Diet Shakers Filled With Cocktail & Everything Peeka Boobied

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Morning! Morning! Happy Royal Wedding Day! I’m not going to be watching it, simply because I’m having to escort Baby Ruby to Gravity, where she will trampoline to her hearts content, in the name of her friend’s birthday party. Whilst she does bouncing, Junior and I will be occupying ourselves around Xscape….Yes….He’ll probably *bounce*  upon things also and we’ll probably grab a Nandos.

A cheeky one.

Yet, I’ll be following the big old wedding day ‘socially‘…and having a couple of celebratory proseccos, because I DO love ‘The Royals’ and I do love being British…and well it gives me another excuse to drink. But honestly, what mum DOESN’T have a wine before a kids birthday party. Not any mum I know. 🙂

(Shush. I’m not arsed about being judged before 10am.) 

Okay, lots going on. I’m starting to ‘busy’ up now. I have shoots and more shoots, lining up. I have my episode of a TV show airing shortly.

I actually forgot to eat healthy for my shoots. Yippppeeee! So now, I do that panic fad diet thing, which is never fun. Lisa (as in ‘Appleton’) has a birthday party on Tuesday, so I’ll be scooting off to Blackpool to play with drag queens at ‘Peek A Booze,’ to celebrate her ‘happy happy.’ I think it’s on the 22nd?

I need my hair doing, I need to buy a dress and I’m bloody sick of my wonky bottom tooth now. I’m too vain for a tooth like that. So I’m sorting it out. I thought I could quit being vain and handle the toothage. But I can’t. So I’m vain. Yet it’s probably one of the best things about me. 🙂

You’ll always wake up to a glamour puss boys! Haha.

I’m glad you’re all loving my piccies. I’ve had an inbox full of deliciousness from all over the world and even a little love letter… I haven’t read it, yet, but I do love a love letter…so I will, this afternoon. And yeah, Ladies, my pics are a bit ‘peeka boobied’ right now. But it’s just me, innit? It’s not like I didn’t grow up being a glamour model my entire life…Lol…Plus, even though i’m an exhibitionist, an attention seeker 🙂 I’m quite body confident, even when i’m wibbly. So I think more women should throw skin to the wind and celebrate what mother nature gave them, without worrying about what other people think!

Let’em think. Watch me now!

I need to stop shouting ‘WATCH ME NOW‘ and doing all kinds of stupid shit that just gets me into trouble. Lol. I say it in real life to my friends…and then do something foolish, right after the sentence has been uttered.

Summer is killing me. It’s making me cheeky. It’s making me naughty..and it’s making me drink looooads. Maybe i’ll crash and calm down? Maybe i’m just playful? But I will say that I went to the loo this morning and a five pence (which was probably stuck to my leg somewhere and somehow…) FELL into the loo, mid squat. Yes! Literally money shot out of my ‘derriere.’

I’m like piggy bank. I can now shoot money out of my arse, which obviously makes me lucky. Lol.

You think i’m going to the loo, when really the loo is my (I was gonna say ‘ATM’ then,) but cos we’re being British today, I’ll go with CASH MACHINE.

But yes, about the naked pics, ladies…It doesn’t bother me, so it shouldn’t bother you. Plus, it doesn’t make a girl less ‘classy(I hate it when people say that.) Yet neither does it make a girl ‘more sexy.‘ No girl is the sexiest girl in the world,‘ because everyone celebrates their own version of the term. People are attracted to different things, looks, personalities. Everyone has something that is sexy about them…and it’s that something‘ that they should embrace.

Don’t put yourself up and compare yourself to other women or men ….You’re different people. What works for them doesn’t necessarily work for you and vice versa.

Be YOU. Don’t be scared to be YOU. It’s better than being a rubbish version of someone else.

Right, what else? I chatted to ‘The Swirl’ yesterday, who’s chilling away in Turkey. We get on pretty easily, so it was a catch up, messed in banter and roasting. I made fun of his shakes,

Me: ‘It’s a shaker FILLED with cocktail mate.’

(This is a diet shake that I was meant to be drinking/promoting)

He made fun of my divaisms.

Swirl: ‘Stop being such a diva! Ahahahahah.’

(After I asked if he even missed me JUST A LITTLE BIT!!?)

Me: ‘Little Asian Girls need love tooo.’

He definitely doesn’t miss me, lol..and i’m definitely NOT A DIVA. It’s literally like getting blood out of the stoniest stone. Hahah.

*Tap! Tap! Anyway emotion in there for me?*

But the good thing is, that we can have a laugh anyway. I guess, our friendship must be quite good. Better than I thought. He did say that my ‘body looked unreal….’ so he scored points for that.

However, later that day, I flew him through a message and link, because i’m quite savvy when it comes to business…But only if the business is creative, otherwise I find it dull. I also used to be a Talent Agent, in LA, and some people don’t know that about me. I LOVED BEING A TALENT AGENT. I loved taking something great.. with further potential and then turning into HUGENESS. It was always a buzz. It still is!!!! I love it.

Anyway, I can clearly see a path that he COULD TAKE, if he knew how. I know how…and I know everyone…so I began to show him…and for the first time ever he actually asked my advice. If I actually called him and talked him through it. He’d get it. he sounded excited, so hopefully, he’ll take that link and fly….

Right. I need coffee now and to moisturize, my feet are flip flopped out. I need wedges. (Not potato ones. 😉 )

ps/ Ruby is currently in her room playing Youtube videos of me on The Paris Hilton show, then MOCKING MY VOICE. Lol. All I can hear is ‘Hi, I’m Chrissie Wunna. Hi, I’m Paris Hilton.’ 

Guys, Messages & What I Want….

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I shocked myself up this morning! Checked my time on my phone. Saw it was 9am. Then proceeded to topless panic for approximately 1.3 seconds. I’d completely forgotten that I had already BEEN up since 4.30am, influenced things for the US, done a school run and once back home, I kinda must’ve taken a nap. One of those naps that you don’t know you’ve taken, but are such a delicious treat. Until you SHOCK yourself up in utter *PANIC,* think you haven’t done ANY of the above…and then can’t find ya bra.

Maybe, I needed to start Thursday again, so ‘The Gods‘ gave me a second shot…luckily ‘at life’ and not ‘of tequila.’

Hang on…I’m sat at Table 70 of The Broken Bridge and some weird man is shouting things in my ear about ‘Togo the cat’ and ‘Sunset Blvd?’ Eh? I hate it when people do that. Yet, the good thing is that I can actually type this whilst he’s talking….and he has no clue. He’s now walking off…

 *Fuck He’s Back. How rude. I even LOOK really busy!*

Talking about rude. I got into a fight with one of my guy friends, last night. Sayingfriend, he used to be the long term partner of one of my chick friends, who was my bridesmaid, the last time I had managed to get myself wed, before a lovely heart breaking divorce.

*Yippppeeee….*

Anyway, since his break up, years ago…he decided to always try to get into my pants. Which I find gross. Not really out of ‘trying‘….people are entitled to chase anyone they think might fancy them back. Yet, because it was so inappropriate. One, I don’t fancy him. Two…i’m loyal as hell. You could be Channing Tatum doing his strippy dance (and he’s not) …But  i’d still ‘shun’ the opportunity, simply out of ‘good friendship’ and loyalty. 

[FYI/ That Dudes just got thrown out for bothering me, whilst i’m working. Lol]

Anyway, he’s pestered me quite a bit, to no response and last night I got sick of it and I basically got sick of it, because I specifically stated how he ‘wasn’t for me’ and that I he needed to stop messaging me, because I was busy…and I was REALLY busy at the time.

But I said it like this…

‘Honesty, you’re being annoying. Stop fucking messaging. Learn some manners and respect for other people.’

So, what he did was message me continuously, almost every single minute….whilst I was opening his message and then ignoring him. Followed by sending my half naked pictures of MYSELF, that he found on any form of social media. (I have no clue why? Remember this is my friends EX, they’ve lived together, they share a child and she was once my flipping bridesmaid.)

