B wore her specs today. She looked all geeky and cute. I followed her down the stairs, this morning, telling her repeatedly, until she told me to ‘fuck off.’

Are you confused yet?

The good thing about having ‘Boy Helpers’ is the simple fact that one of them insists on trying to suck up to us.YES! THE GIRLS! I like him! He’s smart. (Even though he does have an older Oriental girl fetish.)

‘My mum says i’ll either have Oriental or Ginger children?’

I just blanked him, then sneaky smiled with laughter eyes.

I mean GOD, he even made Mel crack a smile this afternoon with a ‘you’ll do alright here,’ seal of approval..and that on it’s OWN is  LIFETIME accomplishment.

He did try and set his Mum on Mel. (Do note that he’s 20 something. 🙂 )

‘Honestly, i’ll bring my Mum in to have a go at you, if you call me that again!’

Mel: ‘I’m not scared of ANYONE’S MUM.’

Lol. I love that Mel can’t just be lovely to the new boy, with his rubbish banter skills. She has to threaten him when she fills threatened. Hahahahah! DYING!

‘I’ll set my Mum on you!’

Yet, jokes aside… All was fair in love and candy!

That boy FILLED OUR ‘FILTH DRAWER’ with a joyous and abundant amount of beautiful jellied, chocolately, minty DELIGHTS to keep us happy and to MAKE SURE that we were lovely to him.

If you follow this blog, you will know what the Filth Drawer is! If you don’t? Search it!

We’re Northern girls. We’re Yorkshire Girls. We’re glamour pusses, but oh my FUCKING GOD, we CANNOT LIVE without our SECRET DRAWER that is FILLED WITH ‘FILTH.’

Firmonnel: ‘I’m on a sugar high. I didn’t even eat lunch today, I just had a hot chocolate and scoffed sweets all day.’

‘Why does this taste gingery?’

I’m a grazer and i’m a MINT CHOMPER. I love any little bits of ‘munch munch’ that I can get my hands on out that filth drawer. But only hard boiled, crunchy bits will suffice. I’ll smash a bag of Marks & Sparks Assorted Mints in a wink. I mean fuck it, we had PEAR DROPS TODAY. How Old School and delightful!

But yes, I love ALL little sweet or savory *chompy* bits. Anything from wasabi peas to ……………………… (I can’t think of anything to put in that blank?) AND if you didn’t know, I constantly chew gum…like it’s my dinner. 🙂

Right, I’m home now and chilling. I fancy a wine and a kick back. I’ve loved being a girl today. We should embrace being female with hair tosses and pouts!

I’m just reading up about today’s crazy Westminster Attack. How terrible! Its shocking, isn’t it! My heart goes out to all those affected by the ‘mayhem.’

It goes to show you that you just NEVER EVER know what’s around the corner.

Enjoy the ‘now‘ of your life…and try not to take everything for granted. We all do. I know I do at times. It’s a shame that it always takes something shocking to happen to ‘wake us up,’ when as humans we should enjoy being ‘awake’ all the time…

 

 

 

Gifts, Lives & Pending Boxes

I don’t even know what to say to you tonight? I’m so in my head and *busy in thought* that I’ve kinda just cut away from all the ‘hectic’ and chosen to spend my free time with the people that I love….and that’s Ruby, Junior, My family and my chick friends. I have SO much going on, that it could all explode into a glittery confetti shower of madness. And when there’s a lot of *plate spinning* to tend to, I do it well, yet at the same time I’m really awesome at withdrawing from the stress and just enjoying the things that make me happy. You NEED those moments. It reminds you to ‘keep it real.’ I’m not a stressy person. I’m laidback, free and positive. I’m happy by nature.

I had a great moment chatting to Lynne today. I had just got back from the Prince of Wales Hospice, chatting to people and walking by patients who pretty much had only weeks or months left of their life. The weird thing about these people, was the fact that they weren’t all doom and gloom, they looked like the happiest people in all the land, who had chosen to embrace what the had left of their life with love and fun. It was happy and sad all at the same time and certainly put things into perspective for me…very quickly. It reminded me to love, be in love, appreciate, FEEL and to have fun, doing all the things that I want to do and not the things that I feel that I have to do.

Anyway, away from that, I was chatting away to Lynne, once I got back…Lynne’s in her sixties, but she loves my blog, she reads it every night, I adore her madly and well we just sat there PISSING OURSELVES at the fact that I had totally forgotten, that I was being *judged’* for the UK blog Awards throughout the whole of February and had written that ‘cum on your face‘ blog. LOL.

WHY AM I SUCH A FUCKING TOOL!

Here’s some MASSIVE opportunity to *smash* an awards ceremony, with trophies and ‘best blogs,’… glory and all sorts…and I wrote the rudest, most inappropriately comedic February out, like the final to a national blogs awards didn’t even exist!

‘The shock on that judge’s face must have been PRICELESS!’

‘In my mind, you SHOULD WIN IT.’

‘They’ve already picked the winner…and I messed it up with a *cum on fucking faces* blog. Hahaha!’

‘It’s in April.’

Then I had a moan because I wanted something exciting to happen to me?

‘EXCITING! YOU HAVE A LOT OF EXCITING THINGS HAPPENNING…’

‘NO…They’re all in the ‘pending’ box. Until they happen, they’re just pending…’

‘Yes, but that ‘pending’ box is massive… It’s all very exciting..’

Then we fucked it off and just got on with our day and ate cookies…with belly laughs.

Not much else happened today…aside from the fact that I’ve bought two human’s gifts…and these gifts are to be delivered shortly. Well…one gift will be delivered tomorrow…so that’s all fine and dandy…(and it’s such a beautiful gift, that it makes me smile.)

The other gift, is bouji, yet normal…and is currently travelling it’s way around Europe. I’m tracking the parcel, like a *hawk,* as I initially wanted both gifts to arrive at the same time, yet ofcourse that has been an impossible mission.

I’ve been given specific times and countries and details of the normal yet bouji’ gift’s whereabouts…and let me tell you…It’s having a funner life than am I.

At 7.32pm tonight, it was in Italy…being scanned for departure…and it’s the simplest gift, so I can’t believe it’s travelling so far.

Anyway, at least one gift will arrive tomorrow and make a human smile and the other will arrive on Thursday…after it’s European travels?

I don’t have anything else to say, so I’m just gonna chill and drink gin and tonics.

I have dinner and drinks tomorrow night! At least that’ll be fun!

Cya!

Chrissie x