So I properly *BOLLOCKED HIM* because if you know me personally, you’ll know that I hate BAD MANNERS. I really hate rude people. Those who aren’t able to find it in themselves to be respectful, especially when it’s been requested…to me are disgraceful.

IF I FANCY YOU, YOU WILL KNOW, BECAUSE I WILL TANGO WITH YOU PLAYFULLY, SEDUCTIVELY FLIRT, IF THE MOMENT BECAME APPARENT OR AT LEAST SHOW SOME INTEREST. You will literally NEVER be ignored.

Then he got in a *huff* and sent me a ‘Middle finger’ emoji (lol) and blocked me on whatever bit of social he fancied scrolling down.

HAHAHA.

But this is what I think is weird, because if I fancy a guy, he’ll ‘play it cool’ with me, he’ll chase at first, but then stop…like he’s waiting to for me to step forward. I will. But I’m traditional in that sense, I like THEM to make a confident step forward, because I never want to date a guy who’s too terrified to do that. I have no problem making a first move…Yet, i don’t want a guy that can’t feel a sense of ‘Yeah,‘ when it comes to getting what he wants.

It’s sexy. Men should know what they want.

However, all the guys that you don’t fancy, properly, ‘heart on sleeve‘ go for it, don’t they? And I absolutely admire them for it. Yet, if you don’t fancy them….there’s nothing they can do, to make you adore them, is there?

If I don’t have an initial or strong physical attraction to a guy..a chemistry… then it doesn’t matter to me, how ‘nice’ he is, it will always be a NO GO.

I mean for example…a couple weeks ago…I was in Sheffield at Creator Hair. Sam had curled me a do and afterwards, I went for drinks before getting the train home.

Loads of guys had come up to me. Loads had been fun. Some a bit serious. Some a bit strange. One was normal, but I just didn’t fancy him, as I’d be far too much girl for him to take on, let’s say. I’d ruin that boy.

Anyway, he sends me a message, after he read my blog and it said this… (FYI. I know you might be reading this and I’m ever so sorry. You’re a lovely human. But….Well….I know what I want… But i’d absolutely be your friend, as you were so smart and so lovely to me…until you got pissed and horny. Hahaha…)

Guy: ‘So, I’ll level with you, I really enjoyed our chat last week, it was nice to talk to someone with a better understanding of themselves and the world around them…I apologise if I came off as a bit lecherous, stress does that to me sometimes and I can thoroughly understand it being off putting. I’d love a chance to rectify that impression, so if you’re up for grabbing a drink or maybe dinner, when i’m finished with uni, i’m game. If not…it was very pleasant meeting you and I wish you all the best in your search for Mr. Right.’ 

I ignored the message, which is bad manners on my part, but I live in a different world, where we can’t really reply to every human that ‘likes’ a sexy pic or tells us that they ‘love‘ us, because we appreciate the love and support, yet let’s be real…it’s our job…and a way of building attention, more than it is about ‘finding love.’ Lol.

But..whatever, back in the real world….. he resent, this..

‘Will take that as an uninformative no…lol’

The thing is…I have a one track mind and I had already been messaging someone, ‘back & forth‘ who’ll I’ll rename at a later date, if I wish and talk about….But during those moments…it’s much harder to get a look in, right?

Yet what I’m saying is….I believe in love and i’m someone who believes in love at first sight. You’ll know when you’ve found her, because you’ll feel it resonate through your body, soul, mind…and ‘other bits’ 😉 You’ll crave them, but you won’t know what to do?

For a moment you’ll lose yourself, but then if you’re fated to be with one another…something will happen where you find yourself picking up that phone, sending that message and letting your paths cross once more, yet this time from the heart…and it won’t only be lead by your libido anymore.

Do I want someone right now?

Yes…

Will I get him…?

I’ll leave that to him….

 

 

 

 

 

When We Tried to Ruin Dates by Bearded Dragons

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Afternoon! I’m currently shattered, so bare with me. I’m in my specs, because my eyes sting that badly, lol….i’m starving and I’m rocking weird thigh tan lines, because I sunbathed in my shorts yesterday. It’s almost like wearing ‘forever’ stockings….that are made from skin?

However, anyway..life is wonderful and right now, this second, i’m blogging from ‘Ego’ in Ackworth.

So yesterday, I started work early, around 4.30am, to influence for a specific country, in an different time zone. I finished up at around 1pm, shot straight to The Rustic Arms, simply because I adore open spaces, peaceful surroundings and wasn’t in the mood to be bothered. Haha. I got in a quick drink, waited for my friend Katy P & Hairdresser Claire to arrive as I sunbathed and *SCREECHED* every 14 minutes, because chickens kept popping out of nowhere and pecking my feet. (The pub has chickens running loose around the gardens, in case you were unaware. I didn’t just imagine them. It’s actually kinda ace...IF YOU DON’T HAVE A DISTINCT, IDIOTIC FEAR OF THEM. 

JUST SAYIN’

If you know me personally, you will absolutely KNOW that I have an intensely tragic FEAR of any kind of FARM YARD animal…Even booze doesn’t calm me down.

Long story short, the girls show up, Claire had been doing Katy P’s hair for a hot date, that was gonna go down later that evening. Now Katy P’s not one to really openly *gush* about guys…She is known to be a bit of a Tom Boy. Yet, she can’t fool me. Girls are girls. I saw it in her eyes…She was anxious, giddy and excited….and it was actually SO lovely to see her that way. It made me BEAM.

I LOVE A BIT OF EXCITEMENT.

So, obviously, being the GREAT friends that Claire & I are, we had to MOCK HER, just to build up the anxiety. 😉 She was really worried because it was her first ‘He’s coming over and I’m COOKING TEA FOR HIM‘ date, (sorry i’m already pissing myself,) and she obviously wanted to make a good impression, as her date, had once stayed over, stated that she ‘lived like a student’ and found a fish finger, laying in her kitchen sink…

Her Date: ‘What the hell is this?’

KatyP: ‘Just a fish finger. Why don’t you bring it back to life, put it in a bowl and see if it’ll swim?’

Anyway, so she was planning to ‘spiralize’ veg, until it was six feet long and put some chicken with it…Then make like she was some domestic goddess. (I would’ve just done pizza and sex. Hahaha.)  

The whole time we were chatting life, love, guys, all sorts…I could tell her mind was thinking about the date….She was all excited. HE was all excited…then Claire invited us back to hers for the famous ‘one more,’ before the BIG EVENT.

Now, Claire and I get on really well. We’ve known of each other for years, but over the last few months, we kinda found out that we’re both ace and have the same rubbish sense of humour. Plus, she does hair and I like that. And we’re both easy going. We love a good time. However, when you add her partner Matt to the equation (who’s fyi…a fitty)….it seems we all love a good time TOO much and turn evil.

ALL THREE OF US ARE SAGITTARIANS, meaning that Matt, Claire and I are filled with love, life and charisma….However, we’re also dickheads just for a bit of banter and laughter…

DRINKS WERE POURED. EXCITEMENT WAS SWIRLING. MATT was dancing and singing. Claire was beaming with laughter.

It was a really good time, because it was a great combination of people, in the most magical place ever.

Honestly, it’s like I walked through their doorway, (which houses Claire’s Hair Salon, @clairedurowhairdressing) found myself upstairs on a magicalroof top terrace,’ with the sun beaming down, which boasted comfy sofas, fairy lit globes, drapes, music and a log burner. It was almost like an exotic kingdom of unconventional glamour, fun and life. It had it’s own world and I was living it.

I was drinking around two actual bearded dragons, which were placed on my boobs, before they chilled on a coffee table, two ‘ ‘skin looking’ cats (as I call them,) the ones that have no fur on them. One was black and called ‘Salem’ and she was the SEXIEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN. I sipped drinks and two tiny dogs appeared for cuddles…followed by a Staffy  named ‘Tilly’ and two tiny mice..that Claire casually  had in her hand.

IT WAS AMAZING…and the table was candle lit…and it was the MOST creatively magical space, I’d ever been it. It was also filled with love.

Matt (who I only met yesterday) and Claire are this amazing couple. They have a joy, a chemistry and a playful friendship that you would just DIE TO HAVE, with your partner. They’re do open about their love, that it’s refreshing.

Matt: ‘When I saw, I just KNEW she had to be mine…So i chased her.’

Claire: ‘As soon as he held my hand for the first time, I felt an indescribable chemistry…a chemistry that I had never felt before, I met him.’

Claire: ‘Matt what d’ya think about Chrissie?’

Matt: ‘She’s actually prettier than I thought she would be and yeah...*he then did a heart shape with his hands*’

..and then he told me that part of Louis Tomlinson’s family had actually match made his parents, who then went on to create HIM. Crazy! Innit.

Anyway, we’d only been their an hour and Kate was all nervous, but playing calm for her date. I was excited, because I just love, love. She had to rock off. We all hugged her, wished her luck, kissed her ‘good bye,’ because she was so filled with nerves and who doesn’t need support during those times…

She rushed under the white skull drape, we *waved* her off…as soon as she had left and we had sent her our blessings…Claire  says…(or was it Matt?)

Anyway…this happened…

‘WE ARE GONNA FUCK IT UP, AREN’T WE, JUST FOR A LAUGH, RIGHT!?!’

‘Obviously…’

It’s like we all thought the same thing at the same time….and this is why we shouldn’t drink, get excited and do it by bearded dragons….Lol.

We literally all *paused,* looked at each other and then pissed ourselves laughing, as we started to PLOT a story, so we could ruin her first date. Hahaha.

WHY ARE WE BASTARDS?

Here are some snippets…

‘Well should we say that I started hitting on Matt and it’s all got out of hand, and we’re now fighting?’

‘She doesn’t get jealous like that. She’s not gonna believe it.’

‘We need to say that there’s been an accident and she needs to take one of us to A&E, because we’re too drunk to drive.’

‘She’ll believe that I’ve fallen out with Matt.’

‘What about we say our daughters have had a fight, cos we never fight, she wouldn’t fall for it.’

‘He’s arriving in fifteen minutes..’

‘I’ve missed called her .’

‘Yeah, call her now, because she’ll be stressed, getting ready, spiralizing, and washing her privates.’

Anyway, Matt calls Kate, intentionally meaning to ‘miss call’ her…Kate picks up the fucking phone, so he panics and just says…

‘Who the fuck have you brought to MY house? It’s all going off.’

Then he hangs up, ABRUPTLY.

AND WE ARE PISSING OURSELVES!

We wait until her date gets to her house…and then Claire does the same thing…but the girl version of that sentence…

‘Call me, it’s all going a bit mental.’

There’s now all the wine being poured, bearded dragons and cats with no fur on, strutting around us and we are WEEING OURSELVES.

After 20 minutes…Kate sends a texting reading..

‘You’re dickheads…Hahahaha….’

Eww! So she didn’t even bite. So you’d reckon we’d give in at that point…

Me: ‘I’m not being defeated like that.’

Claire: Me Neither.’

Matt: ‘She won.’

He even texted  ‘I love you’ back.

Claire: ‘Eww! That’s lame.’

Me: ‘How annoying, Stop it.’

So we waited until their date had kicked in. They’re eating. They’re nervous. They’re getting to know one another…They’re flirting. It’s getting all cosy…It may even be leading up to a bit of ‘sexy sexy’… A bit of romance…

WE HAVE NOW DRANK SHIT LOADS…Claire had mice in her hands and Matt’s now dancing like he runs the world from his roof terrace and getting mad because we’re not listening to his song properly.

‘Don’t talk through it, just listen!

Then we just figured, no one could ruin it better than us. We needed ‘no story at all.’ We could just be US and ruin it…as that’s what friends are for.

So we call her…during her romantic date…

She actually  picks up…puts us on *Speaker*…and we attempt to RUIN LIVES in approximately 7 minutes?

I can’t even tell you what we said, because I can’t even remember…Lol…It was a rowdy blur of inappropriate, embarrassing banter. But I remember someone talking about the size of his genitalia? Can’t remember if he said he had a big one?

Kate’s now pissing herself because she’s a human, who’d find that as funny as we would. God knows, what her date thought? But he stayed over…so it couldn’t have been that bad.

Yet nothing was better than that moment. We were in hysterics. It felt so free and filled with love and all under the night stars. Sure, we were evil…But that’s what’s great friendship, is about. That’s what’s great about love. Magic. Freedom. Life.

The date went well. They got on merrily. Matt, Claire and I drank the night away and expressed our love for one another….like ya do. Lol.

Then I woke up this morning, to a text reading..

KatyP: ‘Does your head hurt? Lol’

Me: ‘Is he still there? Why are we dickheads? lol’

 

 

 

 

 

What I Need In A Guy….

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Life is flying at a million ‘WTF’s’ per hour. It’s crazy. There’s been kitten strokes, smoke alarms and utter madness, that has been *paused* by bits of calm. So much keeps happening to me and it’s a mixer of ‘all things dandy,‘ drizzled with trips ups. I ‘trip up’ well, so that doesn’t bother me. I can always brush myself off and wink my way forward with a *shrug.* When good things happen, I sort of fill myself with a kitten like’ excitement. Yet, I do get terrified.

But on the whole, I’m glad the clouds have hovered over Yorkshire this afternoon, (today is the Tour De Yorkshire,) as it pretty much keeps me out of trouble. I just can’t keep myself in when the sun comes out to play. Yet that’s what life is about. I’m all ‘Suns out, Wuns’ out. I’m enjoying good times, refraining from over thinking anything and trying to just have fun with everything. You’re a long time dead and well, usually, as the fairytale goes…it kinda all works itself out in the end, doesn’t it?

EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON…

Over the last couple of days, i’ve spent quality time with my friends ‘Katy P’ and ‘JD’ and we’ve all just decided that our love lives (over wine) are shocking. They’re shit. Does it ever get better? Where’s my Prince, who comes trotting along on some stallion, with his one arm *scoop,* ready to sweep me away? Where is he? (Can you tell i’m Needy AF’ today. :))

Katy P: ‘I think it’s hard for you date. I mean, men get the wrong impression of you, because they don’t know you well enough. You’re sexy and they love sexy…yet they don’t see the softer side to you… I don’t know whether they don’t want to, or if they aren’t smart enough to?’

In love, I’m sassy and i’m quite the seductress…and I love that about me. I’m forward. More forward than the guys I’ve met. I wish guys WERE more forward with me. YET, at the same time i’m a hopeless romantic…and I can’t help that. After years of failed ‘love’ ..all the way around the world an back, (lol) i’ve learnt to appreciate the small things and treasure the simple things in life.

I do like to feel ‘impressed’ by a guy. I enjoy being chased. I love being ‘wooed.’ I’m not gonna say that I don’t adore the finer things in life, also. However, a guy could buy me a room filled with diamonds, upon diamonds, to show me how much he cares…and I’d appreciate the effort, whole heartedly. But i’d never appreciate that over a simple ‘love letter,’ as that’s something i’d hold close to my heart forever. I’m creative and I adore a creative gift. If i’m being honest, I’d adore a creative partner.

Anything ‘complicated’ or too difficult…is not something that I’m going to enjoy. If you have to try so hard to make someone want you, then it’s a ‘no go’ really, for me. They’re not that interested. They’re not that into you. I’m both unconventional and traditional all in one. Boys should chase girls. Always. If they don’t, then i honestly just think they don’t care. (And sometimes that isn’t the case, I know. But i need a brave man.)

Plus ‘Josh The Bartender’ once told me that when a guy loves a girl he’ll place her on a pedestal and that pedestal will be so high that no other girl will ever even come close to her. I’ve remember that and every time my paths crosses with another…I flashback to it.

I miss Josh. Where the fuck are you??

So, after a conversation with ‘Katy P’ about cougar loving, sexting and life… in a Justin Bieber top…

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Katy P: ‘Boys just seem to *go at* sex. Real men, can READ ya body better during sex and grown up women give better blow jobs. We must, because you’ll know, don’t they always looked astonished afterward, with a *where did that come from* face. Lol. But no, I never sext. I’m not good at it. I never know what to say?’

Me: ‘I love sexting. I can talk some filth via message. Lol. But i’m a writer..it’s a strength. Hahaha. But yeah, I know what you mean about the blow job thing. You do know that Toyboys are so in right now. Everyone’s doing it. Shall we get more wine?’

Katy P: ‘Younger men are attracted to the confidence that a WOMAN has… over a young girl. We just say it how it is and get on with it. We’re not naggy. We’re better in bed. We know what we want and if we don’t get it…We sack it off.’

Me: ‘They’re not forward though. They’re more terrified than anything, I think? I can feel them being terrified. I like forward. Not creepy forward. Just emotionally brave men. I don’t like them playing the *game* of love. It’s long. I don’t have time for that shit.’

Katy P: ‘You love eye candy though!!!’

Me: ‘Well yeah. I want them to be hot. Who doesn’t!! But i’m a personality girl. I mean, look at that Creepy Deadpoll guy, that follows you about. I only don’t like him because his personality is off. He’s strange. His social skills are wank.’

Then I found myself stood by hot dogs with one of my besties Jenna, as the Tour De Yorkshire *whizzed* by to cheers. I watched it for a bit and then sacked it off for a drink and a blog at ‘Ego.’ It was there and I supported the women’s race…but let’s face it...ROLL ON THE MEN IN SHORTS!!

Jenna: ‘We might as well become lesbians.’

Me: ‘Bagsy the *lipstick,* one, cos i’ll need you to put the bins out.’

Jenna: ‘You just need someone who’s cares so much, but is like FIRE. Someone who knows what they want…They want YOU and they’re not gonna let ANYONE ELSE FUCKING HAVE YOU. YOUR THEIRS.’

Me: ‘God, you’ve made that sound so hot. Haha. I love that. I’m looking for actions not words. What they DO. Not what they SAY their gonna.. and they need to be self less…I hate selfish people.’

But is that too much to ask for? No. So nowadays, I just do the ‘happy being single’ thing…until a Knight comes a striding in with his ‘one armed scoop.’ I’m someone that will feel it straight away…and i’ll finally be putting the ‘square peg, through the square hole,’ without complications…

Bethy G: ‘Do you want a biscuit. Men are shit, they’re all the same…’

🙂

Chrissie x

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Hormones, Dull Folk & I Just Don’t Like Festivals

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I’m feeling amazing today! I’m back on work mode and it feels good. It feels ‘OOoh Laaa.’ Yet, because i’m an old bird, I  was quite terribly knackered yesterday, after being blessed with  a really EARLY work wake up call. So, I just chilled and enjoyed family time, after a bit of picture taking and a rather important meeting. But I couldn’t keep my little kitten eyes open. I kept nodding off, like a granny, then shocking myself up. Lol. Only a Desperado could help me. 😉 (Any excuse, I know.!!! In case you DIDN’T KNOW A Desperado, is my favourite ‘slum it and chill’ go to drink.)

Yeeehah!

I’m in an updo today, and it’s great because it’s making me look like i’ve had botox.

(Snapchat Msg)

Chick friend: ‘You’ve properly stepped up your game Wunna! Your holiday pics and this whole Wunna Land blah, blah, is on fucking FIRE! You need a hose down.’

Me: ‘I’m getting there. I’m a long way off yet. But cheers, Baby boo. Hose down? Sounds rude. I think i’ll just have a 9am wine.’

Anyway, last night, I popped into a ‘Go Local’ in Ackworth to grab the Desperado and two ginger beers. (Love it there.) I’m craving ginger beers at the moment. And I  just love them because they remind me of my childhood. My dad and I would drink them and dance around to UB40 songs. A moment filled with love. 🙂 I get my drinking habits and my creative talent from my Pops. I don’t think he had a ginger beer though? His moves were too good. 🙂

Walked in. Saw the back of a guy, who looked moderately attractive. I only saw his back and his gym bum. But he had a Essex accent and was bantering out loud to the two middle aged ladies behind the counter. When he left, I slowly walked up an isle with a smile on my face…

Me: ‘Look at the state of you two! You’re beaming! Calm yourselves down! Hahaha!’

Lady: ‘Here you! Lol.  Just because we’re old doesn’t mean we can’t see a good thing, when it’s in front of us!’

Me: ‘You look love struck. Lol. I’ve never seen you so happy!’

Lady: ‘He’s moving down here….’

Me: ‘What? With his beautiful wife & kids? Haha.’

Lady: ‘Well SHE (points at the other cashier) definitely knows how to pull’em. She was stood there, chatting to the hottie, eating a bloody Shepherds pie! Hahaha!’

Me: ‘HAHAHAH. You couldn’t even BE any more northern if you tried.’

I mean, what is life without a bit of gravy on ya face, eh!

Anyway, the reason why i wanted to blog about that moment, was simply because it made my heart warm. It was so innocent and flirty and showed me that no matter how old, how young, sassy, quiet, how rich, poor, small or tall….a lady is..? She STILL always has that giggly little ‘playground’ girl inside of her… when it comes to boys.

It was such a cute moment. Glad, I destroyed it with by sick witty banter…and a ginger beer in my hand. 😉

Then I checked through the magazines,and papers, to see who had made all the covers.

Anyway, everything’s great! I’m really busy. The kids are back at school and i’m gonna miss having them around me all the time.

Being a ‘lone parent’ and raising them by myself, and having to work SO hard to give them a great great life, has always meant that I haven’t really ever had the option of just chilling. Y’know, what I mean, I never could just stay at home with them, mummy them, make teas, etc etc…. I never even managed to do that when I was wife…and that was ANY of the times, I was a wife. Lol. My life has just never given me that apple to munch on…However, it’s been wonderful.

I managed it all with happiness and I managed to be a NORMAL mum over their Easter holidays from school…(Well as normal as Wunna Land gets, because I did audition a lot and then fly to Spain and do days and days of pap shots.)  Bottom line, I love being with them and the cheeky little ‘Coconuts’ (which is what I call them) love it MADLY.

I sort of fantasize about times like that. I’m gonna miss them heading back to school…for about an hour. 😉 I’ll just swish back into work mode then and probably do it in stilettos.

I’m trying to tell you what’s going on work wise right now, but I because there’s just so so much, going on.  I have auditions zooming out my ear holes, a bunch of modeling gigs, i’ve had to turn down another trip to Spain, due to being ‘booked out,’ and turn down a show, because I didn’t think It was the right fit for me. It’s not something that I thought i’d enjoy….and I didn’t think i’d make much impact on a show of that sort. Well…no, i’d make impact, but not benefit from it AND…It involved a lot more of Wunna land than just me.

So I just said no.

But regardless, I’m back on the telly shortly (I again, can’t tell you anything about it yet) and I’m unfortunately eating everything in sight….when i’m meant to be on a Herbalife plan.

I’m blaming it on the ‘You only life once’ line, because I have to blame it on something, right? But if i’m honest, I kinda feel sexy anyway, whether I have a shake OR a burger in my hand…and I think that’s what confidence and VA VOOM IS!

Shaking‘ was and IS great because it kinda made me realize that I’m happy anyway…. Plus, I did lose weight for my Spanish snaps, which helped me out tremendously. So, I’ll be back ‘shaking’ shortly. yet because my schedule is about to get tighter and when you’re on the go, it’s absolutely brilliant.

No Faff. Easy Going. Just the way I like things.

I think i might have a wine to celebrate!

I also think, it must nearly be my ‘time of the month’ soon, because I’m going through THAT week, where in which EVERYTHING annoys me. Lol. (You’ll only get it, if you’re a girl.) People are really annoying me right now and i’m being much sharper, much sassier…much more uncensored. 🙂 I seem to have put down my ‘rosie tinteds’ for a decent set of RAGING hormones.

I’m quite ‘tell it how it is‘ ..of course with charm…by nature. If people can’t take a bit of banter or the odd home truth, then they’re not yet comfy in their own skin. Right now, i’m finding everyone quite…….What’s the word??

Dull?

I keep reading people’s posts and listening to conversations and thinking…

WHY BE SO DULLSVILLE? WAKE UP. ENJOY LIFE.

And the thing about ‘The Dull’ ones, is that they’re ALWAYS the first humans, to get their slow moving, ‘JUDGEY *never pointed at fun* FINGERS‘ out…. They’re all..

‘I’m too good for this./I’m too good for that./I would never this…I cannot believe that…/I am the most boring, unexciting human in the entire flipping land. Let’s buy tins of magnolia paint and just watch it dry upon already magnolia walls.’

Lighten up. Chill out. You don’t have to be wild. You just have to switch the beige mindset, for a better one that’s swirled in LIFE, COLOUR…OR EVEN JUST RUM?

YOU BORING SODS. (Can you tell i’m hormonal? Lol)

I love being a girl. We’re bonkers. Staying sane, is our official life goal.

My news feed got so frustrating that I started looking at all the ‘festival fever because it’s everywhere, isn’t it. It’s all gone ‘Coachella mad!

Now, Coachella.. at least looks fun. It looks sunny and alive.  I just NOT a BRITISH festival kinda girl. I’m not one to want to camp in a tent, wee in a plastic cup and refrain from showering for days… in the name of anything. I’m a glamour puss. And i’m not really bothered about having Unicorn hair, rainbow glitter on my face and adorning my arm with endless wristbands, that aren’t made of diamonds. 🙂

I’m a kitten, who enjoys a ‘cocktail and a wink,‘ and yes I can slum it. I love to chill more than anything. I mean, chilling is my favourite thing. If you have ever dated me, ever…you will know that about me.

I’m too old to ‘festival’ or camp about.

I mean, Glamping in the forest , in my giant mansion of a cabin was about as far as my camping skills go…and even that had to include a massage, a hot tub, room service and the option of an ‘in house’ chef. 😉

My chick friend even once stated that..

‘Camping to Chrissie, is like staying in the worst room in some Five Star Hotel.’

I love that! I’m not a dick. I just don’t like things to be a struggle during my down time. I work really hard, even though it may not look that way. I work really REALLY hard. ALL THE TIME. My work ethic is incredible. I’m fun but i’m professional and most successful people are, I reckon? I simply play it like it’s all a jiggle and a winkl…because that’s what my job needs to look like…

I just prefer calm, easy going peace, or quiet luxury…that comes ready made with love..Festivals are a Wunna Land ‘no go.’ None of this waiting in line for a shower… in a tented field, filled with ‘drama’ boys, and girls with Unicorn hair because i’ve  paid extra pences and booked ‘Vanity.’

I’ll pass…

So, yeah, I enjoy fun. But a festival is just not my cuppa…gin.

I don’t have anything else to say….I’m off to meet ‘Big A’ from ‘House of Solo’ Mag later I think….

I haven’t caught up with him in ages….

 

 

 

 

Let’s Not Judge & Bubblegum Bed Spreads

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I’ve slept on Bubblegums, so bare with me….Not sure what’s exactly happened, but my kids managed to place small round multi coloured bubble gum balls, under my flat sheet….? It was like ‘The Princess  The Pea’ but much much shitter and not very royal. Swearing happened. I mean before I had to film yesterday afternoon, I took the children to go watch ‘Peter Rabbit’ at the cinema yesterday morning….(I like to be away from the crowd) and Ruby complained because he VIP Box Seat wasn’t a bed???? What am I raising? Junior’s cool. Ruby is SO high maintenance that even i’m cringing.

It’s weird how we label people right? And even though we always state that we are hardly ever judgmental, by any means….We still judge…don’t we? And we shouldn’t. But it’s just life….innit.

If you know me personally, you’ll know that I’m probably one of the most easy going chicks around. I’m easy breezy, laid back and yeah I’ll strop when I’m hormonally imbalanced, or feel something with a ‘fire’ in my soul…I can be a ‘Diva.’ Yet, 90 percent of the time…I’m cool. I’m swag. Like you’ve got to be a proper TWAT for me to dislike you.

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Recently, I’ve been really busy with work and i’m really happy about that because it’s all I’ve ever wanted. I feel really lucky and i’m counting every single ONE of my sassy little blessings. I’ve worked really hard and it feels good to look back and kinda notice achievement. It sends a buzz through me. Almost like a love buzz. I am in a VERY NEW CHAPTER. It did start earlier, towards the end of last year, with work…HOWEVER, it takes time for change to sink in…and now I can feel this CHAPTER and it is BRIMMING with excitement.

However, on Monday….was it Monday? No….Wednesday. NO wait. It was flipping THURSDAY. Lol. On Thursday, I’d stopped off for a quick ‘boozy’ treat at one of my locals. Kate and Claire had rocked up with wine in their hands, so naturally, they parked themselves at a table that had a ‘Wunna’ parked upon it and we had THE BEST BANTER OF A NATTER EVER. It was wonderful and I really felt ALIVE.

Wine was poured, laughter was out loud and we just talked shit for HOURS. We talked guys, sex, girls, diets and life….We had this discussion on how important it was for women to still feel feminine as they got older. How we should always still have ‘girl’ fun and be treated well by gents and even though we can be feisty, most of the time we’re submissive…as men are the more selfish sex. The best girls are independant and work their own sense of self. Like i’ll still be doing my face at 80 and thinking i’m ‘da bomb.’ 😉

It was such a great afternoon, that we didn’t ever want it to stop. If we didn’t have responsibilities…(The shit thing about being 30 something) it would’ve gone on FOREVER. I would’ve turned 90 and died of laughter at that table, dripped in vino.

But Claire and I have actually known each other for years…in passing. Everyday she walked passed me. Everyday I walked passed. Everyday we said nothing to each other.

Kate: ‘Yeah, she was really shocked when she hung out with you the other day..as she had such a laugh, and didn’t think you were like that…She said she used to see you all the time, but thought you’d never speak to her…’

Claire: ‘WHAT I SAID was, that I used to look at Chrissie, tottering up all glam in her heels and hair and looking all sexy and just thought, she’ll just look at me and think….’

Me: ‘I used to look at you and think that I better not say anything because she’ll just think i’m some kind of bimbo.’

(Claire’s all tattooed, edgy and cool looking….I just thought she wouldn’t be arsed with someone like me…) 

She was saying that just because she has tattoos people often think she’s EVIL, or worships the Devil…And I was saying that everyone already seems to have an opinion of me…Yet from an Oriental girl point of view, if I just randomly find myself stood next to a guy, or an old man at a bar….People will automatically think we’re dating, that i’m a ‘Thai Bride’ or I need a visa. Lol.

Kate: ‘She’s from Doncaster.’

Anyway, The funniest thing was, that on THURSDAY we found out that we were really similar and that we actually got along really really well. So, I’m utterly happy that I sat down on Thursday afternoon, for my ‘boozy treat’ and the rocked up with their bottle of vino.

I’m social by nature. I’m chatty. I’m easy to get along with. But we’re sometimes scared to say ‘Hi’ to new people, right? Or too scared to learn about the new people, that have entered our newest chapter….

We shouldn’t always be…(and I am often cautious because within seconds…and  if i’m too friendly… a semi circle of utter testosterone floods my path of glamour and before you know it they’re talking at me, with ‘wild’ in their eyes and a boners that suggest a distinct lack of control. Lol) 

So, the message of the day is to refrain from labeling others….then making a judgement based upon that label. We chose our own versions of life, our own jobs, paths, our own looks and our own way to success, love and family….

That what makes us humans ACE.

ps/ I’m flipping over this snow. I keep watching everyone’s Instagram Stories and is everyone in the world just in Dubai right now? Or are holiday’s there on the cheap? It’s pool party this, swimwear brunch that…

PLEASE LORD GIVE ME SUN.

Being ‘Filthy,’ Diva Strops & Pity Parties ;)

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How many days has it been? I don’t even know? It’s felt like forever…(let me just check…)

No, it’s fine. Monday was my last post. We’re all good. Well, I assume it was Monday, since it starts ‘Happy Monday,’ but let’s face it, you never know with me.

SO MUCH IS GOING ON…IT IS SUCH A BUSY TIME FOR ME.

I did throw a pity party yesterday. I did well and took it out on my best chick ‘Firmonnell.’

Yippppee!

‘It’s your job now.’

‘I know but…I’m throwing a pity party, just go with it… I feel like a thing and not a human…’

‘You ARE human, in fact you’re the best human I know.’

(I can’t stop adoring ‘Firmonnell.’ She’s someone that no matter what’s going on in her life, she’ll always make you feel better. I’m a bit like that…Yet only she notices it.)

Then I threw a moderate ‘almost’ strop on whatsapp last night, (i’m a feisty one and I like that about me,)  but I felt it in my soul and then swallowed my glitzy pride. I chilled on it a second, with my non diet wine..and even though I wanted to EXPLODE….I 37 year old stopped myself. 🙂

This morning I looked down at my phone and read…

‘How’s the diva doing today?x’

‘I nearly went ‘drag queen’ ape on you..’

‘U little shit…What are u doing?’

I’ve committed to both labels...’diva’ and ‘shit’ ..so yeah, just like that…. I’m altogether fine now.

Honest…

(They say ‘i’m fine’ is the biggest lie all humans tell every single minute of every single day. I could’ve just made that up…) 

I’ve just been asked to fly to Paris, but I can’t go because my work load is intense. I’m about to start my health kick and i’m not going to find the ‘health kick’ part hard…I’m doing to find the ‘dealing with the life stress’ bit hard…and i’m gonna miss my giant cocktail slurps.

I had so much to tell you, but i have no clue where to start or what to say now, which isn’t very handy when you’re a blogger.

I’ve danced in my undies in fitting rooms. (I stated on Facebook that I wanted to see your fitting room frolics. I did mean the girls, and all in the aid of empowerment. But only boys responded… Lol….At least I didn’t get any dick pics. I actually and quite thankfully haven’t received any in ages…THAT DOESN’T MEAN I WANT ANY. Here’s a wacky concept, save them for your wives!

(All I can currently smell around me is roast dinners. Stop eating roast dinners around me. I’m about to start my diet. The middle aged lady at the opposite table needs to watch herself because I might eat HER and her dinner.)

But where was I? I danced in fitting rooms. (GIRLS SEND ME YOUR ‘FITTING ROOM’ SELFIES.) I’ve worked, worked, worked, worked and worked. I had to wake up at 3am this morning to ‘online post’ stuff, to hit the time zones. (See! Told you the graft was that easy.) I forgot to schedule a post…So I had to do it manually..I shocked myself up at 2.30am and remembered. I also blind hand patted around in the dark for wine, but couldn’t find any. I’m that much of a loser.

Ruby and I had ‘mummy night’ last night, (Junior was at Keiran’s, his Dad,) so she slept in my bed and does every Mummy night,’ as ofcourse, as always….there’s just me in it.

She must’ve been having the weirdest 2.30am dream, because still asleep she burst into a fit of mad laughter and then shouted…

‘I HAVEN’T WEE’D MYSELF.’

Lord help me through BOTH OF THEIR teenage years. Rubes is like me, so she’s ll be fun, but fine. She’ll just cry over boys all the time. Junior is such a lad, which will be a nightmare. He is the product of two ‘wild ones.’ Only last weekend, the WONDERFUL security at The Frenchgate Centre, in Doncaster, prevented him from trying to wander off and do his own thing. They had to drag him back to Waterstones…because he was sure there was something more exciting happening around the corner.

Keiran might be a Jehovah’s Witness now, yet when I met him YEARS AND YEARS AGO, he was certainly an Ibiza party boy. (He’ll hate me putting that…But whatever…It’s the truth. 🙂 And there’s no shame in anyone’s game of story. I ain’t hating on you boy! We’re co parent an awesome son.) 

But anyway…There I was on March 7th, 2018…2.30am in the morning…in Yorkshire…

I sat up, naked, in the dark, with ‘Rocco’ my kitten and I posted this…

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Nothing is better to ME than ‘FILTHY SENTIMENTS.’ You should all know this, as I harp on about them all the time. I love how open, naughty, outspoken and fun the brand is! (With a classy twist. Like this isn’t some ‘run of the mill‘ cheapo brand. It’s so styled, so well run and each piece of ‘filth‘ is absolutely divine.)

Anyway, incase you didn’t know…I am now the PROUD OWNER of my very own bespoke ‘Filthy Sentiments’ mug…from their new neon range…

AND I F****** LOVE IT.

Yesterday, ‘Filthy Sentiments’ turned over their FIRST MILLION in sales. They’ve only been in business 3 years…and that IS HUGE, to say they specialize in ‘filthy’ gift cards, mugs, note books, pens and now pj’s. That’s not easy!

So, here I am celebrating with ‘Filthy’ because, if anything I want you to be inspired. That took a great deal of hard work. And with fun brands people don’t think that ‘hard work’ happens, because they just see the ‘fun.’

Someone somewhere, came up with an idea, probably over a drink and BOOM….a million pound later…it worked….and it’s only just the beginning.

That is what I’m celebrating!

(And I loved it because on my Insta & Facebook post this morning, I could swear like a pirate on my post.)

FILTHYSENTIMENTS.CO.UK

Get you bit of FILTH NOW!

OH NO…THE PLACE WHERE I’M BLOGGING IS NOW PLAYING SAD LOVE SONGS…I’m too emosh. It’s reminding me of ‘Dancing on Ice.’

Right now, I have a friend away filming a reality show. Lisa (as in Appleton) was also just on Jeremy Kyle with Lauren Harries this morning. My new school/old school diet and work out matey ‘Kate’ reminded me this morning. I missed it. But i’ll see it on catch up.

I love it when Lisa gets feisty.

All girls are hot when they’re feisty.

It’s important that you always stand up for what you believe is right, even when you might be moderately terrified to do so. Make sure, you’re being treated the way you want to be treated. Make sure, you are always staying LOYAL to what you believe in.

The people that give a shit, will stand by you, understand you and love you madly anyway…

Thank you for following my life…

Chrissie,

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It’s All A Bit Of A Cheeky Jumble….

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Happy Monday!!! How are you all? I’m alright today, to say it’s Monday. I’ve got a lot of ‘first part of the week’ work on….and like i’ve just said to a friend,

‘Once it’s all sorted, shot, filmed, out there and promo’d…I’ll be able to finally shit..Shit? I meant *SIT*…Lol… chill and enjoy.’

There’s so any little bits going on and i’m just not being organised. I need to grab all the loose ends and bow tie them pronto. I’m sort of letting it take control of ME, rather than OWNING the reins like a champion.

Whatsapp Msg: ‘Get ya arse into gear and sort it out…’

I have modes. When i’m on ‘work’ mode, I ROCKET IT. I have tunnel vision and I smash it about with my Girl Boss’ wink. When i’m on ‘lets have fun’ mode…That’s all I can seem to do. And I always only do what I want. Never anything less. I’m naturally fun, so it’s easy. Then, finally when i’m on ‘chill’ mode, which is my favourite mode….I adorn the art of relaxing in true glamour puss style. I like to put things in categories…So technically, I must be more organised than i believe?

RIGHT?? PLEASE AGREE…

But like I said, a gzillion shoots, blogs, advert filming, auditions and all sorts is on the cards. I even have to finish off writing a book in that time.

I’ll do it. I’ve got my ‘updo’ in and that always makes me work harder. 😉 The kids even gave me neon ‘putty’ to destress me, in case I went mental.

They both went to their Fathers, yesterday afternoon and I molded putty into a penis, a bracelet and a bottle opener, because you really don’t need anything more than those three items in life.

In that time, I could’ve smashed work emails or shot more content. 🙂 But it was Sunday and Sunday’s are about chilling, right? Lol

I love my excuses.

I mean, who dashes about on a Sunday? (Other than all the most successful people in the world.  🙂 ) Sometimes, I get my priorities straight and other times…I just don’t.

Like right now, I’m having a conversation about how I was late to my own WEDDING REHEARSAL in LA, because I was shopping. They had to do it without me. Lol. I didn’t prioritize well on that day. (It was the first time around.)

Actually, in my DEFENSE…(and this is all in my ‘ABOUT ME’ section on this site, which you can all go and read, if you fancy.) I didn’t see it as a priority because I was actually already secretly married to the groom. No one knew, but us and our two best friends, who witnessed it. So the wedding was more like a ‘production‘ than a real life thing.

Shopping came first that day. 🙂

If I ever got married again….I’d do it privately…and tell you about it afterwards.

But back to work! I’ve managed to get distracted again…

The good thing is, that at least my business is ‘my own life’ and the work part of ‘my own life’ is online. So, like I said, once i’ve whipped all the ‘graft’ ..I can ‘glamourously’ relax for a bit, and let it HOPEFULLY work it’s own magic.

I like the word ‘MAGIC.’ Do you?

Right, i’m off because I’ve actually got quite a lot to master today. Plus, a parents evening for Junior this afternoon.

This conservation has just happened with one of my chick friends..

‘Why is my life shit!’

‘Your life isn’t shit! Yours is ace. Mine is shit.’

‘No, we’ve both got shit lives…but just doing shit differently..lol’

When that convo happens, you know you’re actually alright, because if things were really that shitty, you’d hit *panic* button and run around screaming. You wouldn’t be laughing about it. 🙂

Hope you have an amazing Monday!

Oh and i’m getting a ton of messages about my ‘Only Fans’ thing. The site where you can subscribe to ‘exclusive’ content…which is the ‘cheeky’ version of my selfies.

The reason why I’ve started that, is simply because I have a lot of followers from all different walks of lives, all different ages, all different genders and with all different ‘wants.’

And I feel as though everyone is sort of getting mixed up in a jumble. So i’ve giving people specific places to go…So that they can find what they are PERSONALLY looking for in Wunna Land.

If you like to follow my diary, actually read the blog and specifically follow my life..It’s here. It’s you number one WUNNA LAND SPOT. Everything you want or need to know or learn about me, is here.

My Instagram will become more ‘LIFESTYLE.’ It’ll become more ‘Influencery.’ (Which is always great for the girls and teens.)

One Facebook Profile will become ‘family.’

My Twitter will be my brief bursts of banter.

My Stories & Snapchat will just be video…

And my Only Fans content will be for all the gents, who just want to see the ‘cheeky’ pics, which they’ll have to subscribe too….as lets face it…I won’t have my bra on…and it’s cold. 🙂

This is all happening shortly…and by next month…It will all be in place. So, there’s no more jumble and each ‘social’ will have a different voice.

Got it?

See! I am organised after all! 😉

 

 

 

 

Life Magic, Workaholics & Privacy Please…

Happy Sunday! I’m feeling great. I had a proper ‘chill day’ yesterday and I’m enjoying every single second of it. I still feel like the luckiest girl alive and as long as that feeling is still infusing it’s way, through my little kitten soul, then i’m happy! 🙂 I’m really happy. I do get stressed, as I tend to worry more than necessary. Yet, over the last few years, i’ve kinda just trained myself to let life take it’s natural course of ‘ooh laa.’

I don’t know why I didn’t learn that sooner, when I was in LA? I went through SO MUCH, I wish you could see into my mind, as I wouldn’t even know where to begin. Lol.

Prep, practice, caution and all sorts of other logical things, DO MAKE SENSE. (I’m not a logical person, I spent my teens wishing upon stars. I spent the first part of my 20’s following ‘The Secret’ and the rest of the time doing tequila dances with my fingers crossed. 🙂 )

 YET, there’s always an overpowering *magic*…a LIFE MAGIC, that no matter how much you prep,‘ how long you ‘practice’ or how carefully you tread…that ‘magic’ bursts out of nowhere and glistens your situation with ‘destiny.’ It’s something you can’t control…It’s in the air and whirls by with an ‘everything happens for a reason‘ flag.

What’s yours, is yours. What you’re meant to get, you will. If it’s not meant to be part of your story…It won’t be.

I’ve had two days off picture taking and it’s actually felt like bliss. 🙂 I woke up this morning, Junior (my baby son) was spooning my left arm, before going off to his Dads. The babies are my entire world. They just make my life, so complete. I LOVE THEM MADLY. I can’t even tell you.

But, with them both at their dads, I had loads of time to just indulge in wearing my comfies, ( I say ‘comfies’ i’m usually topless, because it makes me feel free.) Then I chilled and started smearing my new ‘Bee Venom’ cream all over my face, before peacefully checking through my ‘socials.’

(Which reminds me..I just need to send someone a Whatsapp. One sec…

…Eww! Lol…They’ve read it and ignored it.)

What I’m gonna tell you about the ‘Bee Venom’ cream, I’ve been using (and I use the one by Venom Skincare,)  is that it’s actually AMAZING. And I wouldn’t just say that. It’s the only cream that i’ve put on my face in the morning, that has actually made me *squeak* because it felt so fresh and blissful. I’m not at all kidding. It’s by VENOMSKINCARE.CO.UK.  And since my diet’s out the window, (I could eat a flipping donkey right now,) I at least need my FACE to look halfway decent, as I grow older.

Yes, I did have it sent to me to try…But sometimes you get sent a lot of things, that areokayish.’ This is the OPPOSITE. It actually feels amazing and to me, what something FEELS LIKE, is so important…be it cream, situations or matters of the heart.

I seem to be able master everything, expect the ‘matters of the heart’ part of my life, but i’ll get there. If i was put on this Earth to learn anything, over and over again…it would be about love.  I don’t exactly know why, i’ve always had the most difficult love life…? Yet, as least i’m tinkering along with a smile on my face, right? Lol.

I don’t stress about it, because regardless i’m happy, i’m lucky and as always….that part of my life, will sort itself out naturally.

I’ve just watched Jamie Foxx peel off his headphones and walk out of a ‘live’ interview because they asked him about Katie Holmes…It’s a subject that they both obviously wish to keep to themselves. They want it out of the public eye, because it’s something they have chosen to cherish privately.

I don’t get why people refuse to respect peoples *wish* for privacy, at times? If they wanted to tell us all about it, they would! There’s tons of other couples who don’t mind celebrating their love out in the open, out loud, for all to see. They don’t want to…and that’s fine!

Dating’s hard enough, without the world prying on in with their ‘2 cents here and 4 cents there.’ They come in all armed and excited for the gossip, thinking they know the WHOLE entire story, when they actually know nothing. Nothing’s worse than the ‘think they knows.’ 

It’s kinda put me off really showbizzy,tell all relationships. I’m not one to mind telling people about bits of my love life, or picturing the happy moments, that I’d care to share… I don’t mind that all.

Yet, I wouldn’t like ‘think they knows’ tumbling in, looking for cracks, or nonsense, to prise open. I’d hate to wake up in the morning, look on my newsfeed and see that I was ‘apparently breaking up’ with someone or that the person i loved had run off and had rampant sex with some chick, behind my back.

That doesn’t sound like fun to me. It sounds like absolute hell. It turns love into entertainment, which is fine, but for me, it takes me away from what love is really about. If i love someone truly, I love them madly and i’d hate to have it ripped to pieces to fill gossip pages. So good on Jamie Foxx, for shaking his head, peeling off his headphones and walking away from his ‘live’ interview, with total ‘stay out of my shit’ swag!

BOOM!

Work wise, i’m really excited because i’m about to film and shoot, the online advert for this blog, my blog, my diary,

CHRISSIEWUNNA.COM

It’s only a short online advert, but it’ll be so much fun to do. I’ll love every single second of it and that’s all that matters. I’ll enjoy it. It already feels so exciting and I love the whole creative aspect of it all. I can imagine it in my head and that alone keeps me happy. Lol

These last few days off have been wonderful. You’ve got to have balance. Even if you’ve chosen a job that you adore. I love what I do. Yet, for me.. being a workaholic doesn’t fit well. It’s 10 sizes too small. I was made for fun and pleasure and when you’re a ‘Lone Parent,’ Mum of two…You can’t just constantly prioritize work, because without balance, it’s not fair on them or in fact anyone you love.

On their death bed, no one wishes they worked more! And if they just so happened to, I feel bad that they never experienced the joy of love.

God! I went on a rant again. Maybe I should get back to working harder… 🙂

Ps/ I didn’t dream of Dwarves last night.

 

 

 

 

The Dodgiest Yoga & What I like in Men

When you think your world is dipped in luxury and divinity and then just like magic, one of my trusted chick friends, ‘Hustle Barbie’ turns around and makes it even better (if ‘Better’ meant Dodgy’) by saying..

‘So one of my friends ended up doing WOMAN HOOD YOGA the other day.’

Don’t know what that is? Neither did I!

Get this…

So  WOMAN HOOD YOGA, costs a whole fifty pounds.

I love a bit of downward dog.’ I’ll stretch it out ‘lotus’ to mood music and embrace total enlightenment with the best of them. I especially like the nap bit at the end. I only go for the nap bit at the end.

But ‘Hustle’s chick friend didn’t do normal YOGA, as nooooooo that would be far to civilized for a Wunna Land blog story. She did ‘WOMAN HOOD YOGA; where you are instructed to DRAW A PICTURE OF YOUR OWN VAGINA (YES, in yoga) and before the actual YOGA part begins, you are told to INTRODUCE YOURSELF & then introduce YOUR VAGINA to the entire group. (YES! TO THE FUCKING GROUP! 🙂 )

You pay fifty whole POUNDS to do this and look like a really stretchy, yet moderately saucy plank, in front of other females, who have also, like you… been forced to draw Picasso’s of their privates and ‘introduce’ them lovingly to a crowd. I mean I thought ZUMBA was pretty bad…and do know that I’m far TOO SWAG to be doing anything shit like Zumba. (I’ll smash a hip/hop dance class, and glide out a bit of pilates, but gyrating to Kylie tracks in neon lycra, like a weird dancey warrior princess, isn’t happening. EVER. I’m a glamour puss.)

But yes, I NEED to BE a ‘WOMAN HOOD YOGA’ instructor and simply because it fills my humour glands with absolute GLEE and well…let’s face it…i’d bloody rinse it!

‘Hi I’m Chrissie Wunna. Welcome to fifty pound yoga. Now draw your vagina, introduce it to chicks. Cheers! See you next week!’

Whoever invented that is a ‘Downward Dog’ MONEY MAKING, quirky feminist GENIUS. Lol.

Then she told me she had a dream about her nephew’s head being an egg custard, so I ignored her for a bit and decided to just *squeak* at Firmonnell. (The safer option. Safety FIRST!)

I tell ‘Firmonnell’ EVERYTHING, literally all about my life, my feelings and my secrets. I’m expressive. So yeah, I tell people a lot of things regardless. I believe in being open. I have no regrets. And if you’re close to me, I’ll tell you more than a lot. I’m honest. YET if you’re ‘Firmonnell’ I tell you EVERYTHING and then ask for advice.

She instructed me on my love life today. I’m shit at doing my ‘love life,’ but so great at doing everything else possible. No one wants me to end up being the dodgy cat lady. But honestly, I think that’s where i’m headed. I mean GOSH, I’m independant as HELL. I love my life. I live it. I’m successful. I don’t look too dodgy. I adore romance. I do it all. But oh my WORLD am I crap at love, when it comes to ‘knowing what to do to make it stick forever.’

I’m so crap, it’s funny. Yet not funny when i’m 80, alone and with all my CATS! I’m really good at knuckling down and concentrating on my career. I can block everything out and concentrate on my career. But that’s not balance. That’s just money and no person is forever successful without good balance or love. That’s why workaholics never become an absolute success. When they turn old, they realize that they’ve only become half the person that they always  wanted to be. That alone is pretty dull. I’m smart enough to know that and sassy enough to do something about it.

Anyway, to be honest, i’ve felt great all day because something made me ‘squeak.’ I turned to my left, saw ‘Firmonnnell’ and *SQUEAKED*. I’ve told you before that I only ever *squeak* when i’m really truly happy. I was really excited! It was the PEAK of joy. I *SQUEAKED* TODAY at ‘Firmonnell’ because something filled me with the fondest memories, the best gush of ‘Victory Punch’ and made me feel alive. I like to feel ALIVE. It keeps that heart beating. I hold onto those moments like treasure. I also hold onto humans that make me feel alive. I hold onto them like ‘non materialistic’ 😉 diamonds. (What? I’m bouji.)

Anyway, a *squeak* is awesome because it fills you with the greatest energy and that energy alone tinkers the most insane amount of good luck to you. It’s just a moment where in which your soul is so jam packed with glee that it could absolutely explode. Obviously, you can’t absolutely explode with glee, but you can’t define the way you feel with words either…So you let out the most amazing girl *SQUEAK.* (I might have done ‘victory clutched fists’ with it also?)

That’s how I felt today. That was my day. Then we moaned about a human we know who obviously goes to therapy that doesn’t work.

Firmonnell: ‘Honestly, she’s mental. I feel sorry for her therapist cos they must just want her to hurry up and get the fuck out their room. No wonder she’s not FIXED. She just doesn’t know how to listen. She’s just draaaaaaaaaaaaags on and on and on and on.’

We all know a person like that. That person that just makes mountains out of molehills that don’t even matter. That person who  is always able to just find the negative in ever single situation. Lol. In my mind ace people SOLVE problems. The foolish create them and even worse they do not KNOW how to solve them or even TRY to come up with a solution, because they are so busy with the ‘show’ of ‘waaaa waaaa.’

I am a problem solver and I don’t take any ‘pity party’ pokery. I’m compassionate where necessary…and ‘diva’ when you’re being a swine. (Sometimes i’m ‘Diva’ just to look cool and i’m okay with that. 🙂  Infact, I love that I can be an absolute ‘Diva’ at times and totally get stamped with the ‘she’s so cool’ lergy. It’s that jizzly charm that I have.)

I’m noticing that i’m a girl who loves excitement. I love exciting people. I love energy. And I love that in work and love. I like it in love when men come forward. I find it sexy. I’m not used to it. So I adore it.  I hate having to do the leg work. It’s not feminine. I mean the other night I was having a quick drink at Ego and I was discussing guys in general with the bartenders ‘Josh ‘ and this other one who likes all things to be bouji (I don’t know his name.)

Anyway, we came to the conclusion that if a guy really likes someone, he’ll go for it. Regardless…he’ll go for it. He’ll find a way to get what he believe is HIS. Even if a guy is shy, he has the’hunter’ instinct. It’s built into him, like prosecco is built into me. I adore the idea of that simply because I think we as girls have become SO independent (and don’t get me wrong, I love an independent soul. I am an independent girl,) that GUYS have become lazy, soft, or scared. Infact all three! I personally don’t like that. I much rather someone be really honest, open and forward, than quiet, shy and thumb twiddly. It’s looooong. I’m an exciting girl.

However weirdly at the same time, as I ‘choo choo’ on  this excitement train, i’m pretty chilled. I like stability and something that I can build upon constantly. But it can’t be dull. I don’t like things that don’t ‘move.’ So technically, i’m kinda well balanced. Yeah. I’m gonna go with ‘well balanced.’ SHUUUSH! I’m going with ‘WELL BALANCED.’

I have so many exciting things to tell you, that I just can’t tell you right now. I’m an adventurous soul…so I’m lucky to have adventure on the cards leading forward! 🙂

Like I’ve been saying of recent…

Watch. This. Space